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PODCAST

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

Blended Family Frappé

A short weekly podcast for struggling stepparents who need a quick pick-me-up. With love, from Blended Family Frappé. xo blendedfamilyfrappe.substack.com

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

1:27

Stepkids need parenting.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/20

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)It shouldn’t be a newsflash to say kids of divorce still need parenting… AND YET, that is the topic of today’s pep talk.A child's parents not being together anymore does not negate the reality that kids need structure. They need a regular routine. They need guidance from the adults around them. All of this helps kids feel safe and secure.However, many single parents feel guilty about giving their kids rules, or correcting poor behavior. They think they’re doing

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1:16

You don’t have to prove yourself.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/19

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)It's human nature to want to defend yourself against false accusations, fight for equality and justice, and right the wrongs you see. It's also human nature to think to yourself "If I can just show them that I'm not the bad guy" and believe that'll somehow fix everything.But you don’t have to prove yourself to the ex (or anyone else, for that matter) for your role to be valid and your contributions as a stepparent to matter.The ex’s emotional reaction to your

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1:29

Stepparenting feels hard because it’s hard.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/18

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Stepparenting in a nutshell reads like one long list of confusing contradictions. You’re supposed to be involved, but not so much so you’re overstepping. You need to give your stepkids space, but not so much that it seems like you don’t care. You need to be realistic about the role you’re taking on as a stepparent, yet optimistic enough to keep on truckin’ when the road gets dicey.And along the way, you’ll also feel powerless over the crap you can't change —

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1:00

Co-parenting in a toxic cycle.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/17

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Let me know if this cycle sounds familiar: The ex makes a unilateral co-parenting decision >> that decision interferes with your parenting time or otherwise conflicts with your morals, ethics, and values >> they know this and move ahead anyway >> you decide enough is enough and say you're not going along with it >> then THEY accuse YOU of putting the kids in the middle.If this sounds wayyy too familiar, please listen when I say:

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0:54

Self-care boundaries for stepparents.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/16

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)When we've become way too used to compromising our own values, beginning to say no sometimes can feel selfish. Boundaries and self-care can feel selfish.Prioritizing our mental health isn’t selfish, though; it’s us returning to ourselves after way too much time spent erasing our voice in an attempt to keep the peace — at home and between houses — taking care of everyone except ourselves.This stepfamily and this future you’re trying to build? It doesn’t work

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1:30

Being a kid person vs. being a stepparent.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/15

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Has anyone else noticed that way too many stepparenting resources act like stepparents are child-hating morons who have never interacted with a single kid in our lives? I remember reading books that seriously said shit like "Listen, you're dating someone with a kid, so you might have to get used to Friday night soccer games instead of candlelit dinners." And I was like... ummm YES OBVIOUSLY. 🤦🏻‍♀️There seems to be some unspoken assumption that if a stepparent

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1:06

Stepparents need breaks too!

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/14

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Every parent needs a break from parenting once in a while, and that includes stepparents.Typically, society doesn’t accuse parents who need a break of hating their kids. Yet society loves to imply there’s something wrong with a stepparent who needs a break.Today’s pep talk is to remind you that you’re allowed to take time off from your stepkids, just like any other parent, and taking that break does not make you a bad stepparent who hates your stepkids. Because

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1:19

Bonding problems with stepkids.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/13

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)The time, energy, and effort you pour into the relationship with your stepkid might not be reciprocated. At least, not yet. Then again, possibly not ever. Or else maybe it'll come back to you and then some! 🤷🏻‍♀️The point is, you JUST NEVER KNOW which way it's gonna go with your stepkid. And that goes double or triple in high conflict, because children of emotionally disordered parents are living in trauma, and that changes everything you thought you knew about

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1:01

Stepkids in high conflict.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/12

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)The ex being high conflict can have a direct impact on how well you’re able to connect with your stepkid. If your stepkid's other home is dysfunctional or abusive, then even their most basic interpretations of love, belonging, or family could be very different from yours. Maybe more different than you’d ever guess.So don't blame yourself if you're struggling to connect with your stepkid... but do educate yourself on the impact of childhood abuse and trauma so

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1:25

If your stepkid rejects you…

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/11

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)If your stepkid wants nothing to do with you, please know that's more of a reflection on what you represent to them than it is a commentary on your personality.Your stepkid doesn't care how great you are. All they care is that you represent change, and change feels scary — especially to kids who are still shaken up from the massive upheaval of the divorce/breakup of their parents.This makes stepparents the perfect candidates for stepkids to turn into

