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PODCAST

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better

The comedy podcast where four long suffering friends dissect film’s most dastardly schemes, and then compete to improve those diabolical plans. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

tv & film film reviews

All Episodes

01:00:31

Episode 90: Highlander

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/03/25

“Can we all agree now that it makes more sense than Kurgan being Ric Flair in a carpark'” The panel of peril stand about a bit as a battle rages around them; no one will fight them for some reason. As they are clearly too ‘ard for the other combatants, they head home to watch this week’s film Highlander (Russell Mulcahy, 1986). Connor Macleod (Christopher Lambert) can only be killed by the act of decapitation (preferably by sword). He is a member of an exclusive band of centuries-old Immortals who

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01:03:46

Nemonie Craven vs. Muppet Treasure Island

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/03/18

“Sh!t happens, wocka wocka!”The panel of peril take a chunk a meat from the salt barrel, a tot of rum from the rum barrel, and a film from the DVD barrel. That film is Muppet Treasure Island (Brian Henson, 1996), and we settle in to watch with this week’s special guest Nemonie Craven! Jim Hawkins (Kevin Bishop) has in his possession a certain map. That map leads to a certain island. A treasure island, in fact. Flanked by Gonzo (Dave Goelz) and Rizzo (Steve Whitmere) they embark on the good ship

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01:02:46

Episode 89: Dario Argento's Phenomena

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/03/11

“It’s a range war – you’re kicking that chimp to death”The panel of peril have just missed their bus and are stranded in the middle of a lonely, windy mountain range. Fortunately, there’s a creepy abandoned house nearby which they settle into to watch this week’s film Phenomena (Dario Argento, 1985). Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly) is an American girl currently taking residence at an all-girls school in Switzerland. Not only that, but she has a psychic connection with the insect world, and moreover

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57:41

Episode 88: The Night Comes For Us

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/03/04

“You’re like a podcasting Nostradamus”The panel of peril are absolutely battering each other – limbs, teeth and shoes are flying hither and thither. They stop and think ‘actually this is awfully silly of us, let’s watch a film instead.’ And they do; this week’s treat The Night Comes For Us (Timo Tjahjanto, 2018). Ito (Joe Taslim) is a member of the elite Six Seas group who look after smuggling routes across Asia for the Triad. But when a sudden attack of conscience sees him turn on his brethren to

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52:04

Episode 87: The Naked Gun

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/02/26

“I know you think of yourself as a Mark Wahlberg-type character”The panel of peril wipe the unsightly chunk of banana off the side of their mouth and slip into something more comfortable to watch this week’s film The Naked Gun (David Zucker, 1988). Police Squad’s finest, Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), is tasked with investigating an attack on Det. Nordberg (OJ Simpson) just as the city is expecting a huge visit from Queen Elizabeth II (Jeannette Charles). Questioning local property magnate

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01:05:00

Episode 86: Beverly Hills Cop

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/02/19

“Where are The Beverly Hillbillies during this?” The panel of peril just about make it home, despite the banana up their tailpipe (fnar, fnar), in their battered old automobile. Just in time to check out this week’s film Beverly Hills Cop (Martin Brest, 1984). Detroit cop Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) is a streetwise, proverbial good cop who knows how to collar a perp. Unfortunately, his friend Mikey falls foul of Beverly Hills bad sod Victor Maitland (Steven Berkoff) and tastes hot lead at the hands of

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01:05:33

Episode 85: Seven

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/02/12

“You can only have one muppet in it – that’s a dealbreaker” The panel of peril put away their copy of Gun Owners Weekly, clean up, and settle down in the soft neon light of their oversized crucifix to watch this week’s film Se7en (David Fincher, 1995). Detectives Somerset (Morgan Freeman) and Mills (Brad Pitt) are the original chalk and cheese: one is a jaded, cynical veteran, the other a cocky, optimistic newcomer to the nameless city they operate in. But when a deranged person themes a series of

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01:03:25

Episode 84: Gladiator

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/02/05

“I know you're being light-hearted, but baguettes are way stronger than a sausage roll” ‘Are you not entertained!’ scream the panel of peril at their slack-jawed neighbours, wearing just a comical pair of white y-fronts. They are entertained; very much so. With that, they pick up their bottle of milk and head inside to watch this week’s film Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000). General Maximus (Russell Crowe) has it all – sweet fur cape, legion of dudes fighting at his side, and a family waiting for his

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57:15

Episode 83: Dungeons & Dragons - Honor Among Thieves

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/01/29

“Magic Michael is my father. You can call me Magic Mike” The panel of peril roll 2 D20s, snake eyes. They roll again: snake eyes. They roll for a third time – snake eyes. The hell with this, they collectively groan and instead switch on this week’s film Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley, 2023). A merry band of thieves comprising bard Edgin (Chris Pine), barbarian Holga (Michelle Rodriguez) and mage Simon (Justice Smith) set course for Neverwinter

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01:05:23

Episode 82: Ghostbusters

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/01/22

“A heavy rain of chow mein” Does busting, as the old saying goes, make you feel good? The panel of peril are here to answer this question and much more besides as they take on this week’s film, Ghostbusters (Ivan Reitman, 1984). Peter (Bill Murray), Ray (Dan Aykroyd) and Egon (Harold Ramis) are three down on their luck university researchers of the paranormal. Just as all manner of ghostly activities begins to kick off, they get canned from their residency at Columbia! When life gives you lemons you

