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PODCAST

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives

Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.

Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work.This isn"t about forcing different sex drives to align. It"s about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

14:45

What we did in sessions this week

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/16

Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems ca...

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22:12

Why don't they just know?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/09

What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward. Learn more about me, inquire about coaching, and get free help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens...

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12:31

Break Free From Arbitrary Rules: Cleaning Out Your...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/09/02

This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you ...

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24:23

Skip The Frustration By Understanding Attachment Styles

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/26

Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style. So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles. Get the free gu...

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47:25

Inside a Session on Emotional Desires: Asking For...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/19

In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Somet...

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19:22

Better Sleep, Better Sex

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/12

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help. I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one. Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better: Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading n...

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11:48

If You Feel Bad About Always Saying No to Sex, Try This

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/08/05

It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!). But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely havin...

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40:04

How to Feel Better About Getting Rejected

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/29

Today is all about how to build rejection resilience. How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection. Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover ...

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30:08

An Introduction to Sexological Bodywork: Interview...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/22

When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi...

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23:42

What Strings Are You Attaching To Sex?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/15

This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then I’ll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.c...

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28:48

Flirting 101: Keys to Juicy Flirting for New &...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/08

Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well. I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well. This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to appreciate people’s looks without de-humanizing them, the 6 key ways to flirt, and how to use grounded ...

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19:56

You're Not Dysfunctional and Why Comparing Yourself...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/07/01

Most of us don’t talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So it’s no wonder that we look around us at everyone else and assume they are having great sex and easy relationships. Today we're talking about how that mistake can actually harm us. We're diving into the incredibly common habit of "Compare and Despair" as it applies to our relationships and sex lives. We'll talk about why you are more normal than you may think, no matter what struggles you're having...

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24:02

When Reality is a Bummer: Dealing with Disappointment

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/06/24

Are you feeling disappointed about anything in your relationship or sex life?Disappointment in relationships and sex is super normal. Some disappointment is because the situation is really not working for us and we need to take some sort of action (like leave, have some tough conversations, or get help). Other disappointments are simply because it's not possible for another person to give us 100% of what we want all the time. Today we're taking a look under the hood at this second kind o...

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24:40

Relationship Skills Part 2: Attuning to Your Partner

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/06/17

Attuning well to your partner feels great for both of you. It enables emotional intimacy, which makes sexy time way better and much more likely to happen. It's also key for the special kind of non-verbal communication required in physical intimacy. But how do we do it well? This episode will walk you through how to attune well to your partner. It will also help you avoid the top 3 big things that get in the way of attunement, understand how to differentiate attuning from projecting on so...

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45:23

Exploring BDSM: Interview with Femme Domme Coach Rose

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/06/10

This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what is BDSM? How is it different from kink? What are the differences among Dom(mme)/Sub play, Sadomasochism, and Bondage and Discipline? How do you find a local scene or partners? What are some things to watch out for? What are some of the best things about BDSM and what kind of freedom might you find in that type of sexual play? I'm joined by ...

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20:01

Initiating Sex: Key Troubleshooting Questions for...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/06/03

This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important topics for you and your partner to cover:1) How are we dividing up initiation and do we both like the split? If not, what kind of split might feel better to each of us and why?2) Are the initiation styles we've been using working as well as they can for both of us? How can we improve them?We'll cover some styles of initiation that can fall flat an...

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27:15

Inner Critics Gone Wild: Boost Your Mojo & Improve...

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/05/27

If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize that an inner critic gone wild isn't just harming you, it's harming your relationships and sex life. All of us can be mean to ourselves occasionally, but when it's a regular pattern it makes us feel awful, kills our mojo, and undermines our relationships. If you have that pattern, you probably learned it long ago and have been doing it for years. But yo...

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22:30

Arousal Styles: Which of These 3 is Yours?

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/05/20

This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people have one dominant and possibly a secondary. Knowing your arousal style is part of discovering the manual to your own turn-ons and very helpful for communicating with your partner about what you like. Get the free guide Touch Play 101 to start playing your way to better sex and relationships today at https://laurajurgens.com. Find your Cor...

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19:04

How to Support a Partner with Sexual Trauma

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/05/13

It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexually. You may be feeling rejected, resentful, and/or disappointed. You may want to support them, but not know how. Today we’re going to cover the key things you can do to support your partner’s healing and your intimacy together. Four things are oriented specifically towards how you interact with your partner and four are oriented towards supporting you...

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48:21

Recovering from Trauma: My Process

The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with... ·

2024/05/06

This is a special one. It's both vulnerable and also really satisfying. I’m sharing my story of the 8 key processes that helped me heal from dissociation and PTSD that I accrued from various traumas, including sexual assault, child abuse, homelessness, bullying and harassment.It's never the same path for everyone, but I hope that this episode will inspire you to try out some of these approaches or understand better how to support loved ones. If you are feeling stuck, have genital numbness, fe...

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94 results

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