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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:27

Count Your Blessings

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/26

Unlike Count Dracula, Count Your Blessings is a good vampire. He's polite and loves children. Not in a "drink their blood" kind of way, either. But as in a pay for their education and sponsor softball teams kind of way. The smart ones, he sends to college to study engineering and technology. His castle is a hotbed of science and innovation. He doesn't drink the blood of any innocents. He only drinks the blood of the criminals we bring to him. Speeding is just a fine for a first-time offense. Here's

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1:44

Mel

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/25

Everyone knows that Mel Brooks hired Richard Pryor for Blazing Saddles, but the studio couldn't get the drug addicted Pryor insured, so Mel had to hire Cleavon Little to be the sheriff while Richard wrote the movie. But do you know that Mel wrote all the black jokes and Richard wrote all the Jewish jokes? Then, when asked, they took credit for each others writing. Because, you know, racism. And what better to write than a false narrative? Well, these days, you wouldn't know. Mel tends to take credit

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1:20

Doctor West

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/24

Every doctor at the West Clinic is named Eric West. Yes, that's very odd. Personal records were destroyed in the fire that destroyed the clinic. And the doctors' bodies were burned beyond recognition. No photos, no records in any medical school of having graduated an Eric West. The lone surviving patient describes Dr. West as tall, lean, pale, bald, glasses, and a cane. "All of them," he wheezed. "Every one of them." Nobody is sure what the clinic was for. Some say it was a lunatic asylum. For

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2:04

The price of meat

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/23

So, the pandemic made everyone stay at home. Except for essential workers, in hospitals and the police and all that. But also those dealing with food supplies. Still not everyone was safe. Meat processors and other suppliers were occasionally shut down when their workers tested positive. Same with fuel and trucking. This drove the price of meat up. To the point that plant-based meat substitutes were now cheaper than real meat. Despite the price and the health benefits, people still wanted

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1:45

Detention center

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/22

Here at the detention center, we pride ourselves on efficiency. It used to take a stack of paperwork to process a subject, but we've reduced the number of forms necessary, eliminating as much as possible through digital records. And we're testing a fully-automated process. No paperwork, all biometrics-based and handed by robots and conveyor belts. Officers drop the subjects off. They get scanned and fitted into a cart, moved through every step in the system until their ashes are dropped in a

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1:27

Mister Sandman

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/21

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. But not just any dream will do. The dreams you've been bringing me lately haven't been dreams at all. They've been nightmares. Really sick, awful nightmares. I'd like to have dreams, like when I was young. Also, I'd like for you to bring the dreams while I'm asleep. Not when I'm awake. That's not a dream. Or a nightmare. That's called a hallucination. Those make it hard to deal with things. Especially while I'm driving. So, to summarize: Bring me a dream. At night

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11:51

Weekly Challenge #965 – Classical Music

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/20

Lizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Throwaway, Flight, Once more with passion!, Blood pressure, Engine, Roast RICHARD - Mr Dobbs - I first encountered classical music in primary school. As we gathered together for morning assembly, Mr Dobbs - one of the teachers - would play something from his own collection to accompany us. The name of the piece, composer and date were always written on a flipchart on the stage, and I soon

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2:03

Dead in a closet

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/19

My grandfather ran a chain of drycleaning stores. One hour drycleaners in Cermak Plaza. He was known for keeping a monkey in a cage. "We don't monkey with your business?" a sign said. While the monkey whacked off. He took it for a walk, and it bit a woman. We ended up with the cage. And put a guinea pig in it. For a week. It crawled out through the food dish gate and cut its leg, bleeding to death in a closet. I remember screaming with tears, but the strange thing is, I don't remember it having a

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1:22

Disconnected number

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/18

The hospital was stuck with a dead old man in its morgue and a dementia-ridden widow. They left messages at the number on his file, and one day they got a text back with an address to send the body to. It turned out to be the local zoo's service entrance. "They preyed on me for years," an angry voice said. "Let the animals prey on him." The hospital said that was unethical. "So was he. Put an ad in the paper for necrophiliacs. Ten bucks a fuck. When you have enough, burn him." After that, the number

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11:43

Weekly Challenge #964 – Banana Split

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/13

LizzieRichard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Classical music RICHARD Rocky’s Years ago, whenever we had something to celebrate at work, whether a birthday, retirement or any other excuse we could concoct for having a bit of a get-together, there was one go-to place we'd always book for a night out. An 'American diner': a bit of a novelty before the days of ubiquitous burger chains. And it was awesome! From the plastic tablecloths, to the black

