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PODCAST

Umpire Pants

Are umpire pants the best pants ever? Mary says yes, her son Bill says no. They also argue about almost everything else.

comedy

All Episodes

01:07:26

Episode 51: Pants Up Pants Down on the Nutballs

Umpire Pants ·

2018/08/06

We're over halfway to 100 episodes, will we stop at 100 or 1000?, Vera's email -> Kelley's skirt, movies Pants Up or Pants Down, Branden, Canadian snacks, hats, camping, milk, Theano's Dairy, toilet paper review, washing up nuts, truck nuts, the Gong Show, pickle relish, Blind Date, break 35:17, Best of So Far: market, meal, Bill chokes, Kelley's Hint List: you should steal from work, wobbly furniture doors, cup hooks on brooms, how to do laundry/turkish towel, cornice board closet, leftover

en

00:57:41

50

Umpire Pants ·

2018/07/30

Episode 50: If I'm Off the Clock I'm Not Listening to This Shit Golden anniversary, Bill misnumbered the last episode, half normal half hints, will Andrea come on the show?, Mary's surprise topic, famous houses, movies, real life Ignatius Reilly, environmental toilet paper, Scary Pinocchio, My Buddy/Chucky, Canadian Snack or Wack: Old Dutch Popcorn Twists, beer break, Ritzville, dyed ketchup, Prince jabot, Trump, BREAK, Best of So Far: jungle, lake, library, Kelley's Hint List, material cut the long

en

01:02:23

Episode 49: House Mules

Umpire Pants ·

2018/07/23

Kelley is back, Bill told her the wrong episode number, there is some ambient noise, we're starting sloppy again, placebo effect revisited, being hypnotized, fair scones, wedding in Canada, weeding in Canada, apple juice, new listener/drive-ins, camping, firelog, cats, foot, cysts, Seattle public access, BREAK (Bong Hit Championships 97), Kelley's taking Bill's job, housekeeper note, Best of So Far: inn, inscription, island, eggshell color, beet tops, grated orange rind in tea, fresh coffee, paint

en

01:05:02

Episode 48: Isn't that Fancy?

Umpire Pants ·

2018/07/16

It's still the 4th of July, Lily joins Mary and Bill, Felix may or may not have a topic, talk radio, umpire pants, we'rre rambling, why we hate the Fourth of July, cats, touch screens, AC/DC, Lily's vacuum cleaner fear, Daniel Tiger, Bill can't remember the name of Minority Report, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, fire hose pants, hosting, fire hydrant/water, Epley maneuver, placebo effect, Break, more placebo effect, Felix's fortune/isn't that fancy?, hello, Cannonball run, grocery store cashier small

en

00:54:59

Episode 47: Our Path to Success With This Podcast

Umpire Pants ·

2018/07/08

We start sloppy, it's the 4th of July, Kelley is in Canada, NPR, one man play, food bitch tease, Vera's wedding, Mary has a hangover, Felix joins in, Alice (which was based on Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore), food bitch -> vegetarian food in Victoria, weird eggs benedict, our path to success with this podcast, Mariners, soccer, NBA, the weather is terrible, dadisms, fireworks, Aunt Mary's birthday, working, 4th of July address, fireworks, Simon update, Lily's towel story, My Best Fiend, favorite

en

01:08:07

Episode 46: Super Special Skirt Edition

Umpire Pants ·

2018/07/02

We pay off a bit, Skirt challenge, self censoring jokes, Bill's routine, Tim and Peter Gunn, t-skirt challenge, buying the shirts, Prince's hot dog board shorts, giant underwear, the spirit of the contest, jute twine, how the skirts were made, we describe the skirts, mom has little clown legs, Here Come The Judge, a winner is announced, BREAK, Best of So Far: harbor, David Harbor, Elliot Harbor, Vancouver Harbor, Fisherman's Wharf, Old Harbor, Highway, Life, H1, 101, 1, 2, 97, Hotel, Aranuez, Laguna

en

01:06:14

Episode 45: Concord Mary

Umpire Pants ·

2018/06/25

Bill isn't ready, we're not talking about Trump, nutballs, shampoo bar/washing hair, shopping online, last episode, Mary unplugs the board, bamboo toothbrush, spendy, Bill's present, egg recipe, wikifeet, Bill gets hit in the head with a chair, BREAK, Best of So Far: Gallery -> Sea Galley/live episode -> Gallery -> birds walking out -> meeting Big Bird, lost looking for flamenco, barefoot in public, shattering the Ernst record, Golf Course -> guide -> Tahiti fishing -> bird guide book/hangin' bird

en

01:24:14

Episode 44: I Thought It Was Called Dangboom

Umpire Pants ·

2018/06/18

Mary introduces, podcast clothes, Kelley predicts how the show will go, Mary and Kelley should do an episode, Mad Magazine, super specials are still coming, shampoo bar, Kelley's being bad again, bamboo toothbrushes, t-skirt... ...I lost the rest of the description and I'm not listening to it again, but we talk about songs Mary likes, celebrities that should have died young, quinoa in the luggage, and do the Best of So far and hints. I almost called this "Umpire Pants After Dark" because this was

en

00:56:54

B&L Super Special: We Both Sound the Same

Umpire Pants ·

2018/06/14

Lily and I sat down in the basement for a bonus episode where we talk over each other and ramble. I had to use the old mixer so the sound is a little wonky. Driving, singing, Shrek, PE story, going to the dump, targeted adverstising, 9/11, age differences in technology, flying, old man stories, HGH, movies, confusing actors, old man music stories, metal, Umpire Pants Out

en

01:05:48

Episode 43: Mountain Mama Covered in Butter

Umpire Pants ·

2018/06/11

Kelley introduces, we can get better, Virginia listener, Vera's wedding, notes, weird things that Mary does, Fred Meyer stories -> porn guy -> camel toe lady -> Disney movies -> dog bite -> power hour -> crowns/triple crown, bad products -> Meater -> whisker dam -> grab opener, break, no more Shout out to Dinner, headphones, Best So Far -> drink -> drive -> encounter -> weed, pasta, celebrities in the wild, Kelley's Hint List chimney soot fertilizer -> rusty radiator -> dented cans -> emblematic(?)

