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PODCAST

The Fifth Column

Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition. www.wethefifth.com

news & politics

All Episodes

122:49

370 "Going Commando, Occasionally Reliable Sources"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/08/27

* Zuck Talks w/ Rogan* Student Loan Forgiveness* Who Cares if It’s Democratic* WashPo: “It’s Regressive!”* The Redbox Test* Student Debt is immoral * Moynihan in an elevator w/ Harry Styles* Oh, my god, they fired Brian (You bastards!)* The Jim Jones of Journalism* NBC “News”* The Many Papers of Donald Trump* That NPR Voice* Ben Shapiro Goes to a Conference (Hilarity Ensues) This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit

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91:23

369 w/ Lara Bazelon and Hamish McKenzie (Live in...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/08/20

A few weeks ago, with Matt Welch bleeding out of his ears and supposedly forbidden from flying, Kmele and Moynihan hopped a plane to a post-apocalyptic hellscape called “San Francisco” to kibizt with their new benevolent overlords at Substack. Unlike the boring prigs at Patreon (whose “Trust and Safety” commissars never even returned our calls), Substack rather generously hosted the Fifth crew for drinks, drinks, some more drinks, and a live show at company HQ. In Matt’s stead, the lads called up

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112:05

368 w/ Eli Lake "Mar-a-lago Momentos and Nuclear Codes"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/08/13

Many urgent matters loom large in this dispatch.How did boxes full of TOP SECRET documents turn up a Trump’s Mar-a-lago compound?!Could be an honest mistake… Few moving labels get mixed up; nuclear secrets turn up in a Florida man’s safe. Maybe a box full of Melania’s bawdiest intimates gets serendipitously misdirected to the National Archives.Could America be so lucky?Could Trump be selling state secrets to the highest bidder?Could the “Deep State” be up to no good?Is there a clearance sale at the

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104:29

367 w/ Rep Peter Meijer "The Almost Exit Interview"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/08/04

It's among the most unusual and noteworthy congressional primary races of 2022. For a surprisingly long stretch, Michigan's third district has been home to a uniquely independent brand of republican congresspersons. But after Peter Meijer (R) narrowly lost his primary race this week, MI-3's respectability streak is no more.Congressman Meijer's party largely abandoned him. The former President still really hates him. And Democrats spent $435,000 to help boost his MAGA-loving opponent's sparse media

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46:17

366 w/ John McWhorter and Glenn Loury "Racial...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/07/24

w/ John McWhorter and Glenn Loury- No Moynihan, No Welch- Progress or Pesmissim- Campus Culture- Culture Warriors- Gaslighting + Reactionaries- DEI Obstacles- Overstatement and Bravery- Dignity + Individualism- Race as Ethnicity- All in Bounds- Pride, Honor, Shame- “Tolstoy is Mine. Dickens is Mine.”- Everything is permissible to meRecorded: 6/14/22Published: 7/24/22 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit

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144:02

365 w/ David French "People with Capacities, Roe...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/07/16

with David French contributing writer @ The Atlantic and senior editor @ The Dispatch.James GD WebbCleaning Your RoomPlaying to the CrowdThe Great CRT Ban KurfufflReconsidering that Roe decisionThe Capacity for PregnancyCorroboration, Prosecution, and RestraintTrump v DeSantisWorld Level ExpertsDarker Woods BeyondAnarchapulco This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wethefifth.substack.com/subscribe

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130:59

364 "Rejecting Boris, Reeducating Macy, Ridiculous...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/07/08

* Matt breaks an eardrum* Boris breaks British politics (Ed note: Boris renounced his American citizenship in 2017. We sort of regret the error)* Would Putin free LeBron?* Remember Macy Gray? Well, whoever she is, she’s very sorry* Tim Hardaway, self-proclaimed homophobe* The end of interventionism* Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe is shot* Andrew Schultz goes the way of Louis CK* 2022 Freedom Bowl: California v. Florida* Gavin Newsom: Slightly Better than Beto* Covid and culture wars: What will matter

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128:41

363 w/ Damon Root "Guns, Abortion, The End of All...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/06/25

“Tear it down. Start over again. We can make a brand new start.” - Blue Mafic * A Bad Omen* Judicial Superfluity* Beyond Roe* unenumerated, natural, ipse dixit * Carry Concealed* Conservative Excesss, Judicial Restraint* Europe is Always Better* “Sand in every damn gear…”* Antidemocratic AF* Release the TranscriptsRecorded: June 25th, 2022Published: June 26th, 2022 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit

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140:39

362 "Trump's Deranged, Bed Stuy Replacement Theory"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/06/17

* You Got a Friend* Restrictive Covenant* #MJInnocent* Beefin with TSA* Blockchain Nostradamus* A Very Bad Thing/The Worst Possible Thing* What Barr Knew* Clear and Present Danger* Google: maps of Capitol tunnels* The Blame Game* Can’t White a Book* Quietest Jazz Solo* Great Replacement Theory (But It’s Fine)* The Al Sharpton This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wethefifth.substack.com/subscribe

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126:19

361 w/ Ilya Shapiro "Free Speech, Free San Francisco,...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/06/08

* Kmele is flying* Dude has four parents. Not one isn’t a terrorist* The decline and fall of San Francisco, Part I * Fiona Dourif’s piece on how California fails the mentally ill* A sexy retweet* Ilya Shapiro quits Georgetown. He stops by to tell us why* Ilya apologized. Should he have?* He mentioned it, we’ll link to it: the paperback edition of Supreme Disorder * Shapiro: Cato abandoned me* Dave Weigel gets suspended because of his colleague and “close friend,” Sammy “the Bull” Sonmez,” rats him

