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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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All Episodes

1:17

George makes an app

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/11

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He looked for reassurance among his crewmates, but they would rag on him and make him feel worse. So, he turned to the Internet, and found it hard to connect with other pirates. Tha'st when he developed his own app: Shiver Me Tinders. All day long, pirates flicked through the profiles of other pirates and swiped left or right to vote on them. Then, some hackers raided the user database and stole credit card numbers and passwords. George was

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1:12

The singular George

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/10

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When Elon Musk uploaded George's consciousness to the Singularity, he became the virtual representation of a pirate. Elon hadn't bothered to render anything else, so the digital version of George floated around an empty landscape. "Hello!" shouted George. "Is this Heaven?" There was no response. After a while, he became bored, and then went stark raving mad. He slashed himself with his sword, but he was unable to cause himself injury. George

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1:05

George’s hugs

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/09

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every time he managed to do something right, he yelled "WHO WANTS A HUG?" Nobody wanted a hug from George. The last guy who got a hug from George, George forgot that he had a dagger in his hand, and he stabbed the guy in the back. George realized that nobody wanted a hug, so he stopped offering them. Instead, he would yell "YO, FIST BUMP, BRO!" And, once again, he forgot to take the dagger out of his hand. At least he paid for Lefty's new steel

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1:08

George and the football

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/08

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He remembered in the cartoons when Charlie would try to kick the football and Lucy would pull the football away at the last minute. So, he pondered a way to do this with pirates. "What if I make someone walk the plank, but just as they're about to walk the plank, I pull it away and they end up falling in the shark-infested water?" said George. "Then they're still in the shark-infested water anyway," said the captain, walking away. George went

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1:06

George at the movies

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/07

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He liked to go to the movies, but he hated when he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of a film. So, he'd try to go before the movie, but those Cokes always went through him quickly and he'd have to get up and go anyway. He'd try to get through the movie without a Coke, but he'd get thirsty, and get up to buy one. And then he'd have to go to the bathroom soon after. George gave up, and watched movies on home video.

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1:07

George goes to the carnival

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/06

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was really good at carnival midway games, though. Instead of practicing with his sword and flintlock pistol, he'd stack up milk bottles and knock them down with a baseball. Or he'd set up a ring toss game. Or that squirt gun with the clown heads and balloons thing, whatever the hell that was. When he went to the carnival, he always came back with a huge bag full of stuffed animals. They weren't as valuable as buried treasure or hostages, but

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12:35

Weekly Challenge #976 – It’s Me

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/05

Lisa Richard Lizzie Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Clinic LISA The Carer “It’s me!” I hear after a rattle of the key in my lock. It doesn’t tell me much does it? An endless troupe of people through my door. I wouldn’t mind if they were just here to chat but they feed me too and it seems like an invasion. They open my curtains when I want to sleep. Make me tea when I don’t feel thirsty. Bathe me when I’d rather not be naked in front of a

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1:41

George goes postal

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/04

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After several close calls, he gave up piracy and took a job aboard a cargo ship on the Atlantic. They carried Italian workers to America, and their mail home on the return trip. George looked through the envelopes. He couldn't read Italian, but the money that the workers sent home, well, what's one less dollar? When the Postal Service investigated, he'd pocket everything and sink the ship. Bad weather, they called it. Then he'd join another

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1:07

George and the black freighter

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/01/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When his ship exploded, George clung to the figurehead and washed ashore on an island. He built a raft, and gathered up dead crewmates' corpses to use for buoyancy. The tide pulled him out to sea, he caught seagulls to eat. For days, he floated, dehydrated and starving. The experience drove him mad. When George made it back to Port Royal, he went berserk and killed some people before feeling back to the ocean. The Navy caught him, and his

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8:04

Weekly Challenge #972 – Mister Right

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/08

LizzieRichard Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Gift Card LIZZIE Mr. Right lived in the lighthouse across the street. The place was hideous and no one ever visited it. Mr. Right was the typical know-it-all. When proven wrong, he'd blatantly lie. Everyone hated him, everyone except his neighbor who'd often ask to see the gallery because, as he said, "he enjoyed the fresh air". And he tried, he tried many times. Mr. Right knew the neighbor wanted the lighthouse

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1:01

Hanging laundry

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/07

After I finish laundry, I hang it. No, I don't hang it up. I literally hang it. I put all my laundry on a chair. Then, I tie a noose at the end of a rope, throw the other end over a tree branch, and tie it down. When a crowd gathers, I put the laundry in the noose and ask if it has any last words before I kick the chair out from under it. The laundry jerks around a bit at the end of the rope before it stops swinging. You shouldn't have rustled all those cattle, laundry.

