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PODCAST

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom

Marcy Larson, MD

When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson"s 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

01:03:12

Episode 84 - Ivan's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/04/22

Grieving the death of your child is horrific, but grieving it publicly is even worse. When Ivan died in his fraternity room while he was away at college, his mom, Velvet, desperately wanted to know what happened to him. His own sister learned of his death by people who saw the local news. Soon Ivan's death grew and made national news. He was young, healthy, good-looking, and attended a well know university. His death was 'a good story.' That story, however, barely scratches the surface as to the

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01:00:28

Episode 83: Alisha and Jason's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/04/15

At first glance, Kelly's life seems incredibly scary after losing two of her four kids to tragic accidents eleven years apart. You may even think that you wouldn't want to hear her tragic story, but to me and many others, Kelly is an absolute inspiration. I know that when others see Kelly, they must think, 'Wow! Look at Kelly. She's lost two kids and she can still smile. She can still help me. Maybe there is hope for me, too." Now, let me be clear. This is not how Kelly's grief journey started. In

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01:01:31

Episode 82: Sibling Grief

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/04/08

Siblings are often referred to as 'the forgotten mourners.' People worry about the parents of a young person who dies. They worry about the spouse and children of an adult who dies. The siblings, however, never get the focus. 'How are your parents?' people say, 'How is his wife? How are his kids?' They are not often asked the question, 'How are you?' Siblings grieve, too. They have a special bond that others, even their parents, don't quite understand. Siblings may fight and not always get along,

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49:42

Episode 81: Bella's Dad

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/04/01

'Any day that I get to talk about my child is a good day.' This is one of the many things that today's guest Jerry has learned from others when he has spoken to bereaved parents on his new podcast, 'The Nameless Minority.' 'Nameless' represents the idea that there is no word in the English language for a parent who lost his/her child. 'Minority' is used because as opposed to a hundred years or more ago, there are not nearly as many bereaved parents as there once were. It can make us feel isolated

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56:08

Episode 80: Levi's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/03/25

Never in a million years did today's guest, Nicole, think that she could lose a child to drowning. She was a teacher and her husband, a physician. They were always so careful - whenever her children were around water, they wore life jackets. They were always watched closely. Something like that simply couldn't happen to them, but one summer day in June 2018, it did. Nicole left her son, Levi, on a couch with other kids happily munching on a brownie in a room full of people. She went to throw away

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59:11

Episode 79: Eli's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/03/18

When today's guest, Riley, learned that she was pregnant with twins after a two year struggle with fertility, she felt incredibly blessed. She went through 11 weeks of bedrest and went on to deliver two perfect, near-term infants - a boy and a girl, Eli and Alice. Her happiness was complete, and she felt as if her future was bright. This happiness was short-lived, however, when seemingly healthy Eli died in his sleep at three weeks of age. Suddenly, Riley was grieving her little boy while still

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59:38

Episode 77: Andy's Mom & Charleigh's Grandma

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/03/04

I felt an instant connection to today's guest, Maureen. The most obvious reason for this is that our sons share a name, Andy, and that they were both killed suddenly in tragic car accidents. Another similarity is due to the fact that this was not the first death loss for either of us. For me, my previous experience with profound grief was when my mother died in 1994 when I was in college. For Maureen, her loss was only 3 months prior to her son's death, when her granddaughter, Charleigh, Andy's

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01:01:59

Episode 76: TJ's Mom and Brother

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/02/24

Mental illness and alcoholism often go hand in hand. When people struggle with depression and anxiety, turning to drugs or alcohol may seem like a short-term solution. They can forget about their problems for just a little while. TJ struggled with mental illness throughout his life. After discontinuing prescription medication, he turned to alcohol to self-medicate. Although TJ had years of struggles, the year 2020 brought a whole new level of anxiety with the COVID pandemic. Laid off from work, he

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01:02:34

Episode 75: Grief and Guilt

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/02/18

As a working mom, I think I felt some type of guilt almost every day. I never felt like I was doing enough. I would feel guilty about not spending enough time with my kids, missing school parties, or not being able to volunteer as much as some other moms. In addition to the 'I am not a good enough mom' guilt, I also felt, 'I am not a good enough doctor' guilt when I would have to explain to a family that I would not be able to see them for an appointment on a Tuesday, because I worked a

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59:08

Episode 74: Daren's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/02/11

'Paying it forward' is a phrase that is often used in our culture. Today's guest, Ann, says that has been the way she has always tried to live her life even before it became popular. She worked to teach her three children to live that way as well. Her youngest son, Daren, lived his life always looking to help others in quiet ways. After he died, she heard story after story of how he was always reaching out to help others. Even in his death at the age of 19, he showed his selfless spirit when he