en

01:03:25

42 Final

Umpire Pants ·

2018/06/04

42: There's No Stank on John Denver Bill's joke, LAX, potato casserole, garage sales, dog crates, Bill gets a call, Mantan Moreland, Vera update: straws, Shout Out to Dinner: Lasagna -> Press Your Luck-> straws -> printing email -> the Babe Ruth of podcasting, Wayne Newton, white lasagna/lasagna soup, crab things, The Best of Everything So Far: country road, John Denver sucks, donkey roads, road to Duvall, Bill misses Kelley's reminder, thrift store marketing, desert: creme brulee, lavender,

en

01:06:59

Episode 41: It's Not Annoying At All, Everyone Loves It

Umpire Pants ·

2018/05/28

Doing characters, being spaced out, bowling alley food, hand sanitizer, old buildings, gross words, impressions, the knife show, katana clip, Mariners, the movie Cocktail, 50's - 90's nostalgia, dirty house tv shows, Kelley's dog leash, driving, how you can tell you're old (glasses), hearing contest, tourism ceremonies, Costa Rica house for sale, favorites: club, country, more Costa Rica house, teasing Shout Out To Dinner, Umpire Pants Out ALTERNATE TITLES: I don't love Raymond's Kitchen, I'll Tell

en

01:07:28

Episode 40: Stop Ramshackling My Stories

Umpire Pants ·

2018/05/21

Gross ant story, getting rid of leaf cutter ants, torches, stupid invention of the week, fare enforcement/homelessness, sports, Kelley's blazer, old authors, mashed potatoes joke, Vera update, cat update, best of so far, cheeses, church, city, hints, whipped cream, frozen pipes, short dress, 899 are you out of your mind?, toothbrush, cleaning plants, the big 4-0, Umpire Pants Out

en

01:00:08

39: All Hints

Umpire Pants ·

2018/05/14

I didn't listen to this one beforehand but I remember that we did an all hints episode and it was funny. This picture is of an episode of Delocated in which the main character buys a potato skins bar that is very funny.

en

00:46:27

Episode 37: So Far This Is Embarrassing and I might...

Umpire Pants ·

2018/05/11

I released this one out of order because the sound is pretty bad, but I think it's funny so I didn't want it to go to waste. Mary and Kelley are on Skype, it's hot in Costa Rica, is this recording?, American Movie, this is going to be one of our worst episodes, Zach Braff and Dax Shepard, Podcast Show, nobody is listening, farmhands, McDonalds toys, Play it Again Toys, Three Sweathogs, cat update, tiny houses/house birthday, this is a Thursday episode, mustard plaster, NECCO wafers, Mary doesn't

en

01:02:13

38: 38 Special

Umpire Pants ·

2018/05/07

This one's coming in hot! We did this today and I already don't remember what we talked about but I think it's funny. We skipped episode 37 because it has sound issues but I'll release that one as a "special".

en

01:11:10

Episode 36: Eat a Dick a Day

Umpire Pants ·

2018/04/30

Ants and bats, real estate, A Walk In The Woods, hiking books, Seattle Steam, jellied soups, bad Italian food in Costa Rica, stealing plantains, accidental squid, dick mug, Amazon reviews, Herman's Balls Care, riding the bus, ant update, fruit truck, jabo vestie, Supreme Court duels, fur babies, brain farts, mushroom French Dips, Danielle's favorites, quite a little, 520 toll, listener intros, favorite building, urinating in public, getting pulled over, favorite bartender, hints, fruit and vegetable

en

01:03:50

Episode 35: Do Quiche Related Work

Umpire Pants ·

2018/04/23

Bill doesn't know what episode it is, Mary is in Costa Rica, weed, food, Nepal, podcast clothes, shorts, divorce, stealing credit cards, skort, bats, ice in urinals, London balls, repo men, guns, work lunch, Facebook, alley story, favorite airline, favorite bar, favorite bed, favorite bookstore, hints, lively suds -> the internet -> paties, windshield salt -> living in your car, spices, Umpire Pants Out

en

01:13:31

Episode 34: Our Grandma Didn't Go to Heaven

Umpire Pants ·

2018/04/16

Podcast update, Bill can't be sincere, Mary is a natural podcaster, better sound, bus pass -> steam -> dad's breakfast -> bus pass -> sweatpants guy, The Howells, eggs, public bathrooms, shoe shine, dryer fire, not learning lessons, Mary gets distracted, audio/visual joke, young mom, ice cream, mixing flavors, too much ice cream, get off my lawn, Bill's birthday, cupcakes, donuts, break, best of everything so far, favorite beaches, favorite ceremony, favorite bread -> bagels and pretzels -> potatoes

en

00:58:54

Opposite of Bonus 2

Umpire Pants ·

2018/04/13

I think this one is worse than the other one, so do not listen. If, against your better judgement, you do decide to listen, keep in mind that I was playing a clip of Mary saying "I think my fart was pretty good" but it wasn't in the recording, so imagine that's what we keep laughing at.

en

278 results

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