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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

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All Episodes

00:01:28

Throw Me a Line

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/24

USA sent fifty million dollars in condoms to Gaza. Found out later they decided to make condom bombs instead with all their free rubbers. Come on now, this is too easy. Let’s say you’re the runt of the litter and someone gives you fifty million dollars’ worth of free rubbers. You could go find a nice girl to share a bag of pork rinds with, or, make a condom bomb to blow up the One Hour Martinizing store up the street. I know what I would do – and I’m not thinking dry cleaning. D'Otis explains

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00:01:29

Orange Sunrise

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/13

ORANGE SUNRISE Thanks to the new Orange sunrise over Washington, a system-wide peristalsis has begun, moving the waste and waste by-products from the gut of government. In its place, luxury, prosperity and of course endless boogie! Can you dig it. But as always, Donkey Darkness is on the rise working to stop common sense before it breaks out. Better to maintain the rot for the next wave of pajama-wielding protesters daydreaming of the day they’ll get to throw their deadly avocado toast at

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00:01:29

Trump Dance

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/04

TRUMP DANCE It’s a dance. It’s a movement. No wait, it’s the Trump Shuffle, and all the kids are doing it. How low can you go? Just put your bottom on a swivel and leave your pronouns at the door! The Trump Shuffle is ground zero in the land of a thousand dances. But you won’t see it on The View. Oh hell no. They’re still worried it’ll give you the Monkey Pox or something – you filthy pig! Look, it’s OK to celebrate, but you better hurry. The Trump Dance is a limited time offer. The

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00:01:29

Honor Snacks

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/02/02

The Honor Snacks man finally went back around to check on his snack box after the Biden White House cleared out. Naturally it came in light, again. The little bedwetters had their grubby little mitts on the Captains Wafers but never left the fifty cents in the slot. So much for Donkey people and the Honor Snacks idea. One of them even stuck a note down the slot about how oppressed people shouldn’t have to pay and everyone else should be ashamed for asking. You can learn a lot from a box of

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00:01:29

Biden Library Tour part 1

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/22

In our special preview of the new Biden Library, we'll discover what you'll see once you’ve passed through the giant 2-story bottle of hand sanitizer built right into the entrance to this historic and bothered place. Yes. the Biden Library is a living monument to the big cheese! Visitors will see his actual beach chair, permanently indented with the presidential butt cheeks, where Joey spent 40% of his time as president. That’s right next to the Statue of Lethargy where you get a close up look at

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00:01:29

Greenland

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/17

GreenlandOrange Man says it's time for us to go ahead and take Greenland’s stuff. That’s right. Everything they’ve got is about to be ours! This is so simple. Why didn’t anybody think of taking Greenland’s stuff before? Whatever it is – just fork it over! Look, we’ll pay ‘em back, for their stuff, and here's a great way we can start: Let's put The Biden Library right there in Greenland! It needs a home anyway and nobody else is asking. Just imagine the tourist business. Everybody will

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00:01:29

Kamala in a Blender

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/15

Kamala has returned from happy hour to make more speeches at us. She’s got some flowery new words to go into the non-sense blender - now set to liquify! "I will ask you to remember the context in which you exist," says Kamala to the great unwashed! How much more of this chin boogie can we take? Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Stud Finders

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/09

There’s an Orange sunrise coming. A new President means man business is back in style. Men are even opening car doors again (that's how they get inside.) Guys are even out changing flat tires whether they’re flat or not, just for a way to get dirty. Something’s working. Lab grown meat is going away and pom poms on gym socks are coming back. Stud Finders Family Rebuilding Centers are springing up everywhere. Shrunken heads are going back on rear view mirrors and moms are ironing patches on

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00:01:30

Tiny Tim

The Otis Advisory ·

2025/01/03

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, what’s happened to Tiny Tim after he and Giggles lost the election?” Well, we do know the crying hasn’t stopped. Poor Timmy can’t seem to keep his face out of a box of Kleenex every time he thinks about what could have been what it is, after it’s already been what it used to was! That’s the unburdened mind trick Timmy learned from Giggles. Now they’re both trying to forget by going to as many Young Thug shows as they could before that soul train pulls up to the

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00:01:29

Wonder Bread

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/12/27

If you’ve been living on Wonder Bread and olive loaf for the last few years we’ve got good news. You’re about to get an upgrade. There’s a big orange sunrise over the white house that will put new wheels on that grocery cart and save your butt from going boneless and skin-less. So where has all the Bidenomics money been going? Well here’s one: Team Kamala went through a billion in Donkey money in just 3-months trying to get elected. They even overshot that by twenty million, oops! “Hell we spill

