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PODCAST

slanderhour

A weekly pre-sleep, post-thought audio play investigating the nature of latent boredom and the strip-mining of emotional bereavement. Semi is written & performed by Mark Simpson, Garth Simmons and Jim-John Harkness, and is produced by Stephen Landerhour for BBC Sounds.

society & culture

All Episodes

00:50:36

Semi - Share

slanderhour ·

2022/09/05

a double-wide? someone lied: an inside jokester what in the hell? rotten smell in this shell, yokester seems that some blow's on your nose and it shows, cokester cat in a tree cries a plea, comes to me: coaxed her fork and the spoon off too soon, home by noon: broke stir chim chim cher-ee you'll agree I'm lucky bloke, sir wanting a plum uses thumb to get some, pokes her poor old man frog too much grog, fell off log, croaked, sir

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00:18:35

Semi - Cumtown

slanderhour ·

2022/08/29

I don’t think my toilet is happy with me. I know this because it hardly flushes for me anymore. I think it was Taco Bell, And that crunch rap supreme from Hell. I doubt John has ever recovered. I doubt i have either. I wish I had more than one pot in my house. Would likely cause less grief for my spouse. Our schedules are just about the same, And they refuse to be tamed. Flush! There it goes, Glug! It’s stuck! My toilet burbles in annoyance. I burble back. wait, there’s more? Flush! Down

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00:32:00

Semi - Paranoid

slanderhour ·

2022/08/21

Finished with my woman 'cause She couldn't help me with my mind People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time All day long I think of things But nothing seems to satisfy Think I'll lose my mind If I don't find something to pacify Can you help me Occupy my brain? Oh yeah I need someone to show me The things in life that I can't find I can't see the things that make True happiness, I must be blind Make a joke and I will sigh And you will laugh and I will cry Happiness I cannot feel And

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00:25:30

Semi - Coin

slanderhour ·

2022/08/15

My change: a nickel caked with finger grime; two nicked quarters not long for this life, worth more for keeping dead eyes shut than bus fare; a dime, shining in sunshine like a new dime; grubby pennies, one stamped the year of my birth, no brighter than I from 40 years of wear. What purses, piggy banks, and window sills have these coins known, their presidential heads pinched into what beggar's chalky palm-- they circulate like tarnished red blood cells, all of us exchanging the merest film of our

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00:28:00

Semi - Neighbour

slanderhour ·

2022/08/08

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours With a little understanding, you can find the perfect blend Neighbours, should be there for one another That's when good neighbours become good friends Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours Just a friendly wave each morning, helps to make a better day Neighbours, need to get to know each other Next door is only a footstep away Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours With a little understanding, you can find the perfect blend Neighbours, should

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00:33:40

Semi - Race

slanderhour ·

2022/08/01

You can watch others playing games And that can be lots of fun I claim Watching basketball for some folks is great But some prefer football any day they debate. It's lots of fun for them while they converse and also laugh Some prefer watching baseball any time on their behalf Or watching car racing as they snack and slurp a drink Enjoying good sports is alright when you like them I think. But for me reading or watching a good movie is more fun. As I welcome any time spent like that a lot much more

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00:16:35

Semi - Sync

slanderhour ·

2022/07/25

The last reply you sent i deleted I don't remember what you said Something about blocking me on 'the old socials' I threw my phone through an aquarium The innocent, dot-eyed gudgeon, tried and flailed to enquire 'why? Why me?' I shouted: 'IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, MATE'

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00:35:38

Semi - Sad

slanderhour ·

2022/07/18

She smiles, I cry. She is outgoing, I am shy. She loves, I am alone. She is amazing, I am unknown. She is beautiful, I am a mess. She is happy, I am depressed. My mask is perfect: She hides me.

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00:42:23

Semi - Arse

slanderhour ·

2022/07/11

Could've been a cowboy but, my arse didn't suit a horse. could've been an astronaut but I wandered off- off course. could;ve been a fireman but, my hose was waayy too short. yeah, I could've been a bank robber but, shit, I would've got my cute arse caught.

