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PODCAST

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. “Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”

comedy improv

All Episodes

104:33

128: Thank You Jessica Simpson

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/05/20

Gemini season is upon us, don’t be outside with a dookie stain, urine therapy is not real and pregnancy fetish is pretty popular. Piercing is much worse the second time around, Crystal is still expanding her vocabulary and the human body is amazing. This week’s tv recommendations are: • Hoarders (Netflix) • Unhinged (Amazon) Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use

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104:08

127: He Bought Me These Pumps

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/05/13

Happy Mother’s Day, warm weather is upon us, Pata Fria is being responsible. Everybody doesn’t need kids, go thru your family’s texts, Crystal loves vibrating beds. The number for covid testing and vaccine appts in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com

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106:16

126: Parsley Pussy

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/05/07

A day late and a dollar short. Crystal is missing her foster puppy and Pata Fria had a rollercoaster of a week. Beware of ticks, scabies and Californians may have an accent. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO The number for covid testing and vaccine appts in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Join our Patreon!

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80:29

125: Hood Foarder

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/04/29

Crystal has vertigo and a close relationship with AAA. Covid is still here, Rest In Peace CY. Pata Fria is liking her meds but being around people is still rough. Noise bothers you more when you get older, be careful with life coaches. This week’s tv recommendations are: • Insecure (HBO) • I Care A Lot (Netflix) again lol • The Family I Had (Amazon) • Exterminate All The Brutes (HBO) Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For

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84:29

124: Are You Dru Down?

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/04/22

We had some technical difficulties recording this episode, bear with us. Pata Fria is planning another surgery, Crystal had a run in with the cops. Bra shopping isn’t a good time and don’t hoard your Meals On Wheels containers! This weeks tv recommendations are: • 2020 (Hulu) The Chameleon and Tangled Web episodes • Them (Amazon prime) • The Lie (Amazon prime) Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month

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105:57

123: Liver Spotted Dick

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/04/15

Crystal’s favorite store is gone, Billy is at it again, don’t see clients in Discovery Bay and monitor your kid’s porn searches. Happy Birthday Mark and Pata Fria’s dreams are still outta control. This week’s tv recommendations are: Koncrete podcast’s YouTube episode featuring Mark Laita of Soft White Underbelly. The number for covid testing and vaccine appts in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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70:05

122: 2021 Women in Podcasting

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/04/08

April Fools, Easter and making sure everyone showers. Crystal is still betraying Pata Fria in her dreams and both are fully vaccinated. Don’t rush your happiness, 30s are when the REAL fun starts and we’ve never regretted breaking up with anyone. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO The number for covid testing

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120:45

121: Fuck You And Them Fish

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/04/01

The hot weather is not appreciated, Crystal is BACK in FB jail, Sharon Osbourne is shit, Chet Hanks is embarrassing. The universe is hella funny sometimes, spirits are acting up, let us keep our body parts and now we know how Natalia really feels. This week’s tv recommendations are: • Q: Into The Storm (HBO) • Seaspiracy (Netflix) • Beauties of The Night (Netflix) • Tina (HBO) • The Shining (HBO) This week’s podcast recommendations are: • Radical Musings with Rosanna Arquette! Check out

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110:35

120: Side Boob & Stained Holes

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/03/25

Crystal nearly dislocated her shoulder, Pata Fria’s dysfunctional trip to the snow, Billy loves Elvis, onlygrans, watch your mouth on the phone and keep it cute on clubhouse. This week’s podcast recommendations are: • Radical Musings with Rosanna Arquette! • Sword and Scale episodes 177, 178, and 180. Check out this week’s sponsors! • Hella Infused High quality handmade CBD infused products. Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right now Hella Infused is offering a free gift and

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111:37

119: Peeing is OK

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/03/18

Nostalgic cravings, an old dumb monarchy, there’s always gold in the comments. Sharon Osbourne is gross, we love positive examples of sex workers, virginity is a societal construct. This week’s podcast recommendation is Radical Musings with Rosanna Arquette! Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • Hella

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113:58

118: Silly Goose

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/03/11

Crystal is emotional, Pata Fria is not Italian. Stretch your butthole. Post our dead pics. How to hire a hooker and mosquito-eaters are harmless. This week’s tv recommendations are: •Meghan Harry Oprah interview (PBS) • Bliss (Prime) • Biggie doc (Netflix) •Pretend It’s A City (Netflix) Check out this week’s sponsor! Hella Infused Highly recommended handmade CBD infused products. Black woman owned/local/independent business! www.hellainfused.com IG: @hella_infused The number for covid

