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PODCAST

The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert

Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what"s most important to you. This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won"t be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

01:17:39

A Journey into Jealousy - The Dysfunctional Family...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/12/25

Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is

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59:09

The Emotional Healing Journey - To Express or Not To...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/12/18

The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds

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01:00:34

The partner who'd rather be anywhere but home -...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/12/11

What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for

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01:07:06

The Toxic Episode - The toxic relationship -...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/12/04

Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper

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01:12:36

The Spiritual Lessons Connecting the Past to Present...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/11/27

There's a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it's like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching the light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present is completed and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit "out

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48:23

Getting better at receiving - Recovering from abusive...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/11/20

Giving can feel so good, but receiving can too so why do so many people have trouble receiving? Do you reject gifts or other offers? If so, why would you take the honor to give away from the giver? If you've not thought about it like that before, this segment is for you. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who feels like she's wasted three years of her life with her emotionally abusive boyfriend. She is no longer in that abusive relationship, but still feels the pain of the loss and the

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01:07:07

Selfish or self-sustaining? - The mom who wasn't...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/11/13

What is acceptable to you and what is not? What is considered self-sustaining and what is selfish? I read an email from someone who's in constant battle in his mind, unsure if he's honoring his personal boundaries or just being completely self serving. He also gets into a debate in his mind and over analyzes to the point of indecision. There's a way to decide, and it involves the question: What what you do if you were completely fearless or not afraid of the consequences? That will usually give you

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42:43

Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/11/06

Sexual abuse should not be taboo. Survivors carry the shame, pain, and guilt when the reality is that the perpetrators should be the one carrying those things. The pain of past abuse is real and it doesn't go away without acceptance, letting it come up, processing (in many ways), healing (in many more ways), and finally releasing. This episode is focused on what to do to begin healing and where to go for resources if you want to learn more. Go to thefionaproject.org to watch the powerful music

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01:10:05

The Meaning of Communication - Guilt by Manipulation...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/10/30

What you say isn't always what they hear. What they understand isn't always what you conveyed. Who is responsible for the communication, you? Them? Both? Neither? It's time to explore this topic. On Ask Paul part 1, I read a message from someone who got out of a manipulative, abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist. It was a crazy time for her and she is healing, but she shares a lesson for us all. On Ask Paul part 2, I read a letter from someone still obsessing over his ex. They were

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01:03:32

The Pattern of Anxiety - Saving Anger Only For Those...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/10/23

With General Anxiety Disorder, is there a chance of getting free of the consistent feelings of anxiety and panic? Is there a remote chance of feeling better or even making it go away completely? Maybe... Also, I get a letter from a girl whose boyfriend gets jealous so she gets angry which causes him to insult her which causes her to react, and so on... is there a solution? I talk a little on jealousy and more on anger and the fact that we often direct our anger at the wrong people.

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01:13:08

Laughing at Criticism - There Are No Terrible...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/10/16

Can you laugh at criticism? Do you believe in yourself enough so that when someone calls you anything less than you really are, you can shrug it off without those sometimes hard to avoid feelings? When you get to a place inside where you are proud of yourself no matter what, then you'll find yourself genuinely laughing instead of reacting when someone is being critical of you. Children can seem to do awful things, but they are a result of the programming adults have fed into them since birth. Is it

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01:21:45

Measuring Your Worth and Esteem - Jealous and...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/10/09

Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. That's great to know, but how do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed? There's "street knowledge" then there's book knowledge. Stree Knowledge is real world experience and book knowledge is when you know what to do but don't necessarily know how to do it, or have the courage to do it. So what can you do? Listen to this segment and find out. In the Ask Paul

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01:21:33

The Silent Treatment - The Drawbacks of...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/10/02

The silent treatment is like an acid that disintegrates trust and love because of the withdrawal of emotions (emotional withdrawal). I can't trust you with my emotions because when you withdraw, I feel betrayed and abandoned. I also talk about the drawbacks of non-confrontational behavior and how choosing not to confront disintegrates love and bonding. When you choose to be non-confrontational, it's like telling the other person "I don't want to tell you the whole truth". And what about hate? Are

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01:07:58

Indecision and Stagnation - Realizations of a New,...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/09/25

Permanent decisions are not always permanent, we just think they are. Even marriage nowadays isn't permanent, as much as we want it to be. And even when everything is going great, "stuff" happens and makes things not so great anymore which forces us to change or fall. There's a great quote I read about flat squirrels and indecisions (if you think hard enough, you'll understand that right away) and it makes for a great topic to talk about. In segment 2, I read an email from someone who sees every red

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01:00:25

Losing Your Identity in the Relationship - The...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/09/18

Nurturing yourself while you're in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don't lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don't nurture yourself. When family doesn't honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with the brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what

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01:09:31

The Bad First Impression - Living with Debilitating...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/09/04

Making a bad first impression is not necessarily your fault. You could be well dressed, have a great hair day, good breath, and even the best personality, but that mole behind your ear makes them think of their mean uncle and suddenly their first impression of you is that you aren't trustworthy and will hurt them. Quite a jump, but this happens quite a bit. I talk about a first impression a listener got with this show and how he criticized over 170 episodes by listening to one 15 minute segment

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01:17:44

The Yeah But Mentality - Life After Abuse - Rejecting...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/08/28

Ever have a friend that said "Yeah But..." to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don't do it because their excuse machine activates? There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: Yeah But people, and Okay I'll Try It people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it's a good start. Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away

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01:27:14

Building emotional deficit - Can't find or keep...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/08/21

Should you receive for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you'd like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people pleaser. Also I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can't make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences

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01:10:21

My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late - Guilt About...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/08/14

I talk a little more on manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place. Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you're not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode. And, what if you do all this healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn't want to change? In fact, they are happy just where they are, dysfunction and all. But instead of leaving, you decide to create accountability and tell them if they

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01:06:27

The Dysfunction of The New Normal - Offending...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2016/08/07

Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a

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