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PODCAST

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

53:05

Episode 22: How To Not Pass Sexual Shame On To Your Kids

Pillow Talks ·

2021/10/21

In this episode, we're talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we've been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids. Check out this week's show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode22 We also talk about some resources that you can check out on this topic: Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame YouTube Video — The Ultimate Guide to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

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40:16

Episode 21: Cowgirls And Doggies And [Redacted], Oh...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/10/14

Trying new sex positions is a really fun way to spice up your sex life, but it can feel super intimidating to even get started when you're already in a comfortable routine. In today's episode, we are addressing your concerns and helping you gain the confidence to dive right in and add to your repertoire! Check Out The Show Notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode21 Pick up your copy of the Sex Position Playbook!

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46:30

Episode 20: Should We Break Up?

Pillow Talks ·

2021/10/07

How do you know if or when to end a relationship? To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. These submissions cover everything from not getting 'butterflies' anymore to feeling "emotionally starved". Today, we'll be sharing some of the stories we received, walking you through these nuanced and complex situations,

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55:05

Episode 19: How To Have Amazing Sex With A Brand New...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/09/30

Awkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we're going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new. Even if you're in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner about sex. And of course, we had to share the embarrassing details about our first time! Check out this

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49:59

Episode 18: How To Get That New Relationship Energy Back

Pillow Talks ·

2021/09/23

We all want to feel wanted. That's why we're talking about something that can totally change your relationship for the better, and it's something you've already done..."dating" your partner! We've heard from our community (and this is something we as a couple have gone through as well) that when you've been together for years, even decades, you can go through phases where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Maybe you have kids and you know you're on the same team, but romance has

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44:57

Episode 17: How To Allow Yourself To Receive In The...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/09/16

In order to enjoy sex, we have to receive. Whether it's time, attention, love, or energy, there are so many aspects of great sex are tied into receiving. Your ability to receive can affect many things, like your ability to be present in the moment, feel pleasure, be emotionally connected to a partner, and especially to orgasm! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander talk about how you can get more comfortable with the idea of receiving in the bedroom.

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49:18

Episode 16: No, Your Partner Didn't Make You Feel...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/09/09

Feelings. Is there anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable? It's hard enough to process your own feelings, so when your partner does something that brings up big feelings for you, it's so easy to blame them for the way you feel. But the unfortunate reality is we can't actually blame other people for how we're feeling! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss why our feelings are our own responsibility, and give their best tips for navigating challenging emotions.

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44:30

Episode 15: The Secret To Feeling More Pleasure In...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/09/02

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Sex just feels so blah. I don't get what the fuss is all about"? This is one of the most common complaints we hear from women! So many women want to FEEL MORE in the bedroom, but they just don't know how. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander unpack why the key to feeling more pleasure in the bedroom is to start with masturbation.

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50:39

Episode 14: How To Navigate Different Political,...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/08/26

Politics, religion and social issues are already such divisive topics, so what happens when you disagree about them in a relationship? Should differing beliefs be deal breakers? Are they enough to end a relationship over? In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander tackle these thorny questions!

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51:03

Episode 13: How To Handle Rejection When Your Partner...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/08/19

Anytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You're putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships. In today's episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another.

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46:14

Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body -...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/08/12

Body confidence is something that affects everyone, whether it's an occasional thing or a daily struggle. Usually we think of it as a personal issue - feeling self conscious, or having critical and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves. But there's another aspect to body confidence that actually has a huge impact on how we show up in our sex lives and relationships: our ability to let our partner love our body. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss how to let your partner love your body and

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59:13

Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/08/05

When you hear the words “Sex Therapist”, you probably think of someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get it in the bedroom, right? So what happens when an aspiring sex therapist is struggling with her orgasm? In this interview-style podcast, Vanessa tells her own personal orgasm journey, and how it inspired her to start a business teaching thousands of women how to orgasm. For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode11

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43:20

Episode 10: Communication Breakdowns: We Coach Real...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/07/29

Good communication is really hard. We'll be the first to admit that in the heat of the moment it can be really tough to validate your partner's experience, use clear and empathic language, and also ask for your needs to be met. We make a living teaching couples how to have good communication and we STILL struggle with this. So in this episode, we're roleplaying some of our listener-submitted arguments, and breaking down their communication breakdowns.

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49:39

Episode 9: How Often Is Everyone REALLY Having Sex?...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/07/22

Everyone wants to know what the magic amount of sex is to keep their relationship healthy. So many of us think that if we hit a certain quota, it means out relationship is successful. So we decided to do a little experiment to see what the sex lives of our followers really look like. We created a sexual frequency and satisfaction survey, and we've now had 12,000 people respond!

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56:59

Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life?...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/07/15

Did you grow up in Purity Culture? Purity Culture teaches that it's important to wait until marriage to have sex, because people who wait are more pure, wholesome, and desirable. It also has a lot to say about dressing modestly (especially for girls), pleasure being sinful, & masturbation being evil. In this week's episode, we're breaking down the effects Purity Culture can have on your sex life- and what you can do to counteract it. For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode8

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01:00:27

Episode 7: What Makes a Great Kiss? And What to Do if...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/07/08

When was the last time you had a truly amazing kiss? The sad reality is that most couples just don't really kiss anymore! A lot of us, if we're really honest with ourselves, feel a little insecure about our kissing technique. And if we're even more brutally honest, a lot of us don't really like the way our partner kisses. There's a lot of sex advice out there about oral sex technique and sex positions, but you rarely hear discussions of kissing technique. In this episode we're back to basics and

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53:00

Episode 6: This Is Why Your partner Won't Work On...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/07/01

Do you think that relationships should be effortless? Or that having to work on your relationship means there's something wrong? Or does your partner think these things? A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are bad to start putting in effort. But your relationship CAN NOT survive without effort. In this episode, we reframe work in a completely different - and much more helpful, effective,

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47:52

Episode 5: How to “Let Go” During Sex

Pillow Talks ·

2021/06/24

What’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom? People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex. People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds! In this episode, we talk about what “letting go” during sex could look like, and whether that’s actually something we should be striving for

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01:04:33

Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It...

Pillow Talks ·

2021/06/17

Do you secretly keep score of who does what in your relationship? Do you feel like your partner gets to be carefree and happy while you’re stressed out trying to hold it all together? In today's episode, we talk about one of the most popular topics we’ve ever talked about: mental load. If you’ve never heard the term before, mental load refers to the invisible mental burden of keeping track of household and family needs. Seriously, people go bananas whenever we talk about mental load, so

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39:23

Episode 3: Should Sex Happen Naturally?

Pillow Talks ·

2021/06/10

Should sex happen naturally? This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and it can cause some serious tension in relationships. You may want to work on improving your sex life or making changes, but your partner refuses because they think it should just happen naturally. In this episode, we're going to uncover the truth about how sex really works in a long-term relationship. We think you’re going to be pretty surprised... Get full show notes and resources mentioned in this episode here:

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