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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:40

George in the lineup

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/02/04

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. If George were arrested for his crimes on the high seas, people wouldn't be able to pick him out of a lineup. "Number three," the sea captain says. "That's a circus clown," says the detective. "Try again." "Six?" "There isn't a number six." "Oh, wait... I know... number 201." "That's the room number on the door." Exasperated, the detective dismisses the lineup, and George is released. To go back to his ship, free to be a pirate once

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1:09

George’s wine collection

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/02/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. His shipmates drank rum and grog, while he maintained a wine cellar in a corner of the ship's hold. He kept it hidden from the others, stacking up a pile of old sails and crates. Every now and then, someone would spot George tossing an empty bottle over the rail into the sea. "Oh, sorry," he'd say, "that's the last one. If only you'd been around when I opened it." One day, they took heavy cannonfire, and George's precious wine collection was

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16:41

Weekly Challenge #980 – Teach

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/02/02

Lisa Tom Richard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is COMMENT NORVAL JOE Billbert wandered toward his English class wondering who the red-haired girl might be, and why she would be spying on him. He didn't think he'd ever seen her before, but she was clearly a student at the school. Behind him, someone said, "I should teach you a lesson." Billbert wondered who they might be talking to when another someone grabbed him by the shoulder, spun him

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1:02

George walks the dog

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/02/01

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. The only hostage he ever took was the family dog. And the truth was, he was taking it for a walk. When the kids asked if they could have a dog, they said they'd care for it and walk it, but they didn't. "If I have to take this thing for a walk one more time, I'm taking it to the pound," announced George. The next day, George took the dog for a walk... to the pound. Then he walked to the nearest pirate ship and joined the crew.

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2:05

George’s new career

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/31

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Or, at least that's what the other pirates said. When George took a serious look at his mistakes, he realized that only a few of them were genuinely his fault,. A large amount of the problems were, in fact, other pirates screwing up, but blaming George. This made George very frustrated. And very angry. But would anyone listen? Would anything change? He thought about the captain... the biggest screw-up of all. Probably not. George shrugged and

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14:42

Weekly Challenge #979 – Cork

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/26

RichardLizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Teach If I overlooked your story for this week, just send it to me with an admonishment and I will get it up on the feed in its own exclusive post. LIZZIE "I don't want to know what you do with those humans. All I know is that when you come back, you can hardly function. You keep yelling Die! Die! Die! and you want to have a plant-based diet for weeks. And there's no point in coming up with excuses. It was the

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1:33

George and the sea serpent

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/25

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He pointed at the map and said "Start with that sea serpent, catch that blowing cloud's winds, and visit that mermaid on top of the treasure chest." "George, those are visual embellishments," said the captain. "They're not real." The rest of the crew laughed at George, and he'd sulk off to his bunk. Late at night, George adjusted the ship's course to head straight for the sea serpent. When they arrived at the spot, there was no serpent. "Oh

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9:51

Weekly Challenge #978 – Postal Bomb

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/25

LisaRichard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Cork RICHARD --- Gone Postal --- It was effectively a postal bomb. When I opened the letter that dropped through my letter box that morning, I suppose you could say its contents caused me life-changing injuries. Everything I thought I knew and depended upon was blown to pieces in that moment, trust was destroyed and the shrapnel and fallout from that letter continues to cause me pain and

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1:44

George’s union

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/24

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. His job was on the line, so he did what any sensible uneducated manual laborer does in such a circumstance. "We should unionize," George told his shipmates. "We need better wages, working conditions, health care, and retirement benefits!" The crew discussed this, and then voted for a strike and threw down their cutlasses. Even the parrot was on strike, demanding higher-quality crackers. Eventually, the captain agreed. But the next time when

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1:29

George relief effort

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/23

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After a hurricane hit Port Royal, George asked his fellow pirates for donations to the relief effort. The pirates handed over extra clothes, food, and medicine to George. George dropped the supplies off at the local church. "Bless you, son!" grinned the preacher. The next day, George saw the preacher selling the previous day's supplies to a merchant. George drew his sword and killed the merchant and the priest. That's when the pirates raided the

