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PODCAST

Social Skills Coaching

While everyone wants to make themselves and their lives better, it has been hard to find specific, actionable steps to accomplish that. Until now... Patrick King is a Social Interaction Specialist, in other words, a dating, online dating, image, and communication, and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California. He’s also a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author with the most popular online dating book on the market and writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and

society & culture self-improvement

All Episodes

10:08

Eye Contact

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/22

When we think about trust, one of the first places our minds will go is to eye contact. Whatever the reality, if you aren’t able to use eye contact, people will find you untrustworthy. Thus, eye contact has been found to cause people to attribute positive traits to you and see you as more intelligent and more trustworthy. But how do we wield eye contact without creeping people out or appearing untrustworthy? The thin line appears to be around three seconds of eye contact at a time, with sufficient

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13:36

The Biggest Obstacle To Real Communication

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/20

• Everyone can learn to be better at communication, listening, and being heard. This can improve every kind of relationship, as well as help you deal with difficult people and conflict. • Cultivating empathetic, meaningful, and genuine connections with others means being aware of the barriers to that connection and committing to removing them. • One significant obstacle is the mindset that positions others as enemies or adversaries rather than collaborators on the same team. A healthier

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20:03

The Curse of Inappropriate Expectations

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/17

An intolerance for the inevitable hard work of self-improvement sometimes comes down to inappropriate expectations. We need to be honest and realistic in what we expect from life, so that we don’t give up too easily or assume that we’re not talented enough to achieve our dreams.The right way is seldom the easy way. When we understand that growth and evolution can be difficult, we become more resilient and succeed sooner. We must also accept that the good life is never without its share of

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11:48

Don’t Say A Word

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/15

Many animals don’t have verbal languages. This means they must communicate their attraction, often forcefully, through their movements and actions. The human equivalent is how we communicate nonverbally with our body language, eye contact, and touching. There are different types of attractive body language for each gender. They do, however, depend on the factors of availability and fertility. Simply put, the more available you appear, the more attractive you will be, and the more fertile (this

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10:21

The Block Of Discomfort

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/13

“Laziness” often masks the mental block of being unable to tolerate discomfort, or the belief that success shouldnt be challenging, difficult or take too long. Its not that “lazy” people are incapable of handling the hardships one needs to cope with for success; theyve simply convinced themselves that they shouldnt have to, and so they never try. This is just another form of a fixed mindset and self-delusion which says we just dont have what it takes to be successful because were “lazy.” With

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07:53

Do Men And Women Want Different Things?

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/10

Human beings tend to want the same things in their mates—attractiveness, resources, and emotional connection—but people will rank the relative importance of these differently depending on their sex and their life stage. A good dating strategy takes this into account and finds a workable overlap.Keep the words flowing by buying me a coffee.

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12:24

Socrates the Know-It-All

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/08

Socrates was rather a know-it-all, or at least that’s how he would have appeared according to the Socratic Method. It was a technique of questioning a stance or opinion in a way to shed light on what was known and what gaps in knowledge existed. There are six types of Socratic questions: conceptual clarification, probing assumptions, probing rationale and reasons, questioning viewpoints, probing implications, and questioning the question itself.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/clearthinkingkingShow

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08:21

Growth And Comfort: Two Mutually Exclusive Values

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/05

To live with more integrity and honesty, we need to acknowledge that growth and comfort are mutually exclusive. Can we accept all that we are, even the dark and unwanted parts of ourselves? We must, because that is the only way we can ever improve. Pain, failure, mistakes; all of these are a part of life and we must not run away from them, because life is a package deal. The good life is never lived in a state of comfort devoid of hardships. When we can embrace our vulnerabilities with honesty and

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07:19

Discover What People Really Want

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/03

Another reason for the instinct to apologize is to avoid conflict. Conflict is tense and uncomfortable, but it is the essence of assertiveness. Becoming comfortable with it by changing your vocabulary to apologize less is an important step. How do you apologize when you actually should? Include one of the six elements articulated by Beth Polin and make sure to actually take responsibility and not deflect or blame others. Questions or comments regarding the podcast? Email the show at

