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PODCAST

No Crying In Baseball

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you"ll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman"s best friend, and there"s no crying in baseball.

sports baseball

All Episodes

51:43

A Little Bit Happy, A Little Bit WTF

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/21

Patti and the Pottymouth perform a public service by saving their Astros Cheating Scandal rant until the end of the show, so they can set you up with the happy first.Boyfriends this week come from the Rangers and the Cubs. Pottymouth leads the Texas talk with Joey “Pico de” Gallo, an actual joey, and some puppies, and Patti counters with Nick “Hockey kid” Solak, an enthusiastic mom, and a holiday proposal. Over at Wrigley, Pottymouth finds her catcher in bat-dropping Wilson Contreras, and

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46:11

Patti Breaks up with Anthony Rendon

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/14

Baseball players once again step up for disaster relief, this time for earthquakes in Puerto Rico, where ballparks are serving as shelters. Our favorite World Series first pitch, Chef Jose Andres, is feeding thousands through his World Central Kitchen, a good destination for your relief dollars or volunteer time, if you are so inclined.Patti explains Arbitration, and runs through NCIB boyfriends past and present heading down the file and trial road. Mookie and Cody set records for

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46:49

Wild Boars, WAR, and A*&hole of the Year Award

No Crying In Baseball ·

2020/01/07

In the first episode of the new year, we bestow our very first A*&hole of the year award to Domingo Germán, who earned the league’s longest suspension for violation of the domestic abuse policy for a player not formally charged. The Yankees clean house in training and conditioning and make us wonder just how good the 103 game-winning team will be without a record number of player injuries. On a related note, wild boars have joined suitcases and drones on the list of causes of

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46:07

Growing Into His Man Muscles

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/31

This week’s baseball boyfriends represent the Seattle Mariners and Colorado Rockies and include an actual smackdown. Pottymouth’s BF Austin Nola will be competing with Patti’s BF, Evan “Beautiful Freak” White, for the Mariner’s starting 1B. Representing the Rockies, Pottymouth selects commercial star and self-proclaimed Momma’s Boy, Ryan McMahon, while Patti goes for former National and longtime good human Ian Desmond.Moving forward from the tragedy that was the death of Tyler Skaggs, MLB

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47:38

Boba Fett, Baseball Boyfrend

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/24

Patti marks the release of the latest Star Wars movie by spoiler-free naming Boba Fett, er, Bo Bichette, her Blue Jays boyfriend for 2020. Pottymouth is happy to find that even though we never stopped talking about Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. last season, he wasn’t an official boyfriend, until now. Over in San Diego, Pottymouth lays claim to Eric “Red Hot Chili Peppers” Hosmer, while Patti chooses Josh “Born with Skates on” Naylor. Let. The. Kids. Play.We realize we might actually like Gerrit

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43:23

Pottymouth and The Punisher

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/17

Pottymouth is all in for Aristides “The Punisher” Aquino as her new Reds boyfriend, so much so that her Dominican Winter League fandom is now divided. Patti also looks to the outfield and selects Nick Senzell, who had her at The Green Monster “makes you feel so tiny.” Over in Kansas City, Cuban-born Jorge Soler and his personal emoji capture Pottymouth’s attention, while Hunter Dozier and his backyard batting cage are Patti’s pick.Anthony Rendon is leaving is for the Angels where he can

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38:50

Pierogis vs. Presidents

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/10

In which we get the episode number right but say Padres when we mean Pirates and George when we mean Gregory. Welcome to the off-season.Patti provides helpful career advice to Pottymouth by comparing job postings for favorite mascots. We profile our new Orioles boyfriends, Pedro Severino and Anthony Santander, who we hear is very big in the UK. Just to stir things up, Pottymouth gives up her volatile Pirates boyfriends of the past to select Bryan Reynolds, complete with a fishing with Dad

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45:08

Manos de Seda

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/12/03

Before we kick off the Boyfriends of 2020, we dabble in boyfriends of long ago and just yesterday. Patti’s original baseball boyfriend, Omar “Manos de Seda” (hands of silk!) Vizquel, landed a new gig managing Mexico’s Toros de Tijuana, and our HOF campaign progresses in earnest. Pottymouth’s 2019 Orioles BF Jonathan Villar is waived outright by the Os, and instead of emotional support, she gets a vocabulary lesson on the non-tender deadline. Some friend.We cheat off the smart kids, er,

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38:52

Major Rant About the Minor Leagues

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/26

Patti and the Pottymouth go off on MLB’s plan to gut the minor leagues, saying things like “Capitalism,” “Sanders,” “Schumer,” and “veiled threats.” Sports isn’t just sports. It is economics, labor, community, family, and politics too.On a lighter note, we bestow the title of Honorary Boyfriend on Gerardo Parra, as he departs to play in Japan.Patti reminds us what this whole “Rule 5 Draft” is about and why you’ve been hearing about which prospects teams have been protecting by placing them

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43:24

Be Better Than This

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/19

We can’t avoid the Astros’ sign-stealing scandal, so we lean right in. Patti and the Pottymouth choose opposite sides of the Darvish/Yelich twitter feud, as well as just how deep Alex Cora and Carlos Beltran are enmeshed in the kerfuffle.How could the Giants think bringing on Gabe Kapler was a good idea? Was it his less than stellar record with the Phillies? Or his inappropriate attempts at covering up an assault scandal while with the Dodgers? Buster Posey knows what’s what.Pottymouth