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57:42

Episode 81: Dr. Who And The Daleks

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/01/15

“It’s the Caesar’s Palace of that particular planet” The panel of peril knit themselves a multi-coloured scarf, put on the scarf and watch this week’s film, Dr. Who And The Daleks (Gordon Flemyng, 1965), whilst being uncomfortably hot in the scarf. Eccentric inventor Dr. Who (Peter Cushing) has just invented a contabulous fabtraption named TARDIS. A jolly complicated machine that can travel through time and space. But when granddaughter Susan (Roberta Tovey), Ian (Roy Castle), and Barbara (Jennie

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01:11:53

Episode 80: Enter The Dragon

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/01/08

“If it makes sense like I think it makes sense in my head, then we’re onto a winner” The panel of peril place their bets on their praying mantis of choice, watch it get roundly battered by its mantis opponent, and then stick on this week’s film Enter The Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973). Lee (Bruce Lee) is a highly proficient martial artist and disciple of Shaolin. He is yet to encounter a man he can not defeat or school. So who better to task with bringing down secretive drug lord Han (Kien Shih) than

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54:53

Episode 79: So I Married An Axe Murderer

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2024/01/01

“Why don't you poke your little noodle through 'em then?” The panel of peril take a glug from a spectacularly large cup of coffee, admire an oversized map of Atlantic City, and focus their gigantic heads on a screen showing this week’s film So I Married An Axe Murderer (Thomas Schlamme, 1993). Charlie (Mike Myers) is a footloose/fancy-free young chap who has a serious problem with making romantic commitments. But he’s hopeful that his latest beau Harriet (Nancy Travis) will be different. Hopefully

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57:34

Episode 78: Black Christmas

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/12/25

“Greggs sausage roll, that's the British donut isn't it” Venturing up into the attic to retrieve some Christmas decorations, the panel of peril get quite the fright: a television that is showing this week’s film Black Christmas (Bob Clark, 1974). In an unnamed sorority house, Jess (Olivia Hussey), Barb (Margot Kidder), Mrs. Mac (Marian Waldman) et al have a Christmas they will never forget. They receive sinister phone calls and see ominous omens courtesy of the deranged ‘Billy’ who seeks to pick

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57:06

Episode 77: Die Hard 2

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/12/18

“$60 million on quiche?!” The panel of peril complete their naked tai chi session, have a quick wash around the key areas, and watch this week’s film Die Hard 2 (Renny Harlin, 1990). How can the same stuff happen to the same panel two years in a row? John McClane (Bruce Willis) just wants a quiet Christmas with his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia), but a bunch of criminal types have other ideas. Led by Thornberg (William Atherton), a group of mercs seek to rescue General Esperanza (Franco Nero) during

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56:05

Episode 76: Guest House Paradiso

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/12/11

“Is Vienetta Italian?” The panel of peril take a break from slamming each other’s heads inside the fridge door over and over and over again to watch this week’s film: Guest House Paradiso (Adrian Edmondson, 1999). Richie Twat (Rik Mayall) and Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba (Edmondson) run perhaps the worst guest house on our fair isle. It’s dark, dingy, they’ll steal your belongings, insult you, feed you slop, and are situated adjacent to a nuclear facility. An unexpected guest arrives in Italian

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59:20

Episode 75: Tomorrow Never Dies

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/12/04

“The Antiques Roadshow of terrorism” The panel of peril don their sharpest suit, take a swig of a vodka martini (shaken not stirred) and sit nonchalantly to watch this week’s film Tomorrow Never Dies (Roger Spottiswoode, 1997). James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) has got his work cut out for him this time around as he locks horns with weedy media mogul Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce). There’s something distinctly shady about this Rupert Murdoch avatar, and M (Judi Dench) wants 007 on the case, pronto! He’ll

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59:17

Episode 74: Laputa - Castle In The Sky

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/11/27

“He is a bit of a patsy. He’s a little b!tch” The panel of peril settle down with a delicious-looking, open topped, fried egg sandwich to watch this week’s cinematic treat Studio Ghibli’s Castle In The Sky (Hayao Miyazaki, 1986). Sheeta (Anna Paquin) and Pazu (James Van Der Beek) are two young rapscallions on the hunt for the adventure, primarily centred around Sheeta’s mysterious crystal necklace. That necklace saves her from certain doom several times over and may well lead her to the lost sky

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55:49

Episode 73: Flash Gordon

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/11/20

“The story of forbidden love between a bee and a human woman” The panel of peril bleach their hair, pump some iron, and get harangued onto a space rocket heading for the distant planet of Mongo! Fortunately, the in-flight movie is Flash Gordon (Mike Hodges, 1980), so there’s that. Flash (Sam Jones) has it all: hair, muscles, tight t-shart – but when he and erstwhile companion Dale (Melody Anderson) are whisked away and confronted by Ming The Merciless (Max Von Sydow), no amount of muscle tees can

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01:07:44

Episode 72: The Room

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ·

2023/11/13

“It made me bored of sex” Laughing at nothing in particular, the panel of peril sit down in overly dramatic fashion to watch this week’s cinematic tour de force The Room (Tommy Wiseau, 2003). Johnny (Wiseau) is such a great guy. Such a great, great guy. He’s going to get a promotion for sure, everyone loves him, his lovemaking technique is top class, and he’s superb at football. But ungrateful harpy of a girlfriend Lucy (Juliette Danielle) doesn’t think so. She thinks he’s a real drag and would

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133 results

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