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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:33

#254 - Remote No Control (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/02/05

We all know that there are some items in life that have an uncanny way of eluding your possession. In theory it shouldn’t happen, but no matter how much attention is directed toward keeping these elusive apparatuses secure, they somehow have a way of playing hide and seek. Like that extra sock that is secretly abducted by the clothes dryer, your sunglasses that want to live anywhere but on the bridge of your nose, and of course your remote control. But why is it that in this world where there is no

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02:53

#253 - Moral Dilemmas (Originally Posted as Episode...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/01/29

There she was, standing over a fresh dog poop, looking down upon a thin strip of sidewalk grass along a quiet suburban road holding her only bag, bulging and tied off. The Rhodesian Ridgeback at the end of the leash, quite unfortunately, just unloaded an unexpected second helping. To leave or not to leave, that is the question that I ask of Steve. Maybe she has a favorite uncle named Steve, I don’t know. It rhymed. Is there anyone in America who doesn’t know someone named Steve? It doesn’t matter

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03:39

#252 - Mosquitos Suck (Originally Posted as Episode...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/01/22

You work your ass off and deserve a vacation. You save, plan, and prepare while exerting double the energy for the chance to finally check out and head for that sandy paradise for a classic decompress. So, when the bags are loaded with your scene safely in the rear view, a healthy exhale loosens the shackles. But there’s still the travel—the scramble to the airport for the obligatory TSA date rape, the uncomfortable proximity to unsavory strangers, and the cultural barriers that add to uncertainty

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02:34

#251 - Grouchlock (Originally Posted as Episode #107)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/01/15

There used to be a creepy movie called The Swamp Thing where a slothy creature covered in moss was scaring the shit out of everybody in the nearby town by snatching up baddies to take back to his waterbed. Not to be confused with Oscar the Grouch who shares a similar pelt, only drier. And even though this trash dweller feller prickly postulates in the pursuit of gloom, his articulation is far more advanced than the neanderthal grunts and farts (off camera, of course!) of the swamp hairball with as

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02:48

#250 - People And Their Annoying Kids (Originally...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/01/08

Who’s got a sturdy noose handy so I can hang myself and end the misery? As if the steady banging of neon flashing little boy shoes with the tiny roller wheels into the back of my seat isn’t enough, there’s the incessant whining that is unsuccessfully quelled with parental coddling that makes me want to set the whole fucking airplane on fire. Rather than a good old scolding, the mother reasons, guilting the child for being irrational, to which the spoiled brat responds with a piercing squeal? “Why

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02:48

#249 - Self Imposed Sobriety (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2024/01/01

A lot of people need to dry out and they know it. So, getting sober is an annual challenge some of my friends will undertake for around thirty days, usually the same month every year. It’s not like they enjoy this exile, but in their mind, abstinence is a necessary evil that is going to miraculously stave off an early grave. And rehab. We all know that the body can’t reverse liver and heart damage in the matter of one month, but that’s ok, the effort is nonetheless recognized. And it sure makes

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02:39

#248 - Road Rage is Nothing Personal (Originally...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/12/25

Every one of us suffers from some form of dysfunction, which charges our need to act out in dramatic ways. It’s ok, there’s no need to build a defense. Because whatever it is that causes us to project our suffering, we all need to express emotion. You see, we are often unaware of the root of our anger since it has generally developed from personal trauma endured during the formative years, and when you add the unforgiving stresses that come with modernity, everyone’s pot eventually steams with a

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02:56

#247 - I Talk to Myselves (Originally Posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/12/18

It’s true, and I can admit it. I do it a lot. I mean, not out loud so much…well, ok, out loud. But at least I’m hyperconscious about publicly maintaining the flailing arms to conceal any evidence of my attempt to reign victorious in the current internal debate. But doesn’t everyone respond to those nagging inner voices with some form of discourse? I mean, it is part of being human to socially interact, whether it is with a person, a pet, or a volleyball with palm shoots for hair named Hanes. Wait,

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02:50

#246 - Can We Please End Christmas (Originally Posted...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/12/11

Listen, I’m not trying to be an asshole here. I used to love Xmas just as much as any kid. Catching a glimpse of Santa nibbling on a cookie or hearing the patter of hooves on top of the apartment complex made sleeping unbearable. It’s just that I’m not sure I can bear grandma getting run over by a reindeer for the umpteenth time before even having a chance to banish my yard witch back to the shed and evaluate the leftover bowl of miniature Snickers and Candy Corn. Out with the devil and in with the

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02:53

#245 - When The Buffet Bites Back (Originally Posted...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/12/04

Everyone knows who Jimmy Buffet was, right? Well, he has little to do with anything other than the fact that he makes me hungry. Of course, this surname obviously has a silent “t”, but when I see the word buffet, my mind does not autocorrect. And that is because there are few things more seductive than a full-frontal food orgy when your hollow belly is rumbling with the vacant echo of distant thunder. Anyway, in case you didn’t already know, the late Jimmy Buffet had the smash hit Margaritaville

