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PODCAST

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.This isn"t about forcing different sex drives to align. It"s about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

13:34

Which Comes First for You: Physical or Emotional...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/31

People have different ways of getting to connection. Some people find emotional connection necessary before they feel safe to connect physically. Some people want physical intimacy in order to access emotional connection. If you are different than your partner in this, it can cause a lot of strife. This episode unpacks this common issue and helps you understand how to start solving it. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, plus learn how to work with me at https://laurajurg...

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17:28

Saying No Without Guilt in Relationships & Sex...and...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/24

Saying yes to things you don't want to do is not helping your relationships. It's not being "nice" either. Today's episode will help free you from guilt that keeps you from showing up authentically and saying no when you want to. Learn how and why your "no" can be a gift to others, and why it can really liberate your relationship from hidden...or not so hidden...resentments. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, plus learn how to work with me at https://laurajurge...

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20:26

Kissing: Challenges, Explorations & Tips

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/17

This episode dives into all things Kissing. We'll cover basic Do's and Don'ts, and unpack common concerns about this very common activity. Many couples communicate pretty poorly if at all about their desires and preferences around kissing, which makes it very hard to get what you want. I'll help you get free of that and understand how to improve your kissing situation, whether you want more kissing, less kissing, or different kissing. Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn-Ons, p...

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36:56

Christina & Brooke Share Wisdom from the Middle of...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/10

Sometimes at the end of the journey it can be hard to even remember what it was like to be in the middle. Listen in to my interview with a wonderful couple of humans, Christina and Brooke, who are currently working with me. They openly share how they started out disconnected with lots of resentment. They discuss what they've learned so far and how they feel now mid-way through the process of transforming their relationship. Anyone seeking better, more authentic, and stress-free intimacy will ...

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15:45

How People-Pleasing Kills Intimacy & What to Do About It

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/03/03

There are 3 things I really want you to know about people-pleasing and intimacy. When you're a people-pleaser, you'll often feel like you're doing things to make others happy or doing things out of obligation. You'll also often feel like you're not getting the appreciation you want, like you don't have space and time for yourself, and/or like you are just tired of people wanting stuff from you. There's often an underlying current of resentment you may or may not acknowledge. Here's the ...

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29:28

Three-somes & Group Sex: Fantasy, Reality & Avoiding...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/24

Lots of folks fantasize about threesomes or group sex, and some of us decide to try it for real. Both can be fun. This episode will guide you through how to have more fun with fantasy and how to make real-life group sex a good experience for everyone. Plus, I'll give you my best tips on how to find other partners and deal with the logistics of setting it up so everyone has a good time. If you're interested in threesomes, don't miss this one! Get a free guide to Finding Your Deepest Turn...

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34:47

Paths to Sexual Confidence: Real vs. Fake Confidence...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/17

A lot of people want more confidence but are afraid of fake confidence and arrogance. You’re right to be wary of that. It’s not helpful to be falsely confident or arrogant in intimate relationships and sexuality. Today we're going to talk about why, how to avoid fake confidence or arrogance, and how to build real confidence and empowerment instead. We'll talk about why it's the opposite of selfish. I'll also share the path to creating a deep, all-encompassing sense of worth and love-ability. ...

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38:40

Curing the Libido Mismatch Blues

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/10

If Libidio Mismatch is something you struggle with – you know it can be super hard on relationships. It is very stressful and disconnecting. If it feels like a big deal, it is. Research shows that most of our happiness is tied to how we feel about our relationships – so stress in a primary partnership is devastating to quality of life. It's smart to prioritize solving rifts like this above a lot of other things in your life, because it’s going to make the biggest difference to happiness and e...

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23:35

7 Myths to Bust to Make It Easier to Ask for What You...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/02/03

Today we're making it easier for you to ask for what you want in your intimate relationships by busting common myths that hold us back. Make your life easier by listening in. Special Event Links: Libido Mismatch Clarity Hour: walk away feeling better about your capacity to reconcile a libido mismatch in your relationship Free 1-hour FAQ and Ask the Expert February 18, 2025 5-6pm Eastern US time (Zoom option): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1232092474759?aff=oddtdtcreator Febr...

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35:46

Sexual Confidence: A Success Story in Overcoming Shame

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/01/27

This episode takes you inside a transformative conversation about sexual confidence and body trust. My former client Kama shares her raw experience of moving from sexual shame and orgasm challenges to deep embodied wisdom. This conversation goes beyond typical success stories, diving deep into how sexual healing catalyzes growth in all areas of life—from business decisions to personal relationships. Kama's story powerfully demonstrates how learning to trust your body's signals and treat ...

