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PODCAST

No Crying In Baseball

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you"ll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman"s best friend, and there"s no crying in baseball.

sports baseball

All Episodes

37:34

#66 - Babe Ruth, Deion Sanders, Thor and Loki

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/22

In her continuing quest to encourage the watching of winter baseball, Pottymouth teaches Patti Spanish baseball words. Adam Ottavino throws shade at Babe Ruth. Will Kyler Murray listen to Deion Sanders? The hot stove has cooled so much we pay attention to a “stupid loser” spat. We forget one or two of the five tools, but Pottymouth’s Mariner’s boyfriend, Mitch Haniger, has six. Patti did not pick J.P. Crawford just because he named his dogs after Marvel superheroes, but she could have

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34:40

#65 - Pottymouth finds a Dream Job

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/15

Pottymouth’s Twittertale finally makes Patti stop defending Trevor Bauer. Yasmani Grandal puts a spark to the hot stove, and Kyler Murray brings back memories of Bo Jackson and Dieon Sanders. We both abandon our initial inclination to bend the rules for Shohei Ohtani and instead select Andrelton Simmons and Justin Upton as Angels boyfriends. Pottymouth gets to flaunt her Curaçao chops and Patti gets to say “I love Omar” and “hockey” in the same segment. Pottymouth’s pick of Juan Soto for

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33:59

#64 - Redemption

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/08

Today’s vocabulary word is “cazatalentos” as MLB scouts visit the Cuba finals for the first time. Nearly 200 free agents are waiting for Harper and Machado to get on with it already so they can have a turn. Both our Twins boyfriends have been suspended for drug use, PED or otherwise. Kinda Pottymouth’s wheelhouse, but Patti? Come, on! Eddie Rosario wins Pottymouth over with hurricane relief and visiting his teachers in Puerto Rico. Nelson Cruz hits the Patti trifecta with Boomsticks,

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38:11

#63 - We Warned You, Sabathia

No Crying In Baseball ·

2019/01/01

CC Sabathia gets that unearned bonus and almost has a heart attack. We were THIS CLOSE in our predictions. We can’t completely shake our Dominican infielder boyfriend rut, but we add the Dad factor. For the Rangers, Pottymouth selects Yankee-killer Ronald Guzman, and Patti goes with super nice dude Scott Heineman. Closer to home, Pottymouth gets Phillies catcher Jorge Alfaro for real this time, and Patti takes newly-acquired All-Star Jean Segura, forcing her to say nice things about

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44:26

#62 - You Throw Like a Girl

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/18

Patti and Pottymouth find a soulmate in Cami Kidder, director and producer of the upcoming documentary, “Throw Like a Girl.” Any story that starts in Red Sox fantasy camp and moves on to 11-year-old girls taking on the baseball patriarchy is okay by us. Before the interview, Patti defends Wyoming, for the first time ever, and later fesses up that Wyoming native Brandon Nimmo, that Smile Guy, is her Mets boyfriend. Luke Maile replaces Benny as her BF from the Greater Cincinnati area that

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33:48

#61 - Pottymouth is a Red Sox Magnet

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/11

Are the Diamondbacks and Mariners already tanking on purpose? Why else would Paul Goldschmidt get shipped off to St. Louis? The Nationals say thanks for Patrick Corbin, BTW. Jean Segura’s trip to the Phillies nails the Seattle coffin shut. It’s too early for this nonsense. The word of the day is “waivers.” Pottymouth turns down Brandon Dixon for the second straight week, picking Christin Gaylin Harris Stewart as her Tigers BF. She then replaces Brandon Crawford with Brandon Belt on her

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38:21

#60 - Love Me (non) Tender

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/12/04

Patti and the Pottymouth acknowledge the passing of former Yale Baseball Captain George Herbert Walker Bush, who earns major cred for keeping his college glove oiled and ready in a desk drawer in the Oval Office. The Mets make a monster trade for Robinson Cano, leading us to wonder about Brodie Van Wagenen’s reach. Jonathan Schoop, Billy Hamilton, and others get “non-tendered” which is one weird verb. Pottymouth activates “text-a-friend” to identify White Sox boyfriend and nonstop noise

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31:58

#59 - Fly Like An Eagle

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/11/27

Big Sexy Bartolo Colon is pitching with the Eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really we’re just waiting for him to come back from the Dominican League. Adrian Beltre achieves Boyfriend Emeritus status and we still aren’t allowed to touch his head. Jose Bautista’s bat flip inspires an entomologist and today’s baseball science segment. Big Maple James Paxton is pitching with the eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really it’s about the Yankees and wildlife. Pottymouth

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36:09

#58 - Our Baseball Boyfriends Are Back

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/11/20

Pottymouth’s wrap-up of the MLB All-Stars series gives her the last opportunity of 2018 to say Zoom Zoom AND Ginger Beard in the same segment (you have to see John Brebbia’s face to believe it). Patti works Red Sox and Women’s Hockey into the same sentence as Sox VP Raquel Ferreira drops the ceremonial first puck at a Boston Pride game. Recently fired Seattle Mariners exec Lorena Martin and the team are in an epic She Said/They Said over Martin’s accusations of racist and sexist actions

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35:11

#57 - Fire up the Hot Stove

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/11/13

Patti and the Pottymouth give the rundown on how their boyfriends ranked in Gold Gloves, Silver Slugger (JD Martinez wins two! In one year! Stupid DH…), Wilson Defensive Player, Golden Globes, Oscars, Peoples Choice… Mookie Betts wins everything he can win. Freddy Freeman has a good showing too. Patti sets up your themes to watch for this Hot Stove season: Qualifying offers (Mike Moustakas was teachable moment), Old Guy Free Agents, Pitching strategy. Pottymouth gets to say “Zoom Zoom”

