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PODCAST

The Captain"s Log

The Captain’s Log is a podcast from The Whatnauts where we can talk about all the pop culture news that has caught our attention, share stories from our lives, and get into all kinds of shenanigans. We play games, talk about the movies and TV shows we are watching, and have a great time just hanging out.

tv & film

All Episodes

83:02

Retired Local B-Boy

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/03/20

Episode 268. Every episode of this podcast is an indulgent bachelor's weekend, and this week's indulgences include: a discussion of the hottest M&M characters, cheering on bad soda experiments, throwing fries at your friends, and a slice-of-life anime but also Grimace is there. We recap the Oscars, puzzle over the mystery of the title Venom 3: The Last Dance and the blandness of the Agatha show just being called Agatha, try to describe the haunting alien film Under the Skin, declare

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54:05

Back to the Ouchie Box

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/03/06

Episode 267. The Wet Awards return, our annual ranking of the year's Best Picture nominees on a scale of wettest to driest. Kyle finally experiences the magic of live musical theater with Wicked. Melissa and her co-workers bond over their favorite Alan Tudyk performances. We imagine a Whatnauts breakfast cereal, and catch up on movies we've seen recently, including Dune 2, Drive Away Dolls, Perfect Days, and a night of Oscar-nominee animated shorts.(00:00) - Intro(00:04) - Kyle went to

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81:22

What Isn't a Gusher?

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/02/21

Episode 266. Is a Hot Pocket a Gusher? Why are there a hundred different kinds of apples and only one kind of celery? When will restaurants start offering proprietary cereal? Listen to our pitch for a fancy chicken nugget restaurant with new nugget shapes, and our discussions on Madame Web, Lisa Frankenstein, the Fantastic 4 casting, a double feature of the 2005 airplane thrillers Red Eye and Flight Plan, and running into a guy who looks suspiciously like a movie character in real

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78:28

Melissa Explains it Ball

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/02/07

Episode 265. Melissa makes good on Kyle's challenge for her to explain what football is, in this week leading up to the Super Bowl. Our football newbie is here to teach you about gameplay basics, piles of men, and the signature hometown foods of each team going to The Big Game this year. We also discuss Kyle's neighborhood cat council, unexplained butt jiggles, and Universal Studios resurrecting their failed Dark Universe for a new theme park. Melissa is living the spy life with Argylle and

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70:00

The Scent of Crime

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/01/24

Episode 264. Would-be car thieves leave something strange behind after breaking a window in Melissa's beloved Hyundai. Kyle introduces us to "egg shots" and wants you to consider Godzilla for Best Lead Actor. We talk about the tragedy of The Iron Claw and the kid reporter drama Home Before Dark. This episode is our annual Planarama, brainstorming for future Captain's Log episodes this year. Ideas include: DIY Planet Hollywood, mystery brunch, virtual vacations, and drafting a team of all

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79:42

Three Thumbs Up

The Captain"s Log ·

2024/01/10

Episode 263. We welcome the new year with a complete discussion on our entertainment experiences in 2023, including Kyle's watch time stats and number of comics read, and Melissa's extensive movie Top 10 lists and playlist of favorite YouTube videos of the year. Kyle searches for a missing book and Melissa watches the surprisingly horny and bloody Perry Mason. We also try to teach our parents about wholesome old internet memes and router myths.(00:00) - Intro(00:04) - A few changes coming

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153:46

The Whatnauts 8th Annual Grand Prix

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/12/20

Join us for the 8th anniversary retrospective, which we've now declared will be called a Grand Prix! Just try to stop us!! Kyle and Melissa gather for our annual pizza awards banquet for favorite Review Show topics, best performances, biggest surprises, and for the first time ever, a two-time Dream Date winner. We also debut a new structure for the Review Show and Captain's Log starting in 2024! Master of electricity Ignacio joins us for a rousing discussion on southern California theme

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102:16

The Cousining

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/12/16

Episode 262. Kyle shares some uplifting conversations overheard in an airport. Melissa brings us another historic moment of hot dogs in cinema. It's the final episode of the year, and we're catching up on movies we've watched recently, including box office hits The Boy & The Heron, Godzilla: Minus One, and Renaissance: A Film By Beyonce, and box office "huh?"s like Dream Scenario, Eilieen, and Silent Night. We watched Leave the World Behind and discuss how this fits into the style that

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126:42

Rotten Tomatoes Movie Predictions 2024

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/12/09

Episode 261. It's that tomato time again! We continue our annual tradition of guessing the Rotten Tomatoes critics scores for upcoming movies from December 2023 through November 2024, our biggest and broadest list yet, covering major franchises, favorite directors, Oscar material, dumb fun action movies, sci-fi epics, musical numbers, and sad and sexy sports stories. Kyle attempts to explain the Borderlands video games, Melissa attempts to explain the horror hit Smile, and we both wonder

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82:19

Wicker Man Seeks Wicker Woman

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/12/02

Episode 260. Kyle recaps a vacation nightmare and explains the bizarre Marvel animated series Hit-Monkey, about a monkey that becomes a hitman. A regular monkey, not even the talking kind. Melissa is here for the depravity of Saltburn, Napoleon, and The Killer, as well as the nostalgia of Good Burger 2. Finally, we've both seen the millennial comedy goldmine that is Hot Rod! We note the intersection of F1 and Fast & Furious, adopt a football challenge, and look at our year-end Wrapped

