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PODCAST

The Weekly Humorist Podcast

Weekly Humorist

The Satire Magazine. The Standard In American Immaturity. Welcome to the Weekly Humorist Podcast! Featuring audio articles from the pages of the Weekly Humorist. Curated picks from the editors you are sure to enjoy. Great for the illiterate and/or lazy fans! Tell your friends. Visit online at weeklyhumorist.com

comedy comedy interviews

All Episodes

0:04

CARTOON: Spirited Connections

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/18

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3:19

Other Things We Should be Controlling Instead of the...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/15

The USA is wasting a lot of time creating and sending hurricanes, tornadoes and lantern flies to scare patriots during this election season. Think about it, our government is controlling hurricanes to hit red states when they could be controlling so much stuff for this great country. I was just saying to my friend RealPatriot148296494 and he said, like, the government could be controlling high prices by having the government come in and control production of goods, and distribution, setting

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3:24

SUPPORTER UPDATES

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/15

JUST ABOUT TO GO ONTO THE STAGE and face my opponent at tonight's debate. And folks, I have never been more scared. Not of my opponent. Nor of the awe-inspiring responsibility of representing this proud district. But of spiders. Specifically, brown recluses. Yes, I know, very little venom, but they just freak me out okay? #VoteErnestRyan JUST STEPPED OFF STAGE during the midpoint of the debate with my rival, and folks, never have the differences between us been starker. Don't really have time to go

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0:52

James Joyce Dubliners' Short Story or Woodstock...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/11

1. The Sister 2. Canned Heat 3. Quill 4. An Encounter 5. Eveline 6. Two Gallants 7. Mountain 8. Country Joe McDonald 9. Ivy Day in the Committee Room 10. The Dead 11. A Little Cloud 12. Ravi Shankar Dubliners: 1, 4,5,6,9, 11 Woodstock: 2,3, 7,8,12 Both: 10

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1:03

The Startling Decline of a Beloved Children's Series

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/11

The Berenstain Bears' Go Out for the Team The Berenstain Bears' Do Their Homework The Berenstain Bears' Mind Their Manners The Berenstain Bears' Take Turns The Berenstain Bears' Get Involved The Berenstain Bears' Say Their Prayers The Berenstain Bears' Want You to Say Your Prayers The Berenstain Bears' Reject the Devil's Music The Berenstain Bears' Switch to Homeschooling The Berenstain Bears' Discover 4chan The Berenstain Bears' Affirm that Wives Are Subject to Their Husbands The Berenstain Bears'

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1:04

Ways To Make The Vice Presidential Debate More...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/10/01

Each nominee answers questions from a dunk tank seat. Secretly spray JD Vance's wardrobe with catnip prior to the debate, then unleash several dozen cats during a particularly slow, boring part. Replace typical debate format / moderators with format and host of that hot wing eating interview show. Hire a professional tattoo artist to give Tim Walz a face tattoo during the debate. Each third question of the debate replaced by a hacky sack contest between the nominees. Microphones kept on at all times

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2:34

READ THE EMPEROR PALPATINE INDICTMENT

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/27

If the recent indictments of New York mayor Eric Adams have you feeling glum because of its total lack of meat, remember, things in another universe could be even worse; for example, this… READ THE EMPEROR PALPATINE INDICTMENT Long long ago, in a galaxy far, far away… SHEEV PALPATINE, the defendant, became a Galactic Senator. Thereafter, for nearly a decade, PALPATINE sought and accepted improper valuable benefits, such as luxury intergalactic travel, including from wealthy Trade Federation

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2:12

P. Diddy's Tips for Throwing a Successful Freak Off

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/26

If it's your first Freak Off, I do not recommend live streaming. Better to edit out all those "messy mishaps" and share it later on. No matter how much he begs - and he will, believe that shit - do not invite Kanye. Or Armie Hammer. Have plenty of lubricants on hand. Hotel kitchen staff gets pissed off when you pilfer their Crisco. If Donald Trump shows up, don't brag about it on your social. He will deny ever having met you and will claim he has no idea what an "industrial strength enema bag" is

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4:14

I Can't Afford to Pay Employees a Living Wage and...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/26

I don't know what happened, we used to be able to hire staff at fifty cents, maybe four bucks an hour (for supervisors) but now, this crazy woke world, we're having a heck of a time hiring staff. Or maybe only relying on selling a million egg salad sandwiches a day for $3.40 each is an unrealistic business model. You're probably wondering how I arrived at that business model. I figured out how much money I wanted to pocket after gross, how much I had to pay for eggs, mayonnaise, and three kinds of

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4:38

Diary of a Jealous Landlord

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/25

June 15, 2023 Dear Diary, the cute guy (Mark) that has been texting me about unit 1F seems really interested. He might even stop by tonight! I know it seems quick, but I have a good feeling. June 16, 2023 OMG he was even cuter in person. He loved the unit and asked if there was a spot in the garage available. I was so nervous that I just blurted out yes. Now I just need to tell Sue from 3R to find parking somewhere else. I'm pretty sure she's faking that limp anyways. June 31, 2023 It's almost here

