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PODCAST

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.This isn"t about forcing different sex drives to align. It"s about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

20:02

3 Reasons You Have a Hard Time Talking About Sex &...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/11/18

This episode is for all of you that have a hard time talking about sex, even with your partner. I'll cover the 3 top reasons people struggle to have conversations about sexual desires, needs, and interests. I'll also give you a place to get started in solving these challenges for each one. From the episode recommendations, here is a link to the blog post from Somatica Institute on my most highly recommended relationship repair process: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/blog/9-steps...

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20:04

How to Be Sexual Without Accidentally Being Creepy

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/11/11

If you can't figure out why women seem to get turned off by you even though you're a super nice guy -- this episode is for you! We cover how to know if you’re inadvertently creeping out women or turning them off no matter how great a guy you are (and 99% of the people with this issue are cis-gendered hetero men). We'll talk about why that can happen, why it's not your fault (but is something only you can fix), how to stop it, and what’s up if you’re on other end (meaning that you get creeped ...

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40:41

Butt Fun: How to Start & How to Avoid Traumatic Mistakes

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/11/04

Today we’re talking about butt stuff – all things anal pleasure. The rear end is the other half of your pelvis and has loads of nerve endings to enjoy, but it can also be a place of shame, pain and trauma when we aren't careful. I’m going to give you some perspectives on releasing shame and expectations. I'll also cover in detail the Cardinal Rules of Butt Fun so you can stay on the pleasure side of the equation rather than the pain and trauma side. As usual, I’m going to end on an invitation...

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13:30

Experiencing More Pleasure & Satisfaction (Plus How...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/10/28

What is your relationship to physical pleasure? Today is all about investigating this question so you can experience more of it. We'll talk about how you can boost pleasure, dive in to how desire and arousal get confused with pleasure, and how to focus on what really brings deep satisfaction. Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcri...

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20:28

How To Start Having G-Spot & Cervical Orgasms

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/10/21

Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you! Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

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17:37

The Missing Part of the ED Conversation

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/10/15

This episode will help you understand the most common underlying causes of erectile challenges and how to solve them. While drugs can mask symptoms, they don’t actually address the underlying causes of ED. I explain the big missing piece of the ED conversation, which is how relationships, socialized pressure, psychology and emotional situations affect erections. If you have a penis, play with people who do, or just want to be more aware of how to support people who do – this one is for you.&n...

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18:58

Special Episode: Finding Calm & Helping Others When...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/10/06

This is a special episode, recorded at my home in Asheville, North Carolina, USA in the aftermath of massive devastation from Hurricane Helene. It is for all people dealing with difficult times. In it, I walk you through a calming exercise to help de-escalate anxiety, overwhelm, stress and other challenging, activating emotions. I also talk about how you can help other people through co-regulation. Note that there is no explicit content here and it is suitable for anyone. Way to hel...

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21:57

Up Your Foreplay Game

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/30

This episode will help you get more creative and relaxed about foreplay. We'll cover why that’s super important for keeping the fire lit in your sex life, and what some of the blocks are to good foreplay. We're also going to dive into what's up with the foreplay deficit in America, the common problem of boring foreplay, and discuss how to overcome the worries and logistical issues that can keep us from getting more exploratory and creative. Learn more about me, inquire about coaching, an...

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37:06

Your Options for Help: Coaching vs. Therapy, Plus...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/23

This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective. This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you. Learn more about me, inquire a...

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14:45

What we did in sessions this week

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/16

Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems ca...

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22:12

Why don't they just know?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/09

What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward. Learn more about me, inquire about coaching, and get free help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens...

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12:31

Break Free From Arbitrary Rules: Cleaning Out Your...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/02

This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you ...

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24:23

Skip The Frustration By Understanding Attachment Styles

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/26

Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style. So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles. Get the free gu...

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47:25

Inside a Session on Emotional Desires: Asking For...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/19

In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Somet...

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19:22

Better Sleep, Better Sex

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/12

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help. I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one. Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better: Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading n...

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11:48

If You Feel Bad About Always Saying No to Sex, Try This

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/05

It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!). But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely havin...

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40:04

How to Feel Better About Getting Rejected

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/29

Today is all about how to build rejection resilience. How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection. Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover ...

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30:08

An Introduction to Sexological Bodywork: Interview...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/22

When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi...

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23:42

What Strings Are You Attaching To Sex?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/15

This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then I’ll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.c...

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28:48

Flirting 101: Keys to Juicy Flirting for New &...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/08

Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well. I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well. This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to appreciate people’s looks without de-humanizing them, the 6 key ways to flirt, and how to use grounded ...

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103 results

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