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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:34

#93-Soccer Moms Are The Bestest!

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/12/11

Let’s all raise our flutes of infused lemonade for a big cheer to those intrepid Dodge Caravanners who make up the backbone of America! You do it all, ladies. You keep the whole tribe in order like the Chief Executive Organizer of the Taylor family, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan, and never letting dad forget he’s a man. You captain the crew with equestrian reigns, directing the grocery getter through the avenues and lanes, school zones and sports practices, rattling cat calls from

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02:39

#92 - Can We Please End Christmas?

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/12/05

Listen, I’m not trying to be an asshole here. I used to love Xmas just as much as any kid. Catching a glimpse of Santa nibbling on a cookie or hearing the patter of hooves on top of the apartment complex made sleeping unbearable. It’s just that I’m not sure I can bear grandma getting run over by a reindeer for the umpteenth time before even having a chance to banish my yard witch back to the shed and evaluate the leftover bowl of miniature Snickers and Candy Corn. Out with the devil and in with the

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02:46

#90 - The Death of Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/11/20

“I may get there before you.” Davey Dabs spoons out a sugary booger of hydrocarbon extract with the fastidious surgery of a world-class watch maker before dropping the liquid into the preheated banger, then gazes into the oil bubbling and transforming into vapor as if witnessing the gorgeous volcanic cauldron of hell from the perch of heaven. “Or you may get there before me.” His rotund face squares to connect eyes with Rocky the Pitbull, acknowledging their inevitable passing as the most elementary

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02:45

#91 - Bring Back the Roach Clip

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/11/20

Back in the day there used to be an unwritten challenge amongst stoners to innovate the most functionally fun apparatus with which to cinch the end of your marijuana cigarette. From a couple matchsticks to a set of tweezers, the one sure fire way to avoid toasting the fingertips was to fashion an extension for the last bit of the smoldering jay. Because when the lungs are grasping for every mouthful of heavenly smoke, the final tokes of resinated weed could be the cherry that finishes the perfect

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02:25

#89 - Grocery Bags Are The Problem

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/11/13

When are we going to get it? When is it finally going to embed somewhere in the collective psyche that we only have so many trees to burn until there is a sad Lorax shaking his finger at us from atop a crispy stump reminding us that he warned us fifty years ago? Dr. Seuss was ahead of his time. You do know that trees are a bioremediatory, correct? That means they clean the air and soil. So, not only do we cease to exist on this planet without them, but we get to enjoy forest fire bongloads of burnt

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02:40

#88 - I Miss Quarantine

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/11/06

Call me an asshole, but I think this pandemic has been the best thing to happen to the planet in the last 100 years. And what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Meaning what’s good for the big blue marble is good for those that inhabit it. Speaking of geese, man do they lay down a lot of poop. But it enriches the soil, which we’re gonna need when the acid rains force down the brown air of corporate toxicity onto our manicured lawns. And geese have seen an increase in population since Covid

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02:38

#87 - Superzero the Sequel

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/10/30

So, the Superzero piece was such a phenomenon, I figured I’d re “hash” the old formula! So here comes another family friendly storyline targeted specifically to exploit your personal lack of adventure by appealing to your desperate need for the cheap escapism of unchallenging film making while knowingly relinquishing art for pure profit. So, in the name of the major Hollywood movie studios, thank you for making it easy to formulate an extremely profitable franchise without having to employ expensive

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02:32

#86 - The BIrth of Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/10/24

Davey Dabs will tell you that he recalls being in the womb. “It’s my earliest memory”, he contemplatively whispers as vapor pours from the nostrils like a chugging steam engine in slow motion. The legs are crossed in Zen mode while recounting the event with deep transcendence. This was his first and most important challenge and he is grateful for the fortitude and extreme luck that blessed him in those competitive moments. “Well, that’s not exactly true. I remember it felt like being shot out of a

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02:33

#85 - Ants In Your Pants

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/10/16

You can learn a lot from ants. In fact, we are not as unalike as you probably think. I know, you think they look like freaky little spindly aliens, but so do lobsters, and you don’t seem too disgusted when shoving one of those fucker’s butter drenched rudders into your mouth, do you? Would ants be delicious if dipped in drawn butter? The answer to that is yes. Anyway, ants and people have been cohabitating since the beginning and the reason for the dual proliferation is because we kinda do shit the

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02:47

#84 - Superzero

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/10/09

I’d like to make a suggestion. How about we put a pause on the whole superhero thing for a minute? I get it, these fun-filled blockbusters are colorful, entertaining, and difficult to ignore, but so is a commercial for Applebees where everything is visually appealing, but basically cheap and filling. And when the party’s over you feel bloated and a little sugar drunk from the happy hour amalgamation of 4 mixers and one strictly measured shot of well booze. It’s like this. They take the same nine

