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PODCAST

Park Bench Ontology

is a low-stakes existential crisis disguised as a comedy podcast for people quietly losing faith in the script of modern life. Each week, comedian and writer Gavin Stephens dissects the absurd machinery of capitalism and culture — from sitcoms to wealth inequality, Baudrillard to people who talk in the movies — exposing the broken myths, invisible rules, and slow-motion collapse we all pretend isn’t happening.Presented by The Chonilla Network. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

comedy philosophy

All Episodes

144:09

Episode 128 – #Supercrawl2015 & Underpaid Teachers

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/09/15

We talk Hamilton’s arts + cultural festival, Supercrawl ~ Hit to Kill: if you kill someone with your car in China it’s cheaper than injuring them ~ are teachers paid enough? Our highly qualified brains take an arm-chair approach at the subject ~ how much would you need to be paid to eat an asshole?

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124:41

Episode 127 – Too Much Information

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/09/06

We open by talking about Patrick’s live comedy taping, “Too Much Information”, September 11th and 12th ~ then Patrick talks about how he became a better comedian, and how Tom Green inspired his career ~ Hamilton’s own Nicole Arbour (@NicoleArbour) posts a video about fat people, and we all have a go at how we feel about it ~ Jordan tells us how he saved a human life…or ruined one ~ Meat causes cancer & more!

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110:22

Episode 126 – Kids, Rouse & Degrassi

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/08/31

We talk Harper again #cdnpoli ~ Jason Rouse (@jasonrouse666) joins us during the podcast via FaceTime ~ Manolis and Gavin babysit a few kids and share their experiences, then Manolis “stars” on #Degrassi ~ Nick Durie (@ndurie) joins half-way through the podcast.

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115:36

Episode 125 – It’s faccckkked upppp

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/08/24

A white person mans a black history booth at the CNE ~ people with kids are more depressed ~ we talk American and Canadian politics and our hatred for Harper #jostevote ~ Jared of Subway fame counts down to getting anal in prison for being a piece of sh*t ~ then we cover 80s & 90s sitcoms.

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88:30

Episode 124 – Fist and a Half

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/08/16

Manolis starts the podcast telling us about an audience member who uses her fists to measure her boyfriend’s dick…or something like that ~ pickup artist Roosh V comes to Toronto and everyone flips out ~ what’s the MCs role in a comedy show? Manolis and Gavin tell us what makes an ideal MC ~ then Manolis tells his dentist that he does mushrooms…for no reason, really.

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106:09

Episode 123 – Dick & Balls

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/08/09

Nick Durie (@ndurie) joins us again ~ we rigorously discuss Lenny Kravitz’s dick ~ then more about the Republican primaries and Trump being ballsy ~ we also talk about Jon Stewart’s last show.Also, remember to vote for Gavin in the SiriusXM Topic Comic contest every day: http://gavinstephens.ca/vote

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71:55

Episode 122 – The Mustache Returns

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/08/06

Unfortunately, we had some technical problems with this episode. We’ll get it sorted out for next time. We call Shane Ogden (@shaneogden1) during the podcast ~ we talk about Cecil the lion and work our way towards vegetarianism ~ ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper dies at 61 ~ then we stumble into the topic of suicide ~ we all talk about the last time we cried.Also, remember to vote for Gavin in the SiriusXM Topic Comic contest every day: http://gavinstephens.ca/vote

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104:40

Episode 121 – Roasting Manolis & Voting for Gavin

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/07/28

The non-celebrity roast of Manolis was a huge success, so we chat about it for a bit ~ then we talk about Hulk Hogan’s racist tirade ~ Nick Durie visits Montreal and tells us about his experiences at Just For Laughs ~ Nick Durie (@ndurie) joins.Also, remember to vote for Gavin in the SiriusXM Topic Comic contest every day: http://gavinstephens.ca/vote

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85:52

Episode 120 – Keeping Kanye

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/07/21

We attempt to refrain from swearing as Patrick’s daughter joins us ~ we heckle Jordan about his recent date with a tribal warrior ~ Kanye West is set to close off the Toronto 2015 Pan-Am Games, but a new petition with over 50,000 signatures seeks to replace him with a Canadian artist ~ we talk TV and reveal some #TrueDetective spoilers.