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43:26

That’s Junior Pottymouth to You

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/12

Silver Sluggers are announced and NCiB Boyfriends Ozzie Albies, Ronald Acuna, Jr., and DJ LeMahieu collect their first awards, while Anthony Rendon takes home #2, and Mookie “Pookie” Betts, Christian Yelich, and Nelson Cruz are three-time winners. Once again we miss our chance to vote for the Platinum Glove winners, and once again Nolan Arenado and Matt Chapman are the winners. There must be something in the water, or the infield grass, at El Toro High School in Lake Forest, CA. Which is

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40:45

So Much Crying in Baseball

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/11/05

We note once or twice that the Washington Nationals won the World Series. The end of the postseason signals the start of the hot stove season so Patti offers a vocabulary lesson in exercising options. Pottymouth posits that Never Gonna be a Boyfriend Aroldis Chapman did not opt-out of his Yankees contract because there are no other places for abusive relievers.Scott Boras manages all of the top three Free Agents and has Ideas about shortening the season that sound downright

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33:57

A Capella Means No Shirt, Right?

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/10/29

The “Calma” in the Nationals clubhouse is so much more delightful than the toxic culture over at the Astros. And that’s not just two Nats fans talking, The Assistant GM of the Astros has been fired, and MLB is investigating belligerence, inappropriate behavior, and outright lies perpetrated by the Astros organization. Never should have brought that Osuna guy on to begin with. And don’t try to fake the news in a room full of journalists. We rant.Jose Andres, chef, humanitarian, and

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44:34

Dead Balls, Baby Sharks, and the Elusive Shotski

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/10/22

In an unexpected role reversal, Pottymouth steers us away from shotskis and towards responsible behavior and making amends. Patti, meanwhile, says “balls” too much, and narrowly avoids a shotski situation at a college hockey game.Our postseason boyfriends past and present play some sexy defense (Michael Brantley), and hit some key homeruns (DJ LeMahieu and Jose Altuve). Brantley also hits a scary foul into the dugout, sending a paramedic to the hospital, because dugouts do not, and never

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29:46

We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Bandwagon

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/10/15

Part-way through the AL and NL championship rounds, we welcome bandwagon fans. Come on board, we’ll make room for everyone and don’t let anyone tell you you don’t belong. It’s our job to try to keep you, not disregard you for not being born into a baseball-loving family. Besides, bandwagon fans are the most fun to explain superstitions and rituals to. Same seats! No he CANNOT shave that terrible beard. Yes, I wore that shirt last time too.We thank Dodgers’s fans for their disregard of our

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39:48

That F*%#ing Chop

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/10/08

Haven’t had a rant like this for a while. Pottymouth goes off on that fucking Tomahawk Chop, which got personal for Cardinal’s pitcher Ryan Helsey, but if that is what it took for you to see the problem, what the heck is wrong with you? You cannot simultaneously give your fans foam tomahawks and say you are taking steps to eliminate the chop. Side note, Patti swears for real.Everybody was mad at Ronald Acuna Jr. for not one but two instances of admiring a home run and what turned out not

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35:46

We Say “Groin” Way Too Much

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/10/01

In the calm between the regular season and the start of the postseason, we review, regroup, revile, and rejoice. Yadier Molina gives us the last bench-clearing conversation of the season. Our baseball boyfriends past and present clean up with the batting titles. Tim Anderson, Anthony Rendon, Mookie “Pookie” Betts, and future BF Pete Alonzo do us proud. Patti reveals that catcher Tony Wolters has been her secret Rockies BF since July, and played an end of season spoiler. Pottymouth’s

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34:26

Chasing History with Pete, Ronald, and Nick

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/09/24

With one week left in the season, is there enough time for Pete Alonso to break the record for home runs by a rookie? Can Ronald Acuña, Jr. steal those last three bases to join the coveted 40-40 club? Will Nick Castellanos hit those last two doubles for a season high of 60, not seen since 1936? Add that to the two Central division champions and all the wildcards to be decided and it’s a heck of a week for baseball fans.Eugenio Suarez breaks the record for homeruns by a Venezuelan player in

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33:59

Holy Crap, it’s the 100th Episode!

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/09/17

So many guys are out for the rest of the season. Some from random and heartbreaking injury, and some from preventable mayhem. We mourn the loss of Christian Yelich and ponder the opportunity that Shohei Ohtani’s knee surgery provides to improve his command of Spanish language cursing. We give a hearty WTaF to Kyle Crick’s “I punched my own teammate over music choices” injury and Michael Pineda’s “over-the-counter weight loss pills seemed like a good idea at the time” suspension. The

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33:40

Wilson Ramos stole that base fair and square.

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/09/10

After 3364 plate appearances, Wilson Ramos finally stole a base. Ronald Acuña Jr. stole the very same base to join the 30-30 club. Who gets the base? It’s a boyfriend smackdown.Ketel Marte's slams earns player of the week and proves Pottymouth right. Matt Olson earns some boyfriend love from Patti, even though she’d prefer his Oakland team would please lose just enough for Cleveland to cement that wildcard spot.Aaron Barrett reminds us that it’s hard not to be romantic about baseball.

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