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0:47

What I Think J.D. Vance's Initials Stand For, Based...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/25

Joyless Dud Jinxed Decision Jingoistic Dumbass Jerry-rigged Demagogue Juris Dorkus Jilted Dolphin Jaw-dropping Disaster Jagweed Douche Jejune Doormat Janky Doodle "Joking" Dehumanizer Juiceless Drag Jerkoff Davenport Jesus Disappointment Judgmental Dick Jabroni Dew Jarring Deception Just-Whatever-Makes-Sense Doug hnut Jonald Drump

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3:17

Letting You Know That a Porn Account Is Impersonating...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/20

Hey, how's it going, girl from my high school? It's been a while. Hope everything's hunky-dory. I just wanted to inform you that some sicko using your social media pictures followed me with the hopes that I'd buy lewd content from them. Gross, right? I knew this was a scam right away, which is why I came to you first instead of spending my entire week's paycheck on some bare feet photos. Ew, yucky! Yep. As soon as I got the message, "Does my sexy little cupcake want to take a suck on mommy's toeys?"

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2:43

Recent Posts from the Local Ring Neighborhood App

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/19

Hey, guess who got a Ring video doorbell? And when you install it, you become part of the neighborhood network of people who think they are citizen crime fighters but are really just very nosy people. For example: Tuesday 7:20 pm Did anyone experience a sudden power outage? My internet is down. I don't know how I'm posting this. Thursday 10:32 am Just heard what sounded like gunshots in my house. Nobody else heard that, right? Sunday 7:14 pm I thought my camera was showing people watching football

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1:10

Diddy Lyrics That, In Hindsight, Revealed What Combs...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/18

"Hey, thanks for being a fan! Now please get into the van. Enjoy a blunt I just rolled, And I'll apply this lil blindfold." "C'mon girl, shake that rump, I can introduce you to Donnie Trump! Since Epstein was arrested, Teen girls have gone unmolested." "You girls have run away from your homes? Nice to meet ya, I'm Sean John Combs. Just now in town, and already meeting a star! Now please join the others in the trunk of this car." "Forget Eminem, and forget Ice Cube, Me, I'm Diddy, you old enough to

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4:45

"I Thought It Would Be Easier for You to Drop...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/18

"I Thought it Would Be Easier for You to Drop Everything and Cater to My Needs" - An Impromptu, Unnecessary Desk-Side Check-In with Your Co-Worker Do you have a minute? You're answering numerous emails and Slack messages while also trying to pay attention to a Zoom meeting so I can see the answer is no, but I'm going to take more of your limited bandwidth anyway. I want to address an email I sent you that can easily wait until tomorrow or later in the week. You know, after you've tied up the dozens

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0:48

Quiz: Elon Musk Kid or Elon Musk Pet

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/13

1. Gatsby 2. Xavier 3. Kai 4. Marvin 5. Damian 6. Saxon 7. Schrödinger 8. Exa Dark 9. Techno Mechanicus 10. Hobbes 11. Floki Elon Kid: 2,3, 5,6, 8, 9 Elon Pet: 1, 4,7, 10, 11

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4:08

Welcome to the Quasimodo Institute for Advanced Hunching

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/12

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to attend the Quasimodo Institute for Advanced Hunching (QUIFAH)! Amid an impressive pool of applicants, your application stood out as one of the most shocking. In fact, our founder and namesake himself read it with great interest (and seemed somewhat threatened by it). You may have lost your ability to hold your head up straight but, you have gained our utmost respect. We select individuals who demonstrate not only a

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2:55

I, A High-Profile Democrat, Would Very Much Like It...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/06

Let me be clear. Would you, please? I would love to be clear, as long as it's okay with you. So if you would be so kind as to allow that to happen, it would mean a lot to me. Just want to make that clear. Let me be clear. I cannot possibly be clear unless you permit it. So what do you say? To make this as clear as possible, I have a permission slip here for you to fill out. It's quite simple: "Permission to be clear is given." Will you sign and date it? And do so clearly? Let me be clear. Sorry if

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0:48

Dr. Kit's Nuggets Of Wisdom (now with choice of...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/06

The journey of a thousand miles begins with faking your own death and hiding from your family. Actions speak louder than words, and teenage girls talk louder than anyone during the entire goddamn movie. Curiosity killed the cat, but even so, you should have had her shots up to date. Not cool, man. You cannot unscramble eggs, so keep the sausages wrapped up fellas. Fortune favors the bold, as well as billionaire criminals and spoiled rotten nepo-babies. Don't beat a dead horse, unless someone is

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2:45

Highly Probable First Words of Anxious Babies...

The Weekly Humorist Podcast ·

2024/09/03

"Sorry to bother you." "Oh my gosh, I'm three weeks early. You know what? I'm just gonna go back inside for a while and let you know get on with your day. I'll come back at a more reasonable time. Better yet, you call me when you're ready." "I really hope the marriage is solid." "I swear I'll cover the copay." "It's so nice to finally meet you, Charlene. Can I call you Mom or would that be weird?" "It's my actual nightmare. I showed up to work wearing no pants." "Does this afterbirth make me look

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65 results

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