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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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8:04

Weekly Challenge #972 – Mister Right

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/08

LizzieRichard Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Gift Card LIZZIE Mr. Right lived in the lighthouse across the street. The place was hideous and no one ever visited it. Mr. Right was the typical know-it-all. When proven wrong, he'd blatantly lie. Everyone hated him, everyone except his neighbor who'd often ask to see the gallery because, as he said, "he enjoyed the fresh air". And he tried, he tried many times. Mr. Right knew the neighbor wanted the lighthouse

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1:01

Hanging laundry

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/07

After I finish laundry, I hang it. No, I don't hang it up. I literally hang it. I put all my laundry on a chair. Then, I tie a noose at the end of a rope, throw the other end over a tree branch, and tie it down. When a crowd gathers, I put the laundry in the noose and ask if it has any last words before I kick the chair out from under it. The laundry jerks around a bit at the end of the rope before it stops swinging. You shouldn't have rustled all those cattle, laundry.

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1:28

I am an imaginary friend

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/06

It's not easy being an imaginary friend. Especially to a kid they've pumped full of drugs. I feel a bit guilty, since it's my fault they're doing this to him. Seeing him out in the playground, talking to me. The teachers were concerned. The other parents at the school. After that, his parents. And finally the doctors. They tried therapy, then went to the pills. Sometimes, the pills work, because there's a jump in time for me. But I still come back. Maybe he'll talk to me. Try to hug me. And other

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0:59

Clean out the closet

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/05

I want to clean out the big closet. Got a lot of stuff I don't need in it. Trash bags full of papers that aren't important anymore. Boxes for things that probably won't need boxing up ever again. And the boxes are too big to let the cats play in. Or, I suppose, live in if I decide to quit my job and become a bum. I'm a little too old to make a play house out of them. It's strictly sofa cushions at my age. Get the hell away from my fort. Or I'll burn down your cardboard box.

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1:10

Mister Warmth

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/04

Back in the day, you had Sammy and Dean and Frank. And Debbie and Elvis and all the headliners. When they were done for the night, they went to see Don. And Don would rip into all of them, and they laughed and laughed and laughed. The manager would work the line, picking people out to fill front row seats. Then, he'd tell Don: I got a fat guy, an ugly woman, a skinny Japanese guy. "You got any Germans?" asked Don. The manager nodded, and Don picked up his microphone and walked to the stage. And the

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1:38

Tostitos

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/03

Tostitos ended their sponsorship of the Fiesta Bowl years ago. I guess they didn't want to be associated with exploiting amateur athletes working for millionaire head coaches or the serious injuries that the football industry produces. Good for them. Nobody with integrity wants to be associated with such an unethical branch of academic institutions as gladiatorial athletics are. Instead of the resulting concussions and CET and broken limbs that result from football, no matter what meaningless safety

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1:13

Rapture

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/02

The skies turned dark, the heavens rained fire, the oceans turned red, and a chorus of angelic voices spread over the world. "It's The Rapture!" said someone, and, knowing that only the devout would be taken up and saved, we all fell to our knees and prayed. All of the sudden, the chorus stopped. I looked around. Everyone was still there. Nobody was missing, no piles of empty clothes, no abandoned cars or anything. Of course, this meant we were all doomed to Hell for our sins. "What's new about

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11:45

Weekly Challenge #971 – Arrested

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/01

LisaLizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Mister Right LISA A New Lead “Come, look through the window. The curtains are pulled they won’t see you… just peep through the gap.” A portable TV. Black and White. The picture is fuzzy and keeps rolling. “Police in Wiltshire have today arrested a man in connection with the disappearance of Katy Creasy.” It’s so loud we hear it from outside. A school photo appears on the screen. “Come forward,

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1:26

My mother’s plant

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/30

After my dad died, my mother came to live with us.Under one condition: The room she was moving into had a plant. "You can stay as long as that plant's healthy," I said. So, my mother watered that plant every day. And it stayed green and the flowers were always in bloom. It was perfectly fine for five years. My mother was not. The dementia took a hold of her, and she ended up bedridden and confused. Until she died. When we were clearing out her things, I picked up the plastic plant. Maybe we'll bury

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1:31

Little Freddy

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/29

Out in the grocery store, I saw a toddler running around in a "Don't give up on your dreams" t-shirt. With a picture of Freddy Kruger on it. He was knocking down everything down the aisle. No parent in sight. The shirt, it didn't bother me. I mean, the kid can't see himself in a mirror. Doesn't know what Freddy Kruger is... I hope. And when he's older, he'll laugh at the baby photos. The kid turned the corner and went into produce. While the manager blamed me for the mess. "Check the tape," I

