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PODCAST

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera

Stacey Herrera - Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Honest conversations about intimacy, desire, and relationships after 40. Sex in Real Life explores how connection, attraction, bodies, and relationships change in midlife and beyond, without shame or clichés. Instagram: @staceynherrera Subtack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Website: https://staceyherrera.com/

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

16:53

“Is Busy Your Perfect Alibi?”

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/15

Your calendar might be full, but what's really keeping you unavailable? In this week’s episode, we are talking about why many of us are more comfortable with exhaustion than connection. 🔎 I have a simple practice for you: The Spacious Minute. It might reveal what your busy schedule is protecting you from. No meditation required. 🗣️ FREE Masterclass: Understanding Your Relationship Patterns Date: January 23, 2025 Time: 1pm PST / 4pm EST We'll skip the self-help clichés and dive straight into

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19:56

7 Reasons Why “It’s Complicated”

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/08

I spent years mistaking intensity for intimacy, choosing complicated over calm because at least I knew the steps to that dance. When someone consistently showed up—no games, no drama —it felt empty. But it wasn't about them. It was about how foreign safety felt to my nervous system. In this week’s episode, we explore seven reasons why we sometimes distance ourselves from good love, heading straight for the familiar territory of "it's complicated." Sometimes, the hardest part isn't finding good love

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10:13

How Does Wanting Make You Feel?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/01

I've been thinking about our desires—not fleeting wishes but longings that remind us there's more to life than comfortable compromises. In Episode 15, we illuminate how many of us are caught in the familiar tension between gratitude for what is and hunger for what could be. There's wisdom in wanting; maybe it's time to stop apologizing for wanting more. P.S. If this episode resonates, you might want to check out Sovereignty—doors open next month. Get on the waitlist. Mentioned in Episode 15:

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10:07

Return to Your Knowing

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/25

We used just to know things. Remember that? Before we started gathering a focus group of friends and consulting “The Google” at ridiculous hours to search for answers, we used to know things. And by knowing things, I mean we used to trust ourselves. This week, we’re discussing what happens when we trade that knowing for external validation. I share my bookstore epiphany. Some of my biggest downloads have happened in bookstores —go figure. Mentioned in Episode 14: Sovereignty is coming soon -

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12:33

When Anger is Wisdom 🔥

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/18

There is so much to be pissed about. Living in a world that often expects us to manage everyone's feelings while minimizing our own. We’ve spent years trying not to coast on emotional autopilot. The exhaustion is real. In episode 13, we’re taking a deeper look at anger. I’m digging into why that simmering frustration is not a sign of bitterness —it’s proof that it’s time to make shift happen. We’re done apologizing for our feelings. Now is the time to begin trusting our inner knowing. Ready? Let’s

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14:01

Love, Safety, and Plot Twists

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/11

I thought I was good at love. I prided myself on being patient and understanding —a shoulder to cry on. I consistently chose partners who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) show up for me. Not that I required them to. That changed the day I learned my longtime lover had jumped the broom. Oh, and I found out he was married on Facebook, by the way. Turns out I wasn’t as good at relationships as I thought. But I was good at staying safe. In this week's episode, we’re talking about what happens when our patterns

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09:31

Your Body Whispers Before it Screams

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/04

From mysterious anxiety to unexplained tension, our bodies speak a language we've forgotten how to hear. This week, we're exploring the quiet wisdom in our bones. If you’ve ever made a decision that seemed right but felt wrong, this episode is for you. Does your gut know things that your mind won’t admit? This is for you, too. Sometimes, the answers aren't between our ears. Maybe they’re hitched sin our breath, beneath the blades of our shoulders, or resting in the curve of our back. The body

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15:18

Grown Folks & Friendship

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/11/27

Remember when making friends was as simple as sharing your lunch at recess? In this week's episode, we're digging into the beautiful complexity of adult friendship – from the vulnerability of new connections to the evolution of decades-long bonds. From an unexpected prayer in a corporate bathroom to skinny dipping at 50, I'm dishing on 25 years of friendship with my girlfriend Christi, plus the question that revolutionized how I see friendship itself. Ever wonder how to ask someone to be your

