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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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11:15

Weekly Challenge #943 – All our tomorrows

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/19

LisaLizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Express, In my hand, Expected, Cut and dried, Desiccation, Blocker LISA All Our Tomorrows I’m not sure if it was the heat from the fire, or fumes, or if I was just overwhelmed by being out of the basement but I felt really light headed. In his explanation he kept repeating that he’d chosen us and the importance of ‘all our tomorrows’. That particular phrase was repeated over and over

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1:16

First marriage

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/18

Having Asperger's and parents who were in denial about it will mess you up. They were proud of my perfect brother, but ashamed of me. My father would tell people that I was from his wife's first marriage, so don't look at him. My mother would tell people that I was from her husband's first marriage, so don't look at her. I was the sick joke they shared. So when my father died and my dementia-ridden mother was left destitute, the retirement home called. "Don't look at me," I said. "I'm from her

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1:11

Swimming lessons

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/17

When I was two, my mother forced me into summer swimming lessons. It was at the community pool, and she'd deliberately park far from the entrance. The blacktop was hot, and I cried in pain as I burned my feet. The only sandals I got were the ones she hit me with. So I ran from her abuse, nearly getting run over several times. Finally making it to the cool wet grass at the lot's edge, I kept running. She caught me, and hit me more. I never learned how to swim. And I never learned to stop hating

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1:18

Sesame spank

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/16

When my mother wasn't dumping me in daycare while she bowled, it was in front of the TV. The television wasn't just my babysitter, but it was my teacher. I watched Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street and Romper Room. Learning really stupid things. One lesson was that a puppet cop could hold up his hand and stop traffic. So when I ran out in the street in front of our house and played Monkey In The Middle, all I needed to do was hold up my hand. It didn't stop the spanking punishment. I spanked my stuffed

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1:13

Boycott lousy food

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/15

I used to boycott all of the companies that my father, the corporate attorney, was fired from. Instead of whacking off to Playboy bunnies, I whacked off to Penthouse pets. Instead of eating Wendy's heart attacks on a bun, I ate McDonalds or Burger King stroke sandwiches. Instead of Little Caesars, which peddled fried bread with cheese that was greasier than the family that owned the company, I ordered local pizza. And instead of Applebees and Sbarros microwaved restaurant entrees, I microwaved my

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1:13

Seasonal affective disorder

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/14

In addition to her depression, my mother suffered from seasonal affective disorder. And she was living in the Pacific Northwest, so the Winters were excessively dark compared to here. Not that I was going to invite her to move here. So, I said "Turn on a light." That wasn't enough. I then sent a big 4K television with a player and some wildlife and other scenery disks. By closing the windows, she could fool herself into thinking it was nice outside. When I visited, the disks were unopened, and my

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1:23

Senior project

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/13

My school had a senior project requirement. A brief internship at some business or organization you're interested in. I was interested in Science, so I planned a few weeks in their medical technology lab. Instead, my mother conspired with the program coordinator to dump me in a homeless shelter. Where I was attacked repeatedly, and once forcibly injected with heroin. These days, when bums on the corner beg for money, I hand out monopoly money. I donate the itchiest clothes and blankets to

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10:57

Weekly Challenge #942 – Has-beens

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/12

Lisa Lizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is All our tomorrows RICHARD Beans I has beans every day, plenty of fibre in them, see. Scientists say it's good for you, all I knows is they makes me fart. Guess that's a good thing though: better out, than in, I says, just so long as you ain't downwind of me at the time. Ferocious, they are… pungent! But, I suppose that's one of the downsides of taking care of your body, occupational hazard,

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1:24

A library of complaints

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/11

Someone complained about Abraham Lincoln and his Gettysburg Address being on display in a university library, so the staff removed them, saying it had been part of a temporary exhibit, even though they had been on display for years. Then, at another library, a parent complained about Ru Paul's book, so the library pulled it from the shelves. People started complaining about everything, books, artwork, the chairs, the stairs... Pretty soon, there was nothing left in any library in America. Which

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1:11

Car window

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/10

Someone smashed my car window and took some stuff. "Yeah, it happens," said the police. They gave me some paperwork to fill out. "Leave the doors unlocked," they said. "And don't leave anything in your car." My insurance company said "The deductible is five hundred dollars." So, I went to the repair shop, and they charged me... five hundred dollars. When they were finished, I smashed the store owner's car window. Then I drove to the insurance agent's office and smashed her car window, too. Because

