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PODCAST

Monster Crush

Dating can be hard - especially when your date is the legendary Bigfoot! Where do you take a guy like that? More importantly, where do you find a guy like that? You"re in luck because our crypto-woo-ologists have a binder full of suitable candidates ready for one hell of a good time. Whether or not our bait survives is up to them. Who says love isn"t without a few risks?

comedy

All Episodes

01:08:26

Date 70 - Mothman Pt. 2 Clappable Chrome Cryptid Cakes

Monster Crush ·

2023/12/25

An episode just in time for your holiday travels (but maybe skip the bridge part if you are driving over one), it's Mothman Part 2! So strap in and strap on for all you've ever wanted to know about everyone's favorite winged harbinger of doom! Featuring: Here come the Men in Black, The Smiling Man, Mothman can smell your menstruation, bridge collapsing bummers, just all of the conspiracy theories, Mothman's Chicago rebranding, and everyone's new favorite cryptid: BIGHOOT CW:

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00:49:14

Date 69 (NICE) - Like a Mothman to the Flame

Monster Crush ·

2023/12/19

It's finally here! Episode 69 of Monster Crush (nice nice nice) and for this very special occasion we bring you everyone's favorite cryptid harbinger of doom, the one and only MOTHMAN. And just because we can't get enough of this red-eyed nightmare beast, this is only part ONE of a TWO PART SERIES! Featuring: Mothman is a (tragic) Christmas story, cryptids who kill, touchable butts, West Virginia is for Monsters, Everyone's favorite cryptids, the inexplicable life of John Keel,

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01:17:18

Date 68 - The Most Cursed Gifts

Monster Crush ·

2023/11/27

In honor of the important recent holiday, Black Friday (duh), we change things up a bit this week. Instead of monsters we discuss Cursed/Haunted Items! Would you purchase something knowing it's cursed? Many people have and in this episode we talk about three of the biggest cursed items out there. Featuring: The "Mummy" that sank the Titanic, A New Game: Damn, That's Scary to Look At, Dybbuk Box scares, Take Jedi warnings seriously, Shakespeare's favorite orgy bed, and an ode

en

01:12:45

Date 67 - Hoo Loves You Baby

Monster Crush ·

2023/11/14

Ready for a cryptid that LD described as "unsettling in a sexy way"? Who? Exactly. No, who? Yes, exactly. That joke only kind of works in text but what does work is the Owlman of Mawnan! Get ready for big wings and an even bigger heart and an EVEN BIGGER set of eyes that will leave you in fear! Featuring: Batman: the cryptid of Gotham, Spooky News: Monster Mash Money and Goldie Hawn's close encounter, MORGAWR!, Cryptids & Conmen, Definitely Glowing Eyes, This is the same (cryptid)

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01:13:32

Date 66 - Tingles In All The Right Places

Monster Crush ·

2023/10/31

Happy Halloween from all of us at Monster Crush! To celebrate this, the most monstrous time of the year, LD presents her first singletons! We get down and smutty with a group of singletons pulled straight from the mind of two-time Hugo award nominee, and writer of works such as Space Raptor Butt Invasion and Bisexual Mothman Mailman Makes A Special Delivery In Our Butts, Dr. Chuck Tingle! One thing is for sure in this episode, we are going to prove LOVE IS REAL! Featuring: Nessie neck problems,

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01:02:21

Date 65 - New Blood

Monster Crush ·

2023/10/17

Some bittersweet news for our humble show. Co-founder, co-host, and co-cryptowoologist Heaven-Leigh has had to step back from the show. She is safe and healthy but some recent life events (including good stuff like a promotion) have left her without the time she feels that Monster Crush deserves. We wish Heaven-Leigh the absolute best of luck and want you all to know that the second she has time to come back, there will always be a seat waiting for her. But the show must go on! At least Derek and

