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PODCAST

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain"s involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you

education self-improvement

All Episodes

9:23

Sex Addict - Recovery work does not have to be for...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/03/02

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRelapse Prevention tools are for life. Why?Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those without a past addiction.The way that I view it is like this: For those who never had a sex addiction, it will

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10:05

Sometimes you have to just R.U.N for your life - from...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/02/21

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhen all your Recovery Programme tools, skills and resources are not coming to your aid - have failed you - just R.U.N. There are times when all else fails and R.U.N really is the last option available to you in that moment. Don't debate with yourself; don't rationalise it; don't question it; don't procrastinate - as to whether you truly are about to 'Act out'. Just pick up your car

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8:47

"You're such a liar brain": Who, me? Sex Addiction?

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/02/14

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre'Brain, I'm telling you - you don't fight fair. Underhand. Dirty. I'm trying to do this for us. Are you listening to me?'I do a strange thing with everyone of my Sex Addiction clients. Multi-talented as I am, I do brain surgery on each one. (Mine is a bit crude and I don't use anaesthesia!) I cut off the top of the skull of each of my clients. I lift their brain out of their skull

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9:23

Sex Addicts - your brain is not always your best friend

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/02/07

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUndistort your Cognitive Distortions. How?What are Cognitive Distortions? Examples might be: 'All guys do it', 'At least I am no longer visiting porn sites', 'I'll only be on here for 5 minutes, no longer', 'What I do, is not as bad as...', 'What an horrendous day. I deserve....', 'I can't help it'It is reasonable for you to have a conversation

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10:20

Negative Core Beliefs sabotage Sex Addiction Recovery

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/01/31

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNegative Core Beliefs are often hidden from view. Often disguised; but masquerade as truths.They live in the unconscious. Not easily touchable. They work away in the hidden place doing their worst. They are uninvited guests. They have over stayed their invitation; live rent free and are doing damage, which adversely impacts quality of living life. They need to be gone after and expelled.Since you cannot change

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9:38

Those with Sex Addiction - Cognitive comes before the...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/01/24

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreCreate new thinking to change the behaviour. How? A step at a time, to re-wire the brain.Create new Neural Pathways progressively over time. What is this thing called Neural Pathways? The hamster wheel patterns of behaviours. Those habits. The programming so that when you "feel", you "think", then you "do".At least, that's how it started out in the early days. Then repetition,

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9:30

Triggers are potholes for Porn Addicts

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/01/17

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreA poem by Portia Nelson, published in her bookThere's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery Verse II walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Verse II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the

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10:11

Triggers may be an ally, not a foe - Sex Addiction...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/01/10

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers are a clue to our dissociated Traumas - So says Carolyn Spring in Part 2 of her article on Managing Triggers: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/we-have-two-choices-when-triggered/The past events that we want to avoid thinking about or confronting, may be the very things that we need to go after and change. That sounds like hard work and painful - to me. Yet - it may be worth it people!Triggers can

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8:00

Triggers don't play fair in the Sex Addicts world

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2025/01/03

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTriggers don't play fair. They are often unpredictable (like a music track which comes on) and moves you from chilled to a fight to maintain sobriety. So underhand. Not a nice play partner.Carolyn Springer talks about the aftermaths of Triggers, from the sense of Shame, Self-blame, failure, powerlessness, critical self-talk, being out of control.What is this 'Shame of being Triggers?' Anyone

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11:30

Sex Addicts - turning off Fight/Flight/Freeze...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/12/27

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe cave man/cave woman response of Fight/Flight/Freeze, is alive and well. Don't beat your brain up too badly. It is just doing what it was designed to do to protect you.The options it chooses or gravitates to, are at times, rather dubious and for Sex Addicts. The relief only lasts 5 minutes, but a much longer regret and repercussion timeframe. The brain needs re-training.Stress, tension, anxiety, worry,

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10:52

More Neuroscience from some very clever clogs - for...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/12/20

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet me not re-invent the wheel in this episode. There are some really clever people who say it better than me (even if rather brain hurtingly academical)! Read this Article:The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand? Link: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.31887/DCNS.2020.22.2/mkorte".....This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on

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9:27

Sex Addiction Neuroscience stuff - lush...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/12/13

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThere is a correlation between Sex Addiction and ADHD. When faced with 'danger' on a daily basis (even whilst in the womb!), healthy brain development is derailed and impeded. The area in the brain called the Amygdala (the smoke alarm for danger), increase in volume and becomes over activated.The Pre-Cortex and Hippocampus becomes compromised. The protective behaviours become 'hard wired'

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9:49

Brain stuff - that isn't boring for the Porn Addict

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/12/06

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreI like this article by Luke Gilkerson (as long ago as 2012), when he interviewed a Neuroscientist called Dr William Struthers - author of the book "How pornograpghy Hijacks the male brain"Dr Struthers explains what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction. Hope you find this intriguing and interesting:Testosterone: Testosterone drives a man’s interest in sex. Fantasizing or viewing

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8:43

Attachment Styles is a big deal in Sex/Porn/Love...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/11/29

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRemember, you cannot change what you cannot see and don't understand. Even when you can better see the problem and understand it, does not mean that you can change it - quickly. Insecure Attachment behaviours is one such pattern, which needs to be understood - to experience your "eureka moment" - the light bulb moment.Parents (or the main caregivers) are lighthouses. Babies, toddlers and children

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7:19

Love Addicts hate themselves - but don't tell

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/11/22

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLove Addiction is often a response to Insecure Attachment. It looks like it is about sex and chasing sexual outlets, but it isn't really about sex - as the core desire.It is an attempt to gain a sense of 'being wanted', 'being a part of...','accepted', 'owned', 'wanted', 'secure', 'held', 'needed', 'wanted',

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8:29

'Insecure Attachment' = Detachment, Rejection, Loss,...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/11/15

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe Insecure 'ATTACHMENT' label does not describe accurately, what is really in the can with this label on it! It is exactly the opposite. It typically is set up in the early childhood development years. Often, they are experiences which you can't readily or easily access; but your brain remembers them well and put an identification label/marker on each of them, as and when they occurred.You cannot

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12:41

Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is used to meet depleted Core...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/11/08

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThere are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels.The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emotional Needs: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.When we have been

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9:27

The antidote to Narcissism for Sex Addicts, is Empathy

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/11/01

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreNarcissism and Empathy (like same poles of a magnet) cannot co-exist together in the same space. They repel each other. Likewise, they cannot co-exist in the same person at equally high levels.Either they will have a high level of Narcissistic traits and a low level of Empathy or vice versa. Work on Empathy and you will see Narcissistic traits recede over time. Remember, there can be no quick fixes in this work with The Kairos

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10:25

Narcissistic - who? Not me! - just because of sex...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/10/25

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't go looking up the term on Google and it spewing out a whole heap of stuff that blinds you and gets your back up! I am not suggesting Sex/Porn/Love Addicts are a Narcissists - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - is one of the most difficult mental Health diagnosis to treat. It requires a particularly skilled diagnosis.What I am saying is that they will have, and be manifesting 'traits' which come from

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9:17

SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/10/18

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION. Too simplistic? Maybe, but it is a good place to start, if you want to better understand the reason for the activities - as an outlet for Shame & Narcissism.Try hard to come out from under the umbrella of covering that Shame provides - but is unseen. It covers the Addict and a partner. It keeps them hidden and in hiding. yet, the antidote to shame is to come out of hiding. But it is

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