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27:09

4 Steps to Confidence & Comfort in Intimacy

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/01/20

These are the steps to confidence and comfort that work. Tune in to learn the 4 key steps that will take you from anxious and underconfident to a true, deep, felt sense of comfort and capability in sex and intimacy. Frankly, they are not all easy, though some are surprisingly fun. These steps are what my practice is based on and why it's been so effective for my clients. That's why I'm sharing them with you today. Get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS and learn how to get hel...

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23:25

The Biggest Thing You Can Do To Feel More Sexual...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/01/13

This episode will explain the best, biggest thing you can do to improve your relationship with your own sexuality this year AND your intimacy with a partner. This is the one thing most people are NOT doing – and it is FREE. That’s right, people will spend loads of money this year trying to spice things up by buying stuff: lingerie, sex toys, vacations, and even sex rooms. But most people will fail to do this one, totally FREE thing that is the biggest game changer of them all, and ...

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23:32

The Most Powerful Step

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2025/01/06

Today I’m going to tell you a really personal story of how I almost quit on my marriage. I’m also going to share one of the most powerful ideas in the world for changing your life and your relationships. That sounds like a giant claim, and it is, but it is also really simple. If you look at the most joyful people who are living the lives they want – you will see this idea at work all the time. It is their defining approach to life, and it’s what enabled me to rescue my relationship. Regi...

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38:17

Liberation from Religious Shame & Repression: an...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/12/30

So many people feel disconnected from their authentic sexuality due to a history of religious repression and shaming. In an ideal world, religion would be universally supportive and comforting. Unfortunately, so many people have had the opposite experience, and wound up with decades of harmful ideas about themselves and their sexuality that they struggle to overcome. In this episode, I interview Lisa, a former client, who emerged from many years of religious shame and repression to discover h...

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34:20

Rethinking Conflict: How Conflict Avoidance...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/12/23

Conflict is inevitable in close relationships. Doing it well is key to feeling confident, connected, seen, and safe. Many people avoid conflict, or let their default strategies overwhelm them in unhelpful ways. This episode will help you learn to stop avoding necessary conflict and instead use it to get closer and solve problems together. Conflict isn’t bad in itself – in fact, it’s really important for intimacy. It is doing conflict badly that is a problem. I was absolutely terrib...

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39:20

Getting the Right Help for Pelvic & Sexual Pain:...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/12/16

Pelvic and sexual pain is absolutely treatable, even though it can be hard to admit and challenging to find the right help. Join me to hear from pelvic health expert Dr. Susie Gronski. This episode will help you release shame or stigma about pelvic pain, which is very common. Dr. Gronski also explains common struggles with sexual and pelvic pain for both penis and vagina-owners, and helps you navigate the challenges in finding the right professionals to support you.Meet my guest: With over a ...

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18:20

When You're Bummed That You Have to ASK...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/12/09

It's common for people to feel upset and disappointed about having to ask for what you want. This is especially true if you believe you shouldn’t have to ask, and that your partner should "just know" what to do for you (whether that's in bed, in flirting, foreplay communication, or romantic gestures). After all, we see that played out in movies and TV all the time: the magic intuiting of the partner's needs. But while it's common to think "they should just know," it also tends to make yo...

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21:49

Pleasure & Connection Self-Assessment & Making...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/12/02

Ready to be one of the brave, joyful souls who wrings the most pleasure out of this life? I'm going to help you get there. It's December and that means it's the perfect time for some guided reflection: where are you at with your experience of pleasure and connection in your life? Where do you want to be? This episode will walk you through a self-assessment and help you figure out how to set yourself up for a beautiful new year with more pleasure and connection than ever before. Learn mor...

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28:03

Strap-Ons For Every Body

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/11/25

Get started the fun way with strap-ons. Everyone can play with strap-ons and there are loads of reasons you may want to try it out. This episode will guide you through choices of equipment, accessories, positions. It will help you make the decisions that will bring you and your partner the most fun while avoiding painful bad experiences. Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimac...

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20:02

3 Reasons You Have a Hard Time Talking About Sex &...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/11/18

This episode is for all of you that have a hard time talking about sex, even with your partner. I'll cover the 3 top reasons people struggle to have conversations about sexual desires, needs, and interests. I'll also give you a place to get started in solving these challenges for each one. From the episode recommendations, here is a link to the blog post from Somatica Institute on my most highly recommended relationship repair process: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/blog/9-steps...

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