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01:01:28

Date 64 - A Cryptid By Any Other Name Pt.2

Monster Crush ·

2023/10/02

It's PART 2 of A Cryptid By Any Other Name! The final addition to this mini series of oddly-named monsters gives us a practical bounty of creepy-creature-delights. Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with the folkloric Jimmy Squarefoot and eldritch being, The Nameless Thing of Berkeley Square. We also discover a rival to THE WORST CRYPTID NAME EVER, stand back **********, Mel's Hole has some competition for you. Featuring: Nicknames in life, the secrets of Mel's Hole, justice for the sheep,

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01:03:50

Date 63 - Not Sorry to Bug You

Monster Crush ·

2023/09/18

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Not anymore! We're armed and here to annihilate!!! In aMonster Crush first, Derek chooses which to kill between two insect cryptids. Judgment free, but these guys are GROSS! Do we need both of them, really? I don't think so! Warning: This episode contains sensitive topics such as genocide, brief mentions of needles, insects, blood, and spiders. Featuring: Sweet Blood™️; Spooky News Update!; Sad Bug Poems; Bugs Ain' Got No Bones; A Mosquito With

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01:21:55

Monster Crush Bonus: D&D Lycanthropes with the Lady Dame

Monster Crush ·

2023/09/03

Get ready for a little playful biting as Derek is joined by a special guest, The Lady Dame (LD)! LD lends her lovely voice to the show for a special episode of exploring all things lycanthrope through the lore of Dungeons & Dragons. There's blood and hair in weird places so you know it will be a good time! Warning, this podcast contains discussions of body horror, arachnophobia, real and fictional diseases, and violence. Featuring: Werebeast Etymology; Smokey the Werebear; Rats Human Hands;

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00:55:15

Date 62 - Clamoring for Love

Monster Crush ·

2023/08/20

There are a lot of them, they're fast-moving, and maybe the politest love interests we've ever had?? This week, the Tuscumbia Space Penguins set their sights on our grassy mounds! Insert another sexual innuendo here! Aliens! Featuring: Spooky News; Don’t Check the Weather; Milk Princess; Nice Guy (Derogatory); Kangaroo Leather; Geena Davis; Bloopers. We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and no-longer-on-the-market Nick Lambert. Find him on

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01:11:39

Date 61 - A Cryptid By Any Other Name Pt.1

Monster Crush ·

2023/08/06

Is not a cryptid by any other name just as smoochable? This week we explore our romantic options with two objectively silly named cryptids, The Old Saybrook Blockheads and The Sandown Clown. We also discuss THE WORST CRYPTID NAME EVER, a name I will not type in these show notes. Strap in and strap on! Featuring: Is Your Sister HOT?, Spooky News, Objectively Bad Names, Ugly Aliens, Thing Facts, The National Poo Museum, Sounds Humans Love, Origins of "Hello", Big Bimbo-Energy Clowns, and

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01:08:28

Date 60 - When God Closes one Door, He Ropens Another

Monster Crush ·

2023/07/16

This week we head to Papua New Geninue in search of God's little miracle the Ropen, a not-dinosaur that was consciously curated to eat fish, rob graves, and act as the best nightlight around. Take that, Devil! (PS: I tried to build an audio cave out of cardboard boxes I stole from my hot neighbor's recycling and it messed up my audio really bad, sorry!) Featuring: Sorry Dad!; Dino Yes or No; Grave Robbing; Devil Pranks; Cryptids for Christ; Banana for (Radioactivity) Scale. We are proud

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01:09:26

Date 59 - From the Vault: Arctic Blast From the Past

Monster Crush ·

2023/07/03

Brrr, what's that? It's a b-b-blast from the past with our first ever FROM THE VAULT episode. We recorded this episode almost two years ago to the day and immediately blacked out, we don't remember a thing. Recently resurfaced, we've blown off the dust and present this gently used episode for your enjoyment. Blast the AC, bundle up, and don't forget your snow goggles, we're finding love below zero (degrees Fahrenheit). Featuring: Lite Blood Magick; (OG) Spooky News!; Gay