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2:26

Hurricane Samson

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/12

The cyclone hit around midnight. Winds. Lightning. Tornadoes. Floods and fires. A storm surge rolled across the city, smashing buildings and dragging debris out to sea. Thousands died, thousands more missing and presumed dead. Hospitals filled up, the bloody and broken spilled out in parking lots. Bodies laid out in plastic, survivors walking along the rows to identify the dead. Two couples, arguing over the smashed-up body of a child. Both claiming it as their own. Shouting and screaming. A nearby

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1:37

Edwin at the bar

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/11

They say that Edwin Block didn't write any of his stories, and that's true, to a degree. Edwin would sit at the bar and ramble for hours about things, and Martin the Barkeep wrote everything down he heard. He couldn't keep up, so he got a tape recorder, handing the tapes to his wife to transcribe. Martin got the stories published, and kept the money. "Edwin only drinks the good stuff, and that's not cheap." After Edwin died, Martin tried to groom other drunks to take his place, but it wasn't the

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1:40

Storyteller circuit

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/10

There are ten villages in the Storytellers' Circuit, one Storyteller for each. At the end of the year, they load up their wagons and head to the next village. That way, their stories don't become old, and they learn new tales from each village they visit. Usually, the Storytellers arrive within a few days. But if the Storyteller never arrives, or one dies during his residency, a contest is held in that village. And a new Storyteller is appointed. Their forehead branded with The Mark. And they tell

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1:54

Lonnie the author

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/09

Lonnie wrote books, and they were a modest success. The movies adapted from them were a bigger success than his books. Box office, awards… They paid well, but it bothered Lonnie that people preferred to watch others interpretations of his stories than his actual stories. So, he hired the writer who adapted his books for movies to polish up his next book. It sold well, as well as the others, but the movie ruled the box office for months, swept the Golden Globes and Oscars. Lonnie bought a bookstore

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2:27

Gymnasty

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/08

Gymnastics is a nasty, ugly sport. So many injuries, so many child molesters among the trainers and coaches. And yet, mothers allow their daughters to participate in this body and psyche wrecking sport. All for what? Trophies? Medals? Ribbons? A documentary or two, a book? I know Mary Lou Retton had a television show. For PBS. The black chick who quit at the Olympics scored a DoorDash commercial. And another girl is in a GEICO commercial. She jumps on the roof and grabs a frisbee for some dumbass

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1:51

They are not

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/07

I'm not close to my family. I don't even think of them as my family or family anymore. They're just people. So, every now and then, I get word somehow that something happens. A wedding. A baby. A hospital stay. A funeral. And then they ask "How are you?" out of habit. I just say "Fine." Nothing about the job or cats or my health or my writing. Sometimes, I'll get a Kickstarter invite to fundraise funeral expenses or something. 'Why should I pay for a show I won't get to see?" I write back. And close

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10:44

Weekly Challenge #963 – Finding

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/06

KingLestat71 (Dom Perignon)Lizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Banana split RICHARD Finding myself I quit my job, sold up, bought a backpack, then disappeared for six years. At the time, life was crap and - according to the self-help books I'd read - the key to finding direction in life was immersing oneself in other cultures, seeking meaning through self-discovery. Among other things, I picked tomatoes in Spain, stayed in a Japanese

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2:17

The Snowman

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/06

It has been a long time since I last made a snowman. Of course, people in tropics and deserts who have never made a snowman. Or seen snow. In Dubai, they're so rich, there's a park with snow machines and a ski slope. People pay to build snowmen and have snowball fights. One kid said that his snowman was the Prophet Mohammed. The crowd tore him apart for the blasphemy. The park was closed for an hour as a foreign labor crew gathered up the carnage and bloody snow. Then, the winter wonderland was open

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1:43

Electricity Provider

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/05

Every time I go to Walmart, some chick gets in my way and tries to sell me on a new phone plan or internet provider or electricity contract. "Who is your electricity provider?" she asks. "I make my own," I say and walk past her. "Solar?" "Pig shit," I say. "Just like Mad Max." "Does that midget get annoying with all the Embargo talk?" she responds. I stop. "Yeah. Can you fix that?" "Pay better than eight an hour?" "With medical, dental, and 401k." I had to throw in a chainmail dress and a crossbow,

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2:27

Bozhe

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/10/04

I'm used to the window screens falling to the patio. The kid that lives upstairs knocks those out all the time. When I hear running and stomping and yelling, I know a window screen is about to drop. But when a baby fell to the patio, that was odd. "Bozhe bozhe bozhe!" The mother came running down, I had a pen and paper and the phone set to translate from Russian. She had me call her husband. They ran off to the clinic. Baby's fine. For now. Because, who knows, right? Should I lay out pillows for the

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