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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:31

George and the diversity officer

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. "It's because you're a white, straight, cisgendered male," said the ship's Chief Diversity Officer. "You're a privileged member of The Patriocracy." "When the shit did we get a Chief Diversity Officer?" muttered George. "Diversity is our strength!" shouted the officer, who shoved George overboard. "Go hate elsewhere!" While George swam for shore, the crew demanded living wages, unlimited vacation days, remote work, and a foosball table. Anyone

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1:19

George and rainbows

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/02

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After watching The Muppet Movie, he tried to think about songs about rainbows. But the only one he could think of was the one that Kermit the Frog sang. So, he tried to write a sea shanty about rainbows. It didn't come out so well. It sounded like three cats fighting in an oil drum. George tried different musicians, but it always came out badly. He leaned on the ship's railing, watched a rainbow over the ocean, and hummed a happy tune. If only

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1:25

George decorates for Halloween

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/01

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Still, he tried his best, such as the time when he wanted to decorate the ship for Halloween. "We'll carve creepy pumpkins!" he said. The problem was, they didn't have any pumpkins. So, George painted the cannonballs orange and drew scary faces on them. And he cut up the sails into ghost costumes. "See?" George said. "We're ghosts! Ghostly pirates! Scary!" "Without our sails, we're dead in the water," growled the captain. "That's the spirit!"

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9:48

Weekly Challenge #1010 – PICK TWO Dictionary, Game,...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/31

Richard Lizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Ending THOMAS The old dictionary sat open on the table, pages fluttering as if alive. Clara turned it into a game, pointing at random words and weaving them into stories for her little brother. Tonight, she landed on orchestra. She closed her eyes and described violins tuning, drums thundering, a conductor ready to give the charge. Her brother listened wide-eyed, as though he truly heard the music

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1:16

George has talent

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/30

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He didn't have much of skills or talent. At the first annual Pirate Talent Show, he arranged flowers. Well, weeds. He didn't have any flowers to arrange. And instead of a vase, he had a helmet. Pathetic, really. At the second one, he did bird calls. No birds showed up. "Why don't you do something more pirate-like," said his captain. "You know, swords or cannons or knot-tying." So, for the third show, George stuffed swords into a cannon and tied

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1:06

George gets his hair cut

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/29

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. You're not supposed to clip your nails or cut your hair on a ship. It's seen as an offering to the goddess Persephone. But Neptune is a jealous asshole, and hates it when you make offerings to other gods. So when George opened a manicure stand and barber shop below decks, the captain had George marooned. George set up a manicure stand and barber shop on the island. And the crew came ashore to have their nails and hair done. "Just a little off

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1:12

George gets on the right foot

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/28

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. There's a superstition about boarding boats with your right foot. Because the left foot is unlucky. The captain put a sign at the gangplank that said DO NOT STEP ON BOARD WITH YOUR LEFT FOOT. George, of course, kept boarding the boat with his left foot. "Oops," said George. "Sorry. My bad." And bad things kept happening. The captain handed the cabin boy an axe and peg leg to shake at George when he boarded. "Either use your right foot, or this

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11:02

Weekly Challenge #1009 – Advance

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/24

RichardLizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Dictionary Game Orchestra Appreciated Charge RICHARD Lawless Remember the good old days when the advance of technology was fairly predictable, we had good old Moore's Law telling us that computing power would double every two years, and that's pretty much how things worked. But, not any more. Now, with AI, large language models and quantum computing, who knows where technology will take us in

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1:19

George on horseback

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/23

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. For some reason, he'd taken to going everywhere on horseback. Which was fine when the ship was in port. Although the owner of The Five Skulls Tavern didn't take too kindly to the horse crapping all over his floor. It was when the ship was out to sea that things got difficult. Horses need a lot of hay and water, and there's only so much room on a ship. One morning, George woke up, and the horse was gone. But, instead of hardtack and gravy, supper

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1:31

George the recluse

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/22

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every time he killed someone, he'd have nightmares about it. And then he'd hesitate that much more before he killed another person. Pretty soon, George was a twitching, shivering mess. Surrounded by ghosts, he'd fall to the deck and clutch his head, moaning and clenching his teeth. The other pirates yelled at George to get up, but the captain told them to let George be. "Just try not to trip over him," he said. George eventually crawled

