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PODCAST

No Crying In Baseball

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you"ll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman"s best friend, and there"s no crying in baseball.

sports baseball

All Episodes

33:08

“If Trevor Rosenthal Pitches to Chris Davis” is So...

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/04/16

Trevor Rosenthal records three outs and Chris Davis has a three hit game, and all the best memes are over. It turns out that Ozzie Albies’ team-friendly extension is not just about his choices, but the ripple effect changes how other players are valued. Patti and Pottymouth have a friendly homerun smackdown over their picks for National League RoY, Pete Alonzo and Fernado Tatis, Jr, respectively. Pottymouth provides a rundown on the Trailblazer Series, where MLB is actively encouraging

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40:03

Puig Fuels the Fracas

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/04/09

Patti comes This Close to swearing like a sailor when Trump calls off MLB’s agreement with Cuba. Boyfriend Ronald Acuña, Jr. signs a deal for life-changing money, Christian Yelich becomes a spokesmodel for good in the world, and David Price wants to see Mookie Betts’ face everywhere. This week’s baseball math takes us to infinity and beyond with Trevor Rosenthal’s impossible ERA. Yasiel Puig clears the benches, fuels the fracas, and re-ups the ruckus. Not sure when it is permissible to boo

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33:37

Pottymouth Keeps it PG-13

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/04/02

Pottymouth has the power to break up no-hitters while eating pizza, but Patti can’t get out of walk-up music hell. Christian Yelich just keeps hitting home runs, Yandy Diaz doesn’t need no stinkin’ launch angle, and catcher Russell Martin pitches a 1-2-3 inning for the Dodgers. Did Patti put him in the wrong category in the Fantasy Boyfriend League? Your hosts offer their playoff and award predictions. Surprising no one, Pottymouth says “Red Sox” a lot, but not as much as Patti says “math”

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33:19

How many Margaritas can I get for this Chihuahua?

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/03/26

Patti cross-trains for Opening Day by rocking her March Madness bracket. Pottymouth warms up with early morning baseball in Japan (thanks for everything, Ichiro). Fernando Tatis Jr is Johnny Hustle, but he doesn’t make the Opening Day roster. Matt Olsen was set to be Patti’s starting 1B, until he had hamate surgery. Yes, that’s a real thing. We’re all about fun facts and contract extensions this week, for superstar Mike Trout, for on-the-verge-of greatness Alex Bregman, and for Eloy “hasn’t

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37:38

MLB Makes Teams Hock Up Their Loogies

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/03/19

Pottymouth is in Ted Williams heaven and Patti wallows at the top of the Misery Index as we kick off the St. Patti’s Day show. The Blue Jays make some excellent promises around minor league pay. Astros manager AJ Hinch wins the dubious honor of the first premature ejection of the (pre)season, Bryce Harper makes news by falling down and getting back up, and both Adam Jones and Carlos Gonzalez land safe and sound. We share our starting lineups for our Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League and

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32:33

We Say “A-Rod” and “Mets” Way Too Many Times

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/03/12

Daylight Savings Time and breakfast beer render us incapable of avoiding Alex Rodriquez’s engagement to Jennifer Lopez. We send our best to Tom Seaver of the Miracle Mets. Omnivore Patti explains to vegetarian Pottymouth why it is totally reasonable for Joe Kelly to suffer back problems after staffing a five-hour crawfish boil. We raise our breakfast beer to our girl, Jessica Mendoza, on her new gig with the Mets. Pottymouth claims the Cardinals pitching squad for her Fantasy team, with

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42:43

Patti Wears her Bryce Harper Shirt for the Last Time

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/03/05

We get past the feels to discuss the bigger picture of Bryce Harper’s record-setting agreement with the Phillies. Nolan Arenado also breaks contract records this week with his 8-year extension with the Rockies. What do these deals mean for other superstars? Ronald Guzman adopts a condor and starts a trend. Pottymouth uses her “keep one boyfriend” card on Mookie “Pookie” Betts, and Patti owes her a Jackie Wilson tutorial after selecting Jackie Bradley Jr. for her Red Sox boyfriend. There was

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40:23

#71 - Spring Training for the Pitch Clock Guy

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/02/26

Patti and the Pottymouth bask in the glow of watching our boys in the first spring training games. The dying embers of the hot stove bring us a Machado Free Agency object lesson, and a soft landing for Mike Moustakas. Predictably, Patti chooses Dr. Smooth, Michael Brantley, as her Astros boyfriend, while Pottymouth goes for young superstar Carlos Correa, of the World Series marriage proposal. Pottymouth makes Patti’s head spin by how fast she changes sides on the “stupid loser” twitterspat

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44:23

#70 - Pottymouth Just Keeps Apologizing

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/02/19

In just one episode, Pottymouth apologizes to Carlos Asuaje, C.C. Sabathia, and Francisco Cervelli, and says “interpretive dance” and “papiamentu” while Patti condones inspirational quotes and uses “Cutie Pie” in a sports context. Hell has indeed frozen over. Max Scherzer, Jake Arietta, and Christian Yelich call foul on the free agency season. Yankee Boyfriends are not an easy sell to NCiB, so Pottymouth selected a Curaçaoan with a kickass mom, Didi Gregorious, and Patti chose barely even a

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46:26

#69 - Patti Wants to Pick a Fight

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/02/12

Frank Robinson was a hero to your NCiB hosts, for Cleveland, for Baltimore, for Washington, and for Puerto Rico. RIP, Frank. MLB makes an excellent wording change. Pottymouth won’t let Patti pick a DH fight, yet. Maybe next week. Pottymouth continues building a Curaçaoan-heavy boyfriend team with her pick of A’s shortstop Jurickson Profar. Patti counters with Oakland’s breakout home run king Matt Olsen. Farther South in Dodgerland, Pottymouth shows generous Ginger Beard Justin Turner some

