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PODCAST

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play

The Stars Aren"t Alright

The Stars Aren"t Alright is an Actual Play comedy/horror podcast, blending the Lovecraftian mythos with a far future, sci fi setting. The Keeper, Brian, uses the Call of Cthulhu TTRPG system to lead Alex, Catherine, Tom, and Leah through a series of mysterious events, unfolding into eldritch horror that stretches their character"s sanity - and, in the end, learning that the true reality bending beings from outside time and space were the friends we made along the way. Find us everywhere at

comedy improv

All Episodes

3:05:16

S1.5 E4: Descent into the Sanctum

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/10/27

Marmot, Maeve, MawlEah and Celery finish up Season 1.5 in style - boot wings included. Reeling from revelations, feeling the crushing weight of corporate greed, and unnerved by the promise of something even darker, our crew descends into the bowels of Gorto City. Save the sister, save the galaxy? Maybe let's just aim for survival. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised. TW:

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2:06:33

S1.5 E3: A Steaming Pile of Exposition

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/10/20

Marmot, Maeve, and MawlEah investigate Lucas Firinn's apartment. Celery keeps watch with eyes big and small. We stay on brand with more sci-fi lube content, and you know what comes back this episode? That's right, the TRAIN BABYYYYY THE TRAIN IS IN THIS ONE TOO CHOOCHOO LETS GOOOOOOOOO (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

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2:11:15

S1.5 E2: The REALest of MEAT

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/10/13

The crew of the Anserina makes their way to an allegory for late stage capitalis- I mean, Stevald IV in their search for Maeve's lost sister, Abigail. Celery uses vanity to get past the space TSA. MawlEah COEXISTS with toxic unicorn toys. Marmot enters the Matrix and wishes he hadn't. Maeve, as always, keeps us on track - her perpetual curse. Oh - there's a train in this one if that's your thing! It comes back later in the series too. Choochoo (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult

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2:27:17

S1.5 E1: The Beginning of an Interlude

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/10/06

Join the crew of the Anserina - Maeve, Marmot, MawlEah, and Celery - as they pursue a contract for their mysterious benefactor, The Officer. An engineer, a hacker, a socialite pilot, and a 126 year old barber might just be the crack team this galaxy needs to save it (but probably not). In this interlude, an all new cast helps us prepare for Season 2 in the best way we know how - crude humor and cosmic horror! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right -

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0:54

Trailer - Season 1

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/09/29

Curious about what you're in for with The Stars Aren't Alright? So are we! Have a quick listen, and then have a longer listen - described as "Absurdist Horror", fans of Aliens, Monty Python, and The Room should feel right at home. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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3:15:50

Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 3 of 3

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/09/22

The horse traps? Knitted. The customers? On hold. The Phil? Collins'd. The Lord's? Justice. Join Cathy, Lonestar, Howie and Craig as they finally discover who is responsible for their misfortune, and the misfortune of the Call Center itself, in the blood gargling conclusion to Catherine's three shot. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy

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2:04:02

Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 2 of 3

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/09/08

Cathy, Lonestar, Craig, and Howie delve deeper into the mysteries of the Call Center. A Caesar cypher makes all of us confront our fragile masculinity. Brian gets to recycle a lot of old sound bites from previous episodes. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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2:37:07

Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 1 of 3

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/08/25

Catherine leads us into the godless pit of despair that is customer service in the Call Center of Cthulhu! Join Howie (Brian), Craig (Alex), Cathy (Leah), and Lonestar (Tom) as they try to keep their sanity in the multidimensional horror of the call center. We commiserate on the service industry for about 13 minutes - skip to that point if you wanna get to the goods! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener

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2:38:38

Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 2

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/07/28

After the planetary landing went sideways, we meet up with our Extreme Tour Guides Sidd, Marco, Adella, and Buddy the Bear on the surface of Radwin V. Things get spooky as the architect of their misfortune delves into their fears and insecurities, and we most certainly do NOT split the party (citation needed) in the uberduber super spoopums finale to our Most Astral of Adventures! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter

