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PODCAST

Being there for your kids

Jonathan C. Robinson, PhD

Parenting is the most important job we have for which we almost never have any training. This podcast offers glimpses into effective parenting choices and communication

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

03:02

Promoting Positive Attention

Being there for your kids ·

2019/05/10

Your kids will get your attention, one way or another. Sadly, negative attention is often easier to get. It's more immediate and all-consuming. Punch your sister when she's not playing fair? Mom will be on you like white on rice. Positive attention usually takes longer and can be set aside with a brief response. Come home with good grades and showing mom? "That's nice, honey," as she continues on the phone with her friend. So, the key is that what you pay attention to grows. If you want to give your

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02:30

Lying Can Double the Trouble

Being there for your kids ·

2019/05/08

"Okay! Who made this mess?" Your question is met with a chorus of "not me's" When and how do you get to the truth? First, how important is the mess? If it directly affects you in the moment, then it needs to be straightened first. Deal with the lying later. Whatever the timing, when confronting the Not Me-er, make sure you child understands his choices. If he messed up and owns it, you have a teachable moment. You active listen his upset, ask permission to offer counsel, and help him with

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02:48

Part of Being a Family

Being there for your kids ·

2019/05/06

Everybody who says, "yaay. We get to do household chores today," raise your hand. I didn't think so. And yet, all families have chores to do. The saying "more hands, less work" is true. Also, we parents need to get our kids involved to help teach them order, cleanliness, organization, and accountability. Help younger children until they get the hang of it. Assign older children according to their abilities and age. Active listen the griping, but persist. It's one of those "you'll thank me later"

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02:31

Worry Much?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/05/04

Worrying is unavoidable. Productively, it helps us prepare for upcoming events. Worry also comes in two forms, constructive worry and destructive worry. It's about a 20/80 split. Wow! Almost 80% of our worry time is destructive. That's the stuff over which we have no control. Thermonuclear war? Girlfriend liking somebody else? Teacher's mood? Not much we can do about these and other things. When your worry is destructive, give it up. Deep breaths, prayer, distractions. Vocab test tomorrow? Getting

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02:32

You matter too!

Being there for your kids ·

2019/05/02

Being a parent is always a 24-7-365 opportunity. But, it's impossible for you to be there for your child, in a high quality way, if you are not there for yourself. Taking time to understand your wants and needs and to nurture your own feelings puts you on top of your game when you are there for your kids. In the Bible, Matthew 22:39, Jesus taught that the only two rules we have to follow are to "love your God completely, and love yourself as you love others." Loving yourself means making time for

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03:01

The Age of Cybertechnology

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/30

It's true! We live in the age of cybertechnology. Now, that's not a bad thing, and we have all kinds of benefits from having the world at our fingertips. However, when electronics come into our homes, as parents, we need to identify and enforce rules for their usage. In addition to prohibition apps to keep your child off certain sites, you can also install a timer that shuts down their gaming for the day after a certain time. Also, safeguard electronics-free zones (the dinner table?) and balance

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02:19

What's Natural About Punishment?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/28

As parents, we often feel it is our responsibility and obligation to punish our children when they mess up. So, it feels natural to us to yell, admonish, and threaten our kids, and then to spank, give work, or time out as a corrective measure. But, tell me this. What's natural about punishment? My answer? Nothing is natural about punishment. It merely diminishes your child, only enhances your power, creates distance in your relationship with him, and leaves no room for teachable moments. Instead of

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02:30

Catch Teachable Moments When They Come Your Way

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/26

So, so, so much to do these days. Where does the time go? How can we fit it all in? We live in an accelerated world and our kids can get caught up in it too. Times to connect meaningfully with your child might not only be a weekend camping trip. It might just only be a five-minute car ride. You're already tuned in to possible emotional fever, where you use active listening to calm your child down. Also be tuned in to teachable moments, where you have your child's ear and you can impart your wisdom

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02:18

What Type of Parent Are You?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/24

Parents come in all shapes and sizes...and types. Some parents are blustery power mongers. They expect to be obeyed without question. They holler both direction and consequence. Don't be a blustery power monger. Your kids will be eager to leave home and start their adult life. Some parents are doormats. "What? Sure, honey. Anything you want....Anything else?" They don't want their child to mess up, be hurt, fail, or any other character-building experiences. Being a servant parent sounds like being a