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1:38

No such thing as a free lunch

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/28

It's weird that I don't mind the free lunches for the few employees that actually go into the office. I've never had that benefit from this company, and never expected it from them. And they're good about allowing time for lunch and breaks. As for the old company, they prided themselves on the free lunches and lured people in with that benefit and would say it's a part of compensation package. And yet when the pandemic hit, and people worked from home, they'd attack anyone who'd whine about it. I

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1:33

The old tools

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/27

He's been gone for years, but she still keeps his tools in the basement. The hammer. The wrenches. The circular saw and its blades. The baby food jars with screws and nails and nuts and bolts. She doesn't use them. One of the neighbors comes by to take care of anything she needs. And they have their own tools. The kids come to visit with their kids, but they have their own tools. They don't need them. They're all still in good condition. They'll probably end up in the shop class at the junior high

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1:20

Comparisons

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/26

There are people comparing vaccination efforts to the Holocaust. Other people comparing the 1/6 riots to 9/11 and Pearl Harbor. And everyone's calling each other Hitler and Nazis. If given a pile of apples and oranges, they'll compare them to Nazis. This generation is too fucking stupid to make comparisons. What do you expect from assholes who think a quarter of a pound is bigger than a third of a pound? I'd compare this generation to previous generations, but they'd just call me Nazi. Or

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1:27

Grandmothers Headache pills

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/25

My grandmother was a ruthless and callous bitch. She said that headaches were the result of feeling guilty about something, so she refused to give aspirin until I confessed to all the bad things they've done. Oh, and she'd scream this at me to make it worse. Sure, I'd done something bad. I was a rotten shit. But this was child abuse. My other grandmother gave out Life Savers saying they were headache pills. She had Dementia. Probably thought this was true. I knew what they were, so the placebo

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13:01

Weekly Challenge #970 – PICK TWO Scorpion, Walking on...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/24

Tura Lisa Lizzie Rose Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Arrested TURA Walking on eggshells; Scorpion --------- To test an aspiring ninja, the floor of a corridor is covered with eggshell halves glued in place, a live scorpion under each one. The candidate must traverse the corridor naked. Some really can walk on the eggshells without breaking them. Some leap from wall to wall, never touching the floor. Some cling to the roof beams. And

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1:07

A Jew walks into a bar…

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/23

I used to drink at a bar a lot. But I don't drink anymore, but I still went to the bar to have a soda now and then. Until I overheard the bartender telling a joke to a customer that began with Two Jews walk into a bar, and the bartender says I don't serve Jews. I left before the punchline, called the owner, and bought the place. The next day, I went back. "I've got a joke for you," I said. "One Jew walks into a bar. The one he bought overnight. And fired the bartender." That's a punchline!

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1:36

Sherman Antitrust Cat

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/22

I have one cat. I tried to get another cat, but my cat didn't like the other cat and drove it off. My cat has a monopoly on me. So, the government sued my cat under the Sherman Antitrust Act. Coincidentally enough, my cat's named Sherman. And he apparently used anti-competitive practices on other cats to have a monopoly on me. The driving off of other cats. My cat's lawyer negotiated a deal. So, the government is assigning my cat a cat-sitter. And three more cats are due to arrive within the week. I

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1:32

Bobbing for turds

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/21

Elections are pretty much a game of bobbing for turds now, aren't they? The only choice really left to the sane voter is to keep your head under water until the bubbles stop. We pay for a solid gold tub. We pay for the finest natural spring water. We give money for campaigns and voter awareness of the tub and water. And then they take a dump in it, tie our hands behind our backs, and say "PICK A WINNER!" Oh, and if you bite down on the wrong turd, you're a racist, sexist bigot. With shit in your

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10:35

Weekly Challenge #969 – Mind

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/17

LisaRichard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Scorpion, Walking on eggshells, Turn, High pitched, News, Craftsmanship RICHARD -- In the eye of the beholder -- "Well, really! Do you mind?" The exclamation caught me by surprise, I turned around, white stick exploring the floor between us. "Oh!" An embarrassed pause. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise." I cocked my head slightly, "My apologies, I seem to have startled you, miss. Is there

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1:13

The other side

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/16

They say that the grass is always greener on the other side.The other side of what? The other side of The Force? Well, the good side of the force was in the Jedi Temple at Coruscant. There wasn't much grass on that planet. Nor was there much grass on Mustafar, Darth Vader's hideout. What about The Far Side? Gary Larsson drew it in black and white during the week, and only the Sunday editions were in color. It turns out, they were talking about that movie The Blind Side. Man, the grass at that rich

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