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00:41:00

Semi - Pure

slanderhour ·

2022/07/04

I've crossed deserts for miles Swam water for time Searching places to find A piece of something to call mine (I'm coming) A piece of something to call mine (I'm coming) Coming closer to you Ran along many moors Walked through many doors The place where I want to be Is the place I can call mine (I'm coming) Is the place I can call mine (I'm coming) Coming closer to you I'm moving, I'm coming Can you hear what I hear It's calling you, my dear Out of reach (Take me to my beach) I can hear

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00:23:01

Semi - Vole

slanderhour ·

2022/06/27

They appeared slowly Like stars one by one Vole holes Holes from voles Not a rat, nor mouse, nor mole But a vole Tracks from one hole to another Blades of grass flattened by tiny feet In the dead of night In the light hours, they huddle In dark underground tunnels Dreaming vole dreams Out of sight by the watchful attention Of hawks, owls, and perturbed humans Their doings impart a rather swiss cheese look to the lawn I shrug In thirty years here of fighting natures ways I put them in the category of

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00:29:01

Semi - Margin

slanderhour ·

2022/06/20

He took me to the coast and walked me past The fair, the candyfloss, the arcade games, And then he pulled me playfully Inside the little sea life centre. Dilapidated and unloved But still it teemed with screaming kids. I let him pay, it was a first date after all. And then we entered underwater love, Hand in hand as we travelled deeper, deeper Into ocean halls. He stopped in front of jelly fish And stared at tentacles that changed with light From blue, to yellow, to flaming red. They’re my

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00:41:51

Semi - Gut

slanderhour ·

2022/06/13

Aye dread getting ******* and getting washed even without spectacles that haint no mo' six-pack ab which nearly rock-ribbed mid equatorial zone shapeshifted intocorpuscular blubbery ancillary physiognomy where aye wanna bab bull posttraumatic stressed out middle age battle of the bulge. Season sponged pants squarely and tightly across the equatorial adipose tissue requiring mister crab to clamp down with pincers viz primitive liposuction whence rustling scupper will efface this

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01:01:42

Semi - Standup

slanderhour ·

2022/06/06

John Edward Robinson is often called the first serial killer of the digital age: He was the first serial murderer on record to have used internet chatrooms to lure his victims to their deaths. His early years were a collage of petty crimes. He embezzled money from the clinic where he worked as an x-ray technician (a clinic he only got a job in because he forged his certification and papers). When that fell apart, he started multiple fictional businesses, spending time in jail and on probation

en

00:23:36

Semi - Atheists

slanderhour ·

2022/05/30

Science defines my virtue. Factual and fictional books are my domain. Don’t speak to me of pixies, fairies, and unicorns, Or of your monopoly on morality, love, faith, and shame. I am what I am And of what I do I claim my own. I fight for my survival Of which need not be told, judged or shown. There is no all knowing Or an immortal god of my fate he will judge. For when my heart ceases to beat It will return from whence it came, a kind of primordial sludge. And when I die I will not be present to

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00:25:00

Semi - Wake

slanderhour ·

2022/05/22

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. We think by feeling. What is there to know? I hear my being dance from ear to ear. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. Of those so close beside me, which are you? God bless the Ground!I shall walk softly there, And learn by going where I have to go. Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how? The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair; I wake to sleep, and take my waking

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00:30:00

Semi - Baddies

slanderhour ·

2022/05/16

Sweet merry happy chickadee was terrified of the old racer chimpanzee He is not so bad threw in the bumblebee If you knew him well, you could easily see… But he has such a loud monster truck-like Humvee! It scares the honey nectar juice out of me! We watched him race at the chimpanzee Grand Prix. My auntie Tee paid for Chickadee’s entrée fee. Now we are all friends – he, she, they and me. Of course, this includes the wild ornery bumblebee. We all went out last Tuesday for Orange Pekoe

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00:30:35

Semi - Resort

slanderhour ·

2022/05/09

Timbaland was an entertainment theme park at the Crucial Crew complex in Cornbrook, Manchester, England which operated from 1979 to 2008. The park was located in the heart of Manchester city centre adjacent to Harry Ramsden's. The tour attracted over 5 million visitors, but visitor numbers were waning by the late 1990s due to some health and safety violations by staff members.

en

00:27:02

Semi - Ghost

slanderhour ·

2022/05/02

Come nose to nose with sharks and turtles and prepare for astonishingly close views of everything from humble starfish to magical seahorses. Discover the beautiful tropics of Stingray Bay, or the humidity in our dense Rainforest Adventure, go beneath the waves in our underwater tunnels or pop up in our bubble tanks and say hello to our clownfish!

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00:24:00

Semi - Tired

slanderhour ·

2022/04/25

I'm tired mate. I'm exhausted with trying to please you, with trying to second-guess you. I think it's the best part of a decade we've known each other, and yet it turns out I didn't know you at all. You're the tin man, mate. You've got not heart, mate. You never made it to the emerald city. You're just sat in the enchanted forest. Rusting. Tired. Like me. Tired as fuck.

en

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