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116:59

360 "Defamation, Pride, and Very Special Needs"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/06/04

* Imperfect Introduction* Queerest story ever told* The heart-pounding conclusion of Depp v Heard * Birdwatching for Karens* A firearms "clarification"* The other 99% (and the warmth of simple narratives)* Incitement for “journalists”* Half Junky / Half Wonk* The absurd hilarity of historical injustice* Believe All Jedi* Fixing CNN+ (“Toobin After Dark” Edition)* Star Wars is for racists* Chief Colt 45* Total Recall, Certain Guilt* You always need more gays* Professional crybabies* The Pride of

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81:43

359 - A Massacre in Texas, An Incident in the Bronx,...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/05/26

Another mass shooting, more performative outrage (note: and this was recorded right before Beto’s gross little stunt), and never any practical solutions. The lads discuss the massacre in Texas, a “racist” incident at Yankee Stadium, a terrible Marvel movie, and a proposed new female superhero. Oh and as Moynihan explains in his brief preamble, the Rodecaster Pro is a horrible piece of audio hardware that ate 28 minutes of this podcast…but if you’re an audio genius—and this might take a genius to

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101:19

358 - Live at the Comedy Cellar w/ Michael Rapaport...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/05/22

In celebration of the Fifth’s triumphant move to Substack, the lads decided to do a live show in New York City, with the two most New York City guys they could find. But that live show in New York City sold out immediately, provoking a flurry of angry and/or heartbroken emails. So how does one skip the queue for the next one? Well, tickets are released to subscribers first. And our subscribers are bored and like to get liquored in the middle of the week. You see what we’re getting at? Now, it’s

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118:29

357 - w/ Lara Bazelon “This Podcast is Violence”

The Fifth Column ·

2022/05/13

Another two-parter: the first half with our new favorite lefty Lara Bazelon, professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, journalist, feminist, novelist, controversialist. After Lara leaves, probably to free someone from prison, the lads take the second half of the show to catch up on the stupid and depressing news of the week.- Baaaa-zelon- Broken clock: Lara thinks Betsy DeVos had a point…- The lefty case for free speech and due process on campus- Lara’s Atlantic piece on how the

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78:57

356 - UNLOCKED - Things Fell Apart: A Conversation...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/05/10

We’re unlocking this subscriber-only podcast, recorded back in January, just to give you freeloaders a taste of what lurks behind the paywall. It’s not only those amazing bonus episodes, wherein the morons from The Fifth Column yammering and stammering through the most important issues facing civilization. But occasionally one-on-one interviews with some of the most interesting people on Earth. Like this one with the great Jon Ronson, host of the new podcast Things Fell Apart. So head over to

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111:04

355 "Ministry of Truth, Competence Inflation"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/05/01

- Mean Babies w/ Pink Eye- Tity Boi- Dangerous Misinformation- Show Tunes- Cinco de Mayo- Live From New York, Again- Apartheid Daydream- Combating Misinformation- The Sims 2- Anatomy of Tribal Hysteria- Everyone Starts to Say It- Its Own Reward- From Cuba to the Marshall Islands - Entangling AlliancesRecorded: April 29th, 2022Published: April 30th, 2022 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get

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117:45

354 w/ Sarah Hepola "Barack's Misinformation Warfare...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/04/24

Ulysses for kidzStop complaining. It's a secret.It's all over, folks. Barack solved misinformationThe Fairness Doctrine was dumb then. It's even dumber nowBTW, they're *all* liarsDefining misinformation (down)Sarah Hepola, author of the memoir Blackout and this great Atlantic pieceMoynihan v. Hepola on drinking She started drinking at 7??Wherein we demand Hepola credit the Fifth Column for saving her life or somethingOn self-censorship and gaslightingKmele's stirring defense of that fantastic beast,

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127:31

353 "Destroying Democracy, One Tweet At A Time"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/04/16

- A Very Bad Week- Best, Final- Like, Literally the Holocaust - F*ck You Money- Narrative Malfunction- Round the Water Cooler- How America Got Stupid- Going Solo- Automotive Analogy- Expanding Nato, Deploying Nukes- The Bully DecidesRecorded: April 14th, 2022Published: April 15th, 2022 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wethefifth.substack.com/subscribe

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114:40

352 "Buzz Lightyear's Gay Conversion Adventure Camp"

The Fifth Column ·

2022/04/08

- Take Em' To Church- Okay, Groomer- How "Lion King" Made Kmele Trans- Troll Culture- Mr. Cooper's Pronouns- Elon's New Gig- BLM House Flippin'- The Purpose Driven Journalist- Louie CK and The Larger Truth***- Mr Perfect- The Truth About Ukraine- Red Dawn x 1,000- Obamacare 2022- Covid Zero- That Time Welch Got Us Canceled- Howard Stern's Golden (Shower) AgeRecorded: April 6th, 2022Published: April 7th, 2022 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. This is a public episode. If

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130:35

351 "The Problem with Jon Stewart, Will Smith, OJ...

The Fifth Column ·

2022/04/02

Slappy White and the Hot TakesBirthdays Was the Worst Days: Six Years of the FifthHey Twitter World (The Ballad of OJ Simpson)Jon Stewart’s excruciatingly dumb show on raceA Ben Dreyfuss tweetstormAmerica: From James Madison to Madison CawthornSex party etiquette A seven hour gap, a laptop that keeps on giving, and an ex-prez who won't go awayOn this sacred anniversary, a very, very exciting announcement See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. This is a public episode. If you’d

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