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1:32

George sucks at pricing

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/21

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When he took people hostage, he wasn't very good at setting a reasonable ransom amount. "Five dollars!" demanded George. "Not a penny less!" "That won't cover our expenses," whispered the captain. "Try a hundred." "One hundred million dollars!" demanded George. "Not a penny more!" The captain took George aside and gave him a quick lesson in basic math and economics. "Ah, okay," said George. By the time George researched calculated a reasonable

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1:23

George gets Darwined

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/20

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Instead of capturing the HMS Beagle and holding the ship for ransom, George joined their crew and learned all about Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection. "Does this theory apply to pirates?" asked George. "Because I'm not a very good pirate, and you'd think that I'd have been weeded out of the population by now." Darwin pondered this for a while. "Good question," he said. Then, he clubbed George on the back of his head and tossed him

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1:17

George buries treasure

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/19

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Whenever he buried treasure, he'd forget to draw a map to it. So, he spent a lot of time stumbling around beaches and forests and fields, holding out a lamp and looking for anything familiar. He never found it again. "Damn it, George," said the captain. "Either draw a map or bury the treasure somewhere easy to remember." So, the next time George had treasure to bury, he tried to bury it under his bunk. His crewmates stopped him before he broke

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1:44

George releases the kraken

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/18

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Instead of looting and pillaging, he liked to collect small animals. His favorite was a baby kraken, which he'd kept in a jar by his bunk. Then, a small tub. And finally... well... there was no containing it now. The kraken burst through the deck, grabbing pirates and rending the sails. Then it hauled itself over the rail and plunged into the sea. "Well, shit," sighed the captain. "Poor Bubbles!" said George. The survivors stared at

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11:15

Weekly Challenge #1008 – It’s Going Down

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/17

RichardLizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Advance LISA There was a fish in the sky, the sun glinted on its iridescent undersides. Whipped by the breeze it coasted a while on the thermals. We stood in the garden, necks craned, watching it swim through the clouds. “It’s going down” Sue shouted as we ran to the front of the house. It sank fast and caught in a neighbour’s oak tree. It was actually a metallic balloon which promptly burst on a conker

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1:12

George the artistic

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/16

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. "I think I know what my problem is," said George. "It's a lack of opportunities to express my artistic side." He painted the cannonballs with interesting colors and swirls and lacquers. He designed lush and beautiful sails with vibrant images that came to life in the wind. He rigged wind chimes and other instruments so they'd play a melodic tune with the wind and the rolling of the seas. They all looked and sounded nice as the ship took a

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1:09

George the black belt

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/15

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He'd practiced for years with his cutlass, but never got any better. That's when George saw an ad for Karate training. He shrugged and signed up for classes. After a few weeks, he got pretty good. He tried Judo and Tae Kwon Do and other styles, too. After a while, he'd earned black belts in all of them. "Here, let me demonstrate," said George happily, and he broke six boards with his fist. As the ship slowly sank, the captain tied George to the

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1:11

George and the temporary captain

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/14

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When the ship's captain was away on vacation, he hired a temp to run things. "The captain warned me about you, George," said the temp captain. "I'll keep my eye in you." So, after their first raid... "Sorry about that stray shot," said George. "But that's a nice eyepatch you've got there." By the time George's captain returned, the temp captain was sporting a new eyepatch, a pegleg, and a hook hand. "Well that ended badly," said the captain. "I

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1:11

George tied in knots

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/13

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He wasn't good at love, either. Oh, he wasn't bad-looking. And he was always courteous and polite with the ladies. It was just that deeper connection he never made. She'd want him to read poetry or go dancing, and he'd try to teach her how to tie knots or tell the weather from the sea air. One time, he did find a girl who wanted to learn how to tie knots. But she tied him to a bed and took his money. And a note: "I love you anyway."

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1:23

George counts steps

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/12

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was always pacing the deck, back and forth. "Why are you walking all the time?" the captain asked. "I bought a step-counting smartwatch," said George. "I have to get five thousand steps in each day to stay fit." The captain smirked. "You could always do that by raping, looting, and pillaging." "This is way easier," said George. "And a lot less messy." George walked away, but the captain tripped him up. George fell and broke his nose, bleeding

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