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PODCAST

Halal Cartels

Halal Cartels Global hot takes from a couple local brown guys living in the center of a sundowning empire. hosted by Gabe Pacheco Sameer Naseem, And just like the Wu, we do it for the children IG: @gabepac1 IG: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com twitter: @halalcartels https://www.patreon.com/Halalcartels Intro Music by SAREEN @sareenpatel @Brownprivilege

society & culture

All Episodes

00:59:47

Monkey Pox on the NYPD, searching for Biden’s Corn...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/05/23

Stockpiling goods, summer time drips in NYC, traffic stops by cops, Eric Adams juking the stats, Monkey Pox, the war on White Comedians, We Own the City, and more!!! We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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00:50:59

Raw Deals at Culinary School during the Pandemic with...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/05/20

It's an away game episode with Gabe Pacheco interviewing long time friend Natasha Jones about entering culinary school during the Pandemic. What did the last two years expose about higher ed and education in general? We discuss the benefits of remote learning, the challenges of masking, the perils of dorm life and more. Are schools looking out for their students or their bottom lines? We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG: @gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter:

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00:58:40

Torture Queen Beauty Tips, and Pusha T's next album...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/05/16

We are back! Today we discuss the Baby Formula shortage, CIA torture queen-turned beauty blogger Alfreda Scheuer, Everything Everywhere All At Once, the relative failure of Sweden's "keep the country open" strategy, Our Father doc on Netflix, and Bitchin': the sound and fury of Rick James. We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by

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00:45:00

Where is our generation's Symbionese Liberation Army,...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/05/01

Another fun meditation on modern life. We touch on hygiene in schools, Sameer opening for Hasan Minhaj, the Coxsackie Virus, Elon Musk buying twitter, Wynn Bruce's self-immolation, the kidnapping of Patty Hearst, the transgender leaders against the Spanish Empire in the colonial Philippines, and mercenaries, and more. We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel

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01:05:06

Maybe catching Covid from a Sea Lion and Getting...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/04/24

The boys are bringing Halal Cartels out of Hypersleep. Gabe has Covid. Sameer is about to open for Hasan Minhaj. The Lord giveth and He taketh. We discuss Miami, variants, the Seaquarium, dolphins, Colombia, FARC, epidemiology, and more. The Riddler was right. We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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01:04:39

Self-Stitching, Self-Reliance, and Puerto Rican...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/03/31

Today we talk about all things Puerto Rico, from the independence movement to statehood, Hurricane Maria, the Jones Act, and Utuado uprising of 1950 and more. This episode is the tip of the iceberg. So much was left unsaid, but it's a start. Guest Suni Reyes IG: @suni_rays twitter: @SuniReyes We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by

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01:03:00

Man-eating tigers, the hunt for Bin-Laden sparks a...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/03/24

Tiger attacks in India, CIA tomfoolery in Afghanistan and Pakistan sparks a health crisis, who are the true oligarchs, and Madeleine Albright and Henry Kissinger prove you should never hire refugees to become your foreign policy experts. We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG: @gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG: @Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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01:05:22

The Batman, Scammers in Science Under Capitalism, the...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/03/14

Buckle up for another episode of Halal Cartels. Today we talk about pole dancing and comedy, check the trailer for Skinja on Vimeo, review the The Batman, parasocial relationships, obsessed fans, Elizabeth Holmes, selective empathy, and more. Gabe is proudly a Whataboutist. And we talk about Ukraine, austerity, globalization, and ask the question, what were your relatives doing during WW2? We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter:

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01:12:14

Talk to Me Face, Ukraine on the Brain, and Haitian...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/02/28

Today is an "away-game" episode with friend of the pod Norlex Belma. He's a nationally touring comedian, New York City native, formerly a world traveling musician, and man of Haitian descent. Sit back and relax while we chat about time burglars, music, growing up in Brooklyn, starting a stand-up career, the history of Haiti, Polish Haitians, Geopolitics, NATO, and the Russia/Ukraine kerfuffle. Norlex Belma We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG:

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00:49:44

Mostly a movie episode: Texas Chainsaws, Freaky, the...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/02/21

We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord Vince Vaughn deserves an Oscar for Freaky. True Detective Season two is lowkey the best season. We love the Raid. The New Texas Chainsaw Massacre is better than the critics are saying. Sameer talks about the Last Duel. We find a way to shoehorn 911 and the War on Terror into this episode as we do with all episodes. Remember Marlboro Miles. We do! We started a Discord. And will have Patreon up ASAP. Email us at HalalCartels@gmail.com IG:@gabepac1

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00:57:49

Dogs are cool, Jackass Forever is art, and we raise a...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/02/15

