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PODCAST

The Save The Marriage Podcast

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

27:46

Hot or Cold??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2025/01/15

Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance? Hot or cold?Are they really that different? Or is it all a part of the same process? And how does it affect your attempts to save your marriage? During back-to-back coaching sessions with two couples, I had a case of each. In the first, both were practically red-faced with anger, talking over each other and refusing to listen. In the second session, the couple were cold and distant, refusing to engage with each other,

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21:16

Blame… who’s the problem??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2025/01/08

Maybe your spouse has been saying, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem?Let me reassure you that you are not the first person to wonder that. People search about that on my blog. People write me to ask that same question. Many people start our coaching sessions with the same question. So, what is the truth? Are you the problem? Did you cause the problem? Does that even

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31:40

Hopeful or Hopeless??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/12/18

Miranda asked me, “What do I do? My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too." A while back, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barriers in the way of a spouse working on the marriage… along with how to respond. One of those barriers is hopelessness. But if a spouse is hopeless… how can you hold onto hope? There is an equation of hope: hope = goal + pathways to goal + action to get there. If you noticed from the equation, a spouse (you)

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16:11

When the Holidays Get Heavy: Marriage Crisis

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/12/11

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “merry and bright” of a mythic holiday.And here we are, on the cusp of the Holiday season! It cuts across nations and beliefs. The season is here. A client recently told me, “I just want to crawl into bed and get up on January 2nd." What a loss! She would be losing out! No chance to find the deeper

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24:21

Did Your Therapist Go Straight To Divorce??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/12/04

"In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it," Claire wrote.I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.) Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapist turned to Claire and announced that the marriage was over and she

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15:58

Don’t tell. Here’s why…

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/11/20

I know. It's tempting. Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it. Maybe your friends would be good to tell. Or maybe your family can listen. Or perhaps you should contact your in-laws to "talk some sense" into your spouse.Don't. Stop. Think again before you share. Those words that feel so good right now may come back to haunt you can cause other problems when things turn around. You may be thinking that you will only be telling to get support and love. And you might

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23:40

3 Ways You May Fail (in saving your marriage)

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/11/13

You want to save your marriage. Right? That is why you are here, right? So, what might get in your way? How might you fail in your efforts? Let me be clear: in this podcast episode, I discuss 3 ways YOU may fail at your efforts. This isn't about why your efforts will fail, because of a spouse... or family... or an affair... or anything outside of, well, you. Which is why this episode is so important for you. The 3 ways you may fail, they are all about choices and decisions you can make.

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19:59

Therapy? Coaching? Alone?? Together??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/11/06

I had nearly back-to-back discussions with people about coaching and therapy. One wanted to know if I could see them and their spouse. The other wanted to know if they could go to marital therapy alone. You may already know that I have concerns with marital therapy (yes, I am trained as a therapist). But there are times when marital therapy (given the right circumstances) can be helpful. But can you do it alone? Early in my career (I was still finishing my Ph.D., but was already providing

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26:22

Zombie-Infected Marriage?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/10/30

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?" Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?" Are emotions lost and connections missing? Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?"The infection can be stopped. You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune system. Fight back and restore your relationship to the living and the healthy. Okay, to be fair, this

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22:52

5 Steps to Managing Your Emotions

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/10/16

It can be an emotional storm in the middle of a marriage crisis. Sometimes, it seems that every little thing blows up into big things... almost without control.A marriage crisis is one of the bigger life stressors. If you are dealing with that, you are already emotionally "tapped out." Which means it might not take much for you to boil over... And undo any progress you have been making. I have frequently been told that "I just can't control my emotions." And in reality, the challenge is not

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25:17

The Safety Zone??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/10/09

She started the conversation by telling how she was confused… her spouse had confused her. He said he didn’t feel safe enough to share his emotions, didn’t feel safe enough to move back into their bedroom, didn’t feel safe enough to talk through their issues. She told me, “I have never hurt him or threatened to hurt him. How can he feel unsafe?"Safety (and feeling safe) is an interesting thing. There doesn’t actually have to be a real threat in order to feel unsafe. Our brains are always

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22:08

Why You Are Derailed (And What to Do About It)

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/10/02

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren't quite so hostile.But then.... They get derailed. Thrown off-course. Lost in the crisis. Not surprisingly, any gains made are quickly lost. Things become even more tense and fractured. Why did they get derailed? Four reasons: Distracted, Distanced, Doubtful, and Discouraged. I

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28:02

Change: Can You? Can Your Marriage??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/09/25

Is it actually possible for people to change?? For you to change?? For your marriage to change? That question has been asked for millenia. It is a question of theology, philosophy, and psychology. And yet, sometimes, it seems like there is no real answer. As a student of all three arenas, and as a therapist/coach, I have thought long and hard about this question. Sometimes, people ask me this question, about themselves, about their spouse, or about their relationship. Short answer, "Yes, you

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17:10

Starting Point: Me or WE??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/09/18

What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves... and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage? What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on your marriage?That is the question of the week, asked by Sam. He said his wife wants to better herself. Then, maybe she would address the marriage. As part of my series, answering your questions, I want to address this one. Because it might just be YOUR question, too! (If not, you can SUBMIT YOUR

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49:11

Principle: Connect, Don’t Crowd

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/09/11

Connection is so important for a marriage. When connection is cut off, the relationship falters. When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk. But many people think they are connecting... and they are actually crowding. Crowding, in a struggling marriage, is as toxic as disconnecting. Does it feel like a tightrope? Well, it really isn't. As long, that is, as you understand the underlying principle: Connect, Don't Crowd. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I give

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27:02

3 Turning Points To Act On

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/09/04

Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is... well... continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts.Over the years, I have noted some "turning points," when things often start turning around. And I want to share 3 of these turning points with you. Here is the good news: all 3 turning points I note are 100% within your control. Yes, there are other events and actions that can also turn things (or at least, start turning things). It is not JUST these 3 turning

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26:43

Get Knocked Down, Get Back Up

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/08/28

You started working on saving your marriage. Good for you!And then, you hit a bump. You get knocked down. Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional. Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset. Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s. And it knocks you down. Enough that you think it is over. That you are at the end. But are you? Or do you need to get back up? In most things in life, we think the process is (or should be) smooth. I fall for that myth all the

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23:06

Is Your Spouse Stuck in the Negative?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/08/14

Several listeners asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative. Why don't they remember the good times or see the good things?Over the years, I have noticed this as a recurring and common issue in your efforts to save your marriage. A spouse's thoughts just stay on the negative. Maybe thinking about what is going on now or remembering what happened then. (Memories are just current thoughts about past events -- not accurate representations of the past.) Since

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19:48

How To Know If It’s Too Late To Save Your Marriage

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/08/07

How do you know if it is too late to save your marriage??That happens to be one of the most common questions I get from people... sometimes even at the beginning of a coaching sessions. But also by email and on conference calls. I get it. We all want to know what the future holds. Do you put forth the effort for a lost cause? Do you put your heart on the line, if there just isn't any way to get a positive outcome? So, people want to know... is there a way to know if it is too late? Good

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23:10

The Path is to WE

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2024/07/31

My approach is the 3C approach to saving your marriage. The 3C's are C-onnect, C-hange, and C-reate. Connect with your spouse. Change yourself. Create a new path.The first two may be more obvious... but still missed by many people. Relationships are grown by connection, and harmed by a lack of connection. We grow personally, when we change... and stagnate when we don't. But that path to create. Where to?? I recently got an email that asked just that: "What is the path I am building?

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