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57:37

Episode 73: Jimbo's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/02/04

When friends were recently asked to talk about Carolyn's son, Jimmy (or Jimbo as many of his friends liked to call him), he was described as being a light to others and someone who always seemed to have a smile on his face. He was active, involved in sports and had numerous friends. From the outside, Jimmy did not look like someone who was at risk to die by suicide, but almost three years ago at 21 years of age, he did just that. After suffering from numerous concussions while playing sports, Jimmy

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01:03:03

Episode 72: Ahsha's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/01/28

Well-meaning people say these words to me all of the time - "You are so strong! I could never do what you do!" They mean that they admire me for what I have done, but I actually hate those words. For me, calling me 'strong' is, in fact, isolating. It makes me feel like that person thinks that I can do everything on my own without help from them or anyone else, like I was somehow given some inner strength giving me the ability to conquer my grief and anything else in my path. I felt drawn to today's

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58:28

Episode 71: Robbie's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/01/21

To say that losing a child is hard at any time would be a vast understatement, but losing a child while in the midst of a global pandemic adds a whole new level of complication. There are no friends and family surrounding you at a big funeral bringing you piles of food so you don't have to cook for weeks, or, in general, just being there for you with a big hug. This is what today's guest, Rhonda, has had to endure since her son, Robbie, died after having a seizure this past August. In addition,

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01:01:36

Episode 70: Rachel's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/01/14

Michelle's daughter, Rachel, was just 17 years old when she died unexpectedly in a tragic accident. Packed in those 17 years, however, was a lifetime of profound wisdom. From a young age, various people who were exposed to Rachel called her an 'old soul' - she looked at the world differently than other children, in a deeper, more thoughtful way. In third grade, inspired by a teacher, she began to write down some of her thoughts in journals. In the days and weeks after Rachel's tragic death, Michelle

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54:17

Episode 69: Jimmy's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2021/01/07

On the home page of Salt Water's website, findyourharbor.com, there is a quote from Isak Dinesen which reads, 'The cure for everything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.' It goes on to explain these each in more detail. Sweat represents 'the healing of your body after the death of a beloved.' Tears represent 'living with unbearable loss.' Lastly, the sea represents 'moving forward into the life you create in the wake of loss.' Salt Water's founder, Margo, lost her 21 year old son, Jimmy, to

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59:38

Episode 68: What I Wish I Had Known

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/12/31

As we come to the end of 2020, it is a universal joke that everyone wants this year to be over because of the global coronavirus pandemic. "Bring on 2021," they say, "when life can return to normal!" For grieving people, however, things will never go back to normal. I think though about those parents who do not want 2020 to end because it was the last year their child was alive. I remember not wanting 2018 to be over because I knew Andy would never be able to live a day in 2019. I receive messages

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01:00:13

Episode 67: Messages of Hope

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/12/24

For grieving people, Christmastime is undoubtedly, NOT 'the most wonderful time of the year' that is sung about in the classic song. I would say that for grieving parents, this is especially true. Christmas is such a time of joy for children and no matter if you lost your child on the day that you gave birth to him or her or decades later, the pain is still a little sharper on Christmas. Grieving parents are reminded both of Christmases past and also of the Christmases that will never be. I started

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59:45

Episode 66: Daryn's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/12/17

In 2007, today's guest, Kim, had a pretty comfortable life. She was happily married with three beautiful young children. She had gone back to school and was finishing her master's degree to become a therapist. After going through struggles when she was young, she overall felt content with her current life. When Kim had a meeting with her advisor at school to discuss how things were going with regards to seeing patients as a student, she shared that she was really starting to feel comfortable seeing

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58:10

Episode 65: Zach's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/12/10

Today's guest, Robyn Karns, knows hardship - she has experienced abuse, widowhood, a miscarriage, and divorce, but 17 months ago, her life was absolutely rocked to the core. Robyn lost her firstborn and her best friend, Zach. She wondered how she would be able to go on from this tremendous loss. Losing Zach made all of her other trials pale in comparison. How could she keep getting up each day and living life? Robyn truly felt as if she were under attack, like Satan thought he would finally win, but

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01:03:17

Episode 64: Isla's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/12/03

I have long hated the analogy of going through a war when someone is diagnosed with cancer. 'He's battling cancer.' 'She is a fighter.' 'They beat cancer.' Those phrases all indicate that if you are a strong enough person, the cancer won't kill you. I know that it is said so that people have more of a sense of control when you are dealing with this devastating disease, but to me, it really feels like saying those who die from cancer didn't 'fight' hard enough. I have had many family members suffer

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