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PODCAST

No Crying In Baseball

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you"ll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman"s best friend, and there"s no crying in baseball.

sports baseball

All Episodes

47:49

Where the F*ck is Toro?

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/03/10

Stop touching your face. It would be irresponsible not to discuss the intersection of the coronavirus and baseball, so we do. Games have not yet been affected, but some teams are requiring players at Spring Training to pre-sign baseballs and cards under controlled conditions in the clubhouse, to be distributed to fans, rather than sharing pens and passing objects back and forth. Clean club houses and chartered planes will protect young, healthy players, but good luck finding 6’ of space

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52:26

Minor League Matchmaking, Now With Bonus Chihuahuas

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/03/03

In one month, Michael Rivers matched up dozens of financially-struggling minor league ballplayers with individuals willing and able to commit to a seasons’ worth of care packages and gift cards, and he’s still going strong. In this episode, we talk with Michael about how “Adopt a MiLB Player” began and how fans of the game can help out until MLB fixes its labor policies. Our boyfriends this week include a couple of Baby Bombers, Gleybor Torres and Miguel Andújar of the Yankees. After a

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50:01

Eric Thames Arms

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/02/25

Tangents this week include Eric Thames’ arms, O. Henry, and Ironman’s math skills, which it turns out are better than Patti’s. Spring Training games have started yet there is still Astros scandal detritus to clean up, so much so that Rob Manfred doesn’t have time to tell Atlanta, “Stop using the Tomahawk Chop.” Twins boyfriends include Cheech and Chong cosplayers/contact hitters Luis Arraez and Willians “La Tortuga” Astudillo. Closer to home, Pottymouth hangs on to future MVP Juan Soto as

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30:18

BONUS: Coach Whitey

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/02/20

Andrew Whitener is the head strength and conditioning coach at DC Dynasty, and owner of District Performance. Coach Whitey talks with Patti and the Pottymouth about the best hour of his week, the time spent training a group of players from DC Girls Baseball. He works with the girls on specific baseball conditioning and gives them the tools for lifelong health and fitness. The girls give him a different perspective on what it means to be a baseball player.The conversation touches on the

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62:09

Premeditated Retaliation

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/02/18

Sorry not sorry = words of House MLB, followed by “Let’s just move on.” Did the Red Sox really do their due diligence around Alex Verdugo? Police reports indicate otherwise. But he just wants to move on. Astros owner Jim Crane apologized by stating he shouldn’t be held accountable. Just wants to move on. Former Astros apologize much better than current Astros, who can’t seem to stop talking, but just want to move on. Dusty Baker makes “premeditated retaliation” a thing.Thank the baseball

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42:13

Defense Against the Dark Arts

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/02/11

New information on the Astros cheating scandal implicates interns, Excel, and Harry Potter. Were the right people punished? Still not over, friends, still not over. At the time of recording, the Mookie Betts trade remained up in the air, leading us to agree with Justin Turner that journalists shoving decorum to the side to get a scoop can make a real mess of things. Speaking of messes, the Player’s Union and Joc Pederson got the shaft from MLB and the Arbitration Panel, who forced Pederson

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46:54

A Squirrel, a Polar Bear, the Beast and Superman walk...

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/02/04

We get way into the weeds around the Astros cheating scandal and cite a few studies trying to get at what players were doing what and when and can we ever know. Dusty Baker riding into town to clean up the Clubhouse Culture gives us hope. Pottymouth channels her inner Whitney to introduce her new Cleveland boyfriend, that “big happy chunk of ball destruction” Franmil Reyes. Patti starts her Oscar Mercado profile with a Christmas morning in Cartagena story, and ends it with a Superman catch

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41:19

Just Wait ‘Til Next Year, Omar

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/28

Pottymouth does math (!) to show how NCiB once and forever baseball boyfriend Omar Vizquel will get voted into the Hall of Fame *next* year. Maybe. New Mets manager Luis Rojas has an excellent pedigree and a deep history with the team. Patti and the Pottymouth pull out their Mom cred to jump on Scott Boras’ assertions that the Astros players don’t need to apologize, and Justin Turner wonders why Dallas Keuchel, who didn’t even hit, was the one who did. Rep. Bobby Rush says Congress as an

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51:43

A Little Bit Happy, A Little Bit WTF

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/21

Patti and the Pottymouth perform a public service by saving their Astros Cheating Scandal rant until the end of the show, so they can set you up with the happy first.Boyfriends this week come from the Rangers and the Cubs. Pottymouth leads the Texas talk with Joey “Pico de” Gallo, an actual joey, and some puppies, and Patti counters with Nick “Hockey kid” Solak, an enthusiastic mom, and a holiday proposal. Over at Wrigley, Pottymouth finds her catcher in bat-dropping Wilson Contreras, and

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46:11

Patti Breaks up with Anthony Rendon

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/14

Baseball players once again step up for disaster relief, this time for earthquakes in Puerto Rico, where ballparks are serving as shelters. Our favorite World Series first pitch, Chef Jose Andres, is feeding thousands through his World Central Kitchen, a good destination for your relief dollars or volunteer time, if you are so inclined.Patti explains Arbitration, and runs through NCIB boyfriends past and present heading down the file and trial road. Mookie and Cody set records for

