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PODCAST

Beyond The Surface

Samantha Sellers

Welcome to Beyond the Surface, where being seen means being understood. Here, we explore the ups and downs of exploring and sometimes losing faith and community, and the healing power of shared stories. This is a safe space to connect, share, and find support in our common experiences of religious trauma and leaving fundamental communities. Join us as we build a community of understanding and connection. Host - Sam Sellers; Therapist specialising in Religious Trauma and the Queer

society & culture personal journals

All Episodes

01:03:45

The One Who Went From Martyrdom To Choosing Herself

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/04/23

Steph’s (She/They) journey is anything but ordinary. Raised in Spain and California by missionary parents, faith wasn’t just a belief—it was her family’s entire identity. In this episode, she shares what it was like growing up in a world shaped by martyrdom, purity culture, and rigid gender expectations, and how these pressures left her feeling rootless and anxious.Together, we unpack the emotional toll of high-control religion and the complex process of stepping away from a “good church girl”

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55:15

The One Who Deconstructed By Reading A Thousand Books

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/04/16

Larry shares his journey from a rigid Catholic upbringing to a broader, more personal exploration of spirituality. His story weaves through early experiences shaped by guilt and expectation, a high-pressure career in investment banking, and a life-altering moment following the events of September 11, 2001. This turning point led Larry to explore diverse spiritual traditions - both Eastern & Western, and to question the boundaries of religious dogma. The conversation delves into faith, symbolism,

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01:03:29

Bonus - How To Be Okay Over Easter

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/04/13

This bonus episode delves into the profound complexities surrounding the celebration of Easter, particularly for those who have experienced religious trauma. We explore the multifaceted emotions that arise during this season, acknowledging that for many, Easter serves as a poignant reminder of guilt and suffering rather than joy. Both Jane and I reflect on our personal experiences of navigating this time post-church, discussing the weight of expectation and the societal pressures that accompany such

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01:03:41

The One Who Is Finding Spirituality Within The Grey

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/04/09

This episode explores the complexities of religious trauma and faith deconstruction, shedding light on the psychological and emotional toll of leaving high-control religious communities. Jacqui shares her story of growing up in Australia with a deep spiritual yearning that clashed with her agnostic family background, leading her into church communities that both fulfilled and constrained her. The discussion delves into the nuances of coercive control within religious institutions, families, and

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01:07:34

The Spicy Book Author

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/04/02

Spicy book author Sara Madderson joins Beyond the Surface to explore the intersections of faith, sexuality, and personal identity, drawing from her convent education in Dublin and Manchester. She reflects on the pervasive guilt and shame instilled by Catholic teachings and the ways purity culture shaped her understanding of desire and repression.As the conversation unfolds, Sara discusses her literary work, including novels written under the pen name Elodie Hart, which challenge traditional

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01:22:11

The Heretical Poet

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/03/26

Marla’s (who I have dubbed the 'Heretical Poet') journey is one of profound transformation, from a conservative evangelical upbringing to an open-minded and inclusive perspective. She shares the challenges of maintaining authenticity, unlearning ingrained biases, and navigating traditional marriage ideals while deconstructing her faith.Her experiences across different U.S. regions shape her reflections on systemic racism, queerness, and spirituality. Through her passion for “poem art” and advocacy

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01:18:01

The One Who Went In Search Of Authenticity

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/03/19

Authenticity is at the heart of this episode as we sit down with Nismah, who shares her journey from growing up in a strict evangelical household to deconstructing her faith. She reflects on the emotional struggle of reconciling her sexuality with religious beliefs and the pressures of purity culture, particularly for women.Nismah opens up about her time at Bible college, drawn by an unconscious crush, only to confront doctrines that challenged her understanding of identity. As she unlearns

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01:22:51

The One Who Chose Love Over Dogma

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/03/12

This episode explores faith, identity, and religious trauma through Linda’s personal journey. Growing up in a tightly-knit Christian community, Linda shares her path through faith transitions, ultimately finding a home in an affirming church. A key discussion centres on the intersection of personal belief and gender identity, particularly in supporting her transgender child. As Linda navigates deconstructing long-held beliefs, she embraces a more nuanced understanding of God and community. This

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57:59

Understanding Cult Dynamics: Insights from a Survivor...

