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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:29

George relief effort

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/23

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After a hurricane hit Port Royal, George asked his fellow pirates for donations to the relief effort. The pirates handed over extra clothes, food, and medicine to George. George dropped the supplies off at the local church. "Bless you, son!" grinned the preacher. The next day, George saw the preacher selling the previous day's supplies to a merchant. George drew his sword and killed the merchant and the priest. That's when the pirates raided the

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1:18

George goes wonky

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/22

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Somehow, he'd sailed the ship along the chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory. "What the shit is this?" growled the captain. "Not shit," said George. "Chocolate." A wild-haired geek in a purple suit met them at the river's bank and raised his cane in greeting. The pirates shot him dead with their flintlock pistols. "WHAT THE FUCK?" yelled the captain. "CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!" A gang of orange midgets swarmed the ship, but the pirates

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1:19

George builds a team

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/21

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every week, he'd call a meeting of the crew and make them work on team-building exercises. The team-building exercises usually ended up as ways for the crew to torment George. They'd make him walk the plank, or they'd keel-haul him. Or they'd tar-and-feather him and make him cluck like a chicken. Oddly enough, these team-building exercises made the crew work better together, and they saw lots of productivity gains. Except for George. Who came

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1:14

George flushes

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/20

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was so awful, he got into a ship battle with the Ty-d-bowl Man and lost badly. All he had to do was flush, and he couldn't manage that. He got all flustered with which way to put the roll of toilet paper on the holder, and he took a broadsides amidships, going down quickly. When George got a new ship, he cleaned the head with a toilet brush manually. Somehow, he knocked a hole in the hull with the damned thing, and the new ship sank quickly,

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1:15

George vs The Minotaur

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/18

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He ran afoul of the navy of King Minos, and was tossed into The Labyrinth. "What's that horrible smell?" muttered George. The Minotaur, an evil human-bull hybrid, roared in George's face. "Ah, that's what that smell is," said George. "I think you could use a nice warm bath." George drew a bath for The Minotaur, setting out some scented candles and incense to set a relaxing mood. The Minotaur got in the tub, relaxed, and heaved a deep

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1:22

George the expert

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/17

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Malcolm Gladwell says that if you spend ten thousand hours doing something, you'll become an expert at it. George thought that by spending ten thousand hours being a pirate, he'd become an expert at being a pirate. But instead, by spending ten thousand hours of being a not very good pirate, he became an expert at being not a very good pirate. George hunted down Malcolm Gladwell and confronted him. Malcolm kicked George in the groin with an

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1:31

George and Columbus

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/16

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Instead of thinking only of treasure, he tried to show cultural sensitivity. When he stopped three ships heading Westward, he assuming the man was Spanish because he was sailing under the Spanish flag. "Scusi, my apologies," said George. "So, about that whole 'hand over your gold' thing..." When the captain said that he was seeking spices from India, George let him go. A few months later, the same captain was sailing eastward with just a few

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1:11

George the crash test dummy

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/15

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He tended to crash his ship a lot. Which is why the National Transportation and Safety Board hired George to crash-test ships. "You're the expert," said the government agents. "We asked everyone on the high seas, and you've come highly recommended." "Well, thank you," said George. George took the wheel of a ship that was loaded with all kinds of monitors and sensors, and he steered it towards the rocks... And completely missed the rocks, ramming

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1:23

George and his aching back

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/14

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He blamed chronic back pain for his problems, and he went from doctor to doctor seeking a cure for his debilitating ailment. He ended up paying out of pocket for going outside the pirate union's health network. He turned to new age healers for relief, but they didn't provide any solutions. So, he tried to numb the pain with alcohol and drugs, which only worked for a while. That's when he thought to stop stashing his cutlass into his bedroll as

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1:14

George and the Germans

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/13

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. So when German investors acquired the ship, George thought he'd be the first to get fired. Instead, the Germans got rid of everyone else and replaced them with robots. "We know what everybody else does," said the ship's new captain. "So, it was easy to replace them. But we can't figure out exactly what you do." The Germans followed George around for a few days, taking notes, until George fell overboard. The Germans fell overboard with him. And

