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PODCAST

Stay Soft, Stay Open

A podcast about vulnerability, courage, and creativity. I"m your host, Jieun Ko. staysoftstayopen.substack.com

arts mental health

All Episodes

00:16:09

Aja Aja Fighting, Ep. #200: December 11, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/12

This episode is about the birth of my child, the challenges I faced and am still facing in postpartum, and how my feelings in the aftermath of 아빠's death mirrored my feelings in the aftermath of Haejoon's birth.Here's a link to the newsletter: https://open.substack.com/pub/jieunandgreg/p/our-child-is-finally-here Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:16:09

Aja Aja, Fighting, Ep. #199: December 10, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/11

This episode is about the reasons I want to change the podcast title to Aja Aja, Fighting, and how naming things is hard.Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:17:36

I Love You, I'm Sorry, Ep. #198: December 9, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/10

This episode is about why I want to change this podcast name from Gajok to I Love You, I'm Sorry. It's also about why I named it Gajok in the first place, and the evolution of the podcast since I started recording it in 2021. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:23:03

Gajok, Ep. #197: December 6, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/07

This episode is about how the end of the year comes with a report card, the capitalistic pressures of the holidays, and the importance of thinking about why we do what we do, instead of just blindly doing what everyone else is doing. It's about how corporations benefit off of people's insecurities by making us feel like we're not enough — not cool enough, not rich enough, not successful enough, etc. "If you buy this bag, you'll be cool! If you buy these shoes, you'll be enough!" I'm enough. You're

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00:23:03

Gajok, Ep. #196: December 5, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/06

This episode is about how much I value consistency in relationships.Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:16:07

Gajok, Ep. #195: December 4, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/05

This episode is about my morning walks. It's about finding new paths when we can't walk the old paths anymore. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:14:20

Gajok, Ep. #194: December 3, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/04

This episode is about the pressure society subliminally puts on parents to be perfect and in love with parenthood at all times, and how that unrealistic pressure keeps us silent and isolated. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Subscriber: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:25:06

Gajok, Ep. #193: December 2, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/03

This episode is about the difficulty of starting after stopping, and how our present self is built on the courage, the hope, and the choices of our past self. I'm here because of last-year Jieun's courage, hope, and the choices she made from a place of courage and hope. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:15:11

Gajok, Ep. #192: September 11, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/03

This episode is about the anticipatory grief and anxiety that comes with September and 아빠's one-year death anniversary, the challenges that come with carrying death and life together during my first year of grief and my first pregnancy, and how surreal it feels to live in the reality that my dad has been dead for an entire year. It's also about the difficulties of surviving September and how the thought of giving birth feels like being an astronaut blasting off into space. This episode was recorded

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00:10:39

Gajok, Ep. #191: August 30, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/03

This episode is about my mom's visit to New York over Labor Day weekend during the final weeks of my pregnancy. This episode was recorded on August 30, 2024, and it is being released on December 2, 2024. I was too pregnant to upload it on time! Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:22:45

Gajok, Ep. #190: August 29, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/03

This episode is about the power and value of kindness, and how much human goodness I've seen during my pregnancy in the people around me — my neighbors, the hospital staff, the employees at Chipotle. It's also about my 37-week ultrasound appointment and my predictions of what giving birth will be like. This episode was recorded on August 29, 2024, and it is being released on December 2, 2024. I was too pregnant to upload it on time! Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member:

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00:27:03

Gajok, Ep. #189: August 28, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/12/03

This episode is about a dream I had at the end of my pregnancy about a baby hawk flying into my childhood home, and the peace and comfort I felt from knowing that this dream was a sign from 아빠 — that he's with me and he's sending our child. It's also about third-trimester nausea, my fraught relationship with God in grief, and the surreal, impending arrival of our first child. This episode was recorded on August 28, 2024, and it is being released on December 2, 2024. I was too pregnant to upload it

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00:16:53

Gajok, Ep. #188: August 27, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/28

I am really excited to not have a human being inside my body soon. I'm excited to have my body belong to only me again. I'm excited to be able to eat sushi. I'm excited to not have to carry around so much extra weight and be more mobile. I'm excited to not have any more pregnancy symptoms. I'm excited to not have a human moving around inside of me. I'm excited to lay on my stomach when I sleep!!! We need a crib.Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member:

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00:22:18

Gajok, Ep. #187: August 26, 2024 — 11-Month...

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/27

Yesterday, August 25, was Greg's 35th birthday. Today is the 11-month anniversary of 아빠's death. Today, I'm 37 weeks pregnant. Greg built a crib on his birthday — we ultimately decided it was too big for our bedroom. Today, he took it apart and packed it up. Gamja also ate 1/4 of my Chipotle bowl for dinner, while Greg and I were gathering our laundry. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:14:49

Gajok, Ep. #186: August 23, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/24

The ultrasound went well. I did my first NST, checking on the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. I now officially know that I'm having contractions, which is nice because not knowing and just wondering was giving me anxiety. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:12:29

Gajok, Ep. #185: August 22, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/23

My Complex-PTSD is making it really difficult for me to feel hope or joy about the birth of this child — I mostly feel worry and fear, and I feel like my body and brain are trying to protect me from trauma by preventing me from feeling anything positive, just in case something bad happens. I want to actively try to fight my Complex-PTSD instead of feeling like I'm under its weight. I want to try and tell myself one positive thing every day, for the next three weeks, regarding the pregnancy and

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00:09:43

Gajok, Ep. #184: August 21, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/22

I couldn't sleep last night because I was afraid my water was going to break in the middle of the night. It didn't. The nausea is still absolutely terrible, and it's constant. The ginger chews are back. There is no escape except childbirth.Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

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00:17:26

Gajok, Ep. #183: August 20, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/22

I pooped eight times today. More specifically, it was diarrhea. Apparently, this is an early labor symptom because your body is trying to clean out the colon and prepare for birth? I was nauseous all day. The baby was moving around a ton and it felt like they were moving down lower. I literally felt like my water might break. Watching the Olympics (replays) has been helpful me feel less anxious about giving birth. Support our Podcast and Become a Patreon Member:

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00:17:59

Gajok, Ep. #182: August 19, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/20

I was so exhausted today. I also had my 36-week prenatal appointment today. I went to Haagen Daz and got a raspberry lemonade slushie, and then I got a free pistachio ice cream cone and got to relive a childhood experience of eating ice cream on a cone. It was lovely. Not the exhaustion part, the ice cream part. Also, I'm lactose-intolerant, so I'm not sure how I'm eating things like cheese and ice cream. I'm ready to be done with this pregnancy. I can't wait to have my body

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00:15:54

Gajok, Ep. #181: August 16, 2024

Stay Soft, Stay Open ·

2024/08/17

I sent out a newsletter on Wednesday called, "Welcoming Baby Ko into the World." I read it out loud on this episode, but you can follow along on Substack: https://jieunandgreg.substack.com/p/welcoming-baby-ko-into-the-world. Today was Part 2 of organizing our apartment to welcome Baby Ko into our space. We put donations out on the street, and they all got picked up. We went through bins that were under our bed and got rid of a lot of papers we've just held onto for years. We're not

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241 results

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