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115:24

Episode 119 – Sex Pistols & Selling Out

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/07/13

The Sex Pistols kill their anti-establishment street cred after they get a credit card made in their image ~ shortly after, we talk about super heros and the order of balance between good and evil ~ new information is revealed in a report about a 2005 court case where Bill Cosby then admitted to buying drugs for the purpose of sexually assaulting women ~ everything we know about addiction is wrong – we talk about a recent TED talk that takes another look at the drug war ~ later we discuss a

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90:18

Episode 118 – Fraudin Hood

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/07/06

Nick tells us his history in the fraudulent arts. Mayce and Jordan stop at the prayer truck around the corner from the studio – which leads to a conversation about Scientology. We then move on to Manolis’ dad’s asshole. Stephen Colbert surprise-hosts a public access show called “Only in Monroe” in Monroe, Michigan.

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144:12

Episode 117 – Pride and Pachycephalosaurus’

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/06/29

Is The Avengers a good movie? We don’t find a conclusion. Then in the blockbuster Jurassic World, the short form of pachycephalosaurus (or pakisaurus) is perceived racist, a blogger rants. Gay marriage becomes legal in all 50 states, and during the London gay pride parade, a CNN reporter misreports a dildo and butt plug flag as an ISIS flag. Nick Justin Durie joins.

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86:16

Episode 116 – Charleston

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/06/22

A dude deep throats a dildo at Yuk Yuks and wins the deep throat contest, Manolis records it and puts it on Facebook and gets 1,000 views. Patrick tells us about his lesbian days and we try to grapple with #Charleston, but get cut short by a technical issue. We hope to spend more time on it next week.

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125:32

Episode 115 – Mayce, Doug Stanhope & the NAACP

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/06/16

We all have headphones now, so expect higher quality episodes…maybe. Mayce tells us about his recent experience opening for Doug Stanhope at the Opera House in Toronto. We talk about the white lady (Rachel Dolezal) who’s been running the NAACP of Spokane, Washington for years, then Gavin Stephen’s tells us about Nick Durie’s experience getting twerk-assaulted in Hess Village. #SpacePorn

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106:32

Episode 114 – Don’t Fuck with Manolis

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/06/08

We totally skip the introductions, making Gavin’s day. Manolis almost gets into a brawl after a dumb heckler runs his mouth, then tells us a story about how one of the guys from the movie Road Trip tried to pick up his girlfriend. Durie gives a heartfelt talk about his dad’s passing.

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91:00

Episode 113 – Foot Fetishes & Scooters

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/06/02

We spend a long time arguing over the placement of hosts at the table. We slight those who don’t need, but use mobility scooters because they are lazy. Big comedy news this week – Toronto comedian Trixx comes under heat after a slew of comics claim to be tricked into doing foot fetish videos in exchange for auditions, xboxes and favours.

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132:50

Episode 112 – Rough Wrestling

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/05/24

Last week we started talking about the story of “rough wrestling” but Gavin tries to hold back vital details of how rough wrestling came to be. Manolis meets the best lay of his life in London, Ontario, and spends 10 minutes talking about self-inflicted road rage stories. Jen Grant (@jengrantcomedy) speaks out against heckling that often turns into sexual assault and should/can a city ban guns? Hamilton mayor Fred Eisenberger speaks out about gun violence after open gun fire happens in broad

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93:40

Episode 111 – Louie CK & Dane Cook’s Dark Side

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/05/20

Louie CK has been jerking off in front of women, Dane Cook gets banned from “his” club The Laugh Factory. After Gavin’s last show, the club turned into a karaoke bar, then Gavin and Jordan decided to do their own rendition of “Hey Ya”. Norm McDonald performs on Letterman.

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83:39

Episode 110 – Giving a Shit with Jason Rouse

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/05/06

What a way to start off an episode! Jason Rouse (@jasonrouse666), Joe Basla and Nick Durie (@ndurie) join us as we discuss Manolis’ possible overdose during the episode, after taking a Oxycotin 20 he got from a cancer patient. That was the first 10 minutes. We also talk about how awesome the Hamilton comedy scene is.

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129:37

Episode 109 – Dead Bodies & Sex Changes

Park Bench Ontology ·

2015/04/26

Manolis tells us about his stuntman days. A dead body was found in a dumpster behind a local store & do you have to be miserable to be funny? Kevin Pollack releases a new documentary called Misery Loves Comedy, and we get into it. We also tackle transphobia and Bruce Jenner’s personal revelation. Nick Durie (@ndurie) guest stars.

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