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PODCAST

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain"s involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you

education self-improvement

All Episodes

11:51

Relationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt (Part 2)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/07/18

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCouples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual. Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash of two cultures, two experiences, two memories, two habits, two morals, two

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11:57

Relationship "Pinches" & "Crunches" that hurt

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/07/11

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreShaped by circumstances from birth Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good experiences and impressions. A distorted image develops. The individual distorted image of a male coming with his own unique impressions and experiences of

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6:34

A Sex Addict's view of relationship highs & lows

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/07/04

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHighs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process.Sex Addicts need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of a partner in order to see the relationship from the partner's vantage point and perspective. All clients with Sex

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8:08

Sex Addict and partner choice - same for us all

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/06/27

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWe fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted. We consciously now only want the sameness bits. So the fight over the

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8:19

Sex Addict: "I chose you, then (nearly) destroyed us"

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/06/20

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreEarly relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours.When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a loved person, just like (or better than) the Attachment bonding we had with our parents when we were young. A

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8:19

Sex Addiction does serious damage to the couple

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/06/13

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAt the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up. Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior motives for one or both turning up for counselling? Has the conflict

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6:18

Sex/Porn/Love Addiction counselling is specialised...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/06/06

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreClient, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes.In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or intending to work with Compulsions and Addictions. I guess it did so for a reason.Compulsions and Addictions

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7:04

Sex Addict - first learn Intimacy, Sensuality &...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/05/30

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then so very, very impossible to do.The antidote is to learn to do

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11:02

EMDR for Sex Addicts with unresolved childhood issues

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/05/23

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell my EMDR colleagues that I described it to you like this)! It is as if you own an 8 bedroom mansion house; but

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9:52

Sex Addiction: Repairing the damaged couple - The...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/05/16

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHave you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle 2) Altar 3) HymnWhat has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of repeat behaviour; those habits - otherwise called Neural Pathway.They where

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9:56

Repairing the damaged couple post Sex Addiction

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/05/09

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreOver 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interesting exercise with Couples and Singles to identify their Core

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9:22

HOOK UP CULTURE: The Testosterone trap - facts

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/05/02

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTestosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes.Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from various events. Their brains are not yet fully mature and therefore they make bad choices and poor decisions.They

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6:40

HOOK UP CULTURE: The Science and more facts (2)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/04/25

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMen's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female:The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA is packed with twice as many neurones and density. Since it has a larger capacity in males, this is why males

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8:22

HOOK UP CULTURE: The Science and more facts

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/04/18

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAlcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women.Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on her sex drive. That is enhanced if she is near her ovulatory window.During their ovulatory window, women are

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6:30

Sex Addicts - Sex Ed that 'Porn & Peers' didn't teach...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/04/11

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering asking her to marry him."Female Choice" and " Paternity Certainty" are significant issues

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6:45

Sex Addicts - Sex Ed that 'Porn & Peers' didn't teach...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/04/04

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has).The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things. In the USA the average age of young females exposure to sexual arousal is aged 10 to 13.Therefore, the

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6:05

'Take Homes' for young Sex Addicts (1)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/03/28

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty.In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testosterone!) - their's only double and so remain much lower than in females. So, a post-puberty male, is a

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10:14

A Relapse Prevention Plan & you are almost there!

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/03/21

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, the audio takes you through matters which could be contained in a Relapse prevention card which you keep with you at all times. This narrative will focus upon what might be included in a Personal Relapse Prevention Plan (PRPP):Your identified professional support network - contact email and phone numbersPersonal/private support network - contact detailsIdentified and known list of Triggers and

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8:43

Sex Addict - the end is nigh - Don't take your foot...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/03/14

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety, as an end to the work. Don't do 'out of sight out of mind'; 'I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again'. Don't do it like that - at the end.'I can stop reciting my 'Pillars' now. I can stop....I can stop.... I can stop....yipppppeeeeee'Well - Yes and No - you can stop certain

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10:42

Sex Addict - plan for lifelong success - not watching...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/03/07

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out. Now work towards achieving contentment.Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make life a pleasure. Yes, a pleasure!You can't jeopardise quality of life because you are watching for

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