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9:39

Weekly Challenge #977 – Clinic

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/12

LisaRichard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Postal Bomb TOM Hope Rises They called it the clinic. The oldest would quip it use-to-be a department store. It mattered little because the medical corporation that ran it was long gone. And nothing matching that level of business structure was present north of the golden gate. We were on our own. The handful of providers that were able to scale down to the bone and still provide had a near

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1:17

George makes an app

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/11

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He looked for reassurance among his crewmates, but they would rag on him and make him feel worse. So, he turned to the Internet, and found it hard to connect with other pirates. Tha'st when he developed his own app: Shiver Me Tinders. All day long, pirates flicked through the profiles of other pirates and swiped left or right to vote on them. Then, some hackers raided the user database and stole credit card numbers and passwords. George was

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1:12

The singular George

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/10

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When Elon Musk uploaded George's consciousness to the Singularity, he became the virtual representation of a pirate. Elon hadn't bothered to render anything else, so the digital version of George floated around an empty landscape. "Hello!" shouted George. "Is this Heaven?" There was no response. After a while, he became bored, and then went stark raving mad. He slashed himself with his sword, but he was unable to cause himself injury. George

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1:05

George’s hugs

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/09

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every time he managed to do something right, he yelled "WHO WANTS A HUG?" Nobody wanted a hug from George. The last guy who got a hug from George, George forgot that he had a dagger in his hand, and he stabbed the guy in the back. George realized that nobody wanted a hug, so he stopped offering them. Instead, he would yell "YO, FIST BUMP, BRO!" And, once again, he forgot to take the dagger out of his hand. At least he paid for Lefty's new steel

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1:08

George and the football

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/08

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He remembered in the cartoons when Charlie would try to kick the football and Lucy would pull the football away at the last minute. So, he pondered a way to do this with pirates. "What if I make someone walk the plank, but just as they're about to walk the plank, I pull it away and they end up falling in the shark-infested water?" said George. "Then they're still in the shark-infested water anyway," said the captain, walking away. George went

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1:06

George at the movies

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/07

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He liked to go to the movies, but he hated when he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of a film. So, he'd try to go before the movie, but those Cokes always went through him quickly and he'd have to get up and go anyway. He'd try to get through the movie without a Coke, but he'd get thirsty, and get up to buy one. And then he'd have to go to the bathroom soon after. George gave up, and watched movies on home video.

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1:07

George goes to the carnival

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/06

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was really good at carnival midway games, though. Instead of practicing with his sword and flintlock pistol, he'd stack up milk bottles and knock them down with a baseball. Or he'd set up a ring toss game. Or that squirt gun with the clown heads and balloons thing, whatever the hell that was. When he went to the carnival, he always came back with a huge bag full of stuffed animals. They weren't as valuable as buried treasure or hostages, but

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12:35

Weekly Challenge #976 – It’s Me

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/05

Lisa Richard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Clinic LISA The Carer “It’s me!” I hear after a rattle of the key in my lock. It doesn’t tell me much does it? An endless troupe of people through my door. I wouldn’t mind if they were just here to chat but they feed me too and it seems like an invasion. They open my curtains when I want to sleep. Make me tea when I don’t feel thirsty. Bathe me when I’d rather not be naked in front of a

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1:41

George goes postal

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/04

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After several close calls, he gave up piracy and took a job aboard a cargo ship on the Atlantic. They carried Italian workers to America, and their mail home on the return trip. George looked through the envelopes. He couldn't read Italian, but the money that the workers sent home, well, what's one less dollar? When the Postal Service investigated, he'd pocket everything and sink the ship. Bad weather, they called it. Then he'd join another

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1:07

George and the black freighter

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When his ship exploded, George clung to the figurehead and washed ashore on an island. He built a raft, and gathered up dead crewmates' corpses to use for buoyancy. The tide pulled him out to sea, he caught seagulls to eat. For days, he floated, dehydrated and starving. The experience drove him mad. When George made it back to Port Royal, he went berserk and killed some people before feeling back to the ocean. The Navy caught him, and his

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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

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