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16:29

Four Sequential Steps To Attraction

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/12/01

Waisman’s four steps are an elaboration on the classic sociobiological theory of attraction. They inform us as to exactly what we are looking for in a way that fuses sociobiological theory with modern dating. The four attractions are physical, status, emotion, and logic. It is a sequence you must pass through for a deep and fulfilling relationship, although we know many that only satisfied two or three factors in their own relationships.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ScienceOfAttractionShow notes

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14:22

A Look At Defense Mechanisms

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/29

We know self-delusion is at play if we recognize defense mechanisms, which develop to protect our ego from uncomfortable truths. Nobody can tackle our defense mechanisms but us. There are many common mechanisms such as denial, repression, regression, projection, displacement, etc. Each can be identified through its own unique indicators, but the thing unifying them all is that they allow us to stay in a comfortable bubble where we can get away with not challenging ourselves enough to experience

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09:14

Einstein And “What If?”

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/25

Albert Einstein is known for many things, but his thinking method of using thought experiments helped him discover the theory of relativity. It is a hypothetical situation, played out to the very end, as if it were reality. It allows you to test and study things that would otherwise be physically impossible, and make new discoveries therefrom.Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/clearthinkingkingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesPatrick King is an

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07:37

Cautiously Prioritizing Others Again

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/24

Ultimately, maintaining healthy boundaries is a task that we have to persist with throughout our lives. As we discover new and better ways to communicate, develop new values and priorities, or enter relationships with different sets of people, the way we enforce our boundaries must adapt. Though maintaining healthy boundaries can sometimes come with conflict and unpleasantness, the many benefits outweigh these minor cons. Questions or comments regarding the podcast? Email the show at

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12:13

The Need To Apologize

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/22

Apologizing is the opposite of assertiveness—at least when you do it out of instinct like many of us are prone to do. Over-apologizing, however, does give a peek into how you view yourself and the patterns youve been exposed to. We are all products of our past experiences, and many have told us that apologies and not making waves is the best way to get through life unscathed.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free

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12:34

The Sociobiological Theory Of Attraction

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/19

The classic sociobiological theory of attraction states that we are nothing but animals when it comes to attraction. Worse yet, most of what we are attracted to is subconscious and not fully understood.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsultingKeep the words flowing by buying me a coffee.

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11:15

The Block Of Self-Deception

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/17

Self-delusion is the biggest mental block to our full and honest awareness. All of us delude ourselves about reality to some extent; it is nothing to be ashamed of. However, self-deception has many negative consequences for our growth as individuals, and we must identify what it is about our lives that we have chosen to blind ourselves to, in order to avoid ignoring opportunities to work on our flaws. We know self-delusion is at play if we recognize defense mechanisms, which develop to protect our

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11:32

Doubt And The Scientific Method

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/15

René Descartes is sometimes known as the father of modern philosophy, and sometimes as the father of the modern Scientific Method. It was his usage of doubt as a tool that led to his significance in both fields. He believed that deduction and direct observation was the only path to truth, and thus everything contained a degree of uncertainty which was not tested.

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09:42

It’S Not Your Turn

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/12

So far, we have primarily focused on the way others violate our boundaries. However, we also inevitably violate boundaries that others have. This does not necessarily make us toxic or bad individuals, but it helps to recognize our faulty behavioral patterns so that we can fix them and have healthier relationships. Identifying our own mistakes can be hard, but some examples of pushing others’ boundaries might be engaging in gossip, arriving excessively late to a meeting, sharing secrets with others

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16:22

“Riddle-Thinking” Applied

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/10

Though riddles are often framed in relatively simple words, they can be incredibly complex, utilizing many different but important modes of thinking. When faced with a tricky problem, asking yourself the right questions can often be the key to solving them. These include analyzing whether you’ve identified the problem correctly, what a solution might look like, whether the tools you’re using to solve the issue are actually correct, etc. Questions or comments regarding the podcast? Email the show at

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08:50

Assertive Communication Style

Social Skills Coaching ·

2021/11/08

Assertive communication is standing up for yourself, being clear and direct when sharing your thoughts and feelings, and protecting your rights without taking away the rights of other people. Assertive communication is a product of high self-esteem and doesn’t come naturally to people who haven’t been taught to respect themselves and others and to value themselves on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level. When you seek to control only yourself, you are assertive; when you seek to control

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