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We Will Fix You

Haunted Phonograph

We"re here to help, whether you want it or not.

comedy self-help

All Episodes

00:18:14

Episode 56: Travelin' Mam

We Will Fix You ·

2018/01/22

This week's question is a British classic, involving as it does bureaucracy, extended family and social awkwardness. How to get a non-passport-having mum to Bulgaria in six months time without her finding out? Note: not a cover for human trafficking this time. We've learned our lesson.

en-US

00:13:44

Episode 55: TV Party

We Will Fix You ·

2018/01/15

We live in a golden age of TV, they say, their eyes glassy and peculiar, the faint buzzing of distant wasps carried on their flat, reedy voices. But it's true! Today's questioner struggles to fit all of these wonderful shows into their free time. Something has to give. But what? We will fix it.

en-US

00:17:56

Episode 54: The Food of Broad Platonic Feeling

We Will Fix You ·

2017/12/18

Our questioner has a problem - a beloved friend is hard to eat with, given some open-mouthed flapping and noises not conducive to digestion. What, they ask, is to be done? We will, of course, fix this.

en-US

00:18:53

Episode 53: The Gift of Gifting Gifts

We Will Fix You ·

2017/12/11

Our questioner struggles with the idea that they're giving bad gifts. What can we do to assuage this, make sure the gifts they're giving are good ones, or just convince them not to care? Three very different solutions in this faintly-festive episode.

en-US

00:22:50

Episode 52: Job Search

We Will Fix You ·

2017/12/04

Our questioner has had a tough time in employment, with bullying and redundancy, and now struggles to overcome the trauma of this and look for a new job. Can we help? Sort of. Fewer gags than usual. We even edited out one about a greasy horse, it was tonally "off". But we'll whisper it to you if you ask politely.

en-US

00:14:26

Episode 51: Can You Dig It?

We Will Fix You ·

2017/11/27

Our questioner wants a nice garden without all that pesky maintenance, with having to know and care about plants, cutting things, digging things, and the horrifying reminder of the terrifying entropy nipping at all of our heels that comes with it. What to do? We know!

en-US

00:12:58

Episode 50: Preserving the Magic

We Will Fix You ·

2017/11/06

Our questioner is navigating the choppy waters of sudden cohabitation, in particular, the treacherous eddies around the Strait of Flatulence and the fearsome squall of Depilation Bay. How do you manage expectations, mystique, and living together? Should you at all?

en-US

00:15:24

Episode 49: Earwormed

We Will Fix You ·

2017/10/30

Our questioner has been betrayed by their own mind and is now a prisoner to a swirling vortex of goth-pop inanity. Can we free them from this gulag of sound and ungodly image? Yes.

en-US

00:22:58

Episode 48: Selling Out

We Will Fix You ·

2017/10/23

Our questioner is an creative type, and loses all interest in the act of creation as soon as the deed is done. They need our help to stop their creations from sitting, unloved and alone, on the shelves. They are asking us, dear listener, us, how to do a marketing.

en-US

00:19:52

Episode 47: Ball's In Your Court

We Will Fix You ·

2017/10/16

Those ruddy-faced sprogs next door won't stop punting balls over your fence, violating the most basic tenets of communal living. But not to worry, we have some fixings that will sort that right out with a minimum of sharpened stick pits dug into your lawn.

en-US

00:19:39

Episode 46: Hangin' on the (Internet) Telephone

We Will Fix You ·

2017/10/09

This week's questioner has that age-old dilemma - how to take a friendship and heave it over the line like a sack of metaphorical relationship potatoes into a relationship where there may or may not be potatoes. Complicating things: nerves, the internet, us. We will fix it though, you can be damn sure of that.

en-US

00:23:19

Episode 45: So Near, Sofa

We Will Fix You ·

2017/10/02

Oversized furniture, hoarding, parental obligation and sentimentality collide in the form of a much-loved but unwanted sofa (or couch - hi, America!). We look at three ways to deal with the emotional fallout of a bizarrely universal experience.

en-US

00:19:23

Episode 44: Three's Some Company

We Will Fix You ·

2017/09/25

This week's questioner wants to expand their sexual horizons, and they're not too fussy whether that means multiple partners simultaneously or in serial. Someone else is gettin' doinked is what we're saying here. But how to do this and maintain the existing relationship? Is it possible to keep people from being hurt? And how exactly does one fit all this doinking into a busy modern life? We will fix it.

en-US

00:21:28

Episode 43: All The Rage

We Will Fix You ·

2017/09/18

Our questioner suffers from occasional bouts of furious anger, and would like very much to keep them under control before they end up screaming, covered in kestrel blood on a roundabout. We'd like to avoid that too, so for you, dear listeners, and for the kestrels, we will fix it.

en-US

00:23:02

Episode 42: The Fall

We Will Fix You ·

2017/09/11

Autumn is here, and with it comes the sadness, at least in this week's questioner. Surely we can't fix an entire season? Oh, you poor poor things. We will FIGHT a season. For you. To fix it.

en-US

00:19:22

Episode 41: Reach Out

We Will Fix You ·

2017/08/28

If you're the go-to support for a friend's problems, it can be hard to know what to do and how to weather the emotional labour required. Luckily, we're the experts here and we've got ideas.

en-US

00:25:37

Episode 40: Family Matters

We Will Fix You ·

2017/08/21

This week's questioner has a testy relationship with their parents, and seeks our advice on how to deal with the dreaded filial responsibilities when they pop by for a visit. It's emotionally fraught, and that's before you even get to some very strong opinions about cake.

en-US

00:19:00

Episode 39: Feelin' Hot

We Will Fix You ·

2017/08/14

Sometimes it can be warm. Not often, but it can. If you struggle with this sort of thing, what are some options to cool off? Not air conditioning or that sort of thing. Nothing so simple. Join us on a journey into the HUMAN MIND and also some slightly better advice about fans.

en-US

00:24:26

Episode 38 - Talk Talk

We Will Fix You ·

2017/08/07

Our listener is presented with a dilemma - in order to effectively Do A Business, it is incumbent upon them to chat in a casual and carefree manner with colleagues. Alas, the vomiting blood and the fear sweats get in the way. What succour can we, as fixers, provide?

en-US

00:19:16

Episode 37: Ambient Anger

We Will Fix You ·

2017/07/31

This week's asker suffers anxiety from anxiety brought on by a co-worker's apparently ceaseless fury at everybody and everything. Can we help? Of course we can, and our advice ranges from the gently vengeful to the needlessly biological. As ever, it is extremely helpful.

en-US

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