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1:18

George goes wonky

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/22

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Somehow, he'd sailed the ship along the chocolate river in Willy Wonka's factory. "What the shit is this?" growled the captain. "Not shit," said George. "Chocolate." A wild-haired geek in a purple suit met them at the river's bank and raised his cane in greeting. The pirates shot him dead with their flintlock pistols. "WHAT THE FUCK?" yelled the captain. "CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!" A gang of orange midgets swarmed the ship, but the pirates

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1:19

George builds a team

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/21

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every week, he'd call a meeting of the crew and make them work on team-building exercises. The team-building exercises usually ended up as ways for the crew to torment George. They'd make him walk the plank, or they'd keel-haul him. Or they'd tar-and-feather him and make him cluck like a chicken. Oddly enough, these team-building exercises made the crew work better together, and they saw lots of productivity gains. Except for George. Who came

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1:14

George flushes

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/20

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was so awful, he got into a ship battle with the Ty-d-bowl Man and lost badly. All he had to do was flush, and he couldn't manage that. He got all flustered with which way to put the roll of toilet paper on the holder, and he took a broadsides amidships, going down quickly. When George got a new ship, he cleaned the head with a toilet brush manually. Somehow, he knocked a hole in the hull with the damned thing, and the new ship sank quickly,

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1:15

George vs The Minotaur

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/18

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He ran afoul of the navy of King Minos, and was tossed into The Labyrinth. "What's that horrible smell?" muttered George. The Minotaur, an evil human-bull hybrid, roared in George's face. "Ah, that's what that smell is," said George. "I think you could use a nice warm bath." George drew a bath for The Minotaur, setting out some scented candles and incense to set a relaxing mood. The Minotaur got in the tub, relaxed, and heaved a deep

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1:22

George the expert

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/17

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Malcolm Gladwell says that if you spend ten thousand hours doing something, you'll become an expert at it. George thought that by spending ten thousand hours being a pirate, he'd become an expert at being a pirate. But instead, by spending ten thousand hours of being a not very good pirate, he became an expert at being not a very good pirate. George hunted down Malcolm Gladwell and confronted him. Malcolm kicked George in the groin with an

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1:31

George and Columbus

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/16

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Instead of thinking only of treasure, he tried to show cultural sensitivity. When he stopped three ships heading Westward, he assuming the man was Spanish because he was sailing under the Spanish flag. "Scusi, my apologies," said George. "So, about that whole 'hand over your gold' thing..." When the captain said that he was seeking spices from India, George let him go. A few months later, the same captain was sailing eastward with just a few

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1:11

George the crash test dummy

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/15

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He tended to crash his ship a lot. Which is why the National Transportation and Safety Board hired George to crash-test ships. "You're the expert," said the government agents. "We asked everyone on the high seas, and you've come highly recommended." "Well, thank you," said George. George took the wheel of a ship that was loaded with all kinds of monitors and sensors, and he steered it towards the rocks... And completely missed the rocks, ramming

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1:23

George and his aching back

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/14

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He blamed chronic back pain for his problems, and he went from doctor to doctor seeking a cure for his debilitating ailment. He ended up paying out of pocket for going outside the pirate union's health network. He turned to new age healers for relief, but they didn't provide any solutions. So, he tried to numb the pain with alcohol and drugs, which only worked for a while. That's when he thought to stop stashing his cutlass into his bedroll as

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1:14

George and the Germans

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/13

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. So when German investors acquired the ship, George thought he'd be the first to get fired. Instead, the Germans got rid of everyone else and replaced them with robots. "We know what everybody else does," said the ship's new captain. "So, it was easy to replace them. But we can't figure out exactly what you do." The Germans followed George around for a few days, taking notes, until George fell overboard. The Germans fell overboard with him. And

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9:39

Weekly Challenge #977 – Clinic

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/12

LisaRichard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Postal Bomb TOM Hope Rises They called it the clinic. The oldest would quip it use-to-be a department store. It mattered little because the medical corporation that ran it was long gone. And nothing matching that level of business structure was present north of the golden gate. We were on our own. The handful of providers that were able to scale down to the bone and still provide had a near

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