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2:25:35

Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 1

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/07/14

Join Marco, Adella, Sidd, and Buddy the Bear - elite tour guides with Astral Adventures LLC - as Tom Keepers us all down to the surface of Radwin V, to lead some rich people on a tour that costs more than most people will make in their lifetimes. This tour was planned and executed using machinery and software sourced from the absolute lowest possible bidder - what could possibly go wrong? (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject

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1:46:13

Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 2

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/06/23

Our gals continue their unintentional spelunking through the cave of horrors in the bloodcurdling conclusion to our GayKeeper series. Brigitte demonstrates how well she can climb. Jessica does her best. Coleen embraces an open-door mentality. Tonya makes statements about democracy. Cathy is glowing. There's a gun in this one. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on

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1:52:05

Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 1

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/06/09

This time we hand Leah the reins, as she leads Brian, Tom, Alex, and our new friend James in a dark and scary cave, for what is probably the third-worst bachelorette party you've ever heard of. Join Brigitte, Coleen, Tonya, and Jessica as they slowly unravel the mystery of missing appendages, and girlboss gatekeep gaslight themselves into and out of trouble. PT 2 coming soon! (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter

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3:02:28

Alex's D&D Oneshot: The Kids Aren't Alright

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/05/12

We give Alex the reins, and he leads us to glory (chaos) and (mis)adventure!As would-be transfers to the prestigious Knockleberry College of Swordsmanship, Spellerey and Sneakerey, our band of rampaging hormone homunculi must navigate the inscrutable and arcane world of a college admissions interview for the pre-eminent adventuring academy in the land. Will Sol's perfectionism be her undoing? Will Hael purge the groups demons? Will Mot get a spot on the basis of being tall and good looking? What the

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3:05:25

Season 1 Recap: I Thought We Had More Time

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/04/15

Keeper and cast unite to discuss season one while we get progressively sillier, until the whole thing devolves into nonsense (even more so than usual). Join us while we discuss characters, storylines, behind the scenes details, tidbits of what might be in the future, and Catherine's childhood office supplies - all while serenaded with a random splattering of music from Season One. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter

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2:33:49

S1E11: Be Not Afraid

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/03/31

Religious Extremists? Check. Wanted Terrorists? Check. The Puddle? Check. Our flimsy plastic bag of humanity makes a desperate attempt to escape Gizen-Sha station, still reeling from the revelations of Lift (and Glade)'s memories...(This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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2:14:08

S1E10: The Fundamentals of the Principles of...

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/03/17

Glade gets in touch with her inner child. Juno realizes our 'ship is sailing through some rough waters. Pyotr decides what he's gonna be when he grows up. Lift tells chatGPT to get bent. Doug completes a Sudoku (subtextually - he's not in this one). (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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2:51:37

S1E9: Fever Dreams

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/03/03

(TW: Suicide 2h36m) Our mishmash of marginally lovable misfits have a chat with the architect of their suffering. Lift and Glade take a walk down memory lane. Juno is humbled. Pyotr closes a deal. Doug is not in this one. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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2:37:27

S1E8: An Industrial Amount of Lube

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/02/18

Our puddle of sentient chaos continues their journey on the Violet King Henry, making their way to Gizen-Sha Station. Juno and Glade open up after taking inventory of the ship's leftover cargo. Lift, Doug, and Pyotr induct Juno into the Thot LLC while she's hammered. Glade and Pyotr demonstrate their conflict resolution skills. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on

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2:27:43

S1E7: No Ships Like Friendships

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/02/04

The increasingly battered and bruised group finally get themselves off the station. Pyotr puts two and two together, and wishes he hadn't. Juno eats crackers and tries to do therapy at Glade. Lift uncovers details about his past that provide more questions than closure...(This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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2:30:50

S1E6: A Spooky, Soylent Hallway

The Stars Aren"t Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play ·

2024/01/21

Our merry gang of degenerates plunges into an alternative route suggested by Special K. Juno starts her electrician's apprenticeship. Pyotr learns about the drip of the future. The evidence of darkness and evil grows stronger - Lift and Glade do violence about it. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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