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PODCAST

The Fifth Column

Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition. www.wethefifth.com

news & politics

All Episodes

24:00

Members Only #170 - Ukraine Calling (w/ Tim Mak)

The Fifth Column ·

2023/06/09

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.comDespite being in a car in the city of Dnipro, journalist Tim Mak joins Michael Moynihan to talk about leaving NPR, moving to Kiev, and starting The Counteroffensive, his new Substack dedicated to reporting the Ukraine War. A few of the topics covered:* Tim arrived in Kiev the night the war started* Going back to Ukraine—and going independent* Why so many on t…

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29:30

Members Only #169 - Loving the Alien, Shooting Matt...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/06/07

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Ground control to Tucker C. * Episode one of the Bonkers Conspiracy Files* Also, we know what happened to that dam in Ukraine* But back to the white supremacist aliens…* Did the California senate pass on of the dumbest bills of all time? * Root causes and robbing Walgreens* Moynihan loves rooftop Koreans, thinks baby Matt should have been shot in his adorable littl…

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122:35

#409 - Pride Wars, Dumb Tupac, and POC Jim

The Fifth Column ·

2023/06/02

* Kmele is moving to a place where everything is free * ChatGPT is a fabulist * Moynihan’s new Orwell piece * Wikipedia v. AI chatbots* The assassination of (our) Kennedy* Random gossip columnist: Jamie Foxx was murdered by Pfizer * A better America: when Rick James met Linda Blair* BTW: Tupac Shakur was very dumb. And very violent.* Keeping people with dumb politics out of the various halls of fame…* Pride warz….* Root causes and Bud Light and Target and….* Inconsistent baseball atheism * But you

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31:15

Members Only #168 - Trans Pickleball, Debating...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/30

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Stan Jonathan vs. Pierce Bouchard* The Lia Thomas of Pickleball* Owning a house sucks* “Lia has these books”* Kmele loves Thoreau* Matt hates Thoreau* Feinstein and elder abuse * “…to function”* On gas stoves and gesture science* C.S. knows someone with dumb ideas* Robert Murdoch controls your brain * Legislating curricula * Huey Newton and Eric Clapton

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139:46

#408 - It's For Nobody (w/ Ethan Strauss)

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/25

* Tina, RIP. Bill Lee, RIP.* Zone of Interest* DeSantis announces* Tim Scott announced too, btw * An increasingly crowded and unimpressive field * Our old pal Ethan Strauss joins* Why does Joe keep saying that…thing about Iraq?* “Trump is sharper than Biden”* An interregnum on Ike Turner* Ethan’s piece on Glen Kuiper * The American employment gulag: exiled forever * Paying indulgences* Is it ok to boycott brands for not having the right politics? A debate* Cruising, the gay Casablanca / Donnie

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29:00

Members Only #165 - In Memoriam

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/22

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* RIP Martin Amis (and Andy Rourke and Jeremy Clarke)* “Pussies are bullshit”* A reading list: Money. London Fields. Zone of Interest. (Note: these all appear to be sold out on Amazon)* On Orwell and D.J. Taylor’s new biography* The Citibike “Karen” and her “white tears”* Online vigilantism* Salman Rushdie’s return * Why’s there no challenge to Biden from The Squad?* The…

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115:13

#407 - The Cruelty, the Conspiracist, and the Report...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/18

* “Zero-to-insane in the first three minutes”* The terrible 2024 election * The right’s bizarre infatuation with RFK Jr.* The immigration crisis in NYC* The cruelty isn’t always the point* How the average American thinks about illegal immigration* Eli Lake joins to wish us all a Happy Durham Week* Takeaways from the Durham Report* The “heroes of democracy” are, in fact, the villains of democracy* David Frum’s Atlantic piece* Eli on Robert Kennedy Sr., the cop* Diane Feinstein, John Fetterman, Joe

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87:13

#406 - Killing Kaitlin Kollins

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/12

* Charging the Islip Strangler* Moynihan’s weird bias* A bad WSJ podcast* The Trump townhall * Rating Kaitlan Collins* Journalists who hate journalism * The not Desantis response* Tucker’s Twitter take* Can he succeed?* Killing [TK], A Series* Sorry, but that guy you hate is actually really smart* That amazing Firing Line destruction of Leander Perez * Our grim election / memories of 1968 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes,

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40:51

Members Only #164 - Smooth Criminal

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/08

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Che jumps on the third rail * Unaliving all the bad words* Throat clearing Suedehead * Let’s come to a conclusion before we know anything, ok?* Another pretendian* You guys are like Glenn Beck too, you know* Nonsense talk about Western science from a nonsense person (and that insane Zoom intro mentioned by Moynihan)* Michael Jackson’s doll isn’t ok* A supermarket encou…

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86:45

#405 - "Death Train, White Fight, The Unfunniest Man...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/04

* A homicide at Broadway-Lafayette * Crazy strangers on a train * The dumb racialization of a tragic death* The “delightful” and violent Michael Jackson impersonator * Amazon’s Afrika Bambaataa impersonator goes to Cuba* On Tucker’s identitarian texts * Fox News’s leak war* The Daily Show’s 81% rating collapse* So many shitty late night talk shows* You won’t notice the writer’s strike* Hating the Correspondent’s Dinner is as boring as the Correspondent’s Dinner itself* Gas stoves and Australian

