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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

23:19

Xibalbaonyx, the Claw of the Mayan Underworld

Paleo Bites ·

2020/09/29

(image source: https://www.careerride.com/mchoice/fossil-remains-of-xibalbaonyx-oviceps-a-prehistoric-giant-sloth-found-30773.aspx) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Xibalbaonyx for our Paleo Bites X-Series, a ground sloth first uncovered from an underwater cave in Mexico, which is pretty neat. From the Late Pleistocene, this 11-foot megalonychid was part of a group of sloths that island hopped all the way to North America even before it collided with its ancestral South

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30:44

Xuanhanosaurus, the Xuanhan Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/09/22

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/xuanhanosaurus_01_698f.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Xuanhanosaurus for our Paleo Bites X-Series, a fierce predator from China that looks really cool when written out. From the Mid Jurassic period, this 16-foot metriacanthosaurid was briefly thought to be the only four-legged theropod in the fossil record, but that theory didn't last long because two-legged is way cooler and nature is all about being cool. Want

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21:33

Xiphactinus, the Sword Ray

Paleo Bites ·

2020/09/15

(image source: https://www.fossilera.com/pages/xiphactinus-terror-of-the-inland-seaway) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Xiphactinus for our Paleo Bites X-Series, a big and ugly fish that lived alongside mosasaurs. From the Late Cretaceous, this 21-foot predator is probably most famous for its "fish-within-a-fish" fossil, with a fish nearly half its size in its stomach. Not something I'd want to be known for, personally. I'm self-conscious enough about my diet as it is

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22:04

Xenosmilus, the Alien Knife

Paleo Bites ·

2020/09/08

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Xenosmilus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Franklin discuss Xenosmilus, the first in our X-Series on Paleo Bites where we rate creatures whose genus names begin with X. From the Late Pleistocene, this 6-foot saber-toothed cat prowled the jungles of southern USA with a pack of flying saucers at its back. Hey, it's called "alien knife," right? Give me this one. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive

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25:30

Amphicyon, the Ambiguous Dog

Paleo Bites ·

2020/09/01

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amphicyon) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Amphicyon, an ancestor of both bears and dogs but more dog than bear, hence the nickname "bear-dog." From the Miocene epoch, this 8-foot carnivore was probably a really good boy and would make an excellent pet. Just think of how big his doghouse would be! Who's a good boy? Yes, you are, Amphicyon! Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus

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17:09

Prototaxites, the Early Yew

Paleo Bites ·

2020/08/25

(image source: https://www.allisleaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Untitled-8.png) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Prototaxites, a funny-looking organism that formed forests before there were trees. From the Silurian period, this 26-foot-tall fungus was the subject of a great debate between two paleontologists trying to one-up each other about classifying it. You could almost say they were trying to see whose... Prototaxites was bigger? Yeah, that works. Want to

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26:49

Brachiosaurus, the Arm Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/08/18

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/papo_brachiosaurus_2012_cf3f.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Brachiosaurus, a really big longneck that wowed audiences in 1993 as much as that really big spaceship wowed audiences in 1977. From the Late Jurassic, this 70-foot sauropod browsed from the tall trees and may or may not have had a little trunk. Just a random hypothesis. Makes more sense than the crest of Parasaurolophus being a snorkel. Want to further

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21:24

Quetzalcoatlus, of the Aztec Serpent God

Paleo Bites ·

2020/08/04

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Quetzalcoatlus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O'Regan discuss Quetzalcoatlus, the pterosaur that stood as tall as a giraffe when on the ground, which is freaking insane. From the Late Cretaceous, this 44-foot-wingspan azhdarchid could have flown for tens of thousands of miles and picked up small dinosaurs with its beak. Seriously, everything about this thing seems too big to be real. It shouldn't exist. I'm putting my foot down,

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20:20

Stygimoloch, the River Demon of Styx

Paleo Bites ·

2020/07/28

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/stygimolochspinifer_bd81.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Stygimoloch, the totally valid genus that paleontology will not take away from us no matter what all those pesky facts say. From the Late Cretaceous, this 13-foot pachycephalosaurid had big spikes on its head that apparently shrunk as it grew up, which makes no sense; you got that, Jack Horner?! Hoo boy, I really need to let this go. Want to further support