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118:28

117: Dry Gas

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/03/04

Crystal got her final vaccine, Pata Fria has gerd. Don't have power trips while driving and be very careful using uber and lyft. Cute puppies, perform a random act of kindness, stalkers are no fun and some unfortunate news stories. This week’s tv recommendations are: I Care A Lot (Netflix) Buried by the Bernards (Netflix) Canine Intervention (Netflix) Allen v. Farrow (HBO Max) The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now

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113:46

116: Who is The Real Throat Goat

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/02/18

We’re entering the world of video. Crystal’s cat has fallen in love. Acid reflux feels like death is near. There’s a teen missing from Richmond. Cleaning your eyelash extensions is a must. Is there really a such thing as “just friends”? And nevermind the expiration dates. This weeks tv recommendations are: Soft White Underbelly: “Faith” episode (YouTube) Judas and The Black Messiah (HBO) War Dogs (Netflix) Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (Netflix) The number for covid testing in

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125:33

115: Jacket And Shoes With No Pants On

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/02/11

Disrespectful dreams. Carolyn gets a haircut. What do you want to be when you grow up? The truth from Doug. Wishing Tessica the best. Sex work really is empowering and witchcraft won the Super Bowl. This week’s tv recommendations are: Jersey Shore Season 3 of The Sinner The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and

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120:19

114: Trigger Warning

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/02/04

It’s been a really dysfunctional week. The original is always better than a copy. There’s been a horrible local murder. Awkward parenting moments, the disgusting wealth gap and some great listener write ins. This week’s book recommendation is: How To Talk To Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere by Larry King The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month

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110:57

113: “Most Valuble Playa”

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/01/28

It’s raining it’s pouring, Crystal got the vaccine and is in Facebook jail, AGAIN! Constipated babies, postpartum hair loss and Pata Fria might not be asexual after all. Eskimo sisters, don’t tattoo animals and stay out of ppl’s trash! This week’s tv recommendation is: Tell Me Who I Am (Netflix) The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s sponsor! • Syma’s Persian and Mexican Grill 1019 San Pablo Ave. Albany, CA symasgrill.com Join our Patreon!

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100:33

112: Find My Balls

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/01/21

Crystal blows a nervous kiss, we reintroduce ourselves and Pata Fria’s mom hates green. Michigan is taking steps in the right direction, aggressive hippos are throwing off ecosystems and don’t get braces at anyone’s home. This week’s tv recommendations are: Night Stalker (Netflix) Unforgotten: 25yrs after Willowbrook (tubi) An American Crime (tubi) Hard Candy (tubi) Book recommendations: A Child Called “It” The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s

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112:04

111: Wait, Look At My Socks

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/01/14

Crystal thought she had Covid. Coffee is just a blindfold. Take care of your credit and cheese is more addicting than crack. Vaping isn’t safer than cigs and please don’t call our phones or do emergency break-thrus. This week’s tv recommendations are: Dear Mr. Gacy (on Tubi) Surviving Death (Netflix) The number for covid testing in your area: 1-888-634-1123 Check out this week’s sponsor! • Syma’s Persian and Mexican Grill 1019 San Pablo Ave. Albany, CA symasgrill.com Join our Patreon!

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116:36

110: Never Having Sex With You Again

Hello Dysfunction ·

2021/01/07

Covid is acting a fool, protect your toes! Carolyn takes a fall, grieving is tough, are you being accountable for your own actions? Celebrities and their spouses being frauds, don’t stay with anyone that doesn’t clean themselves and some tardy Happy Birthdays! This week’s tv recommendations are: The Minimalists (Netflix) The Wittman’s (ID Chanel) Obsession: Dark Desires (Hulu) Check out our sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your

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114:29

109: Sex Shouldn't Hurt Others

Hello Dysfunction ·

2020/12/31

2020 is trying to kill Pata Fria. Always practice fire safety. Having kids later in life might be the way to go and Pee Pee is very spiritual. Wipe your devices before gifting them. Don’t touch hot things. Tinder for corpses is unfortunately not a thing, but do you know a serial killer? Some listener questions and lots of laughs. This week’s tv recommendations are: Songbird Nekromantik Diagnosis I’m your woman and Soul. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a

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