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1:28

I am an imaginary friend

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/06

It's not easy being an imaginary friend. Especially to a kid they've pumped full of drugs. I feel a bit guilty, since it's my fault they're doing this to him. Seeing him out in the playground, talking to me. The teachers were concerned. The other parents at the school. After that, his parents. And finally the doctors. They tried therapy, then went to the pills. Sometimes, the pills work, because there's a jump in time for me. But I still come back. Maybe he'll talk to me. Try to hug me. And other

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0:59

Clean out the closet

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/05

I want to clean out the big closet. Got a lot of stuff I don't need in it. Trash bags full of papers that aren't important anymore. Boxes for things that probably won't need boxing up ever again. And the boxes are too big to let the cats play in. Or, I suppose, live in if I decide to quit my job and become a bum. I'm a little too old to make a play house out of them. It's strictly sofa cushions at my age. Get the hell away from my fort. Or I'll burn down your cardboard box.

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1:10

Mister Warmth

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/04

Back in the day, you had Sammy and Dean and Frank. And Debbie and Elvis and all the headliners. When they were done for the night, they went to see Don. And Don would rip into all of them, and they laughed and laughed and laughed. The manager would work the line, picking people out to fill front row seats. Then, he'd tell Don: I got a fat guy, an ugly woman, a skinny Japanese guy. "You got any Germans?" asked Don. The manager nodded, and Don picked up his microphone and walked to the stage. And the

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1:38

Tostitos

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/03

Tostitos ended their sponsorship of the Fiesta Bowl years ago. I guess they didn't want to be associated with exploiting amateur athletes working for millionaire head coaches or the serious injuries that the football industry produces. Good for them. Nobody with integrity wants to be associated with such an unethical branch of academic institutions as gladiatorial athletics are. Instead of the resulting concussions and CET and broken limbs that result from football, no matter what meaningless safety

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1:13

Rapture

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/02

The skies turned dark, the heavens rained fire, the oceans turned red, and a chorus of angelic voices spread over the world. "It's The Rapture!" said someone, and, knowing that only the devout would be taken up and saved, we all fell to our knees and prayed. All of the sudden, the chorus stopped. I looked around. Everyone was still there. Nobody was missing, no piles of empty clothes, no abandoned cars or anything. Of course, this meant we were all doomed to Hell for our sins. "What's new about

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11:45

Weekly Challenge #971 – Arrested

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/12/01

LisaLizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Mister Right LISA A New Lead “Come, look through the window. The curtains are pulled they won’t see you… just peep through the gap.” A portable TV. Black and White. The picture is fuzzy and keeps rolling. “Police in Wiltshire have today arrested a man in connection with the disappearance of Katy Creasy.” It’s so loud we hear it from outside. A school photo appears on the screen. “Come forward,

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1:26

My mother’s plant

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/30

After my dad died, my mother came to live with us.Under one condition: The room she was moving into had a plant. "You can stay as long as that plant's healthy," I said. So, my mother watered that plant every day. And it stayed green and the flowers were always in bloom. It was perfectly fine for five years. My mother was not. The dementia took a hold of her, and she ended up bedridden and confused. Until she died. When we were clearing out her things, I picked up the plastic plant. Maybe we'll bury

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1:31

Little Freddy

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/29

Out in the grocery store, I saw a toddler running around in a "Don't give up on your dreams" t-shirt. With a picture of Freddy Kruger on it. He was knocking down everything down the aisle. No parent in sight. The shirt, it didn't bother me. I mean, the kid can't see himself in a mirror. Doesn't know what Freddy Kruger is... I hope. And when he's older, he'll laugh at the baby photos. The kid turned the corner and went into produce. While the manager blamed me for the mess. "Check the tape," I

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1:38

No such thing as a free lunch

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/11/28

It's weird that I don't mind the free lunches for the few employees that actually go into the office. I've never had that benefit from this company, and never expected it from them. And they're good about allowing time for lunch and breaks. As for the old company, they prided themselves on the free lunches and lured people in with that benefit and would say it's a part of compensation package. And yet when the pandemic hit, and people worked from home, they'd attack anyone who'd whine about it. I

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