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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

21:39

Livyatan, the Leviathan

Paleo Bites ·

2021/02/16

(image source: https://i.imgur.com/04g1MHn.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Livyatan, the monster whale eighteenth-century sailors all feared despite it living millions of years ago and only being described in the 2010s. From the Late Miocene, this 60-foot cetacean ate other large whales for breakfast and was a direct rival of the monster shark C. megalodon. What a terrifying ocean. Let's never time-travel there. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our

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27:13

Pachyrhinosaurus, the Thick-Nosed Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2021/02/09

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/295337688043705239/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Pachyrhinosaurus, a horned dinosaur without a horn that lived up in the cold north. From the Late Cretaceous, this 25-foot ceratopsian had a nose not unlike your Uncle Earl and possibly a feathery coat not unlike your Aunt Edna. Possibly. The feather thing, not the aunt thing. You definitely have an aunt that wears feathery coats. Want to further support the show? Sign up

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19:30

Gasosaurus, the Gasoline Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2021/02/02

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/gasosaurus_b605.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Gasosaurus, a poor schmuck of a dinosaur stuck with a name that'll make third-graders snicker the world over. From the Mid Jurassic, this 12-foot theropod has an unclear placement in the meat-eating dinosaur tree; it could be a carnosaur, a coelurasaur, a metriacanthosaur, or maybe an ancestor of all of them. Sounds lot a load of hot air. (snicker) Want to further

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25:49

LUCA, the Last Universal Common Ancestor

Paleo Bites ·

2021/01/26

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/793970609285301591/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Jennifer Grossman discuss LUCA, the most recent organism from which all others on Earth have a common descent, which is pretty out-there. From the Precambrian era, this single-celled organism had nothing noteworthy about it whatsoever other than all its descendants, so have hope, all you losers! You might not be special, but your great-grandkids could be! Emphasis on "could." Want to further

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20:47

Mesohippus, the Middle Horse

Paleo Bites ·

2021/01/19

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesohippus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Mesohippus, an early form of horse that's just a pink recolor and tramp-stamp away from being on a little girls' merchandise-based cartoon show. From the Eocene epoch, this 2-foot-tall horse wasn't quite Eohippus the early horse, nor like modern late horses, but just in the middle. A middle horse, if you will. Hey, I get it now! Want to further support the show? Sign up to our

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23:54

Liopleurodon, the Smooth-Sided Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2021/01/12

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liopleurodon by DiGbd) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Liopleurodon, an infamous sea monster whose size was heavily exaggerated by a certain British documentary, to the disappointment of kaiju fans everywhere. From the Late Jurassic, this 28-foot pliosaurid was still the top predator in its oceanic environment, but that can only offset so much of an overall letdown. Sure, it was big, but I want bigger! BIGGER!!! Eh, whatever. Want

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20:48

Irritator, the Irritating One

Paleo Bites ·

2021/01/05

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Irritator-Andrey-Atuchin_efcd.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Irritator, a dinosaur with a hilarious name and a not-so-hilarious backstory on how it got it. From the Early Cretaceous, this 25-foot spinosaurid shares a kindred spirit with little brothers everywhere, or at least this particular little brother. I have three older sisters, okay? They can all verify just how irritating I was. Want to further support the

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25:47

Aquilops, the Eagle Face

Paleo Bites ·

2020/12/29

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquilops by Nobu Tamura) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Aquilops, an absolutely adorable little critter and one of the best candidates for a dinosaur that would make a great pet. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 2-foot ceratopsian was a transitionary fossil between the more basal members of its family like Psittacosaurus and the slightly more derived members like Protoceratops. But I guess that's just how evolution works, I

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25:35

Styracosaurus, the Spiked Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/12/22

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Styracosaurus0001_0e99.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Styracosaurus, a dinosaur who spikes unsuspecting predators just as people at New Year's Eve parties spike unsuspecting drinks. From the Late Cretaceous, this 18-foot centrosaurine ceratopsian was the most famous horned dinosaur other than Triceratops, which is a good place to be. It's always good to have that one friend to count on when the more popular one

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19:21

Amphicoelias, the One Hollow on Both Sides

Paleo Bites ·

2020/12/15

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Amphicoelias_3a81.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Amphicoelias, a dinosaur once thought to have reached absolutely godly sizes but then science had to be all lame and progress. From the Late Jurassic, this 90-foot diplodocid sauropod is the biggest anticlimax in paleontological history, having been downgraded from a nigh-mythical titan to a large-ish commonfolk. Wah-waaah. Want to further support the show? Sign up to