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1:01

When the ex twists the custody order.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/10

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Custody orders are not a matter of opinion. A parenting plan is an enforceable legal document that protects both parents' legal parenting rights. One parent cannot legally make arbitrary, unilateral decisions that affect the other parent's visitation time; that would be a violation of the custody order. And you have the legal right to report that to the court by filing contempt.Ideally though, your custody orders shouldn’t be so vague that they leave room for a

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1:16

Improving our stepkids’ lives.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/09

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)One of my biggest stepparenting frustrations was feeling blocked in my ability to make changes for the better in the life of my stepkid. Yet — trying to parent my stepkid ended up causing stress and friction between me and my stepkid AND between me and my partner. And when that happens, it’s probably time to disengage.It’s not that you shouldn’t care how your stepkids are raised — obviously you care, otherwise you wouldn't be out here listening to a

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0:54

Does life outside stepparenting even exist?

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/08

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Sometimes we get so wrapped up in stepfamily life that we forget there's a big wide world beyond our blended family bubble. We can try so hard to be good stepparents that we end up losing track of who and what we are outside of our stepparenting role.When we define ourselves only by how much our stepkids like us (or whether they like us at all), or whether we feel like we’re “blended” yet, we're selling ourselves short on every possible level.Never forget that

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1:03

Try to enjoy the absurdity.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/07

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)We tell our kids that big emotions feel scary, but that’s actually just as true for us grownups. Stepparenting is overwhelming a surprising percentage of the time. No matter how committed you are to building your blended family, you cannot be all in, all the time without some kind of pressure relief valve.Sometimes the only way to deflate all the seriousness down into a more manageable size is to poke some fun at the whole mess. Crack more jokes. Tease your

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1:07

You are not alone!

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/06

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Today’s pep talk is simple. I just want you to know you are not alone.You're not.As isolated as you may feel, as many cheerleading posts about stepparenting that you might read (and then feel guilty that you don't feel like a cheerleading kinda stepparent), know that stepparenting being hard is also normal.It took me years of feeling frustrated, stuck, and lonely AF before I finally figured out how to feel okay within my blended family, and okay with my role as

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1:21

High conflict changes the co-parenting rules.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/05

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)You can’t coparent with someone who won’t compromise. If you're continually bending over backwards trying to make reasonable accommodations while the other co-parent keeps making unilateral decisions and refusing to meet you even close to halfway, I've got news for you: that's not co-parenting. That's you getting manipulated.All the advice about peaceful co-parenting assumes that both people involved are reasonable adults who truly have their child's best

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1:21

It's okay not to be an instant stepparenting expert.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/04

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)We all understand that becoming a parent is a major adjustment, yet we expect stepparents to become instant experts in their role. And by “we” I mean society, but also including ourselves. We seem to hold ourselves to this ridiculous standard — like we’re not gonna make mistakes, or there won’t be a learning curve.For me, I was already a parent when I became a stepparent, so it never occurred to me just how different stepparenting could be. I mean our kids were

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1:49

Minimize your contact with the ex.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/03

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)If your partner’s ex is high conflict, limiting how much contact you have with them can also limit the potential for drama.When I saw how ridiculous Dan’s relationship was with his ex, I thought most of the conflict between houses could be pretty easily resolved through clearer communication. I’m a great communicator, so naturally I stepped in to help. That… did not go well. 😱 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️As outsiders, stepparents have an ability to pretty clearly see the main

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1:08

Stepparenting PTSD?

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/02

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Becoming a stepparent gave me PTSD. And I do mean PTSD in the literal, clinical sense, as in diagnosed by an actual counselor.Living under the constant conflict between houses and never-ending uncertainty of where the next attack might be coming from turned my existing anxiety issues into a full-blown trauma response. Which it’s taken me years to heal from.I’m telling you this in case you yourself feel triggered by your partner’s ex or your stepkid. If you’re

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1:25

What’d we sign up for again?

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/09/01

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Knowing Dan had a kid and knowing what I was getting into are two totally different things, it turns out.It’s not that I made the decision to become a stepparent without thinking about it. I honestly thought I knew EXACTLY what I was signing up for, especially since I already had a kid myself. (Famous last words, right?)Turns out that helping someone else raise a kid that's not yours comes with a whole lot of strings and baggage that are wayyyyy more complex

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