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01:05:10

Date 58 - Boss Babes Pt. 2

Monster Crush ·

2023/06/19

Bigger, badder, bossier. Bowser may rule with an iron fist, but at least he has a kingdom. This week's boss babe isn't interested in anything except the total destruction of Hyrule. Uh-oh – red flag alert! (His beige flag is that he's a redhead.) Featuring: Spooky News!; Ice Planet Barbarians; F**k Scott Fitzgerald; Sex Pollen; Bitter, Old Witches; Tears of the Kingdom Spoilers; Holy Rain; Competitive Dates. We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the

en

00:53:38

Date 57 - Boss Babes Pt. 1

Monster Crush ·

2023/06/12

We talk about a lot of serious, real monsters on this show – like real, actual Bigfoot, and actually real Mothman. For this episode, we thought it would be fun to talk about totally fake monsters that don't actually exist (not typical of our show at all!). And these bachelors aren't just basic bad guys, they are Boss Bad Guys, Boss Hotties, Boss Babes. Digging deep into video game lore, Derek presents two of the badest bosses around: Bowser and Ganon(dorf). Featuring: That’s a Monster

en

01:05:19

Date 56 - I Saw Goody Derek with the Devil Creatures...

Monster Crush ·

2023/05/29

This week prepare to get hot, humid, and spelunked! We explore all the nooks and crannies of the world's stinkiest cave for a genuinely bulletproof love. Warning: this episode contains sensitive topics such as xenophobia, war, and antisemitic conspiracy theories. Featuring: U.S. of (Mothman’s) Ass; Midnight (m)Ass; Sharks; Spooky News!; Weird Poop; Hellish Hissing; Outside Cloud Inside; Biblical Scapegoat; Shoutout Derek’s Mom; Bloopers. We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our

en

01:16:30

Date 55 - Krack Open a Wet One with the Boys

Monster Crush ·

2023/05/15

This week we go deep diving for love. You know him, you fear him, you may have built a home on him thinking he was a set of islands (it happens to the best of us) – it's time to unleash the Kracken! Warning: this episode contains sensitive topics such as death and necrophilia. Featuring: Alien’s Conspiracy Theories; News of the World: Bowser x Luigi; The Scent of a Christian; Movie Twists; Minestrone Soup of Monsters; Deleted "Hamilton" Numbers; Straight Shittin'. We are proud to

en

01:05:31

Date 54 - The Hate Stops Here

Monster Crush ·

2023/04/30

That monster under your bed keeps you up at night with its rancid vibes and bad takes, but it can make you laugh like no one else. A werewolf keeps showing up at your work and demanding to speak to your manager, and you can't help but notice they are kind of cute. That's not your enemy; that's your enemy to lover! Seething disdain and tension so thick you could choke on it can only be a good boon for your future relationship. CW: implied homophobia, stalking, incest, twilight, nuclear

en

01:26:16

Date 53 - Squatch Your Heart Pt. 2

Monster Crush ·

2023/04/16

I bet you thought, "Oh sure, they say they're back, but I've heard that before. We shall see in two weeks." Surprise! We're back a week early because we're trying to make it up to you, okay? We couldn't leave you sweating as you waited for more Bigfoot! Featuring: When dogs go wild; Patty's pendulous breasts; I got kidnapped by Bigfoot and all I got was the ick; Josh Hutcherson; snake < mongoose < Gustav; shout out Derek’s mom; a lot of poop talk;

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00:58:54

Date 52 - Squatch Your Heart Pt. 1

Monster Crush ·

2023/04/09

Risen from the grave and casually ignoring that we ghosted you for the last two years, you're not-favorite-but-at-least-top-100 most delightful duo is back! We couldn't return empty-handed, so we've brought North America's most eligible bachelor, Bigfoot! Featuring: Life updates; dead dove (open); famous woodworkers; Clark Gable lookalikes; Big Foot Facts!; Everything Showers. We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible

en

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