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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

28:07

OOPS! All Listeners!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/08/13

Hi friends! There was an accident at the podcast factory, but instead of only mouth-cutting corn puffs, this podcast is entirely* listener produced! Special thanks to: Gabe Kleinart Julian Titus and the Nerds Without Pants podcast G Bailey Zombie Rogers Dr. Fine Say Everyone's Name Andrew Weyant Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History! Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out

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02:11:45

Persona 4 Part 8 - Square Roots Voreses Bowser

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/08/10

There's so much here. There's Lady Spawn. We find like five layers of Marie's secrets. We ask a gas station attendant if they gave us super powers. We get very confused about both the game's mythology and Japanese mythology. There's an endless epilogue. We consider playing Okami to try and figure things out. Jim's arm really hurts. This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for

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02:00:54

Persona 4 Part 7 - [REDACTED]'s 20 Page Post About...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/08/03

[REDACTED] is a really great person, we wish him well. In this episode of Square Roots, we get pretty close to the end of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Some highlights: figuring out the right sequence of dialogue choices to get through the game, how it's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, and Matthew turns out to be right about something. This Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to

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02:00:25

Persona 4 Part 6 - GIMME YOUR HEARTS!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/07/27

CW: transphobia Ooof, we hit a pretty rough part of a game we were otherwise loving. On this chunk of Persona 4 we go to the Amagi Inn, do a concert, have a cultural festival and then there's some real bad pageants. Also: secrets are discovered, villains revealed, and mysteries solved! This Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time

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01:49:33

Persona 4 Part 5 - The Spanking Episode

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/07/20

Remember, here at Square Roots judging is a spankable offense. On this episode we check out a derailed trans narrative, there's a whole beach episode, we learn about yelling at fireworks, TJ Miller, Johnny has an eggdaster, and of course Teddie: Problematic Queer Icon. This Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History

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01:47:44

Persona 4 Part 4 - Ask Me About My Hot Buttered Noodles

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/07/13

On this exciting episde of Square Roots: we conquer the Void Quest dungeon in Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Topics discussed include: finally meeting the H-est of the T-s, Teddy's human form, trying to articulate Rise's level of fame, and defeating what could literally be called an Angry Gamer Baby. This Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use

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02:25:16

Persona 4 Part 3 - Scam Some Chicks

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/07/06

Will Yosuke's Operation Up Close and Personal come to fruition? Is Hanako the secret best character in the game? Will Jim be able to show up after seeing this virtual strip club? Or will Big Chungus win this battle? We know one thing, at least: everyone is hungry in this enormous episode of Square Roots. This Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use

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01:55:11

Persona 4 Part 2 - The Boy With The Hat: Hat Boy

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/06/29

WHYYYYYYYYYYY? On this week's Square Roots: We delve further into Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 and get through Kanji Tatsumi's Rosy Steam Paradise. Also: we have several suggestions for a new US anthem, discover that Kanji is an odd person with some sort of complex, and fight a boss that can only be described as Skullorama-esque. This Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to

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02:27:46

Persona 4 Part 1 - A Roomba With Googly Eyes

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/06/22

Are you the Persona inside him? Who is the H-est of the T's? In this episode we explore Jim's Pee-Shyness, Johnny's Silent Hill bathroom dreams, argue best Persona 4 intro song, start our Nanako Wellness Checking, and talk about Deep Space Nine for what feels like an hour. This Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook:

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02:15:54

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 7 - Babe!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/06/15

We wrap up Final Fantasy X-2 and have thoughts. Many thoughts. First: Johnny forgets New Kids on the Block. Also: holes. So many holes. Even a math hole! Also: the Vegnagun. Will Tidus enjoy dating New Yuna? Which boy and girl band is which Final Fantasy X-2 character? Why did Johnny and Vanessa get weirdly different endings with Wakka, Lulu, Dona and Barthello? This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

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01:30:15

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 6 - Remember How We Made All...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/06/08

Johnny and Vanessa are the only two left powering through Final Fantasy X-2, but Matthew is here for his colour commentary and still can't get past Yojimbo! In this episode: Vanessa has a lot of feelings, Johnny is here for the Ann Rice-iness of the plot twists, and we get to learn more about the secrets of Baralai, Nooj and Gippal! This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real