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08:32

That Voice Isn’t Yours

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/11/20

Most of us have a voice that tells us we’re “too much” or “not enough.” Episode 9 dives into how external criticism often becomes our inner dialogue. Sparked by Dr. Raquel Martin's insight about injected oppression, we're exploring where those limiting beliefs come from. How they shape our relationships, and what happens when we finally recognize them for what they are. Plus, a juicy homework assignment might change how you talk to yourself forever. Time to reclaim your voice. Mentioned in

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19:31

Eroticism vs Sensuality

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/11/13

Remember when we used to wait months for a movie to come out? The buildup. The teasers. The sweet angst of anticipation. In Episode 8, I'm using a little nostalgia to break down the difference between eroticism and sensuality. We’re exploring imagination, presence and how these two forces play together in our relationships. And there’s a simple practice you can try at home to bring more of both into your daily life. You can thank me later. 😉 Mentioned in Episode 8: Esther Perel:

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18:21

You Deserve a Partner, Not a Project

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/11/06

Ever find yourself playing mom to your partner? You know the drill — chronic fixing, saving, and problem-solving. (Raises my hand 🙋🏽‍♀️) In Episode 7, we're unpacking that sneaky urge to mother our romantic partners and how it might sabotage our relationships. From the allure of being needed to those familiar caretaking patterns, we learned way back when. I'm sharing five practical ways to shift from being someone's emotional mother to being their equal partner. Time to retire that superhero

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21:49

Who Are You?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/10/30

Who are you... beneath all the roles you play on a daily? Yep, we're going there. Episode 6 is juicy. It’s all about excavating the you buried beneath years of "shoulds" and expectations. And because I love a good map, I’m sharing a 5-step process for getting to the core of who you really are. This episode is a compass if you've been feeling lost —in your roles —in your relationships. This one might stir up some sh*t in a good way. But don't worry, I got you 😉 Mentioned in Episode 6: 📚 NEW

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23:03

Is Your Picker Broken?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/10/23

Your picker isn’t broken, my love. Don’t worry. You are not doomed to repeat the same relationship patterns forever. Episode 5 of Love Is… is a deep dive into why the “wrong” one might be one of your greatest teachers and how every connection —even the baddies —can catapult growth. Relationships are not vending machines for happiness. But they are fertilizers for evolution. Get ready to shift your focus from “who” you’re picking to how you’re showing up, and discover how to use curiosity to

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24:12

Destigmatizing Herpes

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/10/16

This week, we're unpacking the herpes stigma. It's time to get real about this common condition that affects billions. Discover why herpes doesn’t define you and how it might even lead to more authentic connections. We'll explore why shame can't survive in the light and how to navigate those tricky disclosure conversations with confidence. In Episode 4, we’re reclaiming worth, embracing wholeness, and remembering that Love Is… always possible. Plus, I’m sharing deets about my upcoming book that's

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28:00

Maintaining Sexual Desire

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/10/09

Feeling meh about your changing body? You’re not alone. In this episode of "Love Is," we're diving into the nitty-gritty of sex after 40. From responsive arousal to those "sandpapery" moments, we're unpacking it all. Episode 3 is about loving your evolving body, having those squirmy conversations, and rediscovering pleasure. Because midlife sex? It's a whole new adventure. Mentioned in Episode 3: The "Three Things" exercise: staceyherrera.com/threethings "Yes, No, Maybe" list:

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30:49

7 Ways to Add More Love to Your Loving

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/10/02

Love and heartbreak hits different after 40... or is that just me? Let’s discuss! Episode 2 is all about choosing love, even when it’s hard with a capital H, and embracing the possibilities. I’ve got 7 unexpected ways to deepen your relationships—with others and yourself. I’m also jamming about why presence might be your new superpower and how letting go could revolutionize your love life. We’re just getting started!

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16:37

Golden Ruling Yourself

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/09/25

Ever feel like you’re dragging a suitcase full of past hurts while hoping for a brighter future? In this debut episode of LOVE IS, we’re unpacking that emotional baggage and making room for joy. Discover why joy isn’t just a feeling – it’s a radical act of self-love. We’ll explore how treating yourself well creates a magnetic field that attracts the life and love you desire. Episode 1 is all about choosing joy, loving fiercely, and embracing the delicious possibility of right now. Discover why now

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01:26

Official Trailer: Love Is...

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/09/18

"Love Is..." with Stacey Herrera, the podcast where we're ditching the fairytales and getting down to the nitty-gritty of love after 40.

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