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PODCAST

We Read Movies

There are good gay movies out there, but we won"t be talking about them. We"re three unqualified nobodies who discuss the very worst that gay cinema has to offer. At We Read Movies, we don"t just watch movies, we read them for filth.

health sexuality

All Episodes

93:00

They/Them (with Adam Sass)

We Read Movies ·

2022/10/10

This week, for Spooky Season we watched the recent LGBTQ+ Kevin Bacon horror movie They/Them, about a killer who's stalking a gay conversion camp. Except, it's barely a horror movie, since the kids are in no danger, and the only people getting slashed are the jerks who run the camp. And because it bares a certain similarity to his book, Surrender Your Sons, we invited Adam Sass to come talk about it with us. Topics discussed: Tim Curry's hatred of Scrappy Doo Shirley Markowitz DoesTheDogDie.com Gay

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94:48

At the End of the Day

We Read Movies ·

2022/09/19

This week, we watched the 2018 gay christian movie At the End of the Day, about a bigot who learns, through subterfuge and the power of love, to be slightly less bigotted. Featuring inappropriate pranks and even more inappropriate eating, the movie left us with a couple of questions, like "is this even a gay movie?" Topics discussed: What's Kyle's whole deal? Why is Bruce a gay name? The correct pronunciation of gif Monster energy drink is not one of god's creations We Read Movies This podcast is

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96:50

Ice Blues

We Read Movies ·

2022/08/15

This week, we watched the fourth and final (until we get that Kickstarter off the ground) movie in the Donald Strachey mysteries, Ice Blues. The most comprehensible and therefore the least fun of the series, it's also his least gay, but don't worry, we'll still find plenty to talk about, like how much killing a man with his bare hands seems to turn Strachey's husband on. Topics discussed: Why do bearer bonds exist? What would you name your lawfirm? This title doesn't make any sense Pizza crime We

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80:41

House of Adam

We Read Movies ·

2022/08/01

This week, we watched the 2006 movie House of Adam. Done by the same director as past episode D'Agostino, this movie purports to be a gay ghost story, but the ghost doesn't show up for until the last 5 minutes or so. Instead we get about 40 minutes of corporate intrigue, some straight people who are very game for violating the Geneva Conventions in the name of justice, and an unintentionally hilarious hate crime. Topics discussed: What is Detective School? Chris describes a porno Sexy ghosts Eric

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78:56

Shadowlands

We Read Movies ·

2022/07/18

This week, we watched the 2018 movie anthology. No, not that Shadowlands... No, not that Shadowlands either... The other one. The gay one. Okay, well, they made a gay movie called Shadowlands and someone fucks a ghost in it. It's not surprising that you've never heard of it, but I promise you it's real. You can watch it on Tubi if you want, but don't bother, it wasn't good. Anyway, that's the movie we watched this week Topics discussed: Which painting would you have sex with? Ghost sex The

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89:06

Cruising

We Read Movies ·

2022/07/04

This week, we watched the 1980 Al Pacino movie Cruising, about a serial killer stalking the gay S&M cruising community, and the undercover cop who maybe catches him. Or maybe is the killer himself? The movie's very confusing, but what we do know is that someone's getting fisted in the background of one of the scenes, so we're on board! Topics discussed: The best thing to shoplift Jim Varney's extra skin How can Punch and Judy be more fun? One of the wildest scenes we've ever seen How to catch a

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34:33

SHORTS: Stonewall and Queer Pop Culture (with Matt...

We Read Movies ·

2022/06/13

This week, as a supplement to our episode on Stonewall, we had the incomparable Matt Baume on to talk to us about queer representation both before and after the Stonewall riots. Join us as we learn about the history of queer portrayals in media, from anti-gay propaganda films up to that time Archie Bunker met a trans woman Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.youtube.com/c/mattbaume https://twitter.com/mattbaume?lang=en We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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78:39

Stonewall

We Read Movies ·

2022/06/06

This week, because it's Pride Month, we talked about the 2015 movie Stonewall, the movie that asked, what if we took a real event and replaced almost all the black people in it with one bland white dude? Also, they throw in a little fem shaming and a weird third act kidnapping, Topics discussed: The Corndog Killer How to hide your porn Gay directors making gay movies for straight people Mercifully we DON'T talk about kink at Pride discourse Is J. Edgar Hoover in this movie? We Read Movies This

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76:34

Hold Your Peace

We Read Movies ·

2022/05/23

This week, Chris texted the group while drunk on a Wednesday at 12:30am and said "guys we NEED to do the 2011 movie Hold Your Peace. The movie is super boring, it's about a guy who's trying to break up his ex's wedding. But the bachelor party scene is incredible!" (There were a lot more spelling errors in the text, but we sheltered you from that) Was Chris right? Was the bachelor party incredible, or merely deeply upsetting? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The rules of King's Cup MLM sex toy

