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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

03:14

#53 - Cattabis

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/02/28

My mom’s cat, Sophie, appeared to be having a shitty day. Who knows why? She just wasn’t moving much. And it looked like her health was fine but she seemed to be displaying a higher than normal degree of who gives a fuck. I mean it just felt like she didn’t really care if we were around at all. There was this unusual level of apathy that emanated from her generally chipper aura, and it was clearly visible. She was hanging around, her mouth closed, rejecting all movement with a lackluster regard for

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02:42

#52 - Decision Fatigue

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/02/21

There are too many damn choices these days. You wake up, throw on the standard comfort wear, and now you’re armed and ready to start ruling out inferior options in just about every aspect of life. Thankfully, some of your choices are pre-determined, like which coffee you’ll drink, where you’ll sit at the breakfast table, and how to get to where you’re going. Then there are those that are not pre-determined. And so, it begins. Whether to shave or go with the rugged look. Which entertainment, or

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02:37

#51 - God Bless Buddha

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/02/14

Religion is a mess. Like can’t we just consolidate the roughly four-thousand two hundred plus doctrines of belief into one handy little guidebook that reflects something like the Ten Commandments and call it a day. And if it pisses you off, we don’t even have to call it the Ten Commandments. I don’t care what you call it, just don’t call me late for dinner. Because when you think about it, all denominations pretty much preach the same thing. And those tenets are to simply believe in a higher power,

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02:52

#50 - One Night Stand With A Carnie

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/02/07

The whole thing was a Whirlwind. Literally. That was the name of the fabulous travelling amusement ride she so deftly operated. Sometimes the energies of the heavens are in complete synchronicity and a bolt of lightning can change your trajectory. There was an actual graphic of a bolt of lightning on the side of the structure, you see, and it was the bad-assedness of this bolt that I commented on before she picked the ticket from my fingers, spit into her cup and engaged that crooked smile. “Wanna

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02:46

#49 - Breakup By Text

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/01/31

No one wins in a break-up. Even if you’re the executioner fully prepared to drop the guillotine’s blade, there is always some level of disappointment that comes with unrealized expectations. And when your trusted partner finds themself incapable of ending a relationship in a personal way, opting instead for the path of least confrontation, the empty void can be tough to fill. When love and infatuation are fresh, the deluge of heart pumped blood gushes through the veins in fantastic fervor. But over

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02:50

#48 - Harpsicords Are Cool

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/01/24

If Mozart was alive today, he would be the biggest fucking rock star in the world. The dude had a severe command of melody and everyone who has made music since is blatantly ripping him off. Furthermore, every note he produced was without the luxury of a recording studio, or any way to augment the sounds other than through the clever orchestration of combining a collaboration of instrumentation, which makes his works far superior to The Beatles, Elton John and Freddie Mercury all rolled into one fat

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02:34

#47 - The Gateway Drug

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/01/17

Where is this gate of which they speak? The one that you carelessly meander through that leads you into a string of bad decisions, ultimately overtaking your better sense of sound judgement where you surrender to any resistance against an ugly dependency on cocaine and heroin. Suuuuure, it starts out harmless, just a couple puffs on a joint because you caved to the peer pressure of your cool buddies, or older brother and his friends. Next thing you know you’re selling your dick on the streets,

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02:33

#46 - INDICA-TION

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/01/10

Spell check did me a solid. I was with my buddy, Davey Dabs. I was texting the word Indica, and before finishing, through some algorithmic wizardry quite foreign to my caveman ability to analyze esoteric computations, the prefix of the word immediately spawned a search engine result which appeared on the screen as the word “Indication”. For a moment, as my left eyebrow slowly curled upward like a cat arching its back, I couldn’t help but beam at the wonderful serendipity with which technology will

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02:43

#45 - Tuesday Is My Friday

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/01/03

People have been attempting to place identifiable descriptors to the days of the week for as long as there have been calendars. And as technology has advanced and created more demand for higher yields outside of the once standard nine to five workday, our schedules have fluctuated, signifying that we are now officially a twenty-four-hour society. Therefore, it’s safe to say that the timetable that was made commonplace for the past two thousand plus years is now completely out of whack. But we, as

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02:38

#44 - Bad Feng Sui

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/12/27

It couldn’t be avoided. Something had to be said. Sometimes a guy needs to be told what’s up. Because there’s a cultural threshold of which most of us are aware and for those who aren’t, it’s vital that they be shown perspective. We’re talking about the survival of humanity. You see, there are times when you can continue to turn your head and pretend that you’re not bothered by something immeasurably out of sorts, or you can be proactive and deliver the words that need to be spoken that everyone

