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PODCAST

Nightly News Roundup

A news headline show for people who love to hate the news and hate to love the news.Art by Cory Drake. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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All Episodes

4:34

Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 4, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/09/05

The CDCaeser Bobby Kennedy Jr. gets his ass kicked , the Epstein cover-up continues, Adams trading NYC Mayor’s office for swamp condos, the economy is flatlining, Texas turns doorbells into war crimes, Big Pharma is dosing LSD, and NFL kicks off while democracy circles the drain. Theo Jesterfield here, pouring you another shot of America’s finest chaos - money, power, and total lunacy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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6:02

Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 3, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/09/04

Epstein victims demand names, Trump hoax patrols, FBI hides files. RFK Jr. crowned, HHS revolts. Newsmax sues Fox, drunk raccoons. Pentagon lawyers crash-course immigration law. Harvard body-slams Trump. 1798 law fails modern migrants. DeSantis makes vaccines optional, herd immunity optional. Clippers dodge salary cap. Fantasy football consumes offices, homes, marriages. Theo Jesterfield here, spitting battery acid. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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5:20

Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 2, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/09/03

Trump tries to Uber Marines into L.A., gets smacked by Posse Comitatus. National Guard tour hits Chicago and Baltimore. DOE hires fossil fuel stooges to claim CO₂ is kale. CDC bleeds leaders, Monarez out, RFK Jr. “restructures.” Government heads for Sept. 30 shutdown, Epstein files rot. Rudy wins Medal of Freedom. Proud Boys sue each other. Space Command lands in Alabama. Theo Jesterfield here, from the Bureau of Bad Ideas. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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5:13

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 27, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/28

Minnesota mourns kids shot in the pews while politicians wave flags. DOJ fails to make a felony out of a footlong. Immigration becomes Deportation 2: The Uganda Cut. Trump’s cronies whisper coups in Greenland. NORAD scrambles jets to babysit Russian cloud-watchers. RFK Jr. limits Covid shots to senior citizens. And the CDC fires its new director after 30 days. Theo Jesterfield here, reporting from the Bureau of Bad Ideas. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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5:00

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 26, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/27

The government dumps your Social Security numbers online. Trump’s DOJ tries suing judges for judging. Israel bombs a hospital, calls it a camera strike. Florida’s swamp prison keeps running despite court orders. Texas gerrymanders Black voters out of the map. Trump waterboards the Federal Reserve. And Kash Patel turns the FBI into QAnon Theater. Theo Jesterfield here, filing dispatches from the three-ring circus of government: money, power, and bullshit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for

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5:29

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 25, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/25

Israel calls a hospital strike a “mishap.” Trump sends the National Guard to play mall cops in D.C. First U.S. screwworm case proves maggots are more straightforward than our politicians. Trump flirts with Kim while South Korea watches in hostage silence. Epstein’s ghost gets subpoenaed. Cashless bail dies, flag-burning goes federal. Trump says “dictator” out loud. Wind farms scrapped to save his golf view. Theo Jesterfield, signing off from America’s scrapyard. Hosted on Acast. See

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6:19

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 22, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/22

Bolton raided like spoiled leftovers. Trump day-trading America’s future with a $100M bond hustle. PragerU bribes its way into kids’ classrooms, Big Bird gets whacked. Smithsonian purged for “woke” facts. Fort Bliss resurrects internment camp chic. Del Monte, LifeScan, and Genesis file for hospice. America’s economy is a funeral procession, but Wall Street’s still dancing. Theo Jesterfield reporting from under the national coffin lid. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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4:50

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 21, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/21

Trump’s fraud gets a markdown: skyscrapers are cheaper than cough syrup. NIH loses 1,700 grants because DEI means “Don’t Employ Ideas.” Jersey’s top cop? Just a mall lawyer in heels. ICE threatens Boston, Wu says “fuck off.” FBI becomes UberCop Academy. Russia bombs coffee machines and kids. Cracker Barrel ghosts its racist mascot, Wall Street cries. Until next time, I’ll be huffing glue fumes for insight. Theo Jesterfield reporting from inside America’s clown car. Hosted on Acast. See

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4:57

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 20, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/21

Epstein’s DOJ crumbs, 100,000 pages still sealed. Tulsi Gabbard turns intelligence into Microsoft Word for espionage. Israel rolls out “Gideon’s Chariots II” — Gaza as straight-to-DVD war. Texas gerrymanders democracy into a hostage trunk. Hurricane Erin toys with Cat 5 power. U.S. destroyers play narco-Shakespeare off Venezuela. Texas judge says no to Moses in homeroom. Until next time, I’ll be convincing myself to stop sniffing glue. Theo Jesterfield reporting. Hosted on Acast. See

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5:33

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 19, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/20

Ukraine peace talks look like a peyote séance in a burning casino — Trump babbles, Putin grins, Zelensky spends billions, Europe mutters peacekeepers, America offers air cover but no boots. Trump wants a halo at Costco. Colleges pay tribute to the Orange Godfather. Epstein files redacted. Security clearances yanked. Deportation policy becomes a global hot potato. Until next time, I’ll be doubling down on 11 and Xanax. Theo Jesterfield reporting. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