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24:20

Castoroides, the Giant Beaver

Paleo Bites ·

2020/07/21

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Castoroides) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Castoroides, the largest beaver of all time and thus the biggest source of "dam" jokes. From the Pleistocene Epoch, this 6-foot beaver had bigger hind feet and a smaller paddle-tail than modern beavers and also might not have built dams, but if they did, they would've been the biggest damn dams you've ever seen! If you thought that was a bad joke, wait 'til you hear the actual

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18:25

Ninjadelphis, the Ninja Dolphin

Paleo Bites ·

2020/07/14

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arktocara)* Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Franklin discuss Ninjadelphis, a river dolphin that's high in the rankings of coolest genus names ever. From the Miocene epoch, this 7-foot cetacean is such an elusive master of stealth there's hardly any information available on it. This picture isn't even a Ninjadelphis, but it's close relative Arktocara! Our mission is clear, people: we're gonna put this creature on the map. Unless it tries

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29:23

Mosasaurus, the Meuse River Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/07/07

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Mosasaurus_b262.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Mosasaurus, the sea monster of yore that lurked at the edge of the map, so watch out, dinosaur sailors! From the Late Cretaceous, this 56-foot squamate was in the same order of reptiles as lizards and snakes, making it the closest real life version of a giant sea serpent. I wonder how Vikings would have fared against it? Poorly, very poorly I reckon. Want to further

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21:54

Titanoboa, the Titanic Boa

Paleo Bites ·

2020/06/30

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Titanoboa) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Titanoboa, the snake with a really uncreative name that weighed as much as a car. From the Paleocene epoch, this 42-foot constrictor just missed out on dinosaurs, so all that fan art you've seen of it crushing a T. rex or whatever was total nonsense. It's a cool image though, so who cares really? Oh yeah, paleontologists. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon

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27:17

Edmontosaurus, the Edmonton Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/06/23

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Edmontosaurus_BW_0c44.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Edmontosaurus, the prime cannon fodder for T. rex attacks everywhere. From the Late Cretaceous, this 40-foot hadrosaur roamed in great herds across North America and had a hell of a complicated naming history. Ever heard of Anatotitan, or Anatosaurus, or Trachodon? All this guy. Get it together, paleontologists. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our

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21:26

Silvacola, the Tiny Forest Dweller

Paleo Bites ·

2020/06/16

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Silvacola) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Franklin discuss Silvacola, the tiniest subject of the show so far, at least until we get around to discussing the first eukaryotic bacteria. From the Early Eocene, this 2-inch hedgehog lived in a great global rainforest and probably did absolutely nothing of note other than be cute. But that's all it needs! Just look at it, d'awww. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for

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24:50

Smilodon, the Saber Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2020/06/09

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/783556035155570299/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Smilodon, the famous saber-toothed tiger, except it wasn't a tiger, but then again a starfish isn't a fish either, so it's all just semantics. From the Pleistocene epoch, this 7-foot cat prowled the prairies of both North and South America as a participant of the Great American Interchange, which sounds either like some boring financial conglomerate or something far dirtier.

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21:15

Gigantspinosaurus, the Giant Spined Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/06/02

(image source: https://image.shutterstock.com/image-illustration/gigantspinosaurus-3d-illustration-260nw-434607592.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Gigantspinosaurus, a dinosaur that unfortunately isn't an even bigger Spinosaurus like its name might suggest. From the Late Jurassic, this 14-foot stegosaurid browsed peacefully in the forests of prehistoric China while trying very hard not to get themselves stuck between two trees. Seriously, how big do those shoulder

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27:59

Albertosaurus, the Alberta Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2020/05/26

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/300_lio_albertosaurus_df68.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Albertosaurus, the Canadian tyrannosaur with evidence of pack-hunting, which is pretty terrifying if you ask me. From the Late Cretaceous, this 32-foot theropod utterly demolishes the image of polite Canadian culture, unless those large, sharp teeth were meant for helping other dinosaurs open beer bottles. You can't rule it out! Want to further support the

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21:28

Dunkleosteus, the Bone of Dunkle

Paleo Bites ·

2020/05/19

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunkleosteus#/media/File:Dunkleosteus_terrelli_-_MUSE.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O'Regan discuss Dunkleosteus, the literally boneheaded fish that haunted the nightmares of early sharks. From the Late Devonian, this 26-foot placoderm not only preyed on anything it could get its plated teeth on, but also might have been an early example of giving live birth. So that's weird. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for

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