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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:53

#274 - The Consumption Assumption

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/06/25

Boy, do we take things for granted, or what? I mean, sure we could dedicate our precious moments toward considering the possibility of where we might be if these ant piles called cities weren’t constructed before our birth, but who the heck has time to reflect on the persistence of humanity and how it scratched its way to the top of the food chain when there’s malls to scope and Taco Bells to ring? I know what you’re thinking, here we go again with a rant about the annoyances of a complacent

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02:59

#273 - No Yourself

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/06/17

No one wants to be lonely. Human beings need social interaction. Which explains why the smart phone is truly your bestie because it will always respond to you brightly, saturating your glowing face with reverence. Even at your most compromised moments when the eyes are drooping and the teeth need brushing, it worships your existence with unflappable consistency That is real love, Baby. And it can never abandon you because you own it. But really, who owns who? Because that adoration can be a

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02:44

#272 - The Salad That Changed Everything

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/06/10

A handful of times in your life, an event will occur that creates a personal shift and reorganizes your priorities. It is these clear moments of revelation that procure the cornerstones you will one day harken back to, as the rare incidents almost always happen when you are subconsciously ready, but unsuspecting. In an instant, your mind is determined, from opinion to absolute fact, an unequivocal understanding of how your belief system is quantified. What takes place is an utter recalibration of

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02:57

#271 - How Shit Works

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/06/03

The longer you stick around on this cylindrical manifestation of matter in this expansive space of coalescing energy, the more you understand how the forces of alchemy interact to create this experience. And the better you become at surrendering to how the laws of physics and metaphysics cooperate, the better your advantage for remaining upright in this weird amalgamation of organic confluence. It’s that simple. But there’s nothing simple about learning which dangerous obstacles to avoid for

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02:49

#270 - Anti-Social Media

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/05/27

It’s getting extremely difficult to differentiate between feelings in the cyber world and the real world. I mean, how do you know the true intention of someone who communicates with smiley faces blowing heart kisses, or gushes copious amounts of tears when they find something to be funny, yet won’t return your phone call for four days? Come to think about it, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried. I wish it happened more often. I think I’m starting to get it, though. These icons

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02:41

#269 - Pot Purri (Originally Posted as Episode #18)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/05/20

My roommate had a bag of Funyuns. I had a bag of Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos. My other friend had brought over a bag of Sour Cream Ruffles with ridges that he mistakenly left on the coffee table the night before next to the bong, the rolling tray, and the dab rig. There was a Domino’s pizza box with a couple slabs left over, too. We heated up the pizza and placed one slice on two separate plates, then as a side dish, combined three handfuls of each style of chip and mixed them all together. We

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02:48

#268 - LMFAO (Originally Posted as Episode #36)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/05/13

We all know what this means, right? But in case you’ve been held hostage in a dental office waiting room for the past decade tortured with easy listening music and nine-month-old gossip magazines, it’s an acronym for Laughing My Fucking Ass Off. Which implies that someone is overcome with a howling expression of jubilation. And this reflex is so genuine that it goes beyond the ability to contain one’s composure. This is not a giggle, this is not a smirk, this is a response to something that is so

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02:33

#267 - Sometimes You Fart (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/05/06

It’s unfortunate, I know. No one is proud of this fact. Well, ok, there are some dudes who boast their ass exhales as an exclamation point to their manhood, but for the rest of us without some lingering infancy poop disorder, farts can be embarrassing. Especially when you do it and someone sneaks up without warning. Those moments are excruciating as you both adopt an acting role, pretending as if the smell doesn’t exist until the air eventually thins. You can only pray the episode gets forgotten.

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02:53

#266 - Karate Kids (Originally Posted as Episode #39)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/04/29

I’ll tell you something, in about 10 years, you bullies better watch your asses. That’s because you do not want to mess with a dude who’s been well-trained in martial arts as a kid. And these days, it’s awfully popular with the youngins who aren’t too down with team sports. Some of them are nomads, riding solo, hanging in the shadows, maybe a little anti-social. As an adult outside the bar, they can appear to be easy prey. The prima donna skilled in the practice of intimidation may want to swallow

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02:54

#265 - Trigger Happy (Originally Posted as Episode #159)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/04/22

It sure seems like everyone has a trigger or fifty these days. Not to say that people haven’t always been fragile, but now we have classified the proper terminology that pinpoints that moment where something clicks like a slipped disc in your mind and propels you down a rabbit hole of displeasure. Obviously, the term generates from the trigger of a gun, activating an emotional response that equates to a heightened reaction. The catalyst kind of hits you like a bullet, too, creating an abrupt shock

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02:43

#264 - Smart Idiots (Originally Posted as Episode #152)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/04/15