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01:52:52

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 5 - Pretending To Be Character...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/06/01

I know that this podcast is usually a bit tangent-filled, but seriously, we have a hard time sticking to the plot of this mini-game and side-story packed episode. In this episode: Vanessa calls Johnny "P*nis-Having Johnny With A P*nis", Elijah Wood ASMR, Johnny's number one sexy single slow jam "Making People Is Free", the most erotic song from Annie, and we consider the morality of abusing the service Cameo. This Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3! Next Week: We finish Chapter 4! Our Patreon:

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01:45:19

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 4 - Spider-Man & Skeletor

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/05/25

In this sprawling episode of Square Roots, we have many revelations: She-Ra wasn't made to make Matt attractive, and he's angry about it! Also Seymour did everything because he thought it would be Good and Better, Yuna and friends have to make a fight, we play Pokémon Hot & Cold, and we establish Vampire Parent BEMDAS (or BEDMAS). This Week: We finish Chapter 2! Next Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome

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01:57:03

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 3 - Venga Boys Gun

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/05/18

There's a whole lot of side content, but we're real focused on the sacred Ronso site, Mount Gagazet. which Yuna and friends definitely would not defile. Also this week: we pick a side, Yuna puts on a less great concert, get interviewed on Shelinda TV, Vanessa becomes the only host, and so much more. This Week: We do the side content of Chapter 2! Next Week: We finish Chapter 2! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to

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02:10:22

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 2 - Adam & Stevenflow

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/05/11

Alright! We did it! We complete Chapter 1, and do a bunch of the side missions too. On this episode: we have a long discussion helping to normalize the moonflow and Marysville bathrooms, enjoy the odd coupling of characters, and then argue over the correct pronunciation of tourist for about five minutes. Oh yeah, we also gave away balloons and found some monkeys! This Week: We finish Chapter 1! Next Week: We finish the side missions in Chapter 2! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

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01:55:48

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 1 - I Was Here For Lulu

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/05/04

Okay, okay, so we played about 45 minutes of Final Fantasy X-2. And then talked about it for an hour and a half. In our defense 1: it's bonkers 2: they don't clearly establish how the planning and promotion of this concert was handled 3: we also watched the Eternal Calm interequel which was like eight minutes long. This Week: We finish... the Prologue... in Final Fantasy X-2! Next Week: We finish Chapter 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome

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02:02:31

Final Fantasy VII Part 10 - Prequel Confirmed

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/04/27

So much to talk about! We digest what the sudden ending of Final Fantasy VII means, shout SEPHIROTH a whole bunch, interpret the meaning of Lady and the Tiger, talk more about chocobo breeding, dismiss the concept of noses, and strongly consider headcanonning sequels out of existence. This Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?! Next Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy X-2! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and

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01:55:18

Final Fantasy VII Part 9 - We're the Drain Snakes

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/04/20

You know, going in and out, like a drain snake does. Also: all your favorite 90s jams, Matthew's Head Shop, it takes a busty woman to know a busty woman, Rufus's explodes, Reeve's Reeveal, Tifa and Cloud have sex, and a weapon walks very very slowly. This Week: We fight Hojo! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God! Check out Tetrimino on YouTube:

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02:13:42

Final Fantasy VII Part 8 - A Very Mac and Me Moment

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/04/13

Tifa pushes Cloud straight into the Lifestream in this exposition-packed episode! So much happens! A great train robbery! A submarine chase! A fight against a Mecha Godzilla! Locky Tugglebug! Felicity explodes with Cloverfield eggs! Johnny gets angry about Dante's Peak! Meat Dave! And of course Giant Fetal Position Cloud. This Week: We ride on a rocket! Next Week: We fight Hojo! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and

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01:58:20

Final Fantasy VII Part 7 - Filling Aeris's Dress With...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2020/04/06

THE THING HAPPENS. The thing! You know! SNOWBOARDING. Also? We try and figure out if Cloud is a 5 year old clone. About three hours of cut scenes. Sephiroth and Hojo tell you stuff that may or may not be true. Jim remembers a fish that possibly doesn't exist. The clown reunion. Don't worry, the Planet is monitoring the situation. This Week: We finish our first visit to THE CRATER. Next Week: We ride on a rocket! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their

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