We now have a Patreon: Join to enter our Discord We discuss Lesotho, man's best friend, people who keep lethal snakes as pets, Jackass Forever is peak comedy, the bitcoin launderer Heather Morgan aka the Versace Bedouin, the Tinder Swindler, the Hipster Grifter and more!!! Sorry about the sound quality on this one folks! We'll make is sharp, crispy, and balanced next time! IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel

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01:01:31

An animated series where the School of the Americas...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/02/09

We now have a Patreon: Sign up to join our Discord Office etiquette post-pando, influenza, teacher shortages lead to military acting as substitute teachers, the School of the Americas, Venom and Venom Let There Be Carnage, Alternative Forms of Criminal Justice and Punishment, why is bar trivia so popular?, terrible comedy gigs opening for magicians in White Plains IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel

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01:05:54

Taking the Chinese Bullet Train with the Lenny Bruce...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/25

We now have a Patreon: Join for access to the Discord Gabe and Sameer have invite their first 3rd mic guest Simeon Goodson to break down life in Abu Dhabi, having a personal tailor, eating swine in the club, international DUIs, all while transforming the comedy scene in Abu Dhabi. We discuss life in China during the pandemic, Las Vegas, and our collaboration on the underground indie mockumentary Simfeld. IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon IG: @simdelacreme SIMFELD

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00:58:43

Married Polyamorous Former Youth Pastors, the Bible,...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/20

It's an "away game" episode with our comrade in arms on the West Coast Steve Hernandez chopping it up with Gabe Pacheco. We discuss the Bible, Dads, Therapy, Open Marriages, Sobriety, the Comedy Scene in LA, Oscar Zeta Acosta and the Revolt of the Cockroach People, and more. follow Steve at IG @hernia IG: @gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG: @Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by

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00:56:45

What's in your bug out bag? Gourmet Cannibal...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/17

Gourmet Cannibalism, Tajin Seasoning on the Bodies, Bug Out Bags, Survival Kits, Street Medic Training, Learn How to Massage, Yellowjackets, James Bond in No Time to Die, How to Track People using Aluminum Foil, Bear Mace, Alpha: Eddie Gallagher and the War for the Soul of the Navy Seals, Whistleblower Daniel Hale, and Remember Prince Andrew was Living La Vida Loca on Little St. James Island! IG: @gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact:

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01:05:09

Global Citizens, Good Guests, Good Hosts ,and Doing...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/13

Special guest Sonal Aggarwal joins Gabe Pacheco for this episode of Halal Cartels. Sameer Naseem with be back next week. We discuss Bollywood, the Chicago Comedy Scene, Being a Good Guest, Be a Good Host, Puddles in the Bathroom, Travels to Chile, Speaking Spanish, Growing Up Indian in the Midwest, Doing Accents, Fights at Open Mics and More Sonal IG @sonalmedia IG: @gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC

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01:01:44

90 Day Fiancé in the Amazon, Wet Nurse Johnny...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/11

Breast Milk Immunity, Humans are taking one for the Animal Kingdom but taking all the Bullshit Jobs, Bringing back the Wet Nurses, The Americans, Ethnic Cuisine as soft power influence, unsustainable growth as we spread the dream US-style development abroad, 90 Day Fiance in the Amazon, Gigli's grassroots marketing campaign, the cops tasered a man and he spontaneously combusted, the schools are still open during the surge, support the rank and file teacher's union members IG:@gabepac1 twitter:

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00:53:39

Terrorizing Timeshare Salemen for Treats and the...

Halal Cartels ·

2022/01/07

New York’s New Clown Mayor, NFT’s, Montessori School Sociopaths, Terrorizing Timeshare Salesmen, The Democrats are at war with the Teachers in the Pandemic IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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00:50:32

Xmas is a cursed holiday, regressing around your...

Halal Cartels ·

2021/12/31

Last Episode of the Year! Thanks for listening IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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00:56:36

Sameer had healthy twins! Meditations on Milk,...

Halal Cartels ·

2021/12/18

Sameer had twins, FBI wire-tapping Muslim teenagers,celebrity nannies, Nancy Reagan is the throat goat, Crazy Horsemilk-kinship, The US Navy is Pearl Harboring Oahu with jet fuel in thewater supply,the dangerous history of drinking cow's milk, modern day slavery in Georgia and more! IG:@gabepac1 twitter: @gabe_pacheco IG: @sameermon twitter: @sameermon Contact: Halalcartels@gmail.com Twitter @halalcartels MUSIC by SAREEN IG:@Sareenpatel @brownprivilege Art by @elizabitcrusher

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