Most well-rounded people will agree that just because you can effectively navigate your way around a video game, a streaming service, or pretty much anything that has to do with sitting on your ass in front of a screen, it does not necessarily make you worldly. Like, just because you saw a movie scene set under the Eiffel Tower, it doesn’t mean you can escargot there in conversation. Get it? Whatever Becky. The world is full of analytical dweebs who can dissect algorithms, but while this ability

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02:40

#263 - You Are a Narcissist (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/04/08

People tell me this sometimes. But am I narcissistic, or just eager to be recognized? A little of both, methinks. Aren’t we all guilty of wanting attention at some level? I mean, at what point are you self-absorbed, or just looking to feel relevant in this glorious human experience of lightning strikes and rolling stones? Because, let’s be honest, every one of us, from an instinctual level, is looking out for numero uno as much as any other living organism. And some of you would argue that you

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02:49

#262 - Getting Turnt (Originally Posted as Ep 144)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/04/01

Altering your reality by meddling with the synapses in your brain is one of the most common ways to entertainment yourself. Whether you’re poppin’ pills or pounding tequila poppers, bending the senses can bring about the most wonderful, kaleidoscopic effects. Or getting turnt. Which is the fun, turnt way of saying turned up. In the early aughts, Allen Greenspan coined the phrase “Irrational Exuberance”. He was the head of the Federal Reserve around the time of the Great Recession. Of course, he

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03:02

#261 - Sorry Alexa (Originally Posted as episode #142)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/03/25

Amazon screwed the pooch. If your name is Alexa, that is. Because thanks to them, there’s now a glitch in the process of assigning identity to a newborn child, forcing us to rethink how we move forward with the official book of baby names. Now for the next couple generations or five, new mothers will shudder at the annoying thought of confusedly summoning the updated version of Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey in their living room. I mean, they could have given any name under the spectrum for their

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02:35

#260 - Respect the Rat (Originally Posted as Episode...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/03/18

If it weren’t for the bubonic plague, rats could easily be man’s best friend. And the rat-infested movie Willard didn’t help their reputation, either. You snicker, but what we’re talking about is pretty much just an oversized mouse, right? I mean, if you really put tangible reasoning to our fearful rationale, the rat has never done anything wrong. Like people, they’re hungry, crafty varmints who are scouring the planet in search of leftovers. The biggest difference between us and them is that we

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02:47

#259 - I'll Believe It When I See It (Originally...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/03/11

When you really put your mind to understanding the human psyche, you’ll see that it is easily manipulated. There’s no denying the obvious--that if you reinforce a concept to curious individuals with the right degree of conviction, you are sure to make an impression. In fact, they may even become thoroughly convinced that what you’re pitching is going to improve their lives eternally. No matter how severely absurd something may be due to the limitations of logic and physics, the facts will not be

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03:22

#258 - I Share That Sediment (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/03/05

We all know the 10-second rule. When you drop a piece of food, if you pick it up within ten seconds you have beaten the decomposition clock, essentially rescuing the item from the armies of crazed little germs that lie in waiting for food fumbles. In your mind’s eye, these microscopic creatures are blood thirsty vampires, lurching, smothering it with toxic juices and dripping fangs, rendering your Funyun a potential risk to your body’s wellness. Your taste buds, however, may not excuse your

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02:35

#257 - Staying Alive is Dangerous (Originally Posted...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/02/26

Sure, you can sit on your ass all day and pile up the layers of blubber while filling your brain with useless information from the boob tube, but that only goes so far until it’s time to get outside and do shit. And the moment you cross that threshold from front door to sidewalk, the real-life video game begins. Be it driving down roads to licking the backs of toads, unforeseen hazards exist at every turn. Think about it, there just aren’t too many places you can go where the grim reaper isn’t

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02:46

#256 - Marriage Is Necessary Not (Originally Posted...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/02/19

Who’s the marry prankster that decided it’d be a brilliant idea to indoctrinate children with the concept that a man and a woman cohabitating until death is paramount to living a fulfilled life? I understand that for our species to proliferate for the first 40,000 years this coupling was necessary, but now we have Baby Einstein and Uber Eats. As children we were left to discover the disparity between masculinity and femininity and how love and sex is viewed through vastly different lenses. And

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02:55

#255 - The Guy Who Waves Too Much (Originally Posted...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/02/12

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. Because niceness is something that is severely lacking in today’s self-gratification system. Back around the 1950’s, the postman knew every member of the household by name and the milkman was a friendly gentleman with a white smile and straight hat. These iconic staples were what represented the bright American standard that exemplified a high regard for your fellow countryman. Business deals were ensured with a firm handshake. Pleasantries shared

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313 results

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