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11:49

Weekly Challenge #941 – Outsider

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/05

LisaLizzie Richard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Has-beens LISA Our Adductor Explains “The wealth we have is beyond comprehension. This has, in some respects, made us into outsiders. Neither of us fit into traditional society or, indeed, like society. So, we would like to start something else. A sort of new community built on love and trusting. That’s why, you see, taking you all against your will wasn’t the right start for this. I’d prefer

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1:29

The shadow war

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/05

As I strolled down the avenue, I realized that my shadow was not my own. The embassy frequently warned us about rogue shadows, the shadows of their greatest and most successful spies. “Watch your back!” Say the posters. This is why all official business happens in specially-built light rooms, with light coming from all directions to purge any rogue shadows. Trapped in dark prisms and shadow boxes, kept in a massive safe. Until the enemy offers an exchange. Their captured shadows for ours. Lining up

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1:27

What is new

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/03

The problem with naming things New is that they eventually become old. New Coke was a total flop, and Coke had to bring back their old formula. They called it Coke Classic, eventually dropping the Classic along with New Coke. New Wave music ruled the late 70's and early 80's, conquering consciousnesses through MTV. Until the fad was replaced with newer music, coming back now and then as retro through tribute acts. Then there's New York and New England. What's so new there? They're just old,

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1:20

Stealing home derby

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/02

I don't know what's so exciting about the home run derby. Some guy lobs easy pitches to a batter, and they slug them over the fence. Over and over and over. Where's the challenge in that? What I really want to see is the steal home plate derby. That's where the real excitement is, a guy stealing home. Although it's kind of hard to do in a derby, since they know the guy is going to try to steal home. So, instead, let's go with a Bench Clearing Brawl Derby. Give the winner a pickup truck. And an ice

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1:29

Credit card offers

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/05/01

Elwood had a decent credit rating, so he got a lot of credit card offers in the mail. They were better than the high-interest service fee cards he'd gotten when he was poor and broke. But he looked at the cashback offers for the store cards, and he noticed that they paid out less than other general bank cards for the same category. So, he broke into his neighbors' mailboxes with better credit ratings, got cards in their names, and ran up huge tabs. Then he drove off to Mexico. At least the neighbors

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1:14

Dog walkers

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/04/30

I like to walk to the grocery store every Saturday. If it's going to be a very hot day, I go as early as I can. And I take a route that's through a nice neighborhood with shady trees and wide sidewalks. There's joggers, people pushing strollers, and others going to the store or coming back from it with their bags. Today, I walked past a couple walking their two dogs. Well, one was laying on the ground, not moving, and another was sniffing it and whining. The couple was crying. Maybe it's too hot out

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1:09

My Battery anxiety

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/04/29

When I broke my elbow, I was stuck in the emergency room with a phone at 3% battery and no cord or spare battery. A doctor let me borrow his charger so I could get texts out to friends, and they convinced the gift shop to send a cord to my hospital room. And cookies. And iced tea. And stuffed bears. Since then, I've had battery anxiety. I bought a plug-in hybrid car instead of a Tesla because of battery anxiety. And I panic when I see a coworker's shared desktop on Zoom when they're not plugged in

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15:56

Weekly Challenge #940 – PICK TWO Still, Officer down,...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/04/28

Lisa Lizzie Richard Serendipidy Justin the Space Turtle David Fairbanks Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Outsider JUSTIN THE SPACE TURTLE Three… You never know how it’ll turn out. You thought it would be amazing, as endless as anything can be this side of Heaven, and be a little slice of it. Two… surely it’s just a challenge, it will be OK, just try again, learn, try harder, be better. Push through the pain, do the best you can. One… It’s not

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1:15

Murderball

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/04/27

When Fall comes, I like to move my laptop to the patio table and work from outside. Of course, I need a second monitor. And a power cable for the equipment. Maybe a large fan, when the breeze isn't blowing. Then there's the wireless keyboard and trackpad. And my phone. Don't forget the pitcher of iced tea. And lemons. And ice. When everything's set and ready, that's when the sun comes out. And that glowing orange murderball screams I WILL MURDER YOU WITH MY HEAT AND LIGHT! I pack everything back

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1:16

Go out and

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2024/04/26

So many people on their timelines encourage others to vote. Sometimes for one candidate. Or the other. Or against one of the candidates, implying that you should vote for the other one. And then there's the general calls to vote, without any particular candidate in mind. Just vote. I don't ever endorse people to vote for a candidate. Or against one. Or even encourage people to vote. If you've ignored every other call to vote, for or against, or at all, and it's all down to what I think... Just give

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