The Covert Narcissism Podcast

21:20

Story of Hope: From the Suffocating Dark Cloud of...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2024/01/18

In this episode, Jean shares her story of hope. Looking back in her marriage, she sees the beginning of doubting herself. She was squashed and made to feel unworthy over and over. Along with this, she was so convinced that she needed him, the covert narcissist in her life, and that he was her emotional support. In facing this darkness and its internal effect on her, she found her escape from the suffocating and abusive environment. She realized that the emotional support she needed was inside of

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17:19

”You did that ON PURPOSE!” The Hurt Feelings of a...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2024/01/14

I’ve worked with children most of my life in different capacities. One of the things they say that bothers me the most is, “They did that ON PURPOSE!” One kid swinging his arms around in the room. Another child walks by and gets hit by those swinging arms. They run to the teacher and through their tears declare, “They hit me ON PURPOSE.” This is what it is like living with a covert narcissist. Except they are an adult still behaving this way. They are convinced that you have hurt them ON PURPOSE

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21:24

Story of Hope: Surviving the Crash of a Fairy Tale...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2024/01/11

Being raised to be a “good girl” sets many of us up for a manipulative and abusive marriage. This is Kathy’s story today. She approached this marriage with so much love, compassion and dedication. He used all of this against her. In her escape and recovery, she asks, “Why didn’t he see the goodness in me that I believed was there? Others saw it, but he never did. What I needed to do was to see the goodness myself.” A huge part of our healing is embracing who we are and no longer leaning on them for

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21:39

Story of Hope after Covert Narcissism

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2024/01/07

With story after story begin full of pain, confusion, anger and depression, it is time to hear some stories of hope. There is life after narcissism! Peace can be found, not from others, but from within yourself. I am doing a mini series of guest episodes with Stories of Hope. I start by sharing my own story of hope. After being in the darkest place in my life, I am now living a life full of happiness and peace. I have rich relationships with my family and friends. It isn't perfect, but perfect

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17:59

The Narcissist’s Prayer Pt 2 (Special Throwback Episode)

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2024/01/05

This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give. The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the

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15:20

It’s Impossible to Find Normal with a Covert Narcissist

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/31

One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.” Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything else about what was going on. I mean what was I going to say, “No they don’t. Everyone else is

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18:45

The Narcissist’s Prayer Part 1 (Special Throwback...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/29

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting, and absolutely no give of a covert narcissist. The truth is simply whatever

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19:24

How to Set Boundaries with a Covert Narcissist

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/24

People often come to me and say, “I need to get better at setting boundaries.” Ok, what have you tried so far? I tried telling him/her - I don’t like it when you call me sweetie. I don’t like that name. What happened? He told me, “but it is because you are SO sweet to me and I can’t believe that you have a problem with me showing my gratitude. You know that really hurts.” So now I feel bad for asking him not to call me that. It isn’t that big of a deal. I should be more appreciative. Setting

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22:47

Episode 5 - How Do We Turn the Survival Skills Off?...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/22

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off? Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with

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18:51

Why is it so Hard to Set Boundaries with a Covert...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/17

Have you ever been around someone who believes the rules don’t apply to them? Of course you have or you wouldn’t be here listening to me. Do not trespass means they must walk here, even just a step or two. Do not touch means just a little, only one finger. Even stop signs mean don't stop all the way. This lack of honoring boundaries is absolutely a narcissistic trait. And if they won’t follow societal rules of wait in line or speed limits, what makes you think they will observe your boundaries? Why

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24:34

Episode 4 - The Survival Skills of a Covert...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/15

Have you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions? There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do

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21:17

Walking on Eggshells

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/10

I heard the phrase walking on eggshells, and I thought, “I’m sure glad that I’m not living that way.” This applied to other people. People who were not at liberty to say what they wanted to say. They had to guard their words. I’m so glad I don’t live like that. This was clearly people who were in manipulative and controlling relationships. I felt bad for them. They should probably get out. I wonder if I should help them. I’m glad I don’t deal with that. I mean I can say anything I want. I have that

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23:53

Episode 3 Tactical Responses to the Trauma of Abuse...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/07

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong? When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal! The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work

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20:39

Learning on the Appalachian Trail

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/12/03

Have you ever made a bucket list? Things you want to do in this world. You should! Why not? What would be on your bucket list? Not only are they fun, these adventures, big or small, give us so many opportunities to learn in life. A year and a half ago, I jumped out of an airplane. I never dreamed I would actually do this. My boys really wanted to, and they wanted me to join them. You want me to do what? Hey, this could be fun, this could be exciting, this could be terrifying. With excitement and

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23:53

Episode 2 - Internal Trauma Responses to Covert Abuse...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/30

Has your partner ever accused you of pulling away from the relationship? Of shutting down? Of being emotionally unavailable? Maybe you even feel that you are. Then you wonder if this is all your fault for not being engaged with them anymore. This is another example of reactive abuse or trauma response. My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not

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17:45

The Point of No Return

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/26

There is an invisible line, imaginary and yet very real, that once pushed past it, you simply cannot come back. No amount of effort will bring you back from this point of no return. Brinkmanship is the art of pursuing a dangerous policy to the limits of safety before stopping. The dangerous policy is mistreating others, dismissing them, invalidating them, blaming them, yelling at them, cheating on them. The limit of safety refers to how far can I push them before they leave me. A game that

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23:25

Episode 1 - Reactive Abuse: The Physical and Outward...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/23

Have you wondered about your own sanity in all of this? Have you reached the end of your limit and simply exploded. Now you are the one yelling and screaming at him? Am I the abusive one? Should they come take me away? Many victims have had these experiences and thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy! What you are experiencing is often called reactive abuse. Have you ever heard of this? Reactive abuse is the survival skills we build in an abusive relationship just to protect ourselves. We

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18:29

Narcissistic Relationships are Addictive Relationships

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/19

Narcissistic relationships are quite addictive for both individuals. But that addiction looks different for each of them. The victim of narcissistic abuse is addicted to the peaceful moments and love bombing. Love bombing is when they become whatever it is that you desire in the relationship. Your "perfect match." When these moments come, it is such a huge relief from the blaming, guilting, gaslighting, circular conversations and victim mentality. These moments of relief give the victim a massive

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25:13

How to Save Our Kids During a Traumatic Divorce with...

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/17

Psychologist Dr. Erica Ellis joins us in this episode. She brings wonderful expertise regarding high conflict divorce and how to protect the children. Dr. Ellis is not only a licensed psychologist, but also a best-selling author, and a leading expert on child centered divorce. After working with over 1,000 divorcing families, many of which were high-conflict, over the past 30 years, she has discovered the crucial steps that every parent must take to protect their children and create a healthy future

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15:37

The Power of Perception and Gaslighting

The Covert Narcissism Podcast ·

2023/11/12

What is gaslighting? When someone denies you the right to your own perception. Telling you that your perception is wrong. Working to convince you that their perception is hard fact. Ultimately causing you to doubt your own sense of reality and sense of self. The perfect victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. The smallest glimpse of doubt in you leaves you vulnerable. If you even hold a small piece of fear that what they are saying might be right, then you are hooked by their

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