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18:46

Gigantopithecus, the Giant Ape

Paleo Bites ·

2020/12/08

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigantopithecus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Gigantopithecus, the closest nature has come to King Kong. From the Late Pleistocene, this 12-foot-tall ape lived in the few jungles that weathered the dry Ice Age climate and tore people's arms off if they beat them at space chess. Oh wait, that's Chewbacca. My mistake. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content here. Also, you can

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20:49

Zby, of Georges Zbyszewski

Paleo Bites ·

2020/12/01

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/744642119611063504/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Zby, a longneck dinosaur with a name so unfathomably silly there's no way in hell it should be real. From the Late Jurassic, this 59-foot turiasaurian sauropod roamed in great herds across the Portuguese coastline... sorry, I can't help but snicker. "A herd of Zby roams across the coastline." Try hearing Kenneth Branagh say that in a documentary! Want to further support the

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19:46

Nuralagus rex, the Rabbit King

Paleo Bites ·

2020/11/24

(image source: https://www.deviantart.com/sanciusart/art/Nuralagus-rex-recon-808748972) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Nuralagus rex, a large relative of rabbits that's maybe overcompensating a bit by having rex as a species name. From the Pliocene epoch, this 3-foot lagomorph lived on a remote island in the Mediterranean where it promptly became an evolutionary dead-end and went extinct as soon as there were any changes to its ecosystem. Lame. Want to further

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20:57

Atrociraptor, the Savage Thief

Paleo Bites ·

2020/11/17

(image source: https://www.deviantart.com/hamish1512201/art/Atrociraptor-Marshalli-842072048) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Atrociraptor, a genus name so edgy that Shadow the Hedgehog would think it's too much. From the Late Cretaceous period, this 7-foot dromaeosaurid lasted until 67 million years ago, just before the big Cretaceous extinction event. It was so cool, it knew exactly when to leave. We should all aspire to be like Atrociraptor. Want to further support

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27:18

Palaeoloxodon, the Ancient Cross Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2020/11/10

(image source: https://ideas.fandom.com/wiki/Palaeoloxodon_recki_(SciiFii)) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Palaeoloxodon, a genus of elephant that had species ranging from the biggest land mammals of all time to miniature ones the size of large dogs. From the Late Pleistocene, this 3 to 18-foot-tall pachyderm was the closest real-life version of the mumakil from Lord of the Rings. In fact, Tolkien said in the original text that they were specifically the size of prehistoric

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22:33

Hallucigenia, the Dreamlike One

Paleo Bites ·

2020/11/03

(image source: https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/934675/view/hallucigenia-sparsa-invertebrate-illustration) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Hallucigenia, the most WTF species ever featured on this podcast, and that's saying something. From the Mid Cambrian, this 1-inch invertebrate may have been a velvet worm, an early arthropod, or a more bygone creature, but one thing it certainly was is... actually, I have no idea. Seriously, what the hell is this thing?! Want to

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21:00

Lystrosaurus, the Shovel Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/10/27

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lystrosaurus_Assemblage_Zone) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Lystrosaurus, a derpy-looking thing that survived the biggest extinction of all time and at one point made up over half (!) of all life on Earth. From the Late Permian to the Early Triassic, this 4-foot synapsid was without doubt one of the most underrated badasses of all paleontology, which is really saying something, because look at this thing. It's so ugly. What

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20:23

Plesiosaurus, the Near Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/10/20

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plesiosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Plesiosaurus, the famous four-flippered fellow that may or may not have surviving populations in a certain Scottish lake. From the Early Jurassic, this 12-foot sauropterygid had a unique method of swimming unseen in any modern creature. Unless, of course, the Scotland thing is true. Which it isn't. Or is it?! Nah, it isn't. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our

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17:34

Xunmenglong, the Swift Dragon

Paleo Bites ·

2020/10/13

(image source: http://www.xinhuanet.com/english/2019-11/28/c_138590619.htm) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Xunmenglong, a tiny dinosaur from China and the last of our Paleo Bites X-Series. From the Early Cretaceous, this 1.5-foot compsognathid is not to be confused with the similarly-named Yunmenglong, a big longneck dinosaur from a similar time and place. That's just one letter away! Like, the next letter down alphabetically. Eh, whatever. Want to further support the

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25:24

Xenoposeidon, the Strange Earthquake God

Paleo Bites ·

2020/10/06

(image source: https://cooldinofacts.fandom.com/wiki/Xenoposeidon) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Xenoposeidon for our Paleo Bites X-Series, a longneck that has bar none the coolest name of any dinosaur. From the Early Cretaceous, this 50-foot rebbachisaurid had its fossils first discovered in the late nineteenth century but it wasn't officially described until 2007! And I thought my procrastinating was bad. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for

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