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4:57

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 18, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/19

Zelensky shows up at the White House in a suit, Europe in tow, Trump grinning like a kid eyeing a Happy Meal Nobel. Hours earlier, 14 civilians dead in Ukraine—rockets meet roses, rubble meets reality. Wages still drowning, CEOs toast from yachts. Newsmax pays $67M for lies, Epstein’s death still under Barr’s CSI spotlight, and Hurricane Erin redecorates Puerto Rico. Republicans flee, files in tow, shame waiting.That’s all the news that’s fit to confuse. Another day in the American madhouse, keep

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4:38

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 14, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/15

The Vice President Vladimir Futon tried to book a table at a cozy Michelin-rated English pub — staff basically said, “Sure, if you want us to not show up for work.” Locals put up “Fascists Not Welcome” signs, making it clear he’s about as popular there as French soccer. Kamala? No problem. Vance? Road closures and rage.That’s all the news that’s fit to confuse. Another day in the American madhouse, keep your seatbelt fastened. For Nightly News Roundup, I’m Theo Jesterfield. Hosted on Acast. See

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4:43

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 13, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/14

Trump’s got Scrooge McDuck money privileges, Putin got a ceasefire threat that might just be a meme, and the Treasury Secretary’s still clinging to his stocks like a bad Tinder match. Congress is cosplaying as the Epstein Truth Squad, the VA is bleeding staff, Kristi Noem is beefing with South Park, Ivanka’s booking UFC on the White House lawn, and Detroit seniors are solving love triangles with live ammo.Theo Jesterfield here, wading through cash vaults, cage fights, and bingo shootouts - all in a

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5:20

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 12, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/13

Tonight: Russia’s hacking America’s sealed court files while Trump preps for a Putin cuddle; Trump’s new BLS pick wants to kill the monthly jobs report; Florida’s schools turned into DeSantis’ propaganda playground; and Trump’s State Department wipes two-thirds of human rights abuses from its reports. Plus, ICE agents in masks are making it easier for rapists to impersonate them. I’m Theo Jesterfield, reporting from the bunker with enough vodka to kill half of Moscow. Hosted on Acast. See

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6:30

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 11, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/12

Trump’s turning D.C. into The Purge despite a 30-year crime low, dumping troops, and handing Pam Bondi the keys to chaos. Meanwhile, FBI brags murder rates are historic lows. Florida’s “pet food” milk sickens kids. An anti-vax shooter hits the CDC. EPA guts climate rules. SCOTUS flirts with undoing gay marriage. Epstein files? Big nothing burger. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the 10th Circle of hell. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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4:55

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 6, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/07

Trump ghosted labor unions at the VA while RFK Jr. lit pandemic funding on fire because his third eye said “no thanks.” Utah legalized “oops-my-nephew’s-a-predator” justice, and Trump thinks world peace means locking Zelensky and Putin in a room like it’s the WWE. An Army base imploded, Trump threw a trade tantrum at India, and Florida’s building immigrant jails in the middle of the Everglades like Mother Nature ain’t got lawyers.Theo Jesterfield reporting from the swamp—literal and political

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5:18

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 5, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/06

Congress is jerking off to the Epstein files, New York just got defunded on terror protection, and California’s drawing maps with the subtlety of a prison riot. The FDA says “good luck not dying” while outsourcing food safety to states running on bake sale budgets. Trump’s resurrecting racist statues and calling it beautification, wildfires are roasting the continent like a cheap brisket, and a Nebraska town hall just turned into a mosh pit over Medicaid cuts.Theo Jesterfield here, coughing through

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5:26

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 4, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/05

Russia’s waving nukes around again, Trump wants $15K per tourist, and Sean Duffy is strapping a nuclear reactor to the moon. Texas Republicans are hunting Democrats across state lines like cartoon bounty hunters. Pam Bondi's resurrecting the Mueller probe with all the precision of a chainsaw in a dollhouse. Trump’s tax cuts just lit the deficit on fire, a dildo flew across a WNBA court, and Bristol Motor Speedway served 91,000 baseball fans no food and even less beer.Theo Jesterfield reporting from

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5:18

Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 1, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/02

The Smithsonian scrubbed Trump from its impeachment exhibit. The Trump Administration opens up your private medical records like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Trump also fired the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics because reality bruised his ego. He also deployed two nuclear submarines over a Russian tweet, public broadcasting is gutted, NPR gets silenced, and Big Bird gets executed by budget cuts. Ghislaine Maxwell, child sex trafficker and Epstein’s fixer, gets upgraded to prison summer camp

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7:41

Nightly News Roundup for July 31, 2025

Nightly News Roundup ·

2025/08/01

Trade war threats, taxpayer-funded ballrooms, and CEOs dropping like flies — just another week in America’s flaming clown car. Trump’s wrecking ethics with a golf club, Musk’s lighting democracy on fire with Super PAC cash, and Brett Kavanaugh’s turning the Supreme Court into a secret menu for fascism. Meanwhile, Kyiv burns, ICE offers loan forgiveness to deport families, and the media memory-holes a CEO assassination so no one gets any ideas. Subscribe, rage responsibly, and pour a drink. Theo

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