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35:37

#56 - Big Papi and The Pottymouth Call the World Series

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/30

Pottymouth cries actual tears of joy and admiration for her Red Sox and their rookie manager, Alex Cora. Patti curls up under the stress blanket. It’s the great baseball detox of 2018. Buehler. There’s a World Series Boyfriend recap, where we admit Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, Kiké Hernandez, and Matt Kemp were not the heroes, but they still did us proud. And are still a little adorable (cheers!). Everyone from the President to the LA fans throw shade at Dave Roberts, but Patti

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25:17

#55 - 2018 World Series Update v.1

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/26

Patti and the Pottymouth check in with a bonus show on the first World Series travel day. The Boston Ballet rates Andrew Benintendi’s Game 2 grand jeté a 9 out of 10, while Mookie Betts gives new meaning to Taco Tuesday. Patti’s Dodger BF Matt Kemp hits his team’s only WS home run so far, and Pottymouth really almost wants to see Kike Hernandez do well. Ish. The Red Sox are killing it with two strikes, and also with two outs. Dave Roberts is taking heat for not starting his lefty bats,

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36:01

#54 - Manny Machado will Never Be Our Boyfriend

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/23

Patti and the Pottymouth play the mom card over Jose Altuve’s “bravery” in playing while seriously hurt, falling for Chris Sale’s belly button ring diagnosis, and wanting to keep that nice Cody Bellinger away from bad influences disguised as the cool kids in the Dodger dugout. Fingers crossed that our Dodger boyfriends Matt Kemp and Kiké Hernandez get some playing time in the Series. We are all in for Craig Counsell and Christian Yelich throwing shade at Manny Machado who will NEVER be

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29:47

#53 - Postseason Strategery

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/16

Patti and the Pottymouth bring the strategery this week. Patti explains how lefty/righty matchups and situational pitching are key to the Brewers strategy against the Dodgers. Pottymouth explains Chris Sale’s no-sleeve strategy and how that may play out in the Red Sox/Astros series. We catch you up on our postseason boyfriends including the movement to Let Kiké Hernandez Catch, and how Mike Moustakas is Mr. Reliable and George Springer is the new Mr. October. Astros reliever Ryan

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36:14

#52 - Pot is Legal and We Like Purple

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/09

Patti and the Pottymouth run the remaining postseason contenders through the boyfriend filter, judging the pros and cons of each team, the quality of their postseason motto, and wagers of note, to help you decide who to root for if you don’t have a dog in the fight. Pottymouth takes a look at some player demographics (100% of Arubans in major league baseball are in the playoffs). Patti addresses Addison Frickin’ Russell’s token suspension and the baby steps commentators are making to

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36:02

#51 - Joe DiMaggio was Damn Good Looking

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/10/02

El Jefe ditches Patti and Pottymouth on his birthday but somehow they manage to press the right buttons. Jay Sharman of La Vida Baseball stops by for a chat. We send our best wishes to Met’s captain David Wright, and identify his daughter Olivia Shea as a future all-star. Pottymouth’s BF Miguel Andújar ties that dreamy DiMaggio for most doubles by a Yankees rookie. Patti runs down the contenders for AL MVP, Mookie Betts vs. Mike Trout, J.D. Martinez, Jose Ramirez, and Alex Bregman. There

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33:54

#50 - All the Best Seats Ever

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/09/25

Patti and the Pottymouth sit in the greatest ballpark seats of their lives and see the historic (Max Scherzer breaking his all-time season strikeout record) and the hilarious (Baltimore’s DJ Stewart scoring a run off his first major league hit, which was a single). Pottymouth’s Piña BFs Yuli and Lourdes Gurriel have a smackdown of sorts. Patti thanks Christian Yelich for allowing her to legitimately bring up the Cleveland Browns in an NL MVP rundown, which also includes her BFs Javier

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30:25

#49 - Zoom Zoom Asuaje

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/09/18

Patti can’t stop saying “clinch,” and Pottymouth can’t stop saying “Red Sox.” Mookie Betts, Jose Ramirez, and Francisco Lindor all make history with their bats and their speed. Carlos Asuaje and Wil Myers get twitchy. Patti has one nice thing to say about the Braves, and Alex Cora has fewer nice things to say about President Trump. Innings pitched may be the key to the AL Cy Young Award. Pottymouth puts Zoom Zoom Stadium on her wish list. And possible dead heats in the NL Central and

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33:57

#48 - Stupid, Stupid Rain

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/09/11

Pottymouth proposes a school district-like snow day contingency plan for MLB rainouts. She nominates Yadier Molina, and Patti picks Cookie Carrasco, as their Roberto Clemente Award favorites. Patti’s shortstop boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Trevor Story are making history. Pottymouth questions MLB policy that allows Roberto Osuna, but not Robinson Cano, to play in the postseason. Jacob DeGrom, Max Scherzer, and Aaron Nola are in a dead heat for the NL Cy Young, possibles for the NL

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29:37

#47 - Sometimes a Raccoon Is Just a Raccoon

No Crying In Baseball ·

2018/09/04

There is great rejoicing when Pottymouth utters the magic words, “Ohtani Watch.” Less so when she calls Patti out for telling everyone not to panic about trades last week. Andrew McCutchen shaved and became a Yankee! Josh Donaldson is a Fightin’ Francona! Gio Gonzalez is a Brewer. Sigh. This week’s vocabulary words, “expanded roster,” lead to a strategy discussion about interchangeable player positions in the land of fewer balls in play. Does Team USA’s failure to medal in the Women’s

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