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46:49

Wild Boars, WAR, and A*&hole of the Year Award

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/07

In the first episode of the new year, we bestow our very first A*&hole of the year award to Domingo Germán, who earned the league’s longest suspension for violation of the domestic abuse policy for a player not formally charged. The Yankees clean house in training and conditioning and make us wonder just how good the 103 game-winning team will be without a record number of player injuries. On a related note, wild boars have joined suitcases and drones on the list of causes of

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46:07

Growing Into His Man Muscles

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/31

This week’s baseball boyfriends represent the Seattle Mariners and Colorado Rockies and include an actual smackdown. Pottymouth’s BF Austin Nola will be competing with Patti’s BF, Evan “Beautiful Freak” White, for the Mariner’s starting 1B. Representing the Rockies, Pottymouth selects commercial star and self-proclaimed Momma’s Boy, Ryan McMahon, while Patti goes for former National and longtime good human Ian Desmond.Moving forward from the tragedy that was the death of Tyler Skaggs, MLB

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47:38

Boba Fett, Baseball Boyfrend

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/24

Patti marks the release of the latest Star Wars movie by spoiler-free naming Boba Fett, er, Bo Bichette, her Blue Jays boyfriend for 2020. Pottymouth is happy to find that even though we never stopped talking about Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. last season, he wasn’t an official boyfriend, until now. Over in San Diego, Pottymouth lays claim to Eric “Red Hot Chili Peppers” Hosmer, while Patti chooses Josh “Born with Skates on” Naylor. Let. The. Kids. Play.We realize we might actually like Gerrit

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43:23

Pottymouth and The Punisher

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/17

Pottymouth is all in for Aristides “The Punisher” Aquino as her new Reds boyfriend, so much so that her Dominican Winter League fandom is now divided. Patti also looks to the outfield and selects Nick Senzell, who had her at The Green Monster “makes you feel so tiny.” Over in Kansas City, Cuban-born Jorge Soler and his personal emoji capture Pottymouth’s attention, while Hunter Dozier and his backyard batting cage are Patti’s pick.Anthony Rendon is leaving is for the Angels where he can

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38:50

Pierogis vs. Presidents

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/10

In which we get the episode number right but say Padres when we mean Pirates and George when we mean Gregory. Welcome to the off-season.Patti provides helpful career advice to Pottymouth by comparing job postings for favorite mascots. We profile our new Orioles boyfriends, Pedro Severino and Anthony Santander, who we hear is very big in the UK. Just to stir things up, Pottymouth gives up her volatile Pirates boyfriends of the past to select Bryan Reynolds, complete with a fishing with Dad

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45:08

Manos de Seda

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/03

Before we kick off the Boyfriends of 2020, we dabble in boyfriends of long ago and just yesterday. Patti’s original baseball boyfriend, Omar “Manos de Seda” (hands of silk!) Vizquel, landed a new gig managing Mexico’s Toros de Tijuana, and our HOF campaign progresses in earnest. Pottymouth’s 2019 Orioles BF Jonathan Villar is waived outright by the Os, and instead of emotional support, she gets a vocabulary lesson on the non-tender deadline. Some friend.We cheat off the smart kids, er,

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38:52

Major Rant About the Minor Leagues

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/26

Patti and the Pottymouth go off on MLB’s plan to gut the minor leagues, saying things like “Capitalism,” “Sanders,” “Schumer,” and “veiled threats.” Sports isn’t just sports. It is economics, labor, community, family, and politics too.On a lighter note, we bestow the title of Honorary Boyfriend on Gerardo Parra, as he departs to play in Japan.Patti reminds us what this whole “Rule 5 Draft” is about and why you’ve been hearing about which prospects teams have been protecting by placing them

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43:24

Be Better Than This

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/19

We can’t avoid the Astros’ sign-stealing scandal, so we lean right in. Patti and the Pottymouth choose opposite sides of the Darvish/Yelich twitter feud, as well as just how deep Alex Cora and Carlos Beltran are enmeshed in the kerfuffle.How could the Giants think bringing on Gabe Kapler was a good idea? Was it his less than stellar record with the Phillies? Or his inappropriate attempts at covering up an assault scandal while with the Dodgers? Buster Posey knows what’s what.Pottymouth

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43:26

That’s Junior Pottymouth to You

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/12

Silver Sluggers are announced and NCiB Boyfriends Ozzie Albies, Ronald Acuna, Jr., and DJ LeMahieu collect their first awards, while Anthony Rendon takes home #2, and Mookie “Pookie” Betts, Christian Yelich, and Nelson Cruz are three-time winners. Once again we miss our chance to vote for the Platinum Glove winners, and once again Nolan Arenado and Matt Chapman are the winners. There must be something in the water, or the infield grass, at El Toro High School in Lake Forest, CA. Which is

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40:45

So Much Crying in Baseball

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/05

We note once or twice that the Washington Nationals won the World Series. The end of the postseason signals the start of the hot stove season so Patti offers a vocabulary lesson in exercising options. Pottymouth posits that Never Gonna be a Boyfriend Aroldis Chapman did not opt-out of his Yankees contract because there are no other places for abusive relievers.Scott Boras manages all of the top three Free Agents and has Ideas about shortening the season that sound downright

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