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PODCAST

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

Blended Family Frappé

A short weekly podcast for struggling stepparents who need a quick pick-me-up. With love, from Blended Family Frappé. xo blendedfamilyfrappe.substack.com

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

0:56

This needs to be a partnership.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/31

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)One person in a relationship sitting back and expecting the other do all the work is never okay. And that goes double in a stepfamily.I can't believe how many stories I've heard from stepparents who are accused of not doing 'enough' by their partners… and yet their partner, the actual parent, REFUSES TO PARENT.This is some serious bullshit, folks. Stepparents should not be expected to parent more than their stepkid's actual parent!!I mean if you want to and

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1:21

Your partner’s past.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/30

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)You can trust your partner completely and still feel jealous of the life they had with their ex.It's normal to feel bummed that you'll never share all those important "firsts" with your partner because they already shared them with someone else. It's normal to feel angry that you'll never enjoy an uncomplicated relationship with the love of your life.So go ahead and feel jealous sometimes. Feel angry, feel hurt, feel sad. Just don't let those emotions eat you

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1:25

Crazy doesn’t need a reason.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/29

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I used to blame myself when Dan's ex would go off the rails, like it was my fault I encouraged him to grow a backbone. Like maybe I never should've tried to create rules and structure for my stepkid. Maybe if I'd just kept my mouth shut, the conflict between houses wouldn't have escalated the way it did.Then I remind myself of something my sister always says: "Crazy doesn't need a reason."Even if Dan & I had never met, his ex would've found some other way

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1:34

Be the change!

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/28

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)If you're a stepparent feeling frustrated, stuck, or unhappy, change for the better is absolutely possible. But it's probably not gonna come from the direction you think it is.We keep waiting for our stepkids or partners or the ex to change so our lives become easier. We get increasingly frustrated when no one seems interested in changing. And the whole time, we forget that WE can change; that's the one thing we have 100% control over in our blended families.In

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2:02

Moving past the anger.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/27

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Let's talk about your partner’s ex for a sec. Anyone else gotten wayyy too obsessed with the ex for their own good?? 🙋🏻‍♀️ That was definitely me.Man anger is a tough emotion to shake. Especially when the ex is causing so much drama that you feel like you never get a damn break from their presence overtaking your entire life.I'm not gonna say you shouldn't be mad (you're almost for sure justified) and I'm certainly not saying you and the ex need to be BFFs (you

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1:42

Stepkid problem? Or partner problem?

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/26

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I found it tough to connect with my stepkid, especially in our early years. She came across as entitled. She spoke in a cutesy baby voice almost constantly. She had terrible manners, including frequently being rude to me.I’m embarrassed to admit how long I thought this was a problem with her. It literally took years before the light dawned one day like — wait a sec. Where’s Dan in all this? Sure this kid chews with her mouth open and ignores me at her soccer

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0:58

Making stepparents into scapegoats.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/25

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)As the newest members of our stepfamilies, stepparents are the outsiders, which means it's easier for us to see any dysfunction or unhealthy patterns that have been invisible to everyone else.That's why, when we bring up issues that concerns us, we're told there either isn't a problem, or it's just OUR problem. Like “Well, this is how it's always been... so if you want to be part of this family, you'll have to get over yourself.”Folks, that's not how

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1:00

Stepparents are allowed to have boundaries.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/24

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)"No" is a complete sentence. And it's a sentence stepparents are allowed to say.It really is okay if you don't want to drop everything to watch your stepkids when your partner decided to change the visitation schedule at the last minute and didn't check with you first.It's also okay if you choose not to attend yet another school event where your stepkid ignores you and your partner doesn't correct them.And finally, it’s okay to take a break from blending your

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1:21

When stepparenting feels tough.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/23

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)A lot of folks act like stepparenting is easy. If it’s easy for them, that’s great. But stepparenting being hard for you doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.So many books and articles I read in my early stepmom days made it sound like there'd be this brief adjustment period and then we'd all be BFFs. So I thought, feeling like this gig is really hard must mean I'm reallllly messing up as a stepparent.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Here's what I know now, though: hard is the default

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2:15

Parental alienation & wanting to give up.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/22

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)At first I thought my stepkid just had terrible manners or a bad attitude. TBH, those might be true too. But after years of this with no improvement and actually seeing her behavior get suddenly worse, I finally realized my stepkid was being super shitty to me & Dan on purpose; she wanted to drive us away. And that is the heartbreaking nature of alienation.On some level, she wanted us to give up on her — so she’d be free from that loyalty bind where her mom

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1:06

Stepkids vs. your relationship

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/21

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)One of the few things stepfamilies have in common with a traditional family is that your romantic relationship acts as the foundation.In a traditional family, we know exactly what would happen if we continually neglected our partner to tend to the kids. We know the kids can’t come first at the cost of our relationship, and that we’ve got to carve out couple time if we want to survive as a couple.Somehow in stepfamilies, we tend to forget that.Stepcouples,

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2:13

ARE you overstepping though??