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02:41

#83 - Blame Me For The Hackey

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/10/02

The fog reached eastward from the coast and over the bay that Saturday morning, lifting outwardly to expose the heavens that exist beyond the sky in a mystical place where ideas manifest. Somehow that day--we may never understand how—a rogue portal channeled the inexplicable energy into a non-descript west coast suburb, unknowingly effecting popular culture with a rare quirk. As the subject of this divine intervention, it should be noted, I was indubitably unaware of my affecting the course of

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02:37

#82 - CIGARETTES ARE HEALTHY

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/09/26

The cigarette industry has really taken it in the butt this century, so can we please focus on some positives? After all, as we evolve toward a more tolerant society insistent upon creating a level playing field of fairness for everyone, we really should stop the addiction shaming. Sure, those fine orally fixated folks are willingly welcoming a small forest fire into their respiratory system with each flick of the Bic, but who are we to judge? Afterall, it is their human right to laminate their

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02:42

#81 - When The Buffet Bites Back

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/09/18

Everyone knows who Jimmy Buffet is, right? Well, he has little to do with anything other than the fact that he makes me hungry. Of course, this surname obviously has a silent “t”, but when I see the word buffet, my mind does not autocorrect. And that is because there are few things more seductive than a full-frontal food orgy when your hollow belly is rumbling with the vacant echo of distant thunder. Anyway, in case you didn’t already know, Jimmy Buffet had the smash hit Margaritaville. And

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02:47

#80 - Drugs Suck

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/09/11

It’s pretty evident that our economic system is fortified by keeping the average living organism dumb and sick. Force fed to fatten the liver, we choke down beer like good stewards who appreciate the small escape that a laugh and a cheap buzz affords, giving into the tactful marketing with the same blind trust we have for politicians and corporate CEOs. Don’t question authority. There’s no need. Because your very own beach paradise awaits with only the simple turn of a bottlecap and push of a

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02:35

#79 - I'm Not Comfortable with That

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/08/28

Since when did everyone’s feelings become the most imperative asset to protect in life? I mean, I’m all for fairness across the board, but your anxiety for anything unfamiliar is fucking annoying. Now, you sensitive snowflakes who feel violated when something unexpected or uninvited enters your personal bubble, please realize that for the past 200,000 years human beings have choked down a cornucopia of shit sandwiches so you could have free speech, paved roads and internet. Let’s see, I probably

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02:35

#78 - Enthusiasm Fades

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/08/21

I think it is safe to say that New Year’s Eve is the most optimistic day of the year. You can’t deny that whatever is going on in your life, there’s always the inspiring prospect that with the flip of a fresh calendar, the vivid sun emerging over the horizon promises to shine on you with prosperity, casting that rich golden glow onto your fresh start into emerging new areas of success. Aspiring to a bright future is always exciting. But you know what they say, there’s a sucker born every minute

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02:26

#77 - Battling Gravity

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/08/14

The actress Bette Davis once said that getting old is not for the faint of heart. And the reason for this assessment of absolute accuracy is because after managing your life over the earth’s crust for enough seasons, the force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the earth begins to have an effect on your physicality. That’s what gravity is. But don’t be mad. You see, it is this pull of weight that has afforded us a body at all. Unless you believe we were

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02:31

#76 - Mental Unwillingness

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/08/07

If you ever wanna get out of something that you don’t feel like doing, like work for instance, or for that matter anything that requires effort—well, claiming mental illness is great justification! And there are more options than ever these days, each with its very own prescription to help you avoid the daily nuisance of validating your contribution to society. Simply select a condition that comfortably suits your personality and you’re covered! Now back to our regularly scheduled program. How did

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02:45

#75 - Fake Love

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/07/31

The universe is ever evolving. Change is constant. Therefore, as energy continues to manifest everywhere, we too transform. It is this energy that connects everything. But everything does not evolve in the same way. And although it is still evolution, some things devolve. And sadly, as the de-evolution of human connection seems to endure at the behest of advancing technology, so goes love. This is evidenced through the over-commercialization of love that subtly diminishes individual value while

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02:49

#74 - The Rock Star Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/07/24

Remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? Well, the protagonist’s name was Lestat and he was not referred to as simply Lestat, but very formally, The Vampire Lestat? Well Davey Dabs always dug that, so he said that when he becomes a rock star, this is how he would be infamously referred to. Davey Dabs has no intention of ever becoming a rock star. But neither did Kurt Cobain. Davey Dabs plays electric bass guitar in a local band called The Miscreants. Purposefully, this band is not necessarily

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313 results

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