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/03/09

This bonus episode explores the complexities of cults and the psychological impact of religious trauma with Gillie Jenkinson, a psychotherapist specialising in cult recovery. Gillie shares her insights and personal experiences, shedding light on the manipulation and control that define cult dynamics. We discuss the lasting effects on those who leave and the vital role of psychoeducation in rebuilding identity post-cult. Through this conversation, we offer understanding and hope, emphasising that

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01:04:16

The One Who Went From The Bible Belt To Liberation

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/03/05

In this episode of Beyond the Surface, Kit (he/they) shares their deeply personal journey of growing up in the Bible Belt and navigating the impact of religious trauma. Raised in a home influenced by Dr. James Dobson’s child-rearing methods, Kit reflects on the atmosphere of fear and control that shaped their early years. They discuss how this environment, along with the pervasive Christian culture, affected their sense of identity, particularly as a queer individual. As Kit recounts their coming

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01:12:10

The Apostate Barbie

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/02/26

In this episode of Beyond the Surface, Micki shares her powerful journey of breaking free from the Jehovah’s Witness community and navigating life beyond its rigid confines. She reflects on the deep psychological impact of growing up in a high-control religious environment, the fear and uncertainty that came with leaving, and the struggle to redefine her identity outside of the faith. Our conversation explores the complexities of belonging, the emotional toll of losing a tight-knit community, and

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01:14:26

The Loving Heretic

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/02/19

Brady’s journey from a conservative evangelical upbringing to a spiritually liberated life is a powerful exploration of faith, identity, and emotional healing. Growing up under the pressure to conform, he struggled with fear, burnout, and the need for external validation. As he stepped away from organised religion, he discovered the importance of authenticity, safe spaces for vulnerability, and meaningful human connection. His story also challenges traditional masculinity, highlighting the role of

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01:08:08

The One Who Found The Divine In The Forest

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/02/12

Episode SummaryJess shares her journey from a rigid religious upbringing to a more expansive and liberating spiritual understanding, shaped by her parents’ transition from Indonesian pop stars to church ministers. Growing up in a Pentecostal Charismatic environment, she struggled with purity culture, the pressure to meet impossible religious standards, and restrictive doctrines like the ‘Dating Revelation,’ which removed personal agency in relationships. As she began exploring centering prayer and

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01:03:50

Understanding Spiritual Coercive Control with Bethany...

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/02/09

Episode SummaryThis episode delves deep into the intricacies of coercive control and spiritual abuse within religious communities, highlighting how these dynamics can lead to profound psychological and emotional harm. Bethany, shares her extensive background in the psychology of coercive control and offers valuable insights into the signs of spiritual abuse. They discuss the BITE model, which outlines the methods high-control groups use to manipulate and isolate individuals, and explore the internal

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01:06:24

The One Who Radiates Queer Joy

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/02/05

Episode Summary Nita’s journey of self-discovery reveals her struggle with queerness in a conservative environment, ultimately leading to a powerful realisation about her identity. She reflects on the trauma of leaving a once-belonging community and highlights the value of finding support outside traditional church settings. With vulnerability and honesty, Nita shows how reclaiming joy and peace can transform and empower individuals to grow into their authentic selves.Who Is Nita? Nita (she/they) is

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56:31

The One Who Went From Missionary Kid to Spiritual Nomad

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/01/29

Nancy reflects on her upbringing in conservative Christian circles, the challenges of being a missionary kid, and the struggles she faced in reconciling her sexuality with her spirituality. As she navigated these complexities, she discovered the importance of self-acceptance and the value of listening to one’s intuition. The discussion also touches on the impact of cultural narratives on personal identity and the transformative power of community support. Through her experiences, Nancy emphasises

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01:16:53

The Deconstructing Mormon

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/01/22

In this episode of Beyond the Surface, Kristi shares her story of growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, revealing how traditional gender roles, the belief in eternal family togetherness, and distinct doctrines shaped her upbringing. Navigating the pressures surrounding faith, sexuality, and identity, Kristi discusses her internal conflict over gay marriage, the mental health impact of church teachings, and the emotional toll of keeping secrets. She candidly reflects on her

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01:01:51

The One Who Went From Born-Again Christian to...

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/01/15

In this episode of Beyond the Surface, Sallyann shares how her family’s shift from Roman Catholicism to born-again Christianity in 1970s Ireland sparked both connection and conflict, ultimately leading her to question long-held beliefs. She recounts a six-year relationship overshadowed by a controlling religious community, a move to Australia in search of healing, and the personal upheaval of deconstructing her faith and marriage. Embracing atheism and agnosticism, Sally-Ann illustrates the

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52:45

The Religious Abuse & Academic Sabotage Survivor...

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/01/08

In this episode of Beyond the Surface, Katrina shares her journey of religious trauma and abuse amid the chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic, recounting how American missionaries’ abrupt departure left her feeling abandoned in Africa. She describes relocating to the U.S. with her family, only to face academic sabotage, familial tensions, and a struggle for independence. Katrina’s determination to pursue higher education and a career in psychology, despite parental disapproval and health challenges,

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50:08

The Religious Abuse & Academic Sabotage Survivor...

Beyond The Surface ·

2025/01/01

In this episode (and its only Part One) of Beyond the Surface, Katrina shares her remarkable journey of religious abuse within a remote East African missionary setting, shaped by her adventurous father, her mother’s struggle with depression, and the unique challenges of being an African orphan adopted by American missionaries. She reflects on the cultural dissonance of navigating life between Africa and the United States, confronting issues of race, identity, and the expectations tied to diverse

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113 results

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