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94:45

New Advancements in Bread Bowls

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/11/18

Episode 259. Melissa has made good on her years-old promise to finish watching Hannibal! She is free, free to watch bizarro horror movies like Infinity Pool, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and Lamb. Kyle is catching up on everything from crime to superheroes to Canada's finest comedies, and admitting to being that person who buys 10:00 PM movie tickets. We list the rest of the 2023 movies we plan to see in theaters, hear about The Morgans, discuss some news on Marvel re-branding and

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66:12

Show Me Your Freak Horses

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/11/04

Episode 258. If you get lost trying to find your local Freak Festival, look for the nearest goth girl and she will light your path. Kyle is excited for the mundane experiences of a high-end cheese grater and truly noise-cancelling headphones. Melissa defends a dog accused of theft, and tries watching Rocky Horror Picture Show quietly at home and not in a rowdy movie theater for once. Finally, a pocket Reactor Corps on the trailer for Good Burger 2!!(00:00) - Intro (00:04) - What we did for

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80:22

McRib Sterling V: Kernels Eternal

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/10/27

Episode 257. Your ghost hosts Million Dollar Grape and A Single Hot Dog are here for another Halloween special retelling Captain's Log anecdotes as spooky stories. Curse that fool Bob Chili and listen to our tales of monster truck invasions, corn blindness, human cocktails, a skeleton that grows faster than your skin, doing a Bloody Mary in a mirror but instead you summon a college kid who keeps pestering you with facts about Columbo, and the once and future Luigi.(00:00) - - Intro (00:04)

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63:39

1-800-JOKER-YES

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/10/19

Episode 256. This week, we truly thirst for the taste of legend as we dig into urban legends from our states, which includes several wedding dress ghosts but no tuxedo ghosts. Melissa went to the Beetlejuice stage musical, and offers the deal that if Kyle goes to one play, she'll watch one Spider-man video game playthrough. We look at fictional characters who share our birthdays, and discuss DC releasing lost comics, pirate fashion, and our upcoming switch to a new RSS feed

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88:49

Skeleton Grew

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/10/14

Episode 255. Kyle likes Speed Racer, but doesn't like-like Speed Racer, not enough to take him to prom. He does like when F1 camera operators randomly zoom in on a butt. Melissa is reading old Stephen King stories (bought in a fifty-cent paperback from a rummage sale, the only way to do it) and watching news B-roll of mundane settings from the 90s. We also talk about Marvel reorganizing how they make TV shows, comparisons between sweaty truck-drivin' movies The Wages of Fear and Sorcerer,

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75:01

I can take a nap because I’m grapes

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/10/07

Episode 254. We celebrate 666 subscribers, and look forward to the next milestone: 8,008 because it spells "boob." Melissa is Johnny Sodapop this week, bringing us Strawberries & Cream Dr. Pepper. Kyle fights a knob. We discuss anime references in The Creator, a Dragonball baby, big suit, grape head, the bird clap, and we attempt to brainstorm Halloween costumes themed to our podcast content this year. Ideas include: corn, sexy corn, and Perry Mason.00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:04 - Could

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72:25

The Ancient Spaghetti Factory

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/09/30

Episode 253. Every writer in Hollywood got together at a Panera Bread and wrote Kyle a letter to tell him personally that the strike was over!! Melissa weeps at the artistry and STUNTS of Disney on Ice, and demands that in 2024 we add a fourth flavor stripe to Neapolitan ice cream. We discuss how often we actually "like and subscribe" on YouTube, and try to summon two more of our own subscribers so we can get to 666. Kyle praises the mixed art styles of Genndy Tartakovsky's new show

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74:31

Nasty Movie Merit Badge

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/09/23

Episode 252. We discuss A Haunting in Venice, the endearing mediocrity of the Poirot franchise, and how much we want a crossover with Benoit Blanc. Kyle is beverage detective for the Mtn Dew VooDew mystery flavor again this year, and Melissa is building multi-page spreadsheets for a movie fantasy league. We talk about nasty man movies, the trailer for Aquaman 2, and specific spooky titles to watch on our fall calendar, including some hidden horror gems on Netflix and Hulu. We also promise

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65:04

Speedbeef

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/09/09

Episode 251. We discuss adding caffeine to unexpected foods, seeing only the third Equalizer movie, Bob Chili, the origins of the word "tidbit," how much you have to know about the Star Wars cartoons before watching Ahsoka, a ship full of screams, how long a short film can be while still being a short, and if you can do a monologue at a karaoke night. We both went to see Satoshi Kon's classic anime thriller movie Perfect Blue in theaters for its 25th anniversary! We also ask, what if

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70:49

Best TV Show Opening Credits Fantasy Draft

The Captain"s Log ·

2023/09/02

Episode 250. We woke up this morning and got ourselves some fun! Special draft correspondent Jacq joins us to celebrate episode 250 and pick the best TV show opening credits. You're in for a scare as we discuss spooky tone pieces, shocking choreography, iconic tunes and imagery, hidden easter eggs, and 90s bangers. 3 2 1, let's jam!00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:04 - Welcome banter and Soda of the week 00:10:42 - Explaing the Draft rules 00:14:18 - Housekeeping 00:17:43 - Did tequila make that soda

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