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PODCAST

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

In the 25+ years Janet Lansbury has worked with children and parents, she"s learned a lot. She"s here to share it with you. Each episode of Unruffled addresses a reader"s parenting issue through the lens of Janet"s respectful parenting approach, consistently offering a perspective shift that ultimately frees parents of the need for scripts, strategies, tricks, and tactics. Janet is a parenting author and consultant whose website (JanetLansbury.com) is visited by millions of readers annually. Her

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

00:43:50

Play That Builds Skills and Bonds Us (with Dr. Tina...

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/04/01

Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence. The guidelines Tina and Georgie offer in "The Way of Play" help make connecting through play easy, natural, and fun as well as

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00:25:51

Crying at Separation

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/03/25

Is it ever okay to say no to our child's requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in this predicament. One shares that her four-year-old "starts crying hysterically and won't calm down" if the parent doesn't acquiesce to her demands immediately. This parent

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00:23:54

When to Let Kids Quit

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/03/18

Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won't cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent's letter in this podcast are common ones: If our child is clearly distressed by an activity or outright rejecting it—even if they agreed to it to begin with—is it okay to let them stop? Will quitting set a

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00:53:50

It's Not Too Late to Stop Yelling or Spanking (with...

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/03/11

Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these

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00:20:57

Tattling and Threats

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/03/04

Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers, siblings, or us, like "If you

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00:24:34

Stop Whining

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/02/25

Our child's whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. "Instead of playing with the entire Toys R Us we have in our home, she whines about the things she wants, and seriously, I'm going to lose my mind." Janet offers a perspective she hopes will help

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00:26:58

Mean Kids

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/02/18

A parent writes to Janet that she's alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that's developed between her and her 4-year-old son, "a very sweet, genuine, kind little person," due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she's tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from her and her partner. The boy also makes threats like, "I'm going to punch you," sometimes following through. This mom suspects that two situations may be causing her

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00:38:33

The Joy in Letting Babies Move Freely (with Elsa Chahin)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/02/11

Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote "respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult." Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in this episode to discuss the innumerable, proven benefits of allowing babies to develop their motor skills naturally. These benefits include

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00:24:41

Too Needy, Too Stubborn, Too Emotional, Too Bossy,...

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/02/04

Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler's insistence on doing it himself, and another child's seemingly constant need for a parent's validation can all be seen (and approached far more effectively!) as strengths. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at:

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00:26:56

I Don't Like My Kids, and That Breaks My Heart

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/01/28

Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she's struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the issue and suggests a new approach for her to try. Surprisingly, the solution they come up with is not stricter enforcement, but just the opposite.Learn more about

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00:30:17

If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/01/21

A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but

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00:26:47

Resolving Our Kids' Annoying Behaviors

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/01/14

Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids' persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they've tried just don't seem to be working. "... I am constantly getting at my child, telling her 'No, stop that, not so close,' etc., and after a while I get incredibly frustrated as I just need my personal space." "My two year old has taken to

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00:24:14

Crying, Screaming, Resisting, Sadness - Your Best...

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2025/01/07

Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there's a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it's the little bit of empathy we felt as we limited one of our child's bothersome behaviors. Or a momentary sense of confidence in ourselves as leaders rising above the fray. Or the realization that we could, just that

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00:19:32

Be Careful What You Teach - It Might Interfere With...

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/12/31

Janet responds to a question from a caregiver who says the family she works for is interested in teaching their son ABC's and other lessons. The child is sometimes disinterested and refuses to participate, and she wonders: “Is there a respectful approach to teaching children?” Janet responds with an alternative perspective on early childhood learning that focuses on providing the best foundation possible for children to develop their innate abilities and a lifelong love of learning. This is an

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00:19:38

Dear Parents: You Are Not Failing

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/12/24

In this encore episode, a mom is at her wit's end and describes a series of challenging family separations and transitions, including the birth of a sibling. Now one of her twins yells and screams from morning until night. The other twin is defiant and “is always telling me ‘no’ and doing things he knows he’s not supposed to be doing.” This mom says their behavior is so extreme she spends most of the day in tears, feeling like a failure, and then ends up yelling. She’s looking for Janet’s advice how

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00:34:56

Embrace the Privilege of Parenthood (With Neha Ruch)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/12/17

Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which seeks to reimagine parenthood as a pause or “downshift" and an opportunity to find our passions. Through Mother Untitled, Neha connects a

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00:29:55

5 Daily Discipline Reminders

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/12/10

Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn't the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we're mystified as to what's gotten into them), that they need us to be their confident, empathic leader—a role that doesn't always come naturally. In this episode, Janet shares a shortlist of simple reminders for making setting limits with our kids

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00:41:27

How to Calm Ourselves (With Mr. Chazz)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/12/03

By now, we’ve all heard that Step One for effectively addressing our kids' behaviors and emotional storms is to first calm ourselves. Sounds simple, but as Janet has often shared, she believes this to be the biggest challenge we as parents face. Here's good news: Janet's guest this week is dynamic and passionate educator Mr. Chazz, and he has learned a self-calming process that he believes in 100%. Happily, he shares it in detail in this episode and who knows? It may very well come in handy this

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00:20:32

When Our Kids Seem Troubled by Our Emotions and Moods

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/11/26

In this encore episode, a parent writes that she and her husband are concerned their toddler feels responsible for their emotions. This is a trait they both recognize from their own backgrounds. “He asks again and again, ‘Happy, mommy?’ as if he’s trying to help me be happy.” This mom says that if she admits to her toddler that, no, she is not entirely happy at the moment, he gives her hugs and cuddles and persists in asking if she's happy. While these parents want to foster their child’s empathy

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00:26:56

Erratic, Unreasonable Behavior

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled ·

2024/11/19

A mother reaches out to Janet because her 3-year old's behavior has recently become erratic and unpleasant, and she’s struggling to make sense of it. She writes that her boy is strong-willed, smart, kind, high energy and wonderful to be around. But lately he's quick to anger, throws things, screams NO to simple requests, is pushy with his younger sister and gets easily overwhelmed when disappointed. He even behaved wildly and disruptively in a weekly music class he normally enjoys. Janet offers some

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