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90:00

Kept Boy

We Read Movies ·

2022/05/12

Sorry it's late! Chris decided to eat at a disreputable but delicious teriyaki place and then be bedridden for 3 days with the worst case of food poisoning he's ever had, but this week, we watched the 2017 movie Kept Boy. When an aging sugar baby feels his boyfriend falling for the pool boy, he tries to win him back through trickery. But is it really him who's being tricked? Or the audience, by the most ridiculous twist ending we've ever seen? Also, will this experience teach Chris anything about

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82:09

B&B

We Read Movies ·

2022/04/25

This week, the very funny and excellent Duncan Robertson (author of Visegrad: A Novel) joined us to talk about the 2017 film B&B. When husbands Marc and Fred return to the B&B they were kicked out of one year ago for being gay, they find themselves embroiled in a murder plot so weird that even after talking about it for several hours, we're still a little hazy on the details. Will they survive the night? Is that hot Russian gangster there to kill them or bang them? What kind of a B&B

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82:28

Death Drop Gorgeous

We Read Movies ·

2022/04/11

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Death Drop Gorgeous. Not to confused with that other movie with a similar name, this one is about a slasher stalking the streets of gay Providence, RI. Can the case be solved by a down on his luck bartender, or an aging drag queen, or a pair of detectives one of whom looks like he's a literal baby? Or is one of the aforementioned people secretly the killer? Let's find out! Topics discussed: That episode of Star Trek where they all get horny for each

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88:24

Red Ribbon Blues

We Read Movies ·

2022/03/28

This week, we watched Red Ribbon Blues, a 1996 HIV medication heist film starring Paul Mercurio, Lipsinka, Debi Mazar, and RuPaul, but don't get too excited by the cast because it's not very good. It does, however, introduce us to a certain cop named Detective Bones. Topics discussed: Air Bud as a cop Batman villains are weird What could these red ribbons mean We're making an art wish list The unfortunate history of the appetite suppressing chocolate called Ayds Links mentioned in this

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69:36

Querelle

We Read Movies ·

2022/03/14

This week, we watched the classic gay art house film Querelle. Ostensibly about murder, sailors and sex, it goes off the rails as soon as a lusty ship's lieutenant stsrts recording his inner most thoughts, and we have an absolute blast with it Topics discussed: How to masturbate without getting jizz on your pajamas Thoughts of the sea naturally leading to thoughts of murder Dating your twin It's not gay if you enjoy it We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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75:28

Groupers

We Read Movies ·

2022/02/28

This week, we watched the incoherent 2019 moVie "Groupers". What starts as an Incoherent revenge plot to turn two homophobeS gay by connEcting them at the dick gets even weirder when a ganG of neo-nazis show up to Ruin everything. And if thAt description makes it sound like the fun kind of baD, you've been fooled the same way we were. Topics discussed: Commercials on Tubi The worst college bar experiences Boners are complicated Skipping the pivotal first thirty seconds of a movie Links mentioned

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75:59

Wedding Wars

We Read Movies ·

2022/02/14

This week, we watched the 2006 John-Stamos-plays gay TV movie Wedding Wars. When a gay wedding planner finds out that his brother is deeply homophobic, he organizes a gay strike that spoiler alert goes nowhere and does nothing. But we've got a star studded cast at least! Topics discussed: Will and Grace The many problems plaguing the town of Derry, Maine Republican campaign ads The very on the nose naming of Gay dot com Marriage We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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72:19

D'Agostino

We Read Movies ·

2022/01/31

This week, we watched the 2012 movie D'Agostino, which bills itself as an gay movie, and which had us all sold the minute we saw the description in Tubi used the words "human clone." Is it one of the most wild movies we've ever talked about? Yes. Is it actually gay? Well.... Find out! Topics discussed: How long does it take to make a stew? Eric references some pretentious theater Reviews are out of control Ahhhhhhhhhh! We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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74:05

Complete Strangers

We Read Movies ·

2022/01/17

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Complete Strangers. When a guy with retrograde amnesia meets a guy who is very clearly trying to murder him, they instantly fall in love. What follows makes even less sense than that premise. Will our hero survive? Will our podcast hosts? Topics discussed: Pornhub Ratings Gaslighting Romantic baths are disgusting We're super bad at accents, but we're better than the actors are Gay Tommy Wiseau We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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65:33

Strapped

We Read Movies ·

2022/01/03

This week, we watched the too-pretentious-even-for-Chris 2010 movie Strapped. When a hustler becomes trapped in an Alice in Wonderland like apartment building, he's gotta unsexily bone his way out, changing his personality and name with each encounter. And maybe, just maybe, the studio execs will decide that he needs to find love along the way. Topics discussed: How did Nixon like to self-pleasure? Mythical creatures The patron saint of bottoms How much would you charge for a kiss? Would Kirby

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30:55

SHORTS: Catfish Killer

We Read Movies ·

2021/12/27

This week, we're bringing you our lost short episode, The Catfish Killer. The movie's about a guy and he's slashing people who catfished him, but that's not important and we barely talk about it. We mostly do some Fast and Furious ASMR Topics discussed: Which Mario character would be into NFTs? Using hashtags in front of words The Fast and also The Furious A gritty Pete and Pete horror movie where Petunia issues dark commands We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

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