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35:12

Members Only #163 - Danny Aiello, Black Hockey, and...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/05/02

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Moynihan on Maher* Los Angeles is a weird place* Kmele in Chicago with Nirvana’s producer* The mechanics of Hollywood that we don’t understand * AA and Scientology * A hockey disaster* We need more “black” hockey players* A listener on Father Coughlin and Ayn Rand* RIP Wes’s mom* First class talk* A listener in defense of MMA* Holy shit this Danny Aiello response video * Holy …

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106:06

Members Only #162 - Jon Ronson on Neo-Nazi...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/30

He first came on to talk about a suicide in the porn industry. Then he came back to help us explore the origins of our roiling culture wars. And now Jon Ronson returns for his third one-on-one conversation with Michael Moynihan, this time to discuss The Debutante, his brilliant new podcast about high society neo-Nazis, bad swastika tattoos, Throbbing Gr… This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit

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120:28

#404 - The Fall of the House of Tucker and Traffic w/...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/28

We’re back with one long episode in two cracking segments. First up, Welch and Moynihan (Ed. note: Kmele is currently peering through a telescope on the South Side of Chicago or something) catch up on all the stupid news of the last week, including…* The news of certain…errrr……media layoffs* Defenestrations at Fox News and CNN* The “they-ificaton” of Tucker Carlson * The bizarro world of Robert F. Kennedy Jr* Lil’ Bobby: Prosecute people I disagree withAnd then it’s an hour with return guest Ben

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113:14

#403 - FIRE in a Crowded Theater

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/20

* Kmele MC’s the FIRE Gala* Killer Mike blows the roof off the joint * This is a hangover episode * A celebration of FIRE, the great Harvey Silverglate, and various other heroes of free speech* What cable news network has created this climate of hate….in Japan* If only we could prevent shitty speech, we would be on a forward march to utopia. Right?* The temptation, on both the right and left, to not “do the work”* The EU will control ChatGPT and all will be great* The forever instinct to “disappear”

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28:29

Members Only #161 - Second Sunday (on the Third Sunday)

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/18

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Kmele, Fruit of Islam* Via Chicago* Dominion lawsuit stuff again * Biden and America’s favorite bearded terrorist Gerry Adams!* Kmele’s Dominican son?* The life and work of complete psycho Leonard Jefferies * What do you all think of Amy Wax?* Peter Popoff and James Randi * A biracial question from a drunk biracial lad * Prince’s dirty songs* Discomfort and historical memo…

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91:17

#402 - The Air Force OG, the Tennessee "Three," and a...

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/14

* The arrest of Jack Teixeira* The bad showoff * Not a source, not a Snowden* How serious is the Teixeira leak?* Sorry, but the NYT and WaPo did the *correct* thing* The Tennessee 2 1/2: a plague of theater kids with dumb ideas* That really bad and embarrassing shout-and-holler preacher impression* That really bad and embarrassing Michael Steele clip* That really bad and embarrassing Andrea Mitchell clip* And a really bad and embarrassing Marjorie Taylor Greene tweet* Democracy wasn’t failing. It

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75:31

Members Only #160 - Crow's Eagle's Nest

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/10

As an Easter and pesach mitzvah to America, we’re gifting this Member Only episode to all y’all…considering that we were on vacation and had no intention of recording it, it’s just Matt and Moyn, and they cover just one dumb subject. An annoyed text exchange about this whole “Clarence Thomas’s friend Harlan Crow loves Hitler” nonsense precipitated this recording, which also exists so we could resurface a relevant listener question from Members Only #152.* The Rolling Stone article Matt mentioned

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78:42

#401 - Dying, Lying, and Birding (Live at the Ritz)

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/06

Live in front of a crowd of five exhausted crew members, broadcasting from a suite at the Ritz-Carlton in midtown Manhattan (we’ll explain later), it’s another of those *forgive us father, for we are deep in our cups* episodes. So take it all with a rather large rock of salt:Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, RIPThe philosemitic film festival Peter Sellers was, in fact, Jewish (Sameach Pesach, btw)Ugh. We have to talk about the Trump arrest.The door wasn’t held. America is in crisisThat Trump speechSo

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20:34

Members Only #159 - God Said Be Clean, Sir

The Fifth Column ·

2023/04/04

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* What was Kmele talking about? You’ll never know….* Jewish basketball, Max Schmeling, European baseball players with consumption* Matt Welch was about to be Paul Castellano’ed* Are you a member of the UAE royal family? Get Moynihan on Emirates* The unsavory Italian members of the family* The knock-on effects of the Trump indictment?* Melania’s forgotten about parents

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94:22

#400 - "Trump Indicted (And It Feels So Good)"

The Fifth Column ·

2023/03/31

* Well, it feels good to various MSNBC hosts, late-night comedians, and resistance types* We don’t *know* how it feels* Because no one wants to admit that we *don’t know* very much* It’s all about race, actually* That NPR interview with Al Sharpton * The opposite of Alan Dershowitz* That weird AI letter* Fox News, Dominion, and brainy rooms* Random thought on John Walker Lindh* Random thought on Adderall and the drug war This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers

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