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02:45

#43 - Other People's Junk

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/12/20

I have a lot of friends and many of us share a common thread woven into the fabric of who we are, which gives us cohesion. And it is the fact that we all love Cannabis. So, it’s no surprise that we’re often looking for new and interesting ways to be entertained by circumstances that somehow offer a slight bend on our perspective that other people would find predictable and commonplace. Because with Cannabis, that perspective can be happily heightened with one quick dose. And we think that is fun

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02:36

#42 - Thank God For Global Warming

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/12/13

Everywhere you go these days, someone is attempting to influence people with a positive message. And thankfully so, because we need a counterbalance to the negative propaganda being force fed to us through biased media sources steered by oligarchs serving their multi-national agendas. And the more positive the messages from these encouraging people are, the more nourishment for not just our individual spiritual growth, but collective growth, too. With that said, it benefits us to find the most

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02:43

#41 - Watching Sports Is Stupid

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/12/06

Bring up anything to my friend Rachel the Ripper that has to do with people attempting to strategically advance a ball toward an advantageous area outlined by boundaries that will result in points on a scoreboard, no matter the context, and she’ll look at you with the same blank expression as Garfield the Cat. “Time is precious. Great moments are few. So why would you knowingly squander them on such a blatant distraction from what is real and important?” Big sigh. She’s right. Millionaires flexing

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02:41

#40 - Blame Me For The Fanny Pack

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/11/29

I remember you could slice the humidity with a butter knife that mid-summer day, and the name of the music festival only hinted at the relentless southern heat that deep fried the New Orleans air like a beignet at Café Du Monde in the French Quarter. There I was, a carefree young adult borrowing any available shade in the vendor’s kiosks when my eye accidentally caught sight of a black cotton, woven looking satchel with a strap and a clip, kinda like a bite-sized gender-neutral backpack. It was the

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02:37

#39 - Karate Kids

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/11/22

I’ll tell you something, in about 10 years, you bullies better watch your asses. That’s because you do not want to mess with a dude who’s been well-trained in martial arts. And these days, it’s awfully popular with the youngins who aren’t too down with team sports. Some of them are nomads, riding solo, hanging in the shadows, maybe a little anti-social. At face value, they can appear to be easy prey. And the prima donna skilled in the practice of intimidation may want to swallow a pill of caution

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02:25

#38 - Monologuing

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/11/15

I talk to myself sometimes. Ok, all the time. Call me strange if you want, but the reality is that everyone wants to be heard and no one listens to you more intently than yourself. And where other people will often respond with unsolicited advice, the real opinion that is most beneficial to your situation is your own because no one is going to give it to your straighter than you are to yourself. Unless you lie to yourself. I’m not entirely convinced that this is even a possibility. Sometimes I see

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03:39

#37 - It's The At

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/11/08

I think it’s time for a power move where start replacing the same old overused words with something new and more hip. Because we all know (since we’re 21 and older) that if you don’t constantly keep changing things up, you may find yourself stuck with the same vernacular your parents used and that is just not an option. So, evolving the revolving door of trends is vital to leaving an imprint on history with our own language version that’s representative of our generation. And that means being

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02:33

#36 - LMFAO

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/11/01

We all know what this means, right? But in case you’ve been held hostage in a dental office waiting room for the past decade tortured with easy listening music and nine-month-old gossip magazines, it’s an acronym for Laughing My Fucking Ass Off. Which implies that someone is overcome with a howling expression of jubilation. And this reflex is so genuine that it goes beyond the ability to contain one’s composure. This is not a giggle, this is not a smirk, this is a response to something that is so

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02:24

#35 - The Roaring 20'S

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/10/25

Cannabis got cheated. About a hundred years ago, prohibition was passed “to cure the ill society” by eliminating liquid courage and other sinful excesses, making the 1920’s the decade where wetting the whistle got replaced by the Crossword Puzzle and Charlie Chaplin. Being an alcoholic must have sucked. Being a stoner would have been worse. Because although they couldn’t make liquor go away, they sure put the kibosh to marihuana by labeling it as a poison. What a bunch of assholes. But you know what

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02:23

#34 - Ice Cream Is The Devil

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2019/10/18

Don’t buy it. Because you’ll eat it. I know, you’re saying, “And?” But you’re not eight years old anymore and when the metabolism slows down, the pounds hang around. If you don’t give a shit, fine. Enjoy your flavorful, beautiful, abbreviated life. But for anyone concerned about health and appearance, ice cream can be the forbidden lust held captive in your refrigeration chamber of torture, beckoning with haunting ecstasy to be freed, seducing your sensibilities. It is within reach, the flavor

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