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00:01:29

AOC for PRESIDENT

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/12/17

Now excuse the mess but, teen-aged congressman type person Sandy Cortez (the name on the arrest warrant) is running for President! She looked inside her official NPR tote bag and found a note signed by fifty-one Intelligence Officers saying, “Great idea honey, go ahead and bring your special brand of crazy to the White House! And since Hunter got pardoned he can be Vice President" Why not, Hunter knows all there is to know about Vice. So the denutification of America (which will eliminate

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00:01:29

Holiday From The Sex

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/11/27

The punishment phase following the presidential election has now started. Donkey Ladies everywhere have announced the end of sex as we know it. Men are now officially cut off as punishment for helping Orange Man win the White House. Remember all this is happening just because Kamala didn’t win , even with the endorsement of DJ Toilet Brush. Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:30

USA

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/11/14

Good morning America - look what you did! You sent Donald Trump back to the White House for another go at the controls, this time with eyes wide open and a new FBI guy. The citizens of America had a mostly peaceful protest and are now ready to swipe-left. So Joey, Kamala and the rest of Gang Green start packing your stuff! You’ll be exiting through the gift shop today and now paying retail like everybody else. Enjoy! As for young Hunter (“more coffee Warden?”) he’ll be on his way to the big

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00:01:29

Let's Be Clear

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/11/01

When anyone says to you, “Let’s be Clear,” you’re hard-earned toxic masculinity tells you something different - that is, whatever is coming next is just bull crap. It’s like showing up to the Halloween dance with a bone saw – it just sends the wrong message. But this time around, Joe and Josephine lunch box are on to the “Let’s Be Clear” crowd for the same reason nobody’s going to pardon Hunter this trip. And just like Hunter, “Let’s be Clear” has just stopped working altogether. A cow with no

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00:01:29

Drag and Drop

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/10/22

The lady in the pantsuit really doesn’t dig these TV interviews. She has to be dragged and dropped into the chair just to get her to the studio. But to be fair, unless they give you the questions in advance, how are you supposed to know what answers you need to make up? Orange man doesn’t have that problem. With diarrhea of the mouth, he’ll tell you what he’s thinking all the time, so there’s never any confusion. But comfortably numb and packed in her own juice, VP giggles knows what’s good for

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00:01:29

Pager Surprise

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/10/02

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, will TicTok blow up my pager if I vote orange?” Well maybe, but think about it this way. The fluffy stuff in between the feathers is called the down. That’s what you want to be right there. Be the down, not the feathers. Because in the New America you don’t want to try too hard. Soft and shapeless is best for your reputation. Be open to anything – but don’t commit. Be the greeniest weenie in the office, and do anything for free shipping – anything! Remember

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00:01:29

Infested with Men

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/09/25

With the denutification of America, men have become subprime in today’s marketplace of ideas. Men are simple organisms always having to work around Madonna, or somebody, trying to rescue them from thinking wrong and growing all that fur. But nobody asks what men want? There’s a lot of confusion about that. “Men should be more like mozzarella cheese,” said Kamala, “soft, light and not attempt too much.” The correct people worry that watching cat videos and shopping for edible electric cars may

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00:01:29

Taco Salad

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/09/20

Everybody knows a taco salad is just pretend. Sure it might say salad on the sign, but you know what’s really going on. Taco salad is as phony as it gets. But what if a taco salad ran for President? “Hi, I’m Kamala, maybe you’ve heard about me on TV!” Every carefully constructed mouthful of these answers is perfectly sized for the little guy and well chewed before publishing. But Joe and Josephine Lunchbox are way smarter than they think. So, when someone you don’t know and haven’t personally

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00:01:29

Free House

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/09/13

Luxury, prosperity and endless boogie – that’s what Orange Man has for you this election season. Man of Orange says, “Elect me and you’ll have a job. But not to be outdone, Kamala says, “Hold on there – why work? Hell I’ll spot you a house if you are one of our 12 million new alien arrivals from down south.” How does Orange compete with a free house? The secret is in Kamala’s new simplified tax form for anybody left working. Just 2 lines to fill out: Line 1, how much did you make? Line 2,

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00:01:28

McDonalds Resume

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/09/13

Kamala was surprised to learn from the staff that she used to work at McDonalds. “Just go with it,” said one operative. “The great unwashed will love you more if you just giggle and say, “I’m the one that made the fried pies! This is how we fool the wife of the people. But why stop with the McDonald’s gag? Tell ‘em about when you were a tight end for the Rams, or that intern thing at Beer Camp, or your summer with the Cajan Navy. Any of it’s better than talking about trying to pay the rent, or

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