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02:38

#244 - The Gateway Drug (Originally Posted as Episode...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/11/27

Where is this gate of which they speak? The one that you carelessly enter that leads you into a string of bad decisions, eventually overtaking your better sense of judgment where you surrender to any resistance against an ugly dependency on cocaine and heroin. It starts out harmlessly, just a couple puffs on a joint because you caved to the peer pressure of your cool buddies or older brother and his friends. Next thing you know, you’re selling your ass on the streets, frothing at the mouth,

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03:08

#243 - The Fat Guy That Parties (Originally posted as...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/11/20

Everyone has known a fat guy that parties, right? Well, maybe not orthodox religious zealots, but that’s just because they don’t have a buddy who drinks, does blow, drops Molly, and then drenches his clothes with sweat from bouncing erratically on the dance floor to seizure-inducing EDM. Your loss, peeps. Either way, the iconic Blutarski character made popular by John Belushi in the movie Animal House paved the pizza dough for other actors like Chris Farley, who captured the essence of the fat guy

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03:15

#242 - Pinball is Sexy (Rewrite of Episode #105)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/11/13

People are desperate to escape. And the self-administering of mind-altering substances is the quickest method for your surefire jailbreak from life’s doldrums. However, as these poisons are a guaranteed way to stimulate the synapses for easy access into La La Land, sleeping off the hangovers is a bitch. If you wake up at all. But we are weak to temptation, proving that the cheap flight off the reality runway can easily supersede one’s better judgment. Because when the harsh hangovers have you

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02:39

#241 - Siri Broke My Heart (Rewrite of Episode #103)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/11/06

She used to be more fun. You could ask her where to bury a dead body, and her reply was playfully non-resistant, on board for a senseless jab. But something happened because she appears to have lost her sense of humor. What, did she get indicted for a murder charge? Did we get married? We had such a fresh love affair in the beginning, but it’s gotten predictable where the spark of excitement has fizzled into standard maintenance. There’s an odd, suspicious element now--like she’s perpetually

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02:47

#240 - Fuck Bok Choy! (Rewrite of Episode 100)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/10/30

love Asian food, but in case you couldn’t tell from the title, I’m not a big fan of Bok Choy. In fact, I think it’s how you say fuck you in a foreign language. And I think the word for love is Pho. I get your confusion; we’re talking about a food item here, not an ex who brought home a surprise STD. Therefore, there’s no justification to treat it with equal vitriol. It’s just that my hands are experiencing chopstick fatigue from constantly fishing it out of my perfect bowl of delicious Vietnamese

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02:46

#239 - Harley Riders Are Annoying (Rewrite of Episode...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/10/23

Uh oh, I’ve crossed the line. Boy, am I gonna get my ass kicked now. I stated the opinion that everyone else is thinking but is too afraid actually to voice at least openly in public. And the last thing you want to do is belittle the thing to which these irrefutable enthusiasts attach their identity because if you insult the motorcycle, you insult the person driving it. And that’s a surefire way to get stuck in the gut by a Hell’s Angel, Altamont style. Hey, Harley rider, I get it. You want people

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02:43

#238 - Soccer Moms Are The Bestest! (Rewrite of...

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/10/16

Let’s all raise our flutes of infused lemonade for a big cheer to those intrepid Dodge Caravanners who make up the backbone of America! You do it all, ladies. You keep the whole tribe in order like the Chief Executive Organizer of the Taylor family, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan, and never letting Dad forget he’s a man. You captain the crew with equestrian hands, directing the grocery getter through the avenues and lanes, school zones and sports practices, and rattling cat calls

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02:52

#237 - Cigarettes Are Healthy (Rewrite of Episode 82)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/10/09

The cigarette industry has really taken it in the butt this century, so can we please focus on some positives? After all, as we evolve toward a more tolerant society insistent upon creating a level playing field of fairness for everyone, we really should stop the addiction shaming. Sure, those fine orally fixated folks willingly welcome a small forest fire into their respiratory system with each flick of the Bic, but who are we to judge? After all, it is their human right to laminate their lungs

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03:13

#236 - Fake Love (Rewrite of Episode #75)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/10/02

The universe is ever-evolving. Change is constant. Therefore, as energy continues to manifest everywhere, we, too, transform. It is this energy that connects everything. But everything does not evolve in the same way. And although it is still evolution, some things devolve. And sadly, as the de-evolution of human connection seems to endure at the behest of advancing technology, so goes love. This is evidenced through the over-commercialization of love that subtly diminishes its indescribable joy by

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02:47

#235 - My PTSD Is Not TGIF (Rewrite of Episode #69)

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2023/09/25

It’s funny, you know? We have longer life spans than ever before in the history of our species, but less time for shit. So, to clear out some of that unwanted clutter like language and such, it makes natural sense to condense our words and phrases into convenient little, digestible acronyms. Because the more you abbreviate your words the more time you save and are therefore able to accomplish more tasks in your day. Except the task of practicing patience, that is. Anyway, if you don’t know the

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313 results

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