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/20

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)The vast majority of stepparents enter this role with a reasonable amount of respect for our partner’s ex as our stepkid's other parent. We don't want to overstep. We want to do right by our partners and our stepkids.So we take any suggestions that we're overstepping very seriously. The last thing we want is to make things worse between houses or harder for our stepkids, right? If accused of overstepping, we typically back off just to stay on the safe side,

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1:29

Don’t let “blending” become your whole life’s purpose.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/19

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)As a former single mom, all I wanted was to give my kid a "real" family. Even if it killed me.The thing is, meeting Dan and then trying to force 4 strangers to feel like a family just about DID kill me. Because at no point along the way did I remember to put my oxygen mask on first.All that self-care advice I’m always sharing with you all? I did NONE OF THAT. I kept thinking, once all our issues are solved, THEN I can relax. Focus on other things besides trying

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1:05

Ignore this stepparenting advice.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/18

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I’ve been sharing all these little tips and reminders and pep talks and advice for many days in a row now, so I feel like maybe this is a good time for a disclaimer.Please remember that no stepparenting advice applies to every stepparent. If what you're doing works for you & your family, keep right on doing it! Feel free to ignore any "rules" about blending your family that don't apply to you and would never work for you.Blended families come in an infinite

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1:30

Unrealistic expectations.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/17

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I talk a lot about the need for us to have realistic expectations about stepparenting, and once in a while someone gets snarky with me about that statement. They’ll say things like they shouldn't have to lower their expectations for their stepkids. That they deserve to run their household the way they want.It’s really not about lowering your expectations though — it’s about getting real. Your stepkids are not going to change their mannerisms overnight. Nor are

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2:37

Blending is all about the tiny victories.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/16

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Over on Instagram, I used to host Tiny Victory Tuesdays in my stories. New followers initially felt discouraged by this — they'd DM me saying they didn't have any wins to share. I'd remind them that all we're looking for is tiny victories and no win was too small to celebrate.Gradually, even the most stressed-out stepparents started sharing hesitant wins like... "Well I guess I cried less this week" or "My stepkid didn't completely ignore me."Tiny victories

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1:51

How to spot a narc co-parent.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/15

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I’m not here to armchair diagnose anyone or water down the word ‘narcissist’ — which is an actual diagnosable mental disorder — but I do want stepparents and their partners to be aware when they’re involved in a dysfunctional co-parenting situation that goes way beyond the realm of standard post-divorce stuff.So here’s some signs you’re probably co-parenting with a narcissist… or at the very least, a toxic and/or high conflict ex:Nothing is ever their fault;

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1:59

“Stepmom” is not a dirty word.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/14

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I used to shy away from using the word “stepmom” like it was a dirty word. But “bonus mom” squicks me out even worse so… “stepmom” it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️I got to wondering, why am I so uncomfortable with that word? Introducing my stepkid as my step kid shouldn’t seem like an insult — it's a fact. That is our legal relationship to each other.I finally figured out, it’s really society’s preconceptions around stepparents that make us second guess using that title. And I’ve

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1:46

Struggling to respect your partner.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/13

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)I used to kind of go off on Dan when I thought his kid was being kinda shitty to him & taking advantage of his generosity. And he’d just let her get away with it. UGH.Dan's sweetness & generosity of spirit are qualities I LOVE about him, so I get a little wild when anyone plays him for a sucker. (By “anyone” I mostly mean his kid and his ex.) And then I end up mad at him because I think he should have better boundaries and more self-respect.Many

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1:16

Ditch that stepparenting guilt!

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents ·

2024/08/12

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Stepparenting guilt can lead you one of two ways: down into a vicious shame spiral, where you end up silent, scared, and paralyzed. OR you can let that guilt propel you upwards, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and keep growing.Just like regular parents, stepparents mess up sometimes. Just like regular parents, stepparents are making this shit up as we go. And just like regular parents, perfection isn't possible.Today, please try to let go of all those

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80 results

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