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02:44

Effective Parenting is Both Listening & Confronting

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/22

For us involved parents, listening is the good stuff. We usually are on target. We get affirmation from our kids when the light goes on in their head. Listening sets the stage for getting permission to help them out. It's the confronting that "good guy" parents don't like doing. And yet, the two are linked, if you want to be an effective parent. If you only listen when things are going great with your child, or even when they have an emotional fever and you are helping them out, you run the risk of

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02:50

Is that my Teen?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/20

Do we as parents embrace our teen's adolescent years? Do we control them? Do we tolerate them? None of the above. When your child enters her teenage years, the best you can do is endure them. Moods? Attitude? Disrespect? Challenges? All of the above. A German psychologist talked about the "sturm ung drang" of adolescence, the "storm and stress." If you use heavy-handed parenting, your teen will either comply or rebel further, both responses at the expense of healthy relationship. Instead, appeal to

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02:18

Power Dude, Doormat, or Servant?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/18

Parents come in all types. Some of us are power dudes. My way or the highway. You get results, but our of fear, not relationship. Other parents treat their children like cut crystal. Don't set boundaries or challenge them, or they will break into tiny pieces. Such a doormat parent yields entitled children who grow up not being able to do for themselves. Servant parents seek to understand their child's needs and feelings with active listening and, with permission, helps them grow in the ways of the

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02:28

Getting through to your Child

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/16

Which gets through to your child better---talking or listening? That's a trick question. The answer depends on how your child's doing. If he is having problems, listening is better, specifically active listening. Active listening helps your child know their feelings, lower their emotional fever, and bring all their resources to bear on working things out. If he is not having problems and life is just moving along, talking is better. You can instruct, direct, and share your wisdom. You use "check-in"

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02:15

Heart or Head? Let it Come from your Heart

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/14

Active listening is your go-to communication tool when your child is having difficulty. You are sharing with her what you hear her feeling. That comes from your heart. If you try to fix her problem, judge or criticize her, or guilt her into behaving, you will be correcting her, but it comes from your head. Will she really learn anything, other than to do what she is told? If you share what you hear her feeling, she feels heard, valued, and perhaps able to try again. When her emotional fever

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02:15

Win-Win Parenting

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/12

When parents choose to come from their head, they run the risk of getting all power-oriented with their child. This can lead to distance, dejection, and dismissal. Trying to figure out your child's feelings in the moment is the way to come from your heart. And, it's a win-win situation. If you say what you think she is feeling, she feels affirmed, her emotional fever goes down, and she becomes re-energized to move past her upset. If you miss the mark in what you think she is feeling, she will

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02:17

Are You Grateful? Do You Affirm?

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/10

As parents, we correct, teach, encourage our children to do things right and the right way. That comes with the job of good parenting. However, can you be grateful and affirm as well? Your child will be uniquely himself. He may do or say things differently than you. That's okay. It gives him a chance to explore his creativity and explore who he is. Would you really want a mini-me? As you interact with your child, take time to express your gratitude and affirmation of who he is becoming. It's a

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02:10

Just Ask!

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/08

When you want something, do you just take it? Or do you ask? Most folks will ask, out of respect for the giver. You know what? Our kids deserve the same respect we would naturally give an adult. When your child has shown an emotional fever, and you have used active listening to calm her down, now's the time to offer suggestions and help. The key is to ask her permission, regardless of her age. "You know, sweetheart, you've had such a rough go of it. I have some thoughts about what's going on and how

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03:08

Too Hard? Too soft? Just Right.

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/06

You parenting style determines how your child will turn out. Too hard? He becomes timid to you, but passive-aggressive, possibly a bully or juvenile delinquent. Too soft? He becomes anxious and fearful because he really does not want to be in charge. Self-serving and entitled are his trademarks. Just right? He gets it. Life is cooperation and compromise. He becomes an independent, responsible, community-minded adult. Get your child on the right path. Be a just right parent.

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02:12

Be On The Same Page with your Child

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/04

You want a relationship with your child. Then communicate. You can't, don't, don't want to communicate? An old saying is that children should be seen but not heard. Good luck with that. Without communication, all you are left with is your power. Power does not make for a good relationship. Active listening and emotional intimacy make for good relationships. In all families, communication is relationship. In healthy families, that communication focuses on emotional intimacy, not on power. With

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02:59

Practice Makes Perfect

Being there for your kids ·

2019/04/02

After breaking up the bedlam between your children, how do you sort it out? Who started it? How did each contribute? Who gets consequences? What ever you do, don't start with these questions. After separating the combatants, use your active listening to lower emotional fevers, ask permission to make suggestions, and by all means include each in the problem-solving process. The basic question is, "What can each of you do to avoid these bad things with each other in the future?" Family history will

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299 results

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