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45:10

#68 - You Had Me at Baby Dahl

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/02/05

Patti and the Pottymouth enjoy a civilized baseball conversation just hours before the football screaming begins.Nolan Arenado’s one year deal at the arbitration deadline sets a new record, and talks of a contract extension may save him from free agency drama.Our hometown Nationals get props for stellar execution of the offseason, no matter what Harper decides, while many teams just don’t seem to care. Pottymouth puts the Red Sox on notice that even diehard fans like her have their limits

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37:01

#67 - Butts and Biceps

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/29

A.J. Pollock signs before those other guys. The Tampa Bay Rays tell their shrinking fan base that their cash is not welcome at Tropicana Field. The Red Sox kick their White House visit further down the road. “Utility player” doesn’t mean what it used to mean, in the new world order of the shift, no ground balls, and a big fat bullpen. In a surprising turn of events, Pottymouth picks a nice guy, Daniel Robertson, and Patti goes for Cuban defector and “most jacked player in baseball” Yandy

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37:34

#66 - Babe Ruth, Deion Sanders, Thor and Loki

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/22

In her continuing quest to encourage the watching of winter baseball, Pottymouth teaches Patti Spanish baseball words. Adam Ottavino throws shade at Babe Ruth. Will Kyler Murray listen to Deion Sanders? The hot stove has cooled so much we pay attention to a “stupid loser” spat. We forget one or two of the five tools, but Pottymouth’s Mariner’s boyfriend, Mitch Haniger, has six. Patti did not pick J.P. Crawford just because he named his dogs after Marvel superheroes, but she could have

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34:40

#65 - Pottymouth finds a Dream Job

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/15

Pottymouth’s Twittertale finally makes Patti stop defending Trevor Bauer. Yasmani Grandal puts a spark to the hot stove, and Kyler Murray brings back memories of Bo Jackson and Dieon Sanders. We both abandon our initial inclination to bend the rules for Shohei Ohtani and instead select Andrelton Simmons and Justin Upton as Angels boyfriends. Pottymouth gets to flaunt her Curaçao chops and Patti gets to say “I love Omar” and “hockey” in the same segment. Pottymouth’s pick of Juan Soto for

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33:59

#64 - Redemption

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/08

Today’s vocabulary word is “cazatalentos” as MLB scouts visit the Cuba finals for the first time. Nearly 200 free agents are waiting for Harper and Machado to get on with it already so they can have a turn. Both our Twins boyfriends have been suspended for drug use, PED or otherwise. Kinda Pottymouth’s wheelhouse, but Patti? Come, on! Eddie Rosario wins Pottymouth over with hurricane relief and visiting his teachers in Puerto Rico. Nelson Cruz hits the Patti trifecta with Boomsticks,

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38:11

#63 - We Warned You, Sabathia

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/01

CC Sabathia gets that unearned bonus and almost has a heart attack. We were THIS CLOSE in our predictions. We can’t completely shake our Dominican infielder boyfriend rut, but we add the Dad factor. For the Rangers, Pottymouth selects Yankee-killer Ronald Guzman, and Patti goes with super nice dude Scott Heineman. Closer to home, Pottymouth gets Phillies catcher Jorge Alfaro for real this time, and Patti takes newly-acquired All-Star Jean Segura, forcing her to say nice things about

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44:26

#62 - You Throw Like a Girl

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/18

Patti and Pottymouth find a soulmate in Cami Kidder, director and producer of the upcoming documentary, “Throw Like a Girl.” Any story that starts in Red Sox fantasy camp and moves on to 11-year-old girls taking on the baseball patriarchy is okay by us. Before the interview, Patti defends Wyoming, for the first time ever, and later fesses up that Wyoming native Brandon Nimmo, that Smile Guy, is her Mets boyfriend. Luke Maile replaces Benny as her BF from the Greater Cincinnati area that

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33:48

#61 - Pottymouth is a Red Sox Magnet

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/11

Are the Diamondbacks and Mariners already tanking on purpose? Why else would Paul Goldschmidt get shipped off to St. Louis? The Nationals say thanks for Patrick Corbin, BTW. Jean Segura’s trip to the Phillies nails the Seattle coffin shut. It’s too early for this nonsense. The word of the day is “waivers.” Pottymouth turns down Brandon Dixon for the second straight week, picking Christin Gaylin Harris Stewart as her Tigers BF. She then replaces Brandon Crawford with Brandon Belt on her

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38:21

#60 - Love Me (non) Tender

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/04

Patti and the Pottymouth acknowledge the passing of former Yale Baseball Captain George Herbert Walker Bush, who earns major cred for keeping his college glove oiled and ready in a desk drawer in the Oval Office. The Mets make a monster trade for Robinson Cano, leading us to wonder about Brodie Van Wagenen’s reach. Jonathan Schoop, Billy Hamilton, and others get “non-tendered” which is one weird verb. Pottymouth activates “text-a-friend” to identify White Sox boyfriend and nonstop noise

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31:58

#59 - Fly Like An Eagle

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/11/27

Big Sexy Bartolo Colon is pitching with the Eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really we’re just waiting for him to come back from the Dominican League. Adrian Beltre achieves Boyfriend Emeritus status and we still aren’t allowed to touch his head. Jose Bautista’s bat flip inspires an entomologist and today’s baseball science segment. Big Maple James Paxton is